废柴联盟（2009）

Community S02E03

Part 3 Oct. 20, 2020, 9:14 a.m.

Reformed neo-buddhism is not a cult!
改良的新佛教走的是正道
It is a new way of looking at the world,
是用新的眼光看世界
emphasizing empowerment.
强调人♥权♥天授
Like a video game? Yes, Troy.
像电子游戏吗答对了
Very much like a video game.
就像电子游戏
You gain levels, and at a certain point,
你会不断升级到一定级别
you actually can eat a ghost.
就真的能吃鬼魂
What? I wanna eat a ghost!
啥我也想吃鬼魂
No. No, do not let him pollute your brain
打住别被他的歪理邪说
with this crap, Troy.
污染了特洛伊
It's okay to ask questions. I have a question.
但是可以提问我有疑问
You said your mother went from a solid to a vapor.
你说你妈妈的肉体气化了
Do people in your religion ever take liquid form,
在你的宗教里会不会有人变成液态
like the Creatures In The Abyss
就像《深海秘影》里那样
or children's tylenol?
还有小儿退烧药水
That's a good question.
问得很好
Actually, when buddha returns,
实际上当佛祖归来时
We all take liquid form
我们都会液化
and merge into a shimmering ocean of knowledge.
融合成一片知识的海洋
Which, according to scripture, tastes like Hawaiian punch.
经♥文♥里说尝起来就像夏威夷果饮
I do like Hawaiian punch.
我挺喜欢夏威夷果饮
Hey, if you're really curious,
你们要是感兴趣
come to my church's open hive tomorrow.
明天来参加佛寺的露天集♥会♥
You know, wine, beer, free credit checks.
好吃好喝还有免费信用核查
How much wine and beer per person?
吃喝限♥量♥吗
Oh, come on! We're having a conwhat?
开玩笑吧我们正在说什么
Excuse me. Is this anesthesiology?
不好意思请问这里是麻醉学课吗
Yes. Yes, it is.
没错正是
Just go with this.
都别穿帮
It's really sad. Anything helps.
真令人惋惜不管能帮上多少
So just anything you could give would be really...
不论捐献些什么都能...
Hey!
你好啊
I like need you to save the pelicans.
这些鹈鹕需要你的救助
They're all feathery and pelicany.
它们都长着鹈鹕的羽毛
I wuv them.
可爱死了
Thank you!
谢谢你哦
Wow. It really is easy to raise money
只要会装嗲卖♥♥乖
when you sell out your gender.
募捐真是易如反掌
I'm sure it's even easier
要是旁边没这样的人
when you're not standing next to this.
肯定会更容易点
Hey, jerk! You're stupid!
你这个白♥痴♥大混♥蛋♥
Gimme money. I know more than you.
快给钱我懂得比你多
Oh, I don't know anything.
我啥都不懂
I need boys.
就是需要男生
Saving the planet makes my back hurt.
为了拯救地球我的背都痛了
Oh, I obviously don't need guys for anything.
很显然我根本不需要男人
That's why I wear stripper boots during the day
所以我才大白天穿高跟靴卖♥♥性感
and eat only celery and mustard for lunch!
午餐只吃芹菜和芥菜
Oh, I never stop smiling. I never start!
我老笑个不停我老板着个脸
My sweaters keep shrinking!
我的毛衣总是缩水
I get up an hour early to ever-so-slightly curl my hair.
我提早一小时起床就为做个自然卷发
Yeah, you're both so different.
你俩真是天差地别
Skinny bitches.
麻杆儿妞
Hello, Billionaire Boys Club.
你好街头贵公子
Mind if I ask what happened in class today?
能问问今天课上怎么回事吗
You pulled 40 minutes of anesthesiology out of your ass.
你凭空编出了一节40分钟的麻醉学课
Yeah, I did.
那确实
But, uh, I meant your elderly friend.
不过我是指你的"老"朋友
Do you know how many times I haven't eaten a donut?
你知道我多久没吃甜甜圈了吗
I do not. How much I got teased
不知知道我小学时多少次
in grade school for dabbing my pizza with napkins?
因为用餐巾吸披萨上的油而被人笑吗
