你家还是我家（2015）

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry
我的天啊 我很抱歉
"Only strippers should dress like strippers."
"只有脱衣舞♥女♥郎才会像你这么穿"
What?!
什么
God damn it, Small-iver!
该死的 小利弗!
Okay, in my defense
好吧 声明一下
when my brothers and I played games like that
我和我兄弟在玩这样的游戏时
we played them very differently.
和你们的玩法完全不同
Wait, is the psychic here yet?
等等 占卜师已经来了吗
Yes. She's all set up in dad's office.
是 她在爸爸的办公室里 已经准备好了
Thank you guys so much.
太感谢你们了
I'm working on all the questions I want to ask her.
我一直花精力在想 所有我想问她的问题
"Will I be famous?"
"我会出名吗"
That's all I have so far.
我目前所想到的就这些
Hey, guys.
嘿 朋友们
Hey, Shawni.
嘿 小肖
Mm.
嗯
Shawni. Hi. Sorry I'm late.
小肖 嗨 很抱歉我来晚了
How can you be late? You live in the basement.
你是怎么做到的 你就住在地下室啊
What happened?
发生什么了
Uh, what didn't happen?
额 什么事没发生?
Dougie turned on the stove and then didn't tell me about it
道奇打开了炉子并且没有告诉我
and then I couldn't find my left shoe
然后我找不到我左脚的鞋
and then my stupid burner phone ran out of minutes.
然后我那该死的一次性手♥机♥话费用光了
Seriously, you guys should be having a party for me
说真的 经历了这样一天
after the day I've had.
你们是应该给我举办个聚会
But, you know, it's not your birthday. It's Dani's.
但你知道 今天不是你的生日 是黛妮的
I have a birthday, too, you know.
你知道 我也有生日的
Yeah. But it's not today.
对啊 但不是今天
Hey, Shawni, did you know Kelli got a psychic?
嗨 小肖 你知道凯丽找了一个占卜师吗
Maybe she could tell me about my birth parents.
也许她可以告诉我 我的亲生父母是谁
Shawni, you're not adopted.
小肖 你不是被收养的
You don't know that. Maybe I am.
你怎么知道 也许我就是呢
I mean, I'm not saying that some king somewhere had an affair
我不是在说某个国家的某个国王出轨了
and then, you know, shipped the baby off to Seattle
然后 你懂的 用船把婴儿送到西雅图
and that I'm actually a princess...
其实我是一个公主...
But I'm not not saying it, you know?
我就是随便说说而已 你懂的
Hey, so, since I don't have my questions yet
嘿 所以 因为我还没有想好问题
do one of you guys want to go first?
所以你们谁要第一个去
Kelli, you should go. You paid for it.
凯丽 你应该先去 你花钱请的
Okay. Wish me luck!
好的 祝我好运
Okay. So, I promise not to tell anybody
好了 我保证不告诉任何人
What are you planning to do to ruin Dani's birthday?
你打算怎么毁掉黛妮的生日
I don't have a plan.
我没有什么计划
'Cause I'm not gonna ruin her birthday, I swear.
因为我不会毁掉她的生日的 我发誓
Come on. That's what you said about my mom's birthday, remember?
得了吧 我妈妈生日时你也是这么说的 记得吗
I do remember, but there's no need to bring that up.
我是记得 但没必要提它
We talking about the cake?
是在说那个蛋糕吗
Okay! I picked up the cake.
好了 我把蛋糕取来了
Aw, thanks, babe.
哇喔 谢谢 亲爱的
Hey, Shawni. Hey.
嗨 小肖 嗨
This is my boyfriend, Axel.
这是我的男朋友 阿里赛尔
Hey, Axel. How are you? Hi, Axel.
嘿 阿里赛尔 你好 嘿 阿里赛尔
Cool.
很好
Oli, did you check this
奥利 你检查了吗
make sure they spelled her name right?
确定他们拼对了她的名字
This place messes up sometimes.
那个蛋糕店有时候会弄错
Um, yep.
呃 检查了
Holy shit!
我的天！
Oh, dear God, that cake is a vagina!
我的上帝 这蛋糕简直就像个阴♥道♥嘛
Okay, maybe I forgot to check it.
好吧 也许我忘记检查了
Oh, Axel, come and check out this vag cake.
喂 阿里赛尔 快来看这个阴♥道♥蛋糕
We... we can't give this cake to mom.
我们...我们不能把这个蛋糕送给妈妈
We have no cake.
我们没有生日蛋糕了
God damn it, Small-iver! You ruined Jan's birthday!
天啊 小利弗！你毁了简恩的生日！
Now, come on.
别这样说嘛
The birthday's not ruined.
