大小谎言

when I was a different person and...
我那时特别笃信我会成为
I was so sure that I was gonna be...
一个贤妻
a great wife.
然后 精彩来了
Anyway, this is where it gets stupid,
-准备好接梗 -好
- so brace yourself for this part. - Okay.
我戴上头纱 然后想穿上婚纱
I put on the veil and then tried to put on the dress,
但穿不上了 但这不是重点
but it doesn't fit-- but we're not talking about that--
正当我缅怀曾经的自己
Just so I could reconnect to that person, and then...
我放了这首歌♥ 因为
I put on this song 'cause...
因为是你为婚礼选了这首歌♥
'cause you picked this song for our wedding
音乐一起 我就想跳舞
and it always makes me dance.
事情就是这样
So, that's... pretty much it.
你现在知道了
Now you're up to speed.
我快喘不上气了
And I'm also out of breath.
我之前说过 不能施个魔法来解决
Well, like I said before, you can't just wave a wand.
但这样很接近魔法效果了
But that was pretty fucking close.
奔向光 宝贝
Go towards the light, baby.
有变化吗
Any change?
没有
None.
-这是你的吗 -对
- This yours? - Yes.
好了 小丫头 该走了
All right there, big girl, we gotta go.
过来 宝贝
Come here, sweetie.
我跟你说过 你是世上最贴心的女儿吗
Did I ever tell you you're the best daughter in the world?
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你
I love you too.
-再见 -再见 宝贝
- Bye. - Bye, sweetie.
你没事吧
You okay?
我想继续说一下昨天
I want to go back to yesterday,
原告律师问你那些男人的事
when counsel asked you about the other men.
我必须承认 让我们都蒙住了
I have to admit, we were all a bit thrown by it.
我蒙住了
I was thrown.
我显然还一直饱受折磨
I mean, I'm clearly still struggling.
你去治疗了吗
Are you getting professional help?
是 没错 我已经不再吃安♥眠♥药♥了
Yes. Yes, I am, and I've stopped taking the Ambien.
其它瘾症呢
And the other?
你有什么性瘾吗
Are we dealing with some kind of sexual addiction here?
没 没有性瘾
No, there's no sexual addiction.
怀特夫人 这里好像有问题
Mrs. Wright, something seems to be going on here.
这些一♥夜♥情♥
These encounters...
-你会去看心理医生吗 -我会
- Are you getting help for this? - I will.
-真会吗 -真会
- You will? - Yes.
你之前怎么没去呢
Why haven't you?
我之前觉得很丢脸
I think I've been too ashamed.
告诉心理医生也丢脸吗
To tell your therapist, even?
-特别是我的心理医生 -为什么
- Especially my therapist. - Why is that?
因为她对我一直很用心
Because she's worked so hard on me, and...
我只是
I think I just...
我太想让她看到我有进展了
I desperately wanted to see myself through her eyes and see progress.
这是非常冒险的行为
It seems like risky behavior.
-我怎么能相信你不会再这样了呢 -一定不会再这样了
- How am I trust that this will stop? -Because it will stop.
不会了 我已经不再这样了
It will. It has stopped.
我得说老实话
All right, I have to be honest here.
我很顾忌这一点
It gives me pause.
你尽可能跟给我解释一下
I need you to explain to me, as best you can,
你觉得这是怎么一回事
what you think is going on here.
我想要被爱抚 我想要
I wanted to be touched. I wanted it...
我想要没有情感羁绊
I wanted it to be... uncomplicated,
我想要能够驾驭
and I wanted to be in control, so--
就像昨天所说 我跟佩里之间的暴♥力♥行为
And as it was said yesterday... the violence with Perry...
会转变成缠绵 所以
would sometimes lead to sex, which would--
这...
I mean, it's-- it's just...
确实很混乱
It's confusing, so...
这让我心理扭曲了
I think that's-- And it sickens me.
所以我跟其他人在一起
And so that's why I was engaging with the others,
那些男人 因为我想摆脱佩里的控制
because I-- these other men, because I think I wanted to-- to be free of Perry,
我想消除他对我的影响
and I want to push him out.
