你家还是我家（2015）

你妈今晚又要做大杂烩了 你知道吧
Your mom's gonna make gripple for dinner, you know.
- 不一定啊 - 不 肯定的
- We don't know that. - Yes, we do.
她有一个月没做过了
She hasn't made it in a month.
它就要来了
It's coming.
我都感觉到了
I can feel it.
好吧 是 我妈不是个好厨师
Okay, yes, my mom is a bad cook,
而且这个古怪的砂锅菜是最难吃的一道
and this weird family casserole recipe is her worst one,
但是 亲爱的 我们一连好几代人都装作
but, honey, we've all been pretending to like it
很喜欢这道菜
for generations.
你真的想当戳破的那个人吗
Do you want to be the one to tell her the truth?
要是你说可以 我现在马上就跟她说
If you said I could, I would tell her right now.
当面跟她讲
Say it right to her face.
就是啊 没人想这么做
Exactly. No one wants to.
至少闺女们可以幸免于难
At least the girls don't have to eat it.
是啊
Yeah.
本来把她们送到露营地的时候我还挺伤心的
It was kind of sad dropping them off at camp earlier.
我知道
I know.
孩子们一周都不在家 我们该干点什么啊
A whole week with no kids. What are we gonna do?
我们裸着吧 赤果果过一周
Let's be naked! Like, the whole time!
我们一定要这样
We are so doing that.
不过 趁着这周孩子们不在家
Although, with the girls out of town for a week,
我们也许应该抓住机会
we should probably take the opportunity
把他们的房♥间重新粉刷一遍
to repaint their rooms.
嗯
Mm.
嘿 我们应该要赤果果地刷呀
Hey, maybe we should paint them naked.
噢 不
Oh, no.
我读大学的时候试了一次
I painted naked in college once.
漆弄得到处都是 到处都是啊
It gets everywhere everywhere.
而且有灼伤感呐
And it burns.
搞得我两天都不能滚床单了
I couldn't have sex for two days.
两天不滚床单对当时的你来说
And was that a big deal for you in college
- 是件大事吗 - 呃
- to go for two days? - Um...
你不希望这是件大事吗
Do you want it to not have been a big deal?
我希望我老婆在跟我做之前
I want you to have never had sex
没跟其他男的啪啪啪过
with any other person before me.
那就太好了 因为我没有啊
Then it is so great that that's exactly what happened!
好了 大家 看着我
Okay everybody, look at me.
悲伤的五个阶段
- 你好 你好 - 你好
- Hello, hello. - Hello.
你好 你好
Hello, hello.
闻到没
Smell that?
大杂烩出现了
It's gripple.
听到了没
Hear that?
是我的味蕾们集♥体♥自♥杀♥的声音
It's my taste buds committing suicide.
你好 你好
Hello, hello!
你好 你好 妈
Hello, hello, Mom.
奥利弗
Oliver.
你好 你好
Hello, hello.
凯莉
Kelli.
你好 你好
Hello, hello!
克莱尔 我们刚才在外面没看到你啊
Claire. We didn't see you out there.
真的么 我跟你们打了招呼啊
Really? I said hi.
可能是我被这些背包
Maybe you couldn't see me
给挡住了吧
through all the bags I'm carrying.
我不知道你今晚会来啊 克莱尔
I didn't realize you were gonna be here tonight, Claire.
我以为你星期一晚上要去做那个
I thought you did that silly stretching thing
什么傻不拉叽的拉伸运动
on Monday nights.
噢 你说瑜伽 我不去了
Oh, you mean yoga. Not anymore.
我呼吸的声音影响到其他人了
My breathing was distracting some of the other women.
所以 我试着屏住呼吸 然后就晕过去了
So, then I tried to hold my breath, and I passed out.
好吧 克莱尔 我如果知道你要来的话
Well, Claire, if I'd known you were coming,
我就不会在大杂烩里面放花生了
I wouldn't have put peanuts in the gripple.
噢 没关系 我不吃就好了
Oh, that's okay. I won't eat.
因为过敏我已经习惯饱一顿饿一顿了
I'm used to skipping meals because of my allergies.
我小的时候 我爸经常做泰国菜
When I was a kid, my parents cooked thai food a lot.
他们难道不知道你对坚果类过敏吗
Didn't they know you were allergic to nuts?
他们知道啊 但是我妈常说
They knew, but my mom always said,
"多数人的需求凌驾于克莱尔的需求之上"
"the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the Claire."
