废柴联盟（2009）

Community S02E19

Part 3 Oct. 20, 2020, 9:18 a.m.

so can you start our real conversation?
现在能开始咱的真实交流了吗
I don't believe there's such a thing.
我看这东西根本不存在
Conversation was invented by humans to conceal reality.
言谈是人类用以隐瞒真♥相♥的手段
We use it to sweet-talk our way around natural selection.
在自然进化的路上聊天奉承排忧解闷
You know who has real conversations? Ants.
知道谁才会"掏心窝子"地交流吗蚂蚁
They talk by vomiting chemicals into each other's mouths.
交流方式就是往对方嘴里吐化学物质
They get right down to brass tacks.
它们绝对张大嘴说亮话
Blehh! "Which way's the picnic?"
呕 "吃饭去哪边"
Blehh! "That way."
呕 "那边"
Humans are more evolved. We lie.
人类则高级许多我们说瞎话
Not all the time. That's a lie.
也不是总瞎这就是瞎话
We don't lie when we're alone. Biggest lie ever.
我们独处的时候不说瞎话这话最瞎了
Nine out of ten lies occur six inches away from the bathroom mirror.
瞎话中有九♥成♥发生在镜前六尺
We do most of our lying alone.
大部分瞎话都是编给自己听的
How's it even possible to lie when you're alone?
自己一个人怎么说瞎话
You can call a phone-sex line.
可以打给电♥话♥色情热♥线♥
That's lying to yourself.
这就算欺骗自己
No, that's just being honest with a stranger about being lonely.
不对只是向陌生人坦承自己的寂寞而已
What if you're dishonest about why you're lonely?
要是你没有坦承自己寂寞的原因呢
What if you're a good-looking guy who calls a phone-sex line
要是你明明是个帅哥致电色情热♥线♥
and tells them he weighs 400 pounds,
却告诉他们说你重达400磅
Just so he can hear a woman say she's attracted to him anyway?
只为博女人一句"就算如此依然爱你"
I don't believe that happens. Wrong. That's me.
我不相信有这种事错我就干过
I did that last week.
上周干的
Why would you pay a woman on the phone
你干吗花钱让电♥话♥里的女人
to think you're fat?
把你当成胖子
Because I'm scared that if I were overweight
因为我害怕万一我超重了
that no one would like me.
就没人喜欢我了
God, that feels good to admit.
老天说出来感觉倍儿好
Abed, the point being--
阿布蒂关键在于
The point being,
关键在于
You don't have to worry about being normal
你不需要表现正常
Or--or real or whatever this is tonight.
找回真实随便今晚这算什么
The world is a sick place full of sick, sick people.
世界就是很病态充斥着病态的人类
Can I tell you something I've never told anyone else?
能告诉你一些我从未示人的事情吗
Yes.
好
It's got to be so cool, whatever he got him.
不管他给他准备了啥肯定酷毙了
You know what I'm saying. Winger's a man of means.
你懂我意思的翁格超有手段的
He's with your boy right now having a fancy dinner.
他跟你哥们正享用大餐呢
Baby chickens, diamond forks, brand-name sodas.
小鸡那个炖蘑菇镶钻小叉子名牌小苏打
Then he's gonna bring him back here,
然后他就会带他回来这里
Give him whatever's in there, and that's that.
把那里面的玩意给他完事儿
Troy who?
特洛伊谁啊
Is that what I think it is?
是我所想的吗[低俗小说桥段]
It is.
是的
Certificate of authenticity--
防伪证书以明正身
He must have got it on ebay or something.
他肯定在ebay上买♥♥的
Jeff got Abed the actual briefcase
杰夫给阿布蒂准备了
from the movie Pulp Fiction!
《低俗小说》里那个原版公文包
What are you guys doing?
你俩干啥呢
Chang made me open it!
是昌指使我打开的
He seduced me with his dark Chinese powers.
他用中华气功教唆我的
Why do you leave him alone with me?
谁让你留下俺俩独处的
Guys, I am putting my job on the line for this stupid party,
姐为了这傻缺派对把工作都赌上了
And the least you can do is not ruin it.
你们就体谅一下别惹事行不行
No! No!
别啊
Dude, I know I'm preaching to the choir,
兄弟哥也算出家人不出恶言
but you are a bad friend.
但你也太不够朋友了
I'll kill you!
我灭了你
And I said, "No, that's a girl's costume."
我就说 "不要那是小姑娘穿的"
And my mom said, "It's fine.
然后我妈说 "没关系"
