公关（2019）

Morning. Excellent.
—早上好。—好极了。
Thanks, Paul. Looking good, by the way.
谢谢,保罗。顺便说一下，看起来不错。
Lost some weight? Cut out sugar.
减肥了? 少吃糖。
Well, it's working.
不错，有效果。
Wrong room.
走错了房♥间。
As you were.
你继续。
Hi. I'm sorry to bother you.
嗨。很抱歉打扰你。
You couldn't just give us a minute, could you?
你不能给我们一点时间吗?
Of course.
—当然。
Hi, Patrick.
你好,帕特里克。
Oh! Thank God you're here.
哦!感谢上帝，你来了。
The lads, they were having a laugh.
小伙子们，他们在笑。
It's time to go. Yeah, of course. Great.
该走了。当然。太好了。
I wasn't...
我不是……
I thought it was a normal bar.
我以为这是一个普通的酒吧。
You're getting married in 11 hours.
11小时后你们就要结婚了。
Yeah.
是的。
Wicked.
邪恶。
Outside in five?
外面还有五个吗?
I might need a bit of a hand with the...
我可能需要你帮忙…
Okay, ladies.
好的,女士。
I don't need to remind you that today is a huge day for us.
我不需要提醒你今天对我们来说是个重要的日子。
Footballers' weddings are the Mogadishu of the PR calendar.
足球运动员的婚礼就像摩加迪沙的公共关系日历。
The perfect fucking storm of brainless overpaid wankers
他妈的一场完美风暴，是一群没脑子，拿高薪的混混
given the night off from running around kicking things.
让我们在晚上不必到处乱跑。
They will fight, they will drink,
他们不是打架，就是酗酒，
they will try to put their penises into everything.
他们会尝试把阴♥茎♥放进任何东西里。
Next time it will be a glass.
下次会是玻璃杯。
Remember, footballers are pack animals who stay in pairs.
记住，足球运动员是群居动物，成双成对的。
Alongside them will be the usual array of chair fillers
在他们旁边将是通常的一排椅子填料
who would attend the opening of a fridge
谁会参加冰箱的开启仪式
if they thought it would get them name-checked by Perez Hilton.
如果他们认为这会让佩雷斯·希尔顿查他们的名字。
It's down to us to ensure that things run smoothly,
我们要确保一切顺利进行
that our clients get the inches for the right reasons,
我们的客户以正确的理由获得英寸，
and we avoid deaths, rapes and legal suits.
我们避免了死亡、强♥奸♥和法律诉讼。
We control the agenda.
我们控制议程。
This means everyone on point, no hangovers, no menstruating,
这意味着每个人都准时，没有宿醉，没有月经，
no substance which might impair your professional judgement.
不会损害你的专业判断力。
You can Speedball your tiny tits off
你可以把你的小奶头快速地扔出去
if it makes you better at your job.
如果它能让你在工作上做得更好。
But if it affects your work,
但如果它影响了你的工作，
and thus, my work,
因此，我的工作，
then when you get home, you shall find me hiding under your bed
当你回到家，你会发现我藏在你的床下
with a garden hose and a length of razor wire.
用一根花♥园♥水管和一段剃刀丝。
Tonight, you will earn your fucking money.
今晚，你会赚到你该死的钱。
We are the guardians of the galaxy.
我们是银河的守护者。
Don't fuck it up.
别搞砸了。
Go.
走了。
Okay, make sure you've got your clothes for tonight
好吧，你一定要准备好今晚的衣服
as there'll be none of this "going home to change" bollocks.
因为再也不会有“回家换衣服”这样的胡言乱语了。
Sexy, not slutty or you will get touched.
性感，而不是淫♥荡♥，否则你会被感动。
Hard copies of the guest list, seating plans,
客人名单，座位表，
I want faces in full view of the cameras,
我想让所有人都能看到我的脸
in order of importance.
按重要性排序。
How do I know who's more important?
我怎么知道谁更重要?
Rate them on a slidey scale from royals and Olympians
用王室成员和奥♥运♥会选手的评分标准来给他们打分
to Made in Chelseas and the exes of Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez.
制♥作♥于切尔西和谢丽尔·特迪·科尔·费尔南德斯的前女友。
Oh, and the Olympians who've won medals and Winter Olympics don't count.
哦，那些获得过奖牌和冬季奥♥运♥会奖牌的运动员不算在内。
Unless, of course, they're super hot
当然，除非它们非常热
in which case they get a by.
那样的话，他们就得过且过了。
Got it.
明白了。
ROBYN: All phones should be taken on entry, no exceptions.
罗宾:所有的手♥机♥都应该随身携带，没有例外。
Plus, any recording devices,
另外，任何录音设备，
iPads, GoPros, fucking Etch A Sketches,
ipad,GoPros，他妈的蚀刻草图，
metal detector, full frisk,
金属探测器，全身搜身，
rubber-glove-and-Vaseline treatment, if necessary.