I've suffered.
我经历过痛苦
I've denied myself.
我否认过自己
Because the rules said if I did that,
就因为规则上说只要这样做
I would live longer.
就能活得更久
But then, halfway through the game,
然后游戏玩到一半
I get this little update that it doesn't matter what I do.
我才得知做什么其实都无所谓
I could eat powdered bran every day
就算我天天补充粗纤维
while you suck down figgy pudding,
而你大口大口吞甜品
and I still might die first.
我还是会早你一步驾鹤
It's unfair! I want my donuts back.
真不公平我想把甜甜圈都吃回来
Well, I think you're being a little childish, and--
我觉得你有点小孩子脾气而且
Hold on a sec. I need to use my force field
等等我要用限制令
to prevent Chang from getting food.
让昌吃不到东西
Where were we? Look...
说到哪了听着
The way I see it, while claiming to have no religion,
就我看来虽然你自称无神论者
you were actually devoutly worshipping yourself.
实际你是在虔诚地崇拜自我
And now that your god has high cholesterol,
现在你的上帝胆固醇高了点
you're trying to kick Pierce's in the balls.
你就想方设法为难皮尔斯
You're right.
你说得对
All I've been trying to do is crush Pierce's faith
我一直在打击皮尔斯的信仰
to feel better about dying.
好让自己不那么惧怕死亡
And...
然后呢
And now that I realize that that was my goal...
然后我意识到这就是我的目标
Mm-hmm?
接着说
I can really roll up my sleeves
我就能撸起袖子
and get it done.
重拳出击
There it is. Thank you!
就是这样多谢
You're welcome.
客气客气
No, that wasn't what I--
其实我不是那意思
Actually, I don't care.
其实我无所谓
Hey girls, guess who found buddha.
姑娘们看看谁顿悟了
Hey. Hi.
好啊好啊
We're on our way to pierce's buddhist open hive.
我们准备去参加皮尔斯的佛教露天集♥会♥
But first I'm taking these fellows for ice cream
不过我要先请他们吃冰淇淋
as an apology for questioning Pierce's faith.
作为质疑皮尔斯信仰的赔礼
Pierce says there's this 69th flavor I need to try.
皮尔斯说我该尝尝69号♥口味
I am excited.
好兴奋哟
Hey, guys, my car's over there.
伙计们我车在那边
Cool.
好极了
Guess what.
猜猜怎么着
I'm not actually taking them for ice cream.
我不是要请他们去吃冰淇淋
I am taking them to the county morgue
我要带他们去地方停尸房♥
where I have confirmed that
我已经确认过
Pierce's mother's very un-vaporized corpse
皮尔斯母亲质感十足的尸体
will be lying on a stainless steel slab for all to see.
会躺在不锈钢板上候着我们
Surprise! Welcome to reality.
大惊喜欢迎来到现实
Welcome to death.
欢迎面对死亡
Have fun. Good luck.
玩得开心祝你好运
Wow.
不是吧
You guys are real downers.
你俩真不是一般的扫兴鬼
I can't believe I made out with both of you.
真不敢相信我跟你俩都有过一腿
Ugh.
真没眼力
I'll check the basket.
我看看筹了多少钱了
Sorry.
抱歉
I almost arched my back a little.
我差点弯腰了
I know you hate that.
我知道你讨厌这戏码
No, I should count it. Since I'm a calculating bitch.
应该我来数因为我是个辎铢必争的贱♥人♥
No, I should, since I'm the one
我来因为我才是
who's whoring out our gender!
装嗲卖♥♥乖的那位
Give that back to me. I'm gonna count it!
还给我我来数
Let go! Gimme that!
放手给我
Oh, yeah? Think this is funny?
咋滴觉得好玩是不
You think it's funny? Get off of me!
觉得好玩是不别碰我
You little brat!
你个小疯子
I hate you!
我恨你
Now, this is why I came to America.
我就是冲这个才搬来美♥利♥坚♥
Maybe we should listen to some music.
咱们放点音乐听吧
No problem.
可以啊
I brought the jam book from the Pierce mobile.
我把本人精选集带过来了