你家还是我家（2015）

Hey, Shawni.
你好 肖妮
Hey, Jason.
嘿 杰森
Sorry I never called you. What?
抱歉当时没给你打电♥话♥ 什么呀
You know, five years ago, Kelli's slumber party.
就是五年前 凯莉那昏昏欲睡的派对上
God, did we destroy that sleeping bag.
老天 我们把睡袋都弄坏了
Dude, it was just a stupid drunk thing,
亲 那只是喝醉了之后犯傻了而已
I wasn't expecting a call.
我根本没想让你打过来给我
Look, my wife knows, just an FYI,
是这样 我妻子知道了 只是告诉你一声（For Your Information）
but no reason to bring it up, you feel me?
不要把事情闹大 你明白了么
Hard to bring up something I barely remember.
把一件我不太记得的事情闹大 好困难
I found a parking spot,
我找到了车位
but it was up on the hill.
但是在山丘上
I'm good, babe.
我扛得住 宝贝
Jan, you know my sister-in-law Claire, right?
简 这是我的嫂子克莱尔 你认识吗
No, I don't.
以前不认识
Hello, Claire. You look beautiful.
你好 克莱尔 你真漂亮
Thanks. And?
谢谢 还有呢
Wow, like, no insult? I love you!
哇哦 居然没有损我 好爱你
You must be Shawni.
你一定就是肖妮吧
It's great to meet you.
很高兴认识你
You're the one that had sex with Jason?
你就是那个和我老公滚床单的人么
What did she just say?
她刚刚说什么
Nothing, dad. Nothing.
没有 老爸 她什么也没说
You had sex with her?
你和她上过床
Wai... okay. Gil, calm down.
停 好的 吉尔 冷静点
Don't "Gil, calm down" me.
别跟我说"吉尔 冷静点"
If he had sex with her, you know what that means?
如果他跟我女儿睡过 你知道这意味着什么吗
He was drunk?
他喝醉啦
It means that every boy in your family
意味着你们家每个儿子
had sex with every girl in my family.
都睡了我家女儿
Are you [Bleep] kidding me?!
你TMD在逗我
Why are you angry at me?
为什么冲我发火
I married the one I had sex with.
我娶了我睡过的人呀
Your family literally screwed my family.
你们家完全把我家给毁了（screw有玩弄之意）
You rich people with all your money,
你们有钱人以为有钱就可以
you think can do whatever you want, like you rule the world.
想干嘛就干嘛吗 你以为你们是王思聪啊
Well, there's one thing that you can't take care of...
有一件事你们不能得逞
me calling off this goddamn ceremony!
就是我要取消这场该死的仪式
Come on, Jan.
来吧 简
Nobody have sex with my wife while I'm upstairs.
在我上楼之后谁也不要睡我老婆
I thought if anyone would ruin today,
我以为今天搞砸仪式的
it would be Shawni, not dad.
会是肖妮 但没想到是老爸
But he's gonna come back downstairs, right?
他会下来的 是吧
We have to still do our thing.
我们还是得做我们的事情
Honey, everyone has to hear my vows.
亲爱的 每个人都要听我的婚誓
You're gonna cry. I call you "my precious dove" like twice.
你肯定会哭的 我会叫你"宝贝甜甜"两次
Everyone, please just relax, enjoy some hors d'oeuvres.
大家 请放松 吃点点心什么的
Uh, Shawni, there's another platter
额 肖妮 还有一个大盘
in the kitchen. Would you run and get it?
在厨房♥里 你能赶紧拿来吗
Great. Now I'm the not-married hors d'oeuvres lady?
好吧 现在我是“永远不会结婚的送点心女士”
Gil and I will be down in a sec,
吉尔和我会马上下来
and we'll all have the beautiful ceremony
我们会有一场美好的
we've all waited 10 years to enjoy.
我们期待了10年的美好仪式
Gil! Jesus Christ!
吉尔 想死吗
So...
然后捏
How was it? How was what?
怎么样 什么怎么样
The sex with Jason, dummy.
和杰森滚传♥单♥感觉怎么样啊 装傻是不
You seriously want to talk about that?
你让我跟你谈论这些 没搞错吧
Well, why not? I mean, we have stuff in common.
为什么不能说 我是说我们有一些共同点啊
Like... like we both slept with the same guy.
比如 比如我们都和同一个人睡过
My husband, Jason, the doctor.
