你家还是我家（2015）

Hold your boobs?
托住你的胸部
Please.
拜托
You know you've always been my favorite.
你知道我是最喜爱你的
Okay.
好吧
Wow.
哇哦
Heavier than they look.
比它们看起来要有分量得多
It was the third grossest thing
这是我做过的在女性胸部上
I've ever done with a woman's boobs.
第三恶心的事
So, she asked us to adopt Dougie
因此 她叫我们收养道奇
if something happened to her.
如果她出了什么事的话
Boy, what an honor.
孩子 多荣幸啊
I can't think of two people more loving and responsible.
我想不出更有爱心和责任心的两个人了
Well, you two are super loving and responsible
嗯 你们俩是超级有爱心和责任心的人
maybe even more than we are.
甚至超过我们俩
Yeah, and Dougie already lives here, so...
是的 而且道奇已经住在这儿了 所以
Exactly.
完全正确
He's probably need a change
在那样一个创伤事件以后
after a traumatic event like that.
他最好换个环境
But isn't stability something...
但是这样并不稳定
Plus, we're old.
而且 我们老了
Wait, what? You guys?
等等 什么 你们俩吗
No, that's crazy.
不 那简直就是胡说
We're basically all, like, the same age.
我们的年龄基本差不多
There's a lot going on under there.
我心脏不太舒服
This whole thing could shut down any second.
不知道什么时候它就停止跳动了
You know, we just wouldn't feel right
我们俩会觉得不舒服
going against Shawni's wishes.
如果违背了肖妮的意愿
No. Shawni's his mother.
不 肖妮是他的母亲
"Whatever she wants"... That's what I've always said.
"无论她想要什么" 这是我常常说的话
You've never said that.
你从没那样说过
He's so lucky to have you two.
他有你们俩真是太幸运了
What? Seriously?
什么 真的吗
You guys are saying "no" to this?
难道你们俩对这件事说"不"了吗
We're just thinking about what's best for Dougie.
我们只关心什么最适合道奇
That's what's important.
那才是重点
Oh, boy. That was close.
噢 天呐 好险
Too close.
太险了
I can't believe they said "no"!
我不能相信他们说了“不”
"What's best for Dougie"? What a load of crap.
"什么最适合道奇" 简直就是废话
Well, I guess we're adopting Dougie.
好吧 我想我们会收养道奇
Mom, Dougie peed in my shoes.
妈妈 道奇在我鞋子里尿尿了
Or...
或者
Love your "ors." What?
最喜欢你的“或者" 什么
Dani.
丹妮
Dani.
丹妮
If we get the money
如果我们得到那笔钱
we should open up a scholarship
我们要在你的母校开设一个奖学金
in aunt Megan’s name at your college.
以梅根阿姨的名字命名
You can't jump around and do flips on a scholarship, Jan.
你不能想法那么跳跃 最后还决定设立奖学金 简
Well, you can't pulverize a pumpkin
好吧 你也不能从两百码外的地方
from 200 yards with one, either, but...
打碎一个南瓜是吧 但是
It's the right thing to do.
这是该做的对的事
I know you're getting excited about the money
我知道你对那笔钱感到很兴奋
but there's a small chance we're not getting it.
但也还是会有可能我们得不到那笔钱
A little something happened last time she was here.
她上次在这里的时候发生了一件小事
So small, I almost forgot about it.
太不起眼了 我都差点忘了
Wasn't a big deal.
就是小事
Thank you for letting me drive your car.
谢谢你让我开你的车
I don't even have one back in Miami.
我在迈阿密都没有车
'Course. It's a beautiful day for it, too.
当然 这天开车也不错
God damn it, Megan, you old bat.
该死的 梅根 你这个可恶的家伙
What the hell is wrong with you?
你特么怎么啦
I almost went through the windshield, for crying out loud.
我几乎要冲出挡风玻璃了 搞什么
Old people can't drive for shit.
老东西就不该开车
Get out!
下车
You can walk home for all I care!
你要走回家我都不关心
There was a goddamned cat on the road!
路上有一只该死的猫
I just saved its life, you asshole!
