你家还是我家（2015）

Because I want to get back to the babysitter show.
我要回去继续看保姆的好戏了
I bet when no one is around to see it,
我猜旁边没人的时候
she yells and berates those poor girls.
她肯定对咱们可怜的孙女大声呵斥
Kelli's Irish,and they are a fiery people.
凯丽是爱尔兰人 爱尔兰人都很暴躁
Remember that time at the hospital?
还记得有次在医院吗？
We could hear her screaming all the way in the hall.
整个走廊都能听得到她的尖叫
She was giving birth.
她那时在生孩子好吧
It was tacky.
那样照样很没教养
Hello, hello!
你好 你好！
Hello, hello!
你好 你好！
There's my son the doctor.
我的医生儿子回来啦
Hi, Mom.
嗨 老妈
Dad. Oli.
老爸 奥利
What's up, bro?
兄弟 你好啊
Right here.
击个掌
Bring it in.Come on.
抱一下 来嘛
Hey, did you take that little pill I gave you yet?
你吃我给你的伟哥了吗？
No, I didn't. I don't need that.
没 我不需要用那个
Kelli and I are all good in that department.
我和凯丽的性生活非常和谐
You don't need to need it.
你不必非得在需要的时候才吃
It just makes everything so much better.
它会为你锦上添花的
Last Saturday night --three times.
上周六晚 一晚做了三次
I know, dude. I follow you on Twitter.
我知道那事 伙计 我关注了你的推特
Hello, hello, Ricky!
你好 你好 里奇
Hello, hello, Claire.
你好 你好 克莱尔
Don't let her get to you.
别和她套近乎
I just don't know why she doesn't like me.
我就是不明白她为啥不喜欢我
We don't need her approval.
我们又不需要她认可
She only acts that way
她这么对待我们
because she thinks her precious sons married beneath them.
是因为 她觉得我们高攀了她的宝贝儿子们
I know my Jason did.
我认为我家杰森确实委屈
I mean, I was lucky I found anybody to marry me.
我是说 好不容易有个人愿意娶我
He was the fourth guy I proposed to, you know.
知道吗 我之前三次求婚都被人拒绝了
Thank you so much for watching the boys
感谢您在我们出去看电影的时候
while we're at the movies.
帮忙照看孩子们
Your house looks really beautiful, by the way.
顺便提一句 您的房♥子真漂亮啊
Oh, well, thank you, Claire.
谢谢夸奖 克莱尔
And you're looking very nice today, as well.
你今天看起来气色也不错啊
Is that a new haircut?
你换了个新发型吗?
It is! I can't believe you noticed.
对啊对啊！真不敢相信您注意到了
Thank you.
真荣幸啊我
Jay, check it out.I put in a nanny cam.
杰 过来看 我在家装了个摄像头
Yeah, spying on the babysitter. I like your style.
哈 偷♥窥♥保姆 我喜欢这调调
Tell me, what's going on?
现在为我讲解下里面正在干啥？
That's our babysitter,
这个是我们的保姆
the blonde one's her friend Maya
金色头发的那个是她的朋友玛雅
who thinks her boyfriend is gonna break up with her,
玛雅认为她男友要和她分手
and Oliver and I are leaving.
还有我和奥利弗要走了
No, no, no.You're gonna miss out.
别啊 你会错过好戏的
One of them is gonna start complaining about men,
其中一个会开始抱怨男人
then they're gonna talk about "Who needs boys anymore."
然后她们就会开始聊什么“老娘才不需要男人”
Next thing you know,they're scissoring.
再接下来 她们就要开始百合了
Oh, Dad!
天 老爸！
Scissoring is when two women --
百合的意思是当两个女人
Yeah, we got it. We know.
好 我们懂了 我们懂了
Jason, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?
杰森 能过来厨房♥这和我说两句话吗？
What do you see here?
你现在看到了啥？
A shitty drawing.
一幅糟糕的画
Oliver's girl did it.
奥利弗的女儿画的
Oh.
这样啊
It's still shitty.
依旧很糟糕
Look how she drew the mother --like a scary ogre.
看她把她妈画成什么样了 像个女魔头
This is very telling, don't you think?
这反映出很多事 不是吗？
It doesn't have to mean anything, Mom.
