你家还是我家（2015）

Your Family or Mine S01E09

Part 2 April 16, 2021, 9:04 p.m.

Oh.
哦
I didn't mean that he's actually...
我不是说他真的死了
You're amazing at that.
你对这个很在行啊
I'm pretty good at putting things together.
把东西拼一起这事我比较拿手
I assemble all the kids' stuff for christmases and birthdays.
孩子们的圣诞节跟生日礼物都是我组装起来的
And Jason doesn't help?
那杰森不帮忙么
No, he helps.
不他帮啊
He watches and he says,
他经常看着我说
"could you hurry it up with that, Claire?" A lot.
“你就不能弄快一点吗克莱尔”
That's why I'm so fast.
这就是我动作这么快的原因
Yeah.
是呀
I should thank him for that if I ever see him alive again.
我应该为此对他表示感谢要是我还能见到活着的他的话
Jason?
杰森
Are you okay?
你还好么
Oh, Jesus.
哦亲娘啊
You know how sometimes guys in their 20s go out partying
你知道二十岁的小伙子们有时候会去派对玩耍
and wind up with a drunken tattoo
然后醉酒了去纹个身
they instantly regret in the morning?
第二天早上就肠子都悔青了吧
Yeah.
是呀
Well, I went out last night partying
好吧我昨晚跟我一帮
with some of my doctor friends,
医生朋友们聚会
and we ended up with some drunken
最后来了个醉酒
vasectomies.
输精管结扎
You got a drunken vasectomy?!
你醉酒后做了输精管结扎
That's a thing?!
真的吗
Drunken vasectomies?!
醉酒输精管结扎
How are you even allowed to do that?
居然能允许你们这么做
We're doctors.
我们就是医生
We can do whatever the hell we want.
我们想干嘛就干嘛
Oh.
哦
Dude!
老兄
Ow!
哇
Ow.
哦
God, I'm such an idiot.
老天我就是个傻冒
You know, I told Claire that I was done having kids.
你知道我告诉克莱尔我已经不想要孩子了
And, you know, now I'm not so sure.
但现在我不是很确定了
Like, maybe I want to try for a girl someday.
比如我有可能某天想生个女儿什么的
So Claire doesn't know?
所以克莱尔不知道吗
No, and you can't tell her, either, okay?
是的你也不准告诉她明白吗?
God, she's gonna be so pissed.
天她肯定会疯了的
Jason, I'm so sorry.
杰森我很遗憾发生了这种事
I'm with you, though.
但我很能理解你
I'm having a pretty big problem, too.
我也有一个很棘手的大问题
I found a box in the back of your mom's closet
我在你妈妈的衣橱后面发现了一个箱子
that has every gift I've ever given her.
里面装着所有我送给她的礼物
What?
什么
That doesn't even compare to my thing.
那事儿能和我的事儿相提并论吗
I have tubes inside my ballsack cut up by a drunk doctor.
在我的球球里面有一个管子然后被一个醉醺醺的医生给切了
And I bought some pretty nice gifts
我送的都是很好的礼物
that were thrown in a box like garbage.
但都被当作垃圾一样扔进了箱子里
So, you know, samesies.
所以你看一样一样的
Oliver, I have a question for you.
奥利弗我有个问题想问你
Okay, shoot.
好的说吧
What would you say if Kelli told you
如果凯丽告诉你
she had something that you didn't want?
她有了些你不想要的东西你会怎么办
Like what?
比如呢
Uh, like a tiny, little you.
呃比如迷你小小的你
You mean Iike an Oliver action figure?
你是说比如奥利弗人形玩偶吗
Why wouldn't I want that?
我怎么会不想要那个呢
I'm pregnant.
我怀孕了
What? Yeah.
什么没错
Claire, are you serious?
克莱尔真的吗
Yeah! That's amazing!
是的太棒啦
Yeah. It is!
是啊是的
But it's also terrible,
但这也很糟糕
because Jason says he doesn't want any more kids,
因为杰森说他不想要孩子了
and now he's gonna have another one.
但他马上又会有一个了
And he jokes about divorcing me
