爱情零距离（2013）

to determine who runs the new office,
所以我只想说 无论发生什么
so I just wanna say, whatever happens,
我希望你死得很惨
I hope you crash and burn.
老兄 谢谢你
Dude, thank you.
我希望你摔的时候脸着地
I hope you fall right on your face.
好了 都有谁
Okay, so who do we got?
有位和善的女士和...白种甘地
Well, we have a nice lady, and... white Gandhi.
天啊 他太老了
Oof. That guy is so old,
这消息说不定真会杀了他
this news could literally kill him.
-我可不想杀了白种甘地 -我想吗
- I don't want to kill white Gandhi. - Oh, and I do?
-真的吗 谢谢兄弟 -别这样
- You do? Thanks, man! - Mnh... don't--
你好 这位是迈克尔·温
Hey, this is Michael Wen,
他将给您做投资组合反馈
and he'll be going over your portfolio.
您...
Heyy...
...好啊 先生
Lo... sir.
我想先问个金融问题
Uh, let me ask you this-- financially speaking,
您有什么心脏疾病吗
do you have any pre-existing heart conditions?
-你好 我是布洛迪·莫耶 -幸会
- Hello. I'm Brody Moyer. - Nice to meet you.
我有一些不好的消息要告诉你
I'm afraid I have some upsetting news for you.
哦不 一切还好吗
Oh, no. Is everything okay?
当然都好 只是...
Totally! Yeah! It's just--
我都不知道你有这么高
It's--I didn't know you were so... tall.
你身高多少 1米6♥4♥还是1米67
What are you, like, 5'4", 5'5"-ski?
你会生一个非常高大的...儿子
You're gonna have a very tall baby... boy?
还有女儿和另一个儿子
And a girl. And another boy.
我怀的是三胞胎
I'm having triplets.
我去啊
No shit?
布洛迪怎么说
So? What did Brody say?
显然是有规则的
Well, apparently there are rules.
规则一 他那种人不会帮我们这种人
Yeah, rule number one--guys like him don't help guys like us.
对 规则二 你男朋友就是个混♥蛋♥
Yeah. Rule number two-- your boyfriend's a jerk.
可是 你们听我说完好吗
But, you guys, let me finish. Okay?
他违反了规则 因为他爱你们
He broke the rules because he loves you guys,
所以给你们买♥♥了一支很好的股票
Which is why he bought you a great stock.
真的吗 哪个
Wow, really? What stock?
对啊 怎么拼的 我来看看
Yeah, what are the letters? I'll look it up right now.
字母
The letters? Um...
J&B
The... "J" and--and "B."
JNB 日本国家银行
JNB? Japanese national bank?
对 JNB 不许再问问题了
Yep. JNB. No further questions.
天呐 涨了5分
Okay. Oh, my god, you guys, we're up a nickel!
太好了
Yeah! Yeah!
跌了2分
Uh-oh! Now it's down 2 cents!
不要啊
No! No!
-不涨不跌了 -也行
- Oh, and now it's even. - Oh, okay.
又涨了5分
Okay. Back up a nickel!
太好了
Yes! Yes!
股票市场太好玩了
Uhh! Uhh! Man! The stock market is fun!
别人都知道吗
Does everybody know about this?
伙计
Hey. Dude.
你跟多少人说了
How many people have you told?
谁会记那个 我会 是四个
Ah! Who keeps count? I do. It's four.
好吧 你接待的都是好应付的
Well... yeah, well, you got the easy ones.
我里面那位可是定时炸♥弹♥
I have a ticking time bomb in there, okay?
如果我跟她说坏消息 她肚子里的
If I give her any bad news, there's literally gonna be
孩子说不定就直接生在这了
babies shooting all over the place.
要我来接手吗
Okay. Do you want me to tag in?
我对待孕妇很有一套的
I have a very delicate touch with the preggos.
放着你来吧 后面两个留给我
You get this one, I'll get the next two.
要命 真是难熬的一天
Man, this is a hard day!
要命 真是开心的一天
Man, this is a great day!
我喜欢跟别人传达好消息
I love giving people great news.
打击人的活干得怎么样了
How you doing destroying people's lives?
还行吧 越来越熟练了
Uh, you know, okay. It's... kinda gettin' warmed up.
看来温先生处理了...
Looks like Mr. Wen has handled...
一 二 三 四个人了
One, two, three, four cases,
而你处理了
And you've handled--
看我能不能算对
Let me see if I can do the arithmetic...