Indian boys have long hair and braids too."
"印第安小男孩也梳辫辫穿裙裙的"
There was only 45 minutes left to trick-or-treat,
"不给糖果就捣蛋"还有45分钟就要出发了
So what could I do?
我能怎么办
I put the damn thing on, and I went door-to-door.
只能把那件天杀玩意穿上挨家敲门去
And everyone was going, "Oh, what a pretty little girl."
大家都说 "真是个漂亮的小姑娘"
And by the third house...
到第三家的时候
I stopped correcting them.
我都放弃纠正他们了
I mean, why draw attention to it?
我是说这样只能欲盖弥彰
And, honestly,
而且说真的
once the shame and the fear wore off...
随着羞耻和恐惧褪去
I was just glad they thought I was pretty.
我心中便只有被夸漂亮后的欣慰之情
God, this is incredible...
老天真是不可思议
I mean, to be able to talk this openly.
坦承往事的感觉真棒
I mean, why can't people be like this?
人为什么就不能坦诚一些呢
I mean, what's wrong with this world?
这世界怎么回事
What do you want?
你想干吗
So this is what you're doing while we wait.
我们傻等的时候你们却在这儿逍遥
Just go home, Pierce. The party's canceled.
散伙吧皮尔斯派对取消了
Pretty gay, man. Pretty gay.
太基了你们太基了
Why is Pierce dressed as the gimp from Pulp Fiction?
皮尔斯干嘛穿的像《低俗小说》里的瘸子
The wallet, milkshakes...
钱包奶昔
Did you set up a surprise Pulp Fiction birthday party?
你为我准备了个《低俗小说》主题派对吗
Yeah, at the Greasy Fork, but that doesn't matter now.
是啊在油叉酒吧不过没关系了
What matters is this-- talking.
咱俩的促膝谈心更重要
Is everything okay?
您有什么需要的吗
Uh, yes. Just the check, please.
麻烦你结账吧
Oh, I'm sorry. So you're ending early?
抱歉您这是要提前结束吗
Because in My Dinner With Andre,
可在《与安德烈的晚餐》中
The waiter brings-- - Check, check, check. Bye.
服务生把少废话快拿账单
Abed? Mmhmm?
阿布蒂怎么
What's My Dinner With Andre?
《与安德烈的晚餐》是什么
It's just a movie about, uh, two guys
就是一部关于两个人
talking at a restaurant.
在餐厅里聊天的电影
So this wasn't...
这么说...
A real conversation?
这谈心不是真的
You were doing another movie?
你又在演电影了
a movie about a real conversation.
电影主题可是真实谈话哦
Did you poop your pants on the set of Cougar Town?
你在《熟♥女♥镇》片场真的拉裤子了吗
That shouldn't matter.
这个无关紧要
This is why we don't hang out!
这就是我为什么不爱跟你玩的原因
Well, thanks for getting me fired, jerks.
混♥蛋♥们你们害得我被炒了
The party's over. - Cool. Cool. Cool, Cool, Cool.
派对结束酷酷酷酷酷
Yeah, it is.
的确结束了
Do you guys know where Abed's really cool present is?
谁看见我给阿布蒂准备的超酷大礼了
Because I'm returning it.
我要拿去退货
It's back at the diner. It's fine.
搁在餐厅呢基本完好
It probably just needs some detailing.
不过细节部分可能要修补一下
Man, I really wish you two got along better.
我倒挺希望你们俩成为好哥们儿的
Ooh, no-no juice.
不可说果汁啊[特洛伊对酒的昵称]
Ah, that's good no-no juice.
味道不错嘛
I'll give you 1200 dollars for the damages
1200美刀算作赔偿
if you promise to give Britta her job back.
外加把布雷塔雇回来
$800, and she stays fired.
优♥惠♥价800刀不雇她
Deal.
成交
Annie told me about the briefcase.
安妮告诉我公文包的事儿了
Thank you. What a waste.
谢谢真是浪费了
Not really.
也不全是
Did you buy it
你是在易趣那家
from Willy's 100% Authentic Cinema Treasures on eBay?
威利家百分百正品影视周边店买♥♥的么
Yep. yeah, Willy exaggerates.
是威利满嘴跑火车
I got Indiana Jones' real whip from him.
我买♥♥过他家保正品的印第安纳·琼斯鞭子
He moves about 70 of those a year.
结果一年就有70次成交记录
Oh, good. I thought I flushed
真棒我本以为自己的钱
A bunch of money down the toilet.
打水漂了冲厕所了
But it's great to know that the real Pulp Fiction briefcase
知道真的《低俗小说》手提箱还在
is safe somewhere.
我就放心了
You're mad at me.
你生我气了
I spent a week planning a party
我花了一周的时间来策划派对
just to make you happy.
只是想让你高兴