因为我太经常给他做♥鸡♥肉
when I make chicken too often, and...
他都会开玩笑说要跟我离婚而
He's gonna be so mad at me.
他一定会很生我的气
How did it happen?
好吧你们怎么搞的
From behind.
从后面啊
No, but thank you for that.
不是谢谢你告诉我这个
I-I meant,how did you get pregnant?
我的意思是你怎么会怀孕呢
Don't you guys use, like, protection?
你们没有做什么保护措施吗
Well, you know how they say the pill works 99% of the time?
嗯你知道他们说避孕药99%有效是吧
Well, it works way less of the time
那么它不起作用的概率很小
if you leave your pills in your purse
除非你把药放在了钱包里
and your purse on a bus.
但你的钱包落在了公交上
Says here you can get it reversed after two weeks.
根据我找到的资料两周后你可以做输精管吻合术
That's actually true.
说得没错
So I just need to stay away from Claire for two weeks.
所以我只需要在两周内离克莱尔远远的
And you can't let her see you naked because...
并且你不能让她看到你光着的时候
'Cause that would just be cruel.
是啊那就太残忍♥了
That little minx has a really hard time
那个小荡♥妇♥将会度过一段艰难的时期
keeping her hands off this twice-a-week gym body.
因为她的手不能碰触到这个健美的身躯
I mean, what do I say?
我是说我应该说什么
Is there a way to tell him so he won't be mad at me?
有没有什么方法告诉他而且让他不生我的气
Um, well, anytime Kelli does something
呃这样每次凯丽做了一些
that she thinks will make me mad,
她觉得会惹我生气的事
she always does the same thing
她就会在告诉我之前
right before she tells me.
做一件非常令我满意的事
What?
什么
Um, well, it's, uh...
呃就是额
It's sexual in nature.
就是打野战
I think you know what I'm talking about.
我觉得你应该知道我在说什么
No. What?
不知道是什么
Um, well, it's something that makes me feel really good.
额好吧就是能让我觉得很爽的事情
And, like, spent.
就像是筋疲力尽一样
Still nothing.
还是没明白
She blows me, okay?
她会帮我吹的明白了吗
Oh. Yeah.
哦是的
Then whatever it is, I don't get mad,
然后不管她做了什么我都不会生气的
and, wow, I really don't like
啊哦跟我的嫂子
having this conversation with my sister-in-law.
说这些赶脚有点怪怪的
Okay, so I do that, then I tell him I'm pregnant?
好的我也这样然后告诉他我怀孕了
Genius. Thanks, Oliver.
太有才了谢谢你奥利弗
I'm gonna blow him the second I see him.
在见到他的那一秒我就这么做
Oh, hello, hello.
哦你好你好
Uh, g'day, g'day.
额侬好侬好哇
Uh, this is Lana.
呃这是拉娜
Hi. Hi, Lana.
嗨嗨拉娜
Uh, Lana needs the lav.
呃拉娜需要用一下卫森间啦
Uh, it's right this way, me Sheila.
在这边啦我的小姐
Um, I've been trying to hook up with this girl for three weeks,
嗯我追了这个小妞有三星期了
and she only likes rich foreigners,
但她只喜欢有钱的外国人
so I'm an aussie pop star and this is my manager's house,
所以我是澳洲流行歌♥手这里是我经纪人的房♥子
so I guess you're my manager and you're my hair stylist.
所以你就是我的经纪人你就是我的发型师
Okay, no time for questions. Get on board!
好的没时间解释了进入角色
Wait.
等等
Do we have an Australian accent, too?
我们是不是也该有澳大利亚口音
Oh, shit, I don't know.
哦天我不知道
Uh, g'day.
嗯侬好啊
Hey. Hey.
嗨嗨
We've been out all night.
我们一起在外面玩耍啦
We're just maybe looking for a place to lay down a spell, so...
我们想找个地方躺一躺啊所以
No, wait, wait.
等等等一下
You said you were gonna make me
你说你要给我做
an authentic Australian breakfast.
一次地道的澳大利亚早餐的
Mmm.
额