我刚刚救了它 你个混♥蛋♥
Gil, seriously?
吉尔 真的吗
Honey, there's nothing to worry about.
亲爱的 这没什么好担心的
I almost forgot about it. She probably did, too.
我几乎忘记了 她也很可能忘记了
And I'm her nephew.
而且我是她的外甥
We're probably gonna get this money
我们很可能会得到这钱的
and we'll do your scholarship, too...
我们会拿来设立你的奖学金
With whatever's left after my trampoline.
当然是在买♥♥完蹦床之后
A kid and an inheritance?
一个孩子和一笔遗产
This is the best day ever.
今天简直太棒了
So, you want Dougie?
那么 你要道奇了?
I love it. He and I'd be like best friends.
我喜欢这样 我们会成为知己的
Play games, watch movies
玩游戏 看电影
dress him up like pokemon and put him in my backpack.
把他打扮成口袋妖怪 然后放在我背包里
Dani, being a parent is not about that.
丹妮 母亲不是这样做的
It's a hard job. It's a big responsibility.
这是个艰难的工作 要肩负很大的责任
I know. But I'm totally ready.
我知道 但是我完全准备好了啊
I haven't crashed my car in like six months.
我差不多有六个月没撞到我的车了
So, good. It's taken care of.
所以 好吧 她能照顾好他的
Dani gets Dougie.
道奇归丹妮
Or...
或者
Oh, shit.
尼玛的
We can't let Dani take Dougie.
我们不能让丹妮照顾道奇
Yeah, I agree.
是啊 我同意
But is there anyone else?
那还有谁可以吗
Like, an aunt or an uncle or...
比如一个阿姨或是叔叔或是...
Maybe a neighbor that everyone thinks is weird
一个大家都觉得很古怪的
but then when you really get to know him
但当你真的了解他之后
he's actually kind of nice?
事实上是很善良的邻居?
No. We're taking him, Oliver.
不 我们照顾他 奥利弗
Look, we have the space, we have the means
你想想 我们有空间 我们有方法
and he can be with his cousins
而且他能有和我们一样爱她的
who love him just as much as we do.
堂妹们的陪伴
It's the right thing to do.
这才是该做的对的事
Yeah, I know.
啊我知道
Or...
亦或者
No, baby. We're all out of "ors."
不 宝贝 我们不"或者"了
Shawni!
肖妮
So, Oliver and I talked
我和奥利弗商量了
and of course we'll take Dougie if something happens to you.
当然我们会照顾道奇的 如果你发生了什么意外的话
We'd be honored.
我们会很荣幸
Oh, my God, that is so great.
哦我的天 这样太好了
Thank you so much.
很感谢你们
Of course.
那么客气
Hopefully, it'll never happen, 'cause...
希望这永远不会发生 因为
'Cause I'd hate anything to happen to my baby sister.
因为我不要我的宝贝妹妹发生任何意外
And, of course, you guys will raise him the way I do, right?
而且 理所当然 你们会用我的方式抚养他 对吧
Which way is that?
什么方式
"Well, you know, you can't tell him "no,"
你知道了 你不能对他说:"不"
because that has a negative connotation.
因为这词有消极的含义
Dougie doesn't have bedtimes or things that he can't eat
道奇没有固定上♥床♥的时间 没有不能吃的东西
or the whole "you have to go to school" thing.
没有"你必须去学校"之类的事
Okay, Shawni.
这样吧 肖妮
Yeah, yeah, if something like this were to happen
好吧好吧 如果你真的发生什么意外
there's no way that we're gonna...
我们绝不可能...
You know what?
你知道吗
Of course we would do all of those things, Shawni.
当然我们会做所有的这些事的 肖妮
Yeah, we're just honored
是的 我们只是很荣幸
that you would even trust us with such a big responsibility.
你会信任我们 委我们以如此重任
Okay, then. Thank you.
好吧那 谢谢你们
Good.
好的
She'll be dead. We can do whatever we want.
她那时是死人了 我们怎么做都没问题
It's the call. It's the call.
电♥话♥来了 电♥话♥来了