爱情零距离（2013）

你输定了
You're going to lose.
你输定了 你也输定了
You're going to lose. You're going to lose.
送詹妮生日礼物又不是比赛
Jenny's birthday present isn't a competition.
没错 因为你输定了
Oh, that's right, because you're going to lose.
你输定了 你也输定了
You're going to lose. You're going to lose.
不 今年你赢不了
No, not this year.
我从13楼的创业公♥司♥那里搞到了这个
I got this from the startup company on th 13th floor.
他们破产了
They just went under,
留下了很多好东西
and they have the best leftover swag.
快看
Look at this.
"狗狗交♥友♥网♥"
"Dogtagd.Net"?
这不是狗狗交♥配♥网站吗
Isn't that the dog sex site?
这是一个地图软件 能找到你所在地区
It's a mapping app to find available dogs
有空的狗狗
in your area, okay?
来交♥配♥吗
To have sex with?
不是
No!
是跟你的狗一起玩 你们都什么毛病
For your dog to play with! What is wrong with you guys?
另外 我还拿到一样东西 瞧好了
Plus, I got one more thing. Boo-yeow!
猎奇狗粑粑
Dogtagd novelty dog poop.
爱上我了吧
How you like me now?
牵什么手 闹流感呢
No holding hands! It's flu season!
那个礼物是怎么回事
What's with that gift?
明天是我生日
Oh, uh, it's my birthday tomorrow.
才不是 詹妮
No, it's not, Jenny!
你怎么没告诉我明天你生日
Why didn't you tell me it's your birthday tomorrow?
不过就是个生日而已
Well, it's just a birthday. I don't know.
-我不想太高调嘛 -可是我想啊
- I don't want to make a fuss. - Well, I do want to make a fuss.
我可跟你说
And I'm telling you right now,
我是这个世界上最会送礼物的人了
I'm the best gift giver on the face of this planet.
我会完胜这里所有人的
I'm gonna kick everyone's ass here.
这又不是比赛
Whoa! It's not a competition.
变♥态♥
Psycho!
好了 我从不在意什么礼物
I don't know, I just never really cared about gifts.
事实上 我收过最好的礼物
In fact, the best gift that I ever got
是我8岁生日时
was for my 8th birthday,
我妈妈允许我在后院挖一个洞
when my mom let me dig a hole in our backyard.
你的礼物就是个洞
So your gift was a hole?
没错 一个洞[骂他Asshole傻♥逼♥]
That's right... a hole.
布洛迪 你没抓到重点
Brody, you're missing the point.
这不是钱不钱的问题
It's not about money, you know?
那样很贴心啊 我和我哥哥们
It was so thoughtful. And me and my brothers,
以前还经常睡在里面呢
we used to sleep in it.
好吧 我绝对会给你一个
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get you a gift
胜过你的洞千万倍的礼物
that's gonna blow your hole away.
爱情零距离 第一季第四集
伙计 重磅消息
Bro, great news. Hey.
我刚买♥♥了两个水上摩托
I just bought a pair of jet skis.
-你是说 他和她情侣配这种的 -没错
- You mean, like, his and hers? - Mm-hmm. Yeah.
不过不是"她" 而是"他"
Except there's no "hers". It's just "his"
和"他的另一半"
and "his other one."
我们不是说好在你至少学会游泳
I thought we agreed that you wouldn't buy
或者有闲钱之前
any more personal watercrafts
不再买♥♥其它的个人
until you at least learned how to swim,
水上交通工具嘛
or had money.
没事 都到季末了
It's all good. It's the end of the quarter.
曼斯菲尔德也该发奖金了
Mansfield's about to hand out bonuses.
温先生 你还有奖金
Mr. Wen, you're getting a bonus?
恭喜你了 我都不知道
Congratulations. I hadn't heard.
莫耶先生 进来
Mr. Moyer, come here.
也就只有高尔夫球场
The only way to justify a morning cigar
和会议场合 才能显出
is to be either out on a golf course
晨间雪茄的格调 不过我上周因为
or in a meeting, and since I was just fined last week
在停机坪上把高尔夫球削碎被罚款了
for chipping golf balls up at that helipad,
所以欢迎加入会议
welcome to our meeting.
好的 会议主题是什么
Okay. So what's our meeting about?