如有必要，用橡胶手套和凡士林治疗。
It's only gonna take one Instagram to blow the HELLO! deal.
只需要在Instagram上发一个HELLO就可以了!交易。
Last celebrity wedding I went to,
上次我参加的名人婚礼
I ended up doing shots of Frangelico
最后我拍了弗兰吉利科的照片
in a hot tub with the Pussycat Dolls.
和小猫玩偶一起泡热水澡。
The redhead, who looks like a sex robot from the future,
红头发，看起来像未来的性♥爱♥机器人，
decided to show off her standing splits.
决定炫耀一下她站立时的劈叉。
Kicked Claudia Winkleman in the face.
一脚踢在克劳迪娅·温克曼脸上。
Chipped tooth, she had to have it veneered.
牙齿被削掉了，她不得不镶上牙面。
I'm sure there's a moral there somewhere.
我相信这其中一定有寓意。
Is Sam coming tonight?
萨姆今晚来吗?
Yes, he is.
是的,他是。
He's been a Chelsea supporter since he was a kid.
他从小就是切尔西的支持者。
Fun.
乐趣。
No, really. Tom will be there, too.
不,真的。汤姆也会在那里。
So, it will be like a play date.
所以，这就像一个玩耍的约会。
So, you two are... Well, I'm in love with him so...
你们俩…我爱他所以…
I know, annoying isn't it?
我知道，很烦人不是吗?
That shit always gets in the way of a good relationship.
那些该死的东西总是妨碍良好的关系。
MELODY: Thank you so much. Bye.
梅洛迪:非常感谢。再见。
Balls.
球。
What? Stormzy's just pulled out.
—什么?-Stormzy刚退出。
That's like the fifth one this morning.
这已经是今天早上的第五次了。
What are our numbers at? Eleven, that's including three Sky Sports news presenters.
我们的电♥话♥号♥码是多少?十一名，包括三名天空体育新闻主播。
Sky Sports hotties or Sky Sports hairy old men?
天空体育帅哥还是天空体育毛茸茸的老头?
One hottie, two hairy old men.
一个帅哥，两个毛茸茸的老头。
Balls.
球。
What's our quota?
配额是多少?
HELLO! want 15 with at least six A's.
你好!我想要15个，至少6个A。
ROBYN: Melody, make some calls, round up some more people.
梅洛迪，打几个电♥话♥，召集更多的人。
But the wedding's in four hours.
但婚礼还有四个小时就开始了。
Why are you still talking to us then?
那你为什么还跟我们说话?
MELODY: What if I can't find anyone?
梅洛迪:如果我找不到人怎么办?
EVE: Then find yourself a new job.
伊芙:那就找份新工作吧。
Oh, you have to get paid to call it a job.
哦，你得拿工资才能称之为工作。
Oh, punchy. I like it.
哦,头昏眼花的。我喜欢它。
Has anyone ever told you
有人告诉过你吗
you look skinnier when you stand up for yourself?
当你为自己辩护时，你看起来更瘦了?
Anyone who has something to promote
任何有东西要推销的人
and wants a free dinner.
想要一顿免费的晚餐。
Tell them that you made some phone calls
告诉他们你打过电♥话♥
and you managed to buy them an invite
你设法给他们买♥♥了张请柬
to the wedding of the decade.
为这十年的婚礼干杯。
God, look at this place.
天啊，看看这个地方。
It's like Patrick Bateman went on Queer Eye.
就像帕特里克·贝特曼演了酷儿眼。
ROBYN: Speaking of which... Robyn.
说到这…—罗宾。
Yes. Right, fellas.
是的。对了,伙计们。
This is Robyn, my PR,
这是罗宾，我的公♥关♥，
that's Eve, and that's Melody.
这是Eve，这是Melody。
MAN: You guys all right to contribute, like a chat, yeah?
男:你们可以贡献自己的力量，比如聊天，对吧?
That is sweet.
这是甜的。
Thank you for last night.
谢谢你昨晚的招待。
If it's all right, can we not discuss this in front of...
如果可以的话，我们不能在…
Patrick, relax.
帕特里克,放松。
Okay, great. Um...
好了,好了。嗯…
Has anyone got any coke?
有人有可乐吗?
It's 10:10. I've got some.
10:10。-我有一些。
Eve, go check on the bridesmaids.
伊芙，去看看伴娘。
Fine. Come on, Bilbo.
很好。来吧,比尔博。
You excited? Yeah.
—你兴奋?-是的。
Have you seen the pagoda in the garden?
你看见花♥园♥里的宝塔了吗?
The decorators are getting swans and shit out there.
装饰工人们正在弄天鹅和狗屎。
It's gonna be sick. I'm sure it is. How's Bianca?
会生病的。肯定是。比安卡怎么样?
I don't know.
我不知道。
Do you reckon a baby-blue suit would look good
你觉得淡蓝色的套装好看吗