爱情零距离（2013）

Yeah, look closer. You see it?
是镶嵌图案
It's a mosaic.
这是用我的很多小照片做出来的你
It's you made out of a bunch of tiny photos of me.
哈佛生 我...
Oh, wow, Harvard, I-- um...
都不知道说什么好了
I don't know what to say.
真是一点也不像连环杀手啊
It's not serial killer-y at all.
到你了
Your serve.
你显然把标准降低到了
Well, uh, you certainly set the bar...
地下室的一间密室里 不过
in a secret room in your basement, but, uh,
我碰巧准备了一个非常棒的礼物
I happen to have a pretty good gift myself.
你不必破费的
You didn't have to.
可是我真的非常高兴你买♥♥了礼物给我
But I'm really, really glad that you did.
连帽衫
Ooh! A hoodie!
该死 我说 那连帽衫连图案都没有一个
Damn, dude, that hoodie doesn't even have a logo on it!
-很漂亮 -谢谢
- Oh, it's nice! - Thanks.
好软哦
Oh! So soft!
我勒个去 太软了
Oh, holy freaking crap, this is soft.
太棒了 我很喜欢 谢谢
Oh. It's wonderful. I love it. Thank you.
伙计们 伙计们 你们
Guys, guys, do you...
想知道你脸颊上那颗痣是怎么弄出来的吗
wanna know how I did the mole on your cheek?
-不想 -不想
- No! - No!
淡定 不是你们想的那样
Relax. It is not what you're thinking.
是我的屁♥股♥啦
It's my butt.
毫无疑问 我会有奖金拿的 对吧
Okay, there's no question I'm getting a bonus, right?
我的业绩都达标了
I've hit all my targets,
一个月有三个周六都在加班
I have worked three Saturdays a month.
我甚至还去停机坪上帮
I even shagged golf balls off that helipad
曼斯菲尔德捡回高尔夫球 球速可快了
for Mansfield, and those balls come in fast, man!
别跟我说啊 去跟曼斯菲尔德说
Well, don't tell me. Tell Mansfield.
没错
You're right.
我不应该怕老板
I shouldn't be afraid of my boss.
他也不过就是个凡人
He's just a man.
又没有什么超能力
He doesn't have special powers.
谁没有超能力
Who doesn't have special powers?
你想跟我说什么吗 温先生
Did you want to tell me something, Mr. Wen?
是的 先生 我一直在想
Uh, yeah, sir. I, uh, have been thinking
我在这个季度的表现 我很有信心
a lot about my quarter, and I can say with absolute confidence
觉得我自己很有可能
that I definitely believe that I, uh, quite possibly
得到某种形式的奖励 如果
deserve a bonus of some type if...
你没有异议的话
you agree.
我想你刚刚回答了自己的疑问
I think you've just answered your own question,
你说呢 温先生
Don't you, Mr. Wen?
是的
Yes.
看看你
And look at you.
对自己相当满意嘛
You seem pretty pleased with yourself.
当然了 这神情我也经常在我的
I recognize that look from my very own mirror,
镜子里看到
of course.
我给詹妮买♥♥了一件名牌羊绒帽衫
I got Jenny an Henri Peutard cashmere hoodie.
她很喜欢
and she loves it.
干得漂亮
Attaboy!
-太好了 -对
- All right! - Yeah.
-你毁了她 -什么
- You ruined her. - What?
看见这瓶波尔多酒了吗
See this bordeaux?
好酒
It is spectacular.
事实上 这是葡萄酒史上
In fact, it's one of the top five vintages
排名前五的古董酒
in the history of grapes.
20年前 我成为合伙人时
My mentor gave me a case 20 years ago
我导师送了我一箱
when I made partner.
如果你喝了这酒
If you drink this wine,
其它酒你就再也看不上眼了
it will ruin all other wines for you forever.
不可能
Oh. Well, that's impossible.
我也喝过不少好酒
I've had lots of good wine before.
我曾经去法国待了一个学期
I spent a semester abroad in France.
行了 喝吧
Fair enough. Drink up.
口感真好 非常好
Ooh. That's good. Really good.
来了 三 二
Here it comes. Three, two...
天哪 之前从没被唤醒过的味蕾
Oh, my god, I'm finding taste buds
活过来了
I never even knew I had.
我都可以用嘴尝出颜色了 舌头活蹦乱跳的
Is it possible to taste color? My tongue is alive!
-还有 -好想我爸爸
- And finally... - I miss my dad.
现在你喝过的其它任何酒的味道
And now any other wine you ever drink
都跟猫尿似的
will taste like cat piss.