好吧 那我去再做一锅没坚果的好了
Well, then I'll just throw together a nut-free gripple.
但是不要觉得不好意思 克莱尔
But don't feel bad about it, Claire,
虽然那是你的错
although it is your fault.
货拿到手了吗
You got the goods?
拿到了 爸
I got you, Dad.
你干嘛还纵容他啊
Why are you encouraging him?
不是我的错啊 他就是爱刮刮乐
It's not my fault the man loves his scratchers.
你看 看看他 他都到半退休状态了
I mean, look at him. He's semi-retired.
让他有点乐子吧
Let him have a little fun.
这又不是在脱衣女郎身上吸粉
It's not like he's snorting cocaine off a stripper.
他就只有这两种选择了吗
Are those the only two options?
嘿 嘿 嘿 嘿 看看啊 哼
Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Look at this. Huh?
赢开门红了吧 哼
A winner right out of the gate, huh?
一块钱
A dollar!
- 你妹去见上帝了 - 啥
- Your sister's dead. - What?
她整天都没回我短♥信♥
She hasn't texted me back all day.
所以 你就自动认定她死了吗
So, you automatically assume she's dead?
是啊 哪有女的不回我短♥信♥的
Yeah. Girls always text me back.
让我给你说清楚了
Let me get this straight.
你跟丹妮又重修于好了
You and Dani are dating again now,
然后因为她没回你短♥信♥ 你就生气了吗
and you're upset because she hasn't texted you back?
哇哦 不是 我没说我生气啊 我是说你妹见上帝去了
Whoa, no. I didn't say I was upset. I said she's dead.
- 但是你很生气哦 - 嗯哼
- But you are upset. - Mm-hmm.
我从来没见过你因为一个女孩子而生气哦
I've never seen you upset about a girl before.
真的 你总是这样
You really do... You're always like,
“丹妮很辣 我喜欢丹妮”
"Dani's so hot. I like Dani.
“克莱尔超漂亮 丹妮太极品了”
Claire is beautiful. Dani's awesome."
布莱克 让我问你个问题
Blake, let me ask you a question.
你睡醒后 第一个想到的人
Is Dani one of the first things you think about
是丹妮吗
when you wake up in the morning?
是 我想是吧
Yeah, I guess.
那你晚上睡觉之前呢
And when you go to sleep at night?
是啊 想她算是其中一件吧
Yeah, one of the last few things.
不想这么告诉你 但是 哥们儿 你坠入爱河了
Hate to tell you this, buddy, but you're in love.
等等 啥
Wait, what?
奥利弗 你得到楼上看一下 马上
Oliver, you got to get up here right now.
- 怎么了 - 十万火急啊 快来
- What's wrong? - It's an emergency! Come!
嘿 嘿 嘿 看看 又刮中一个
Hey, hey, hey. Look at this. Another one.
一块钱 又刮到咯
A dollar! Another winner!
我们的千年猎鹰号♥
The millennium falcon.
- 不要啊 - 是
- No! - Yes!
- 不要啊 - 是啊
- No! - Yes!
- 怎么搞的啊 - 我不知道啊
- How?! - I don't know!
一定是从架子上掉下来之类的
It must have got knocked off the shelf or something.
看看
Look at it.
已经粉身碎骨了
Shattered into 1,000 pieces right there.
莱蒂西亚
Leticia.
一定是她打扫的时候打碎的
She must have done it while she was cleaning.
而且她很可能根本没有意识到 就径直离开了
And probably walked all over it and didn't even realize
因为她穿着肥大的医用鞋
'cause of those big hospital shoes she wears.
兄弟 我们花了一整个暑假
Man, we spent an entire summer
组装千年猎鹰号♥
building the millennium falcon.
六千个零件啊
6,000 pieces.
我知道 休战之夏啊 兄弟
I know. The summer of truce, man.
那是我们在一起度过的 最和平的一段时间了
That was the longest we ever went without fighting.
真的很赞
It was cool.
就像我们是朋友 而不是兄弟
Like we were friends more than brothers.
那可能是我度过的最美好的夏天 你知道吗
That was probably my best summer, you know?
我觉得那是我们第一次真正团结起来
I think that's the first time we truly bonded.
老兄 你是要哭了吗
Dude, are you gonna cry?
没有 老兄 我没有哭 好吗
No, dude. I don't cry, okay?
你确定吗 我可以给你一张纸巾呀
You sure? I could get you a tissue.
或者一条卫生棉