零
Zero.
对 不过说实在的
Yes. Well, in fairness,
我的客户怀着三胞胎
my client is pregnant with triplets,
所以应该把她算作四
so she should count as four.
爱丽丝 你真可爱 祝你好运
Alice, you are a peach, and I wish you good luck.
谢谢你 三连冠
Thank you, Threepeat.
你才是真的三连冠
Hey... you're the real threepeat.
天呐 他真是太能干了
Oh, no! He's so good at his job!
抱歉 先生
Look, I'm sorry, sir.
这部分工作也有点难
This part of the job is a little bit tough.
孩子 我很想假装我在意
Son, I'd love to pretend I care,
不过我心情正好
but I'm... I'm having such a great day,
实在装不出来
I just can't do that.
-亲爱的 -亲爱的
- Hey, babe. - Hey, babe.
我为之前的事道歉 今天心情不好
Hey, I'm sorry about before. I'm kind of having a bad day.
那这件事会让你好过一点
Oh, well, then this will make you feel better.
楼下的人因为你帮他们投资的事爱上你了
Everyone downstairs loves you for investing their money.
那太好了 可是
Oh! That'd be great, except one thing--
我没有给他们投资啊
I didn't invest their money.
这个没事 我跟他们说你投资了
Oh, it's cool. I just-- I said that you did.
我编了一个股票名字
I just, like, made up a stock name.
JNB
JNB.
JNB是指日本国家银行
JNB, like Japanese national bank?
首字母均为J&B
不是 是詹妮和布洛迪
No. Like Jenny and Brody.
可是你要知道JNB今天早上上市了
But you know that JNB got acquired this morning.
他们的股票涨了6000%
Their stock shot up 6,000%.
太好了 他们会爱死你的
Oh. Sweet! They're really gonna love you.
是啊 直到他们想要把他们的假股票套现
Well, yeah, until they try to cash in their fake stock.
不
Oh, no!
也许他们不知道呢
Maybe they don't know.
我们可以现在给他们买♥♥JNB的股票吗
Can we buy them some of that JNB stock now?
他们现在只能买♥♥得起一股中的四分之一
Uh, yeah, now they can afford one-quarter of one share.
但如果是昨天买♥♥的呢
Not... if we bought it yesterday,
如果你能懂我的意思
if you know what I mean.
好吧 你是不是想说"我想让布洛迪坐牢"
Okay. Is what you mean, "I want Brody to go to prison"?
我不知道你是怎么办的
I don't know how things go in your world,
但只要我搞砸了一件事 我就会用"本想"这招
but in my world, when I screw up, I use a "Meant-ta."
好 让我学学 什么是"本想"
Okay, I'll bite. What's a "Meant-ta"?
当你有滞纳金要交时 你就用这招
It's what you do to get out of paying, like, late fees.
你给房♥东或者信♥用♥卡♥公♥司♥打电♥话♥
You know, you call your landlord or your credit card company
说"我没能及时付款 但我本想及时交的"
and you say, "Hey, I didn't pay on time, but I meant-ta."
所以你要我给股票经纪人打电♥话♥
So you want me to call a broker
看他吃不吃"本想"这套
and see if he'll take a "meant-ta"?
对我来说 屡试不爽
I mean, it's never not worked for me.
好吧 值得一试
Okay. All right. It's worth a shot.
戴夫 我是明顿信托投资公♥司♥的布洛迪
Hey, Dave, it's Brody from Remington Trust.
我这有个人想用"本想"这招
I have someone here who wants to purchase some JNB stock
以昨天的价格买♥♥些JNB股
at yesterday's prices using something called a "Meant-ta."
真的假的
You're kidding me?
戴夫想跟你通话
Dave wants to talk to you.
你好 戴夫
Hey, Dave?
混♥蛋♥
You're an ass.
不如你直接下楼
Why don't you just go downstairs
跟他们解释清楚 免得他们做傻事
and explain what you did so they don't do something stupid?
你真是太有优越感了 知道吗
Oh. You are so condescending. You know what?
楼下的人才不会因为有了一点钱
Just 'cause someone downstairs gets a little bit of money
而乐得发疯 好吗
doesn't mean they're gonna go crazy, okay?
《欢乐糖果屋》中的插曲Pure Imagination
*跟我走*
*Come with me*
*你会来到*
*And you'll be*
*一个幻想世界*
*In a world of pure imagination*
*仔细看 你就能看清*
*Take a look and you'll see*
*自己的想象*