爱情零距离（2013）

三 二 一
3, 2, 1...
午餐时间
Lunchtime!
棒
All righty.
好了 谁想再去那辆新餐车吃饭
All right! Who'd ready to hit up that new food truck again?
不不 那才不是餐车
No, no, no. That's not a food truck.
只是个在面包车后座
That's a guy selling bunless hot dogs
卖♥♥美味热狗的人而已
Out of the back of a van.
你们是在说面包车热狗吗
Are you guys talking about van dogs?
-是啊 -对
- Yeah. - Yeah.
妹子 你去不去
Yeah? You in or you out, girl?
我很想去 但我和布洛迪要共进午餐
Um, I would love to, but Brody and I are going to lunch.
他上哪去了 好几周没见到他了
Oh, where has he been? I haven't seen that guy in weeks.
是啊 德里克 他不在真是太美妙了
Yeah. You know, you're right, Derrick. It has been amazing.
哈佛生 他最近很忙
Harvard, he's just been really busy lately.
但他还是最可爱体贴的男人...
But he's still the sweetest, most thoughtful guy--
那个狗♥娘♥养♥的又放我鸽子
Oh! That son of a bitch canceled on me again.
你俩终于玩完了 我可以告诉你
Now that it's finally over, I feel like I can tell you
我一直不喜欢他
I never really cared for him.
天哪 伙计们 他给我录了一段视频
Oh, my God, you guys! He made me a video.
*我见到你的容颜*
*When I see your face*
*是如此无可挑剔*
*There's not a thing that I would change*
*倾国倾城*
*'Cause you're amazing*
*皆因是你*
*Just the way you are*
太贴心了
How sweet!
有什么大不了
Oh, big deal.
要是我嗓音好 也能这样唱
I could sing like that, too, if I had a good voice.
他在厕所干什么 拉屎吗
Why is he on the toilet? Is he pooping?
不
No!
他只能溜到厕所去
The bathroom's the only place he can sneak away.
没事
Yeah, that's cool.
我要唱得这么好 肯定整天坐在马桶上
If I sung like that, I would poop all day.
他才没有在拉屎 好吗
He is not pooping, okay?
他的童年梦想就是成为歌♥手
His childhood dream was to be a singer,
他的音乐老师
and he even had a music teacher
都夸他够格呢
that told him he was good enough.
那又如何 我的老师还说我能成为模特呢
So? I had a teacher who told me I could be a model.
他还拍了我穿着内♥裤♥的照片以作证明
He even took pictures of me in my underwear to prove it.
能把这视频发给我吗
Can you forward me that video, please?
我也要 我超爱这首歌♥
Yeah, me, too. I really love that song.
不行 这是隐私
No, you guys, that's private.
大伙儿
Guys, guys, guys.
为什么我的打字老师
Why would a typing teacher need
要拍我穿着内♥裤♥的照片
pictures of me in my underwear?
面包车热狗
So van dogs.
-面包车热狗 -吃饭去了
- Van dogs! - We eatin'!
詹妮 你电♥话♥ 忘拿了
Jenny, you forgot... your phone.
布洛迪 跟YouTube问个好
Brody, say hello to YouTube.
我的数据怎么还没发来
You were supposed to forward me those numbers!
得等凯尔发给我
I can't forward you those numbers
我才能发给你
until Kyle forwards them to me.
-凯尔 -凯尔
- Kyle! - Kyle!
我再也受不了了
I can't take this anymore, guys!
可能发来了
Oh, this might be it.
好棒
Oh, this is good.
是数据吗
Are those the numbers?
不是 是个叫"拉粑粑的帕瓦罗蒂"的东西
Mnh-mnh. It's something called "Potty Pavarotti".
估计你会想看
No, you might wanna check this out.
*我见到你的容颜*
*When I see your face*
*是如此无可挑剔*
*There's not a thing that I would change*
别别别 别发出去 拜托
Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Do not forward that, please.
不不 我才不会...再也不会了[重播]
No, no, no. I would never... again.
*我见到你的容颜*
*When I see your face*
好了 快把手♥机♥给我
Okay, let's go. Let's hand it over.
非常搞笑 大家都笑尿了
Very, very funny. We're all laughing.
*我见到你的容颜*
*When I see your face*
大家 大家都笑翻了
Oh, every-- everyone's a comedian now.