-你是指你丈夫 -对 对
- "Him" being your husband? - Yes. Yes.
你之前有自残的想法吗
Were you maybe looking to hurt yourself?
没有 我没有那样做
No, I really don't think I was doing that.
我就是想消除他对我的影响
I think I just wanted to push him out.
我太了解这种案例了
Well, I am all too familiar that...
很多家暴受害者都会选择留在丈夫身边
many women stay with their abusers.
你为什么没离婚呢
Tell me why you stayed.
因为
Because...
我很爱他 我以为
I loved him, and I thought-- and-- but I--
我总是以为一切都会好起来
I just always thought he would get better.
-但他没有改变 -没有
- But he didn't. - No, he didn't.
我开心时 我留下是因为我开心
And when I was happy, I stayed because I was happy,
而当我抑郁时
and when I was depressed,
我留下是因为我抑郁了
I stayed because I was depressed.
总之 我很怕我离开他的后果
I mean, either way, I was afraid if I left him of what he might do.
我很怕他会作何反应
I was afraid how he would react.
我害怕孤独一人 我...
I was afraid of being alone. I was--
所以我没离婚 我选择委曲求全
So I stayed. I stayed to survive.
我为了孩子 没有离开
I stayed for my boys.
我问完了
Yeah. I'm good.
法伯尔先生
Mr. Farber.
我斗胆问一句
I dare to ask...
我就在这里 妈
I'm right here, Mama.
你能看见我吗
Can you see me?
你怎么样了
How you doing?
看来是时候了
Well, it looks like it's time.
我要向你坦白一件不光彩的事
I have to confess something that I'm not so proud of.
我一直在写
And as I was writing...
我意识到要先跟你坦白
I realized I needed to confess to you first.
我就说了
So, here it goes.
我恨你
I resent you...
没给我一个快乐童年
for the childhood I had.
我恨你脾气不好
I resent you for your impatience...
恨你让我写作业时永远害怕你朝我发火
for being scared of doing my homework without being yelled at...
恨你总是摔门
for all the kitchen cabinet doors you slammed...
恨你扇我巴掌
for slapping me,
恨你总打到我满身伤痕
for all the bruises.
我恨你让我感受不到家的安全感
I resent you for not feeling safe at home.
我恨你觉得我丢脸
I resent you for being ashamed of me.
我恨你 因为我13岁就跟人做♥爱♥
I resent you for all the sex I started to have when I was 13
只为了证明自己有人爱
to prove to myself that I could be loved.
我恨你让我一身戾气 总想揍人
I resent you for my wanting to beat the shit out of everyone.
我恨你让我缺乏自我价值感
I resent you for making me feel so fucking worthless
屈身嫁给了一个我都不...
that I settled for a man that I don't--
但最主要
But mainly...
我恨你
I resent you...
因为你 我杀了人
for killing a man.
我杀了瑟莱丝特的丈夫 他不是失足
I killed Celeste's husband, and he didn't slip.
我把他推下去了
I pushed him.
我当时失控了
I snapped, and...
我朝他冲过去时 我心里推的人是你
when I lunged at him, I-- I was pushing you.
冰冻三尺非一日之寒 这种怒火积压已久
And that push was a long time coming.
我想原谅你
And I wanna forgive you.
学校里发生了一起霸凌事件
There was an incident where a little girl
一个小女孩被咬被掐了
was being bullied, bitten, choked.
霸凌她的人就是你儿子
The bully was your son.
我儿子都是好孩子
My sons are good boys.
你既然饱受折磨
So, given your struggles,
不如让他们跟奶奶住 你可以好好治愈自己
why not let them stay with their grandmother while you heal.
我是他们的母亲 他们是我的孩子
I am their mother. And they belong with me.
-罗伯特·乔纳森 -是我
- Robert Johannsson. - Yeah.
这是火车模型的钱
And this was for a model train?
莱昂内尔太平洋联盟系列
A Lionel Union Pacific Car.
是古董车
It's... vintage.
票面价值2200美金