就像你给詹妮买♥♥的连帽衫
Just like the hoodie that you got for Jenny
会让她觉得穿着其他所有衣服
will make all of her other clothes feel like
都像在和仙人掌慢舞一样
she is slow-dancing with a cactus.
你让她接触到了更好的东西
You've exposed her to the finer things.
会一发不可收拾
There's no going back now.
你不了解詹妮
Sir, you don't know Jenny.
被我说中 我也没什么可高兴的
It gives me no joy to be right.
不对
Well, that's not true.
被我说中 那我会非常愉悦
It gives me tremendous joy to be right.
不过看到你们的关系因为一件礼物
I-It gives me no joy to see your relationship
而毁了 我可不会高兴
come undone by virtue of a gift.
我赌你是错的
I bet you're wrong.
我赌这份礼物让我和詹妮感情更好
I bet this gift brings Jenny and me even closer.
我赌了 如果我是对的 你的奖金归我
I'll take that bet. If I'm right, I get your bonus.
可以 如果我是对的呢
Fair enough. And if I'm right?
那给你一头独角兽
You get a unicorn.
什么
What?
有什么关系 反正你赢不了
What's it matter? You can't win.
好 好 好 如果你赢了
Fine. Fine, fine, fine. If you win,
我把最后一瓶波尔多酒拿出来
I will put up the final bottle of this bordeaux.
-就这么说定了 -好 那喝一杯把
- It's a bet. - Fine. Let's drink to it.
这是2007年的酒
This is the 2007 wine of the year.
这会是你品尝过的第二好喝的葡萄酒
It is the second-best wine you will ever have.
告诉我它的味道
Let me know how that tastes.
猫尿 对吧
Cat piss, right?
你再用力点抚摸它
You stroke that thing any harder,
它都得给你买♥♥晚餐了
it's gonna have to buy you dinner.
这是我摸过的最柔软的东西
It's the softest thing that I have ever felt.
当然啦 那个傻♥逼♥非得给你买♥♥件礼物
Of course that douche has to go out and get you a gift
来让我们的礼物都相形见绌
that makes all our gifts look crappy.
他才不是傻♥逼♥呢
Hey, he is not a douche, okay?
这只不过是一件连帽衫 大家都能买♥♥得到
It's just a hoodie. Anybody could have bought it.
这件连帽衫可不是地摊货 而是名牌货
Whoa! Not that hoodie. It's an Henri Peutard.
-什么 -他只用山羊下腹部的羊毛做衣服
- What? - He only uses wool made from the underbelly of goats
而这些山羊一辈子都大肆吃喝 有人为它们洗刷毛
who have spent their entire lives beings pampered,
温柔地帮它们打飞机
groomed, and gently masturbated.
我真希望我是只山羊
I wish I was a goat.
好吧 但是这并不意味着
Fine, but you know what? That does not mean
布洛迪为这件礼物花了很多心思
that Brody went crazy on his gift.
瞧 他才花了40美金 付运费
Look. See? He paid $40... for shipping.
我的亲娘啊 这玩意儿要630美金
Oh, my god! This thing cost $630?
什么 一件连帽衫得花上630美金的唯一原因
What?! The only way a hoodie is worth $630
就是它口袋里有张六百美金的支票
if there's a $600 bill in those pockets.
这玩意儿要630美金
This cost $630?
我不知道啊 我没看价格
I don't know. I didn't check the price.
你觉得这样会给我留下深刻印象吗
Do you think that impresses me?
除非"印象深刻"是说"让你生气" 否则不是
Not unless "Impresses" means "Makes angry."
-怎么了 出什么事了 -我不能收下这件连帽衫
- Why? What's going on? - I can't keep this hoodie.
-你不是很喜欢吗 -是啊
- I thought you loved it. - I do love it.
-我只是不想要 -为什么
- I just don't want it. - Why don't you want it?
我想要 我只是不能收下它
I do want it. I just can't keep it.
这玩意儿比我的房♥租都贵 我不想成为势利小人
It costs more than my rent, and I don't want to be a snob.
你比势力小人更糟糕 你这是仇富心态
Well, you're worse than a snob. You're, like, a reverse snob.
你居然敢这么说我
How dare you,
还有那到底是什么鬼意思
and what does that mean?
意思是你故意不喜欢
It means that you purposely don't like things
昂贵的东西
because they're expensive.
我就是不想要这件连帽衫 好吗
I just don't want this hoodie! Okay?
这不是我的风格 如果你觉得是