生日聚会还没完全毁掉
We can just cut the vagina part off.
我们把阴♥道♥切开就可以了啊
See, we'll use the knife.
看 我们可以用小刀切
See?
看到了吗？
You know, that was really the bakery's fault.
其实 那真是蛋糕店的错
And I'm sure the lesbian bachelorette party
我确信 那个百合单身派对错拿了写着
was just as disappointed to get the "Happy Birthday, Jan" cake.
“生日快乐简恩”的蛋糕 也会和我们一样失望的
Either way,
不管怎么说
chalk it up to another one for the birthday ruiner.
你就是想把生日破坏狂这个称号♥推给别人
Hey, baby. The TV's coming along.
嗨宝贝 电视马上就装好了
You're so good at that.
你好棒呀
You're so good at everything.
你哪方面都棒
Look, it's almost "Scandal" time, Jan.
看 “丑闻”节目快开始了 简恩
Hey! Yay!
嗨！耶!
Enzo and I are "Scandal" buddies.
恩佐和我都是“丑闻”的粉丝
Plus, he's the only one who will go to the gun range with me.
此外 他是唯一一个肯与我一起去靶场的人
Oh, Dani, I am so excited to show you my surprise.
黛妮 我简直等不及给你惊喜了
You're gonna cry.
你会感动落泪的
I can cry right now if you want.
如果你希望看到 我马上就能挤出眼泪
I'm really good at it.
我能想哭就哭
Sometimes, it makes guys get you stuff.
有时候 眼泪能让人对你言听计从
It's how I got that Vespa I lost at the mall.
那辆在商场丢的摩托车就是我哭回来的
I know I'm running a little bit behind,
我知道我进度有点慢
but this will be done before everyone leaves.
但是在大家离开之前我还是可以弄好的
I promise.
我保证
Well, even if it's not, you know what they say.
就算没有弄好 你知道他们会说什么
If you build it, they will come.
只要敢做梦 梦就会成真
What did you just say?
你刚说了什么？
Oliver, no.
奥利弗 不
What? Do you guys not know what I'm talking about?
什么？你们不知道我在说什么吗？
It's a line from a movie.
这是一部电影中的台词
"Field of Dreams"? Kevin Costner?
“梦幻成真” 凯文·科斯特纳主演的
Here we go again with that goddamn Kevin Costner!
我们又聊到那该死的凯文·科斯特纳了！
Oliver, another birthday?
奥利弗 又毁了一个生日
I don't know what just happened,
我不知道刚发生了什么
but I feel like I should leave, too.
但我觉得我也应该走了
Hey!
嗨！
What just happened out there?!
刚才外面发生了什么？
My "mom" has a thing for Kevin Costner,
我“妈”超爱凯文·科斯特纳
and it really upsets my "dad."
我“爸”经常为此大吃干醋
Please stop doing that. You are not adopted.
不要再做小动作了 你不是被领养的
Where did everybody go?
大家都去哪了？
Oliver mentioned Kevin Costner. Oh, no!
奥利弗提到了凯文·科斯特纳 天哪 不
Then dad freaked out and ran upstairs.
然后我爸暴怒跑上楼了
Oh!
天哪！
"Will Kevin Costner be my new daddy?"
“凯文·科斯特纳会成为我的新爸爸么”
Honey, how was I supposed to know
亲爱的 我怎么会知道
your mom had a crush on Kevin Costner?
你妈迷恋上了凯文·科斯特纳？
It's not just the crush. When my dad was in college,
那可不是单纯迷恋 我爸在大学的时候
he wrote a poem about some of the local Indian tribes,
他写了一首关于当地印度部落的诗
and he said Costner stole it for the movie "Dances With Wolves."
他后来说科斯特纳偷了他的创意去拍了“与狼共舞”
Kevin Costner stole a poem from your dad...
凯文·科斯特纳偷了你♥爸♥的诗...
And turned it into "Dances With Wolves"?
还把它拍成了“与狼共舞”？
It's true.
这是真的
Okay, you know what? I'll fix it.
好吧你知道吗？我会搞定这件事情的
I'll go talk to him.
我会找他谈谈
I am not gonna ruin another birthday.
我才不要再毁一次生日
Oh, baby, it's not your fault.
宝贝 这不是你的错
You didn't know.
你以前都不知道这件事
Well, it's not, my fault, is it?
这也不是我的错 好吗？
I mean, Kevin Costner is every woman's dream.
凯文·科斯特纳可是每个女人梦想中的白马王子
Is he?
是吗？
I'd do him.
我喜欢他
I'll fix it.
让我搞定这件事吧
Hey, how was your reading? Great.
喂 你的占卜结果怎么样？ 棒极了