你懂的
Oh, I think you know.
是关于我在工作时间
Is it about me searching for
上网给詹妮找生日礼物吗
Jenny's birthday gift on company time?
现在是了
It is now!
要送詹妮礼物啊
So a gift for Jenny?
这么个一穷二白的姑娘 你要送什么好呢
I say, what do you get the girl who has nothing?
我可是这世界上最会送礼物的人
I'm actually the best gift giver in the world.
在这个阳台上你都不是
You're not even the best gift giver on this balcony.
猜猜我老婆上一次生日 我送了什么
Guess what I got my wife for her last birthday.
如果你猜得八♥九♥不离十 我就告诉你
I'll--I'll tell you if you're in the right ballpark.
[ballpark有球场的意思]
-不知道 -我送了她一个球场
- I would have no idea. - I got her a ballpark.
看看这景色 说说你看到了什么
Look at this view. Huh? Tell me what you see.
一些非常紧张的人在停机坪上
Some very nervous people on a helipad.
一群胆小鬼
Pussies.
我看见的是无限机遇
I see limitless opportunity.
知道楼下的人
You know what they see
从窗户往外看 能看见什么吗
when they look out their windows downstairs?
什么也看不见 因为他们没有窗户
Nothing. They don't have windows.
他们能抽上一口名贵雪茄的最好机会
Closest thing they're gonna come to an expensive cigar
就是从现在开始倒数
is about ten seconds from...
十
now.
他们人都挺好的
Well, they happen to be really nice people.
我没说他们人不好
No, I didn't say they weren't.
不过他们的世界观不同
They just have a very different world view.
太棒了 晨间雪茄
Ooh, sweet! Morning cigar!
如果你给詹妮买♥♥一个
You know, if you-- if you do buy Jenny
名贵的礼物 你也应该买♥♥一个 因为她值得拥有
a nice gift--and you should, because she deserves it--
那你就是让钱进入了你们的关系中
you're going to be injecting money into the equation,
这会改变一切
and that changes everything.
我不担心 就像詹妮常说的
Hey, I'm not worried. Like Jenny always says,
钱买♥♥不到幸福
money can't buy happiness.
我说 纯属扯淡
And like I always say, bullshit!
钱当然能买♥♥到幸福
Money absolutely can buy happiness.
詹妮是我见过的最幸福的人之一
Listen, Jenny is one of the happiest people
她收过的最好的礼物只是一个洞
I have ever met, and the best gift she ever got was a hole.
你听我说
Let me--let me just tell you something.
钱把我的女儿们送进了这个国家
Money put my girls through the finest schools
最好的学校
in this country.
钱也让我
Money also let me build
在医院建立了产科病房♥
that maternity ward at the hospital.
钱也会负责搞定那个直升机的新窗户
And money is going to pay for that helicopter's new window.
让开[球童用语]
Fore!
狗狗交♥友♥网♥的运动衫
A sweatshirt from dogtagd.net?!
那是狗狗交♥配♥网站吧
That's the dog sex site, right?
不是交♥配♥网站
Okay, it's not a dog sex site.
是一个让狗狗们认识志同道合的
It's a way for dogs to meet other like-minded dogs
玩伴的平台
to play with.
我会很骄傲地穿它的
Well, I will wear it proudly.
-惊喜 -还有粑粑
- Surprise! -A poop, too?
我要送你一个
Well, I'm giving you something
别人都给不了你的东西
that nobody else here can give you.
你要干什么
What are you doing?
我在推特上有超过一万的同性恋粉丝
I have over 10,000 gay twitter followers.
等我把我们俩的合照放上去
And after I tweet this picture of you and I,
他们就也会关注你了
they will all be following you.
准备好了吗
Are you ready?
恭喜你 你是同性偶像了
Congratulations. You just got gayed.
谢谢 不过我不玩推特
Thanks, but I'm-- I'm not on twitter.
那个粑粑的钱有一半是我出的
I went halfsies on the poop.
好了 好了
Okay, okay, okay.
冠军礼物来了
Winning gift coming through.
别被我的"大尺寸"吓到
Don't be intimidated by the size of my package.
詹妮 来打开它吧
All right, Jenny, go ahead and open it up.
这是我呀
Oh, wow, that's me.
凑近点看 看见了吗