好了 我明白现状了 太棒了
All right. I understand what's going on. Oh, wonderful.
*我见到你的容颜*
*When I see your face*
凯尔 你也在笑 真是棒极了
Oh, Kyle, you, too. Wonderful.
我♥干♥什么呢 赤手空拳想阻止互联网
What am I doing? I'm trying to stop the Internet with my hands.
这里什么情况
What the hell's going on out here?
就是个滑稽短片 先生
Uh, it's just a funny video, sir.
让我看看 让我乐乐也好
Well, show it to me. I could use a good rib tickling.
您不会喜欢的 先生
I don't think you'll like it, sir.
我要发笑 谁想来逗我发笑
I wanna be tickled. Who wants to tickle me?
温先生 麦肯米克先生
Mr. Wen? Mr. McCormick?
拉粑粑的帕瓦罗蒂
Potty Pavarotti?
您怎么...
How did you--
你简直跟病毒一样传播开了 孩子
You've gone viral, son.
还有 莫耶先生 你声如天籁
And, Mr. Moyer, you have the voice of an angel.
快把数据给我
Get me those numbers.
*我见到你的容颜*
*When I see your face*
爱情零距离 第一季第五集
詹妮
Jenny?
哟哟哟
Well, well, well, well, well.
Depeche Mode为赶时髦乐队
此处用来讽刺布洛迪在马桶上唱歌♥
这不是"时髦马桶"吗
If it isn't Depeche Commode.
马桶上的新星
New kid on the pot.
你一定很好奇
I suppose you're wondering who came up
是谁这么睿智
with the diabolical plan to spread
能想到把这段丢人的病毒传遍全球吧
this virus of humiliation around the world.
显然是你
It was obviously you.
这可是个激动人心的停顿
That was a dramatic pause.
是哥
'Twas I.
根本没人在乎 老兄
Nobody cares, man.
去跟那42345个亲眼见证
Well, why don't you tell that to the 42,345 people
你人生低谷 还被"屎"瞎了眼的人
who have witnessed you at your lowest moment,
说去吧
turd eye blind?
听听这个吐槽评论
Listen to this scathing comment.
"还不错"
"Not bad."
"挺可爱"
"Cute."
"上哪买♥♥这专辑"
"Where can I buy this?"
该死
Damn it!
亲爱的
Hey, babe.
视频的事我非常抱歉
I am so, so sorry about that video.
都是哈佛生
'Twas Harvard.
-工作怎么样 -天哪 超疯狂
- How was work? - Oh, my God. It was insane.
七点半 那笔生意黄了
By 7:30, the deal was dead,
曼斯菲尔德给新加坡方面打电♥话♥
so Mansfield gets on the phone to Singapore.
我给法兰克福方面打电♥话♥[德国城市]
I get on the phone to Frankfurt.
我大学学过点德语
I took a bissel German in college.
总之 跟裹脚布一样长
Anyway, long story long,
三连冠把凯尔劝下曼斯菲尔德露台的时候
by the time Threepeat talked Kyle off Mansfield's balcony,
那笔生意又有戏了 我就过来了
the deal was saved, and here I am.
我爱我的工作 简直爱死了
I love my job! I love it so much!
好了 咱把咖啡放下
Okay. Let's put that coffee down.
已经空杯了 难怪你在自震
And it's empty, which would explain why you're vibrating.
如果我俩在一起的话
Which might actually be a lot of fun for me
说不定我还觉得挺好玩的
if we were spending any time together.
好吧 我知道我最近很忙
Okay. Look, I-I know that I've been busy lately,
但是交易必须在周日晚之前完成
but the deal has to close by Sunday night,
周一是节日 我听你使唤
and Monday's a holiday, so I will be all yours.
我完全知道我要怎么"处置"你
And I know exactly what I'm gonna do with you.
我觉得我也知道
Oh, I think I do, too. Mm-hmm.
-看棒球比赛 -做♥爱♥...
- Baseball game. - Sex-a-thon--
看棒球比赛
Baseball game.
我的响尾蛇队对战你的巨人队
My Diamondbacks versus your Giants--
就你 我 还有全国棒球联盟的最佳球队
Just you, me, and the greatest team in the national league.
响尾蛇队也会在哦
Plus the Diamondbacks will be there.
你的队肯定会输得落花流水
Your team is so getting spanked.