这什么也反映不了 老妈
I mean, my kids are always making giant penises
我是说 我的孩子们还经常用他们的积木
out of their Legos, you know?
拼成巨大的鸡鸡呢
Am I gonna try and figure out what that means?
难不成我还要弄明白那代表了啥
God, no. Who has time for that?
当然不 谁有这个闲工夫呢
I don't.
反正我没有
Keep watching.
继续盯着
Call me if anything bad happens.
出了事就给我打电♥话♥
I can't believe I'm gonna get dumped in a Starbucks
我真不敢相信我在星巴克被人甩了
in front of like a billion people.
那么多人看着呢
I have an idea --how about Colin comes here,
我有个主意 让科林过来
I'll go in the playroom with the girls,
我去游戏室陪孩子们玩
and you two can talk privately?
这样你俩就可以单独谈谈了
Yo, Oliver, you might want to get back in here.
嘿 奥利弗 你说不定想回来看看
They just invited the boyfriend over.
她们想让她男朋友去你家
What?! No! No boyfriends!
什么 我家不允许有什么男朋友
I never said she could invite boyfriends!
我从来没说过她可以叫男朋友过来！
No, no, no.
不会的
Boyfriends doesn't come here.
男朋友现在不会来
Boyfriends comes after the scissoring.
得到她们百合完之后再来
Baby, come on, we're gonna miss all our spa time.
亲爱的 快点 再不走就泡不了温泉了
So our babysitter invited a few people over.
咱们保姆喊几个朋友过来
Big deal.
又不是啥大事
What do you want to do, call Child Services?
你想干嘛 给儿童协会打电♥话♥？
I don't think you want to involve them, dear.
我可不觉得你想跟那些人打交道 亲爱的
Honey, I'm calling Lucy right now, and I'm telling her no boyfriends.
亲爱的 我现在就给露西打电♥话♥ 不让她男朋友去咱家
And I look like crap.
我看起来太挫了
I shouldn't have worn this stupid shirt.
我不该穿这件丑丑的T恤的
You can wear my shirt. Let's switch.
你穿我的吧 咱俩换换
Oh, perfect.
太好了
Really?
真要这样吗？
Oh, we should switch bras, too.
我们胸罩也该换一下
Switch to the other camera.
切到另一个摄像头上
I only put in one camera, Dad.
我就装了一个 老爸
You only put in one camera?
你只装了一个摄像头
What, are you nuts?
什么 你这个逗比
What do you think they're gonna do,
你以为她们接下里要干嘛
take showers in the living room?
在客厅里洗澡吗？
Okay, they're gone. Now let's go, Oli.
好啦 她们走了 我们也走吧 奥利
Kelli, please, we're all right here.
凯丽 拜托 这里没啥事
You don't have to yell.
你不用那么大声
Honey, I'm sorry.
亲爱的 对不起
I just --I'm not leaving
我只是 我不能走
until I see and approve of this "boyfriend."
我要亲眼看到她男朋友 确保万无一失
Hello, hello!
你好 你好
Hello, hello!
你好 你好
Blakey!
布莱基
I didn't know you were coming over tonight.
我不知道你今晚会过来
I thought you had a big date. Oh, I do.
我以为你要去约会 对啊
But it's not till 11:00,
不过要11点再去
so I thought I'd do some laundry first.
所以我想我可以先洗洗衣服
Hey, what's up with this?
嘿 这是在干嘛?
I put in a nanny cam.
我在家里装了个摄像头
Uh, that wasn't there when I house-sat for you
几周前我帮你照看♥房♥♥子的时候
a couple weeks ago, was it?
还没装摄像头吧？
Why, Blake?
为什么这么问 布莱克?
You had a party at our house, didn't you?
你在我家开派对了 是不是？
No.
没啊
No, I swear I didn't.
真没 我发誓
Why, did you find some evidence that I did?
你这么问 你发现我开派对的证据了？
No.
没有
Then no, I didn't.
那就没开
Wait, so you have two babysitters?
等下 你雇了俩保姆？
No.
没啊
That one's our babysitter --Lucy.
那个是我们的保姆 露西
And that's her friend Maya,who's crying
另一个是露西的朋友 玛雅
because she thinks her boyfriend's about to dump her.
因为觉得男友要甩了她 而大哭一场