也就是我老公 杰森 医生杰森
Okay, look, I'm not really having the best day,
好吧 告诉你 我今天很不爽
so I don't want to talk about it, okay?
所以我不想说 行吗
Okay. The topic is off the table.
好吧 不谈这个了
Just a real quick question,
就一个真正的简短的问题
which is, like, how many positions did you do?
比如 你们用过多少体♥位♥
And, um...
还有 嗯
Did you do any butt stuff?
你们肛过么
So, bro, big day.
老弟 重要的一天
Damn, you must be nervous.
天啊 你一定紧张死了
Yeah, I am a little bit nervous.
是啊 我有点小紧张
I mean, Kelli deserved
我是说凯莉应该听到
way better than what she got from me on our wedding day,
比结婚那天更好的誓词
and I really want to make that up to her.
我很想补偿她
I mean, that's assuming
前提是
someone can convince Gil to come back downstairs.
如果有人能说服吉尔下楼的话
Oh, sorry. Didn't know anyone was in here.
哦 不好意思 我们不知道这里有人
Guys, you mind if we borrow the room for a bit?
你们不介意我借用这个房♥间一会儿吧
Dani and I really want to...
丹妮和我想要
talk. Blow each other.
说话 “咬”对方
Louis, Ricky, this is my boyfriend, Enzo.
路易斯 里奇 这是我男朋友 恩佐
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
What kind of a name is Enzo?
恩佐是个什么名字
It's Brazilian, but it's roots
巴西名字 但起源于
come from the mountainous regions of Chile.
智利的山区
"Foreign" would have sufficed, dear.
"外国名字"的解释就够了
Everything looks so beautiful, babe.
宝贝儿 这里看起来都是那么美
Romantic, don't you think?
很浪漫 你觉得呢
Yeah, I love it.
是的 我很喜欢
Doesn't seeing all this kind of...
看见这些东西
Make you think of something?
会使你想起什么吗
Yes, it makes me think
是的 这些让我觉得
that if you can make a mini quiche,
如果能把乳蛋饼做成迷你的
imagine how many foods you can make mini.
想象一下有多少事物你能做成迷你的
I can't get your dad to come down. He's really upset.
我没有办法劝你♥爸♥下楼 他真的很伤心
He feels like he's being mistreated all over again.
他觉得他又被虐待了
I'm so sick of him doing this.
他这样真烦人
I'll get him to come down here.
我把他叫下来
Don't worry. Okay.
别担心 好的
Dad! Jesus Christ!
老爸 想死吗
Now, what should I have?
现在 我该干什么
Oh, I have a special drink.
哦 我有一种特殊的饮料
I was gonna serve it after the ceremony,
我打算在仪式后让大家喝的
but since it's just us...
但是 现在就剩我们两个了
What is that?
这是什么
I call it Jan juice.
我把它叫做简汁
It's how I used to drink around the girls
在她们小时候全然不知的情况下
when they were little without them knowing.
喝的酒精饮料
Ooh, this is strong. Mm.
噢 这酒真有劲 嗯
I like it.
我喜欢
Would you like to sit?
要坐下来喝吗
I think I better.
我想最好坐下
Great. This guy's in here.
棒呆了 这个家伙在这里
Ugh, I can't be alone anywhere in this stupid house.
唉 这破房♥子里就没有地方能让我一个人待着
Look, you don't have to pretend that you didn't
听着 你不必装出一副那时你不想
want to date me back then. You just don't.
和我约会的样子 真的不用
I get it...
我懂
good-looking doctor, good family.
帅气的医生 和谐的家庭
Kelli got one of us, why not you?
凯莉找了我们中的一个 你怎么不也试试
Okay, I really didn't.
好吧 我是真的没有
I didn't know who you were, because I was so drunk,
我那时不知道你是谁 因为我已经醉了
until we started doing it and you were like,
知道我们开始做了 然后你就
"yeah, yeah, ride the doctor."
耶 耶 骑医扬鞭
So, if it wasn't seeing me
好吧 如果不是因为
and the amazing life that you missed out on
没跟我在一起 还有想到你错过的美好生活
that made you so upset, then what's up?
那还有什么让你这么沮丧
What do you think?
你觉得呢
My boyfriend's never gonna propose,
我男朋友根本不打算求婚
and now I have to sit
然后我只能坐在这
through my sister's stupid do-over wedding.
等着我姐愚蠢的二次婚礼结束