你家还是我家（2015）

Oli, do you think we "dance" enough?
奥利 你觉得我俩跳舞的次数够吗
We never dance. I hate dancing.
我们从不跳舞 我讨厌跳舞
No, remember?
我不是这意思 记得么
The code word we came up with
那是我们想出的暗号♥
so we can talk about sex stuff without the girls knowing?
这样就可以在孩子们的眼皮底下大谈性事
Oh, right.
哦 对哦
"Dancing."Love dancing.
“跳舞” 我超爱跳舞
Slow dancing, fast dancing,
缠绵噬骨的慢舞 激♥情♥火热的快舞
"surprise you in the shower" dancing.
“洗澡惊喜舞”
"Forget to lock the bathroom door" dancing...
“浑然忘我以至于忘记了锁门舞”
Yeah, that was my bad.
噢那是我失误了
This says that 40% of couples
杂♥志♥上说百分之四十的夫妻
dance four to five times a week.
一周“跳舞”4到5次
What?
什么
Who older than 25 dances that much?
哪个超过25岁的人一周跳那么多次舞
Readers of this magazine.
这本杂♥志♥的读者来信说的
Yeah, but you can't believe that.
好吧 但你最好不要相信
Look, they also say you can restore your virginity
看看 这杂♥志♥还说你可以使用“5种手法”
with "these five easy stretches!"
来修复处♥女♥膜
I'm just asking if we dance enough.
我就是想问我们“跳舞”次数够不够而已
I love dancing!
我爱死跳舞了
I'll dance with anyone, anywhere!
我以后会到处和各种人跳舞
No, you won't!
不 你不可以
Not until you're married!
直到结婚以后你才可以这样
And definitely never without protection.
此外 你必须要有保护措施
You mean like a helmet?
你是指像头盔那样的东西吗
Yeah, actually.
没错 实际上
It is like a helmet.
它就像个头盔
Okay, everybody, look at me.
好了 所有人 看着我
Hello, hello!
你好 你好
Man, I hate saying that when I don't have to.
好吧 没人理我 早知道我就不说了
I still think it's so weird your mom insists
我还是觉得你妈坚持要在盛夏
on taking your Christmas-card photo
拍圣诞卡照片
in the middle of summer.
很奇怪
She says we all look fat in the winter.
因为她说我们在冬天看起来都很胖
Come on. That's not true.
拜托 那是逗你玩的
We both have sections in our closet labeled winter pants.
我们的衣柜都有专门的防寒棉裤隔间
Hello, hello.
你好 你好
Hello, hello.
你好 你好
Who wants a candy cane?
谁想要拐杖糖啊
I do!
我要
Is everybody getting into the Christmas spirit?
大家都感受到圣诞节的气氛了么
Because if you're not, it will show on the card.
要是你们不在状态的话 不良情绪会展现在卡片上
I am, Mom.
我很在状态 妈
You made the Christmas cookies, right?
你做了圣诞饼干 对吗
They're in the kitchen.
饼干放在厨房♥里呢
I love July Christmas.
我爱死七月的圣诞节了
This year's card has to be perfect
今年的圣诞卡必须尽善尽美
because last year's card was a disaster.
因为去年的圣诞卡简直是一场噩梦
Everybody at the club said they loved it.
在俱乐部每个人都说自己喜欢那张卡片
And that's not good?
那难道不好吗
No, it means they thought the card was mediocre.
不 这意味着他们觉得那些卡片很一般
If they really thought it was great,
如果他们真的觉得卡片很好
they'd have felt threatened and said nothing.
他们就会感到威胁 然后缄口不言
That's what I'm hoping for this year.
我希望今年可以达到这样的效果
Well, good luck.
好吧 祝你心想事成咯
And I picked up our matching Christmas sweaters,
我还挑选了与我们相配的圣诞毛衣哦
and they are beautiful.
它们很漂亮
Hello, hello.
你好 你好
Hello, hello. Hello, hello.
你好 你好 你好 你好
Oh, my gosh! I love your skirt.
天啊 我喜欢你的裙子
Thank you. I bought it special for the photo shoot.
谢谢 我为了拍照特地买♥♥的
Hello, hello, Ricky.
你好 你好 里奇
Oh, hello, hello, Claire.
你好 你好 克莱尔
I must say, it was very smart of you
不得不说 照相前一秒
not to change into your photo-shoot clothes
才换成拍照穿的服装是个
until right before the picture.
很明智的选择
I still like it.
我还是很喜欢你的裙子
You know what?
你知道吗
It's okay because I came prepared this time.
这没什么啦 因为这次我可是全副武装来的
I brought three outfits.
我带来了三套衣服
'Cause she's got to like one, right?
因为总有一套她喜欢的 对吧
Hey, Mom, did you make the Christmas cookies?
嘿 妈妈 你做了圣诞饼干吗
They're in the kitchen.
放在厨房♥里呢
All the way in the kitchen?
还要大老远跑去厨房♥
Man, I had a really tiring day today
天呐 身为医生的我
at the hospital being a doctor.
在医院忙了一天
I'll bring them right out to you, honey.
亲爱的 那我去拿饼干出来给你吧
And that is how you do it.
看到没 学着点
Hey, I found my Santa hat.
嘿 我找到我的圣诞帽了
That insurance guy's gonna think I'm crazy.
保险公♥司♥的家伙会觉得我疯了
Oh, I don't think you need the hat for that, Dad.
爸 我觉得这和戴不戴帽子无关
I don't understand why you let your firm
我就不明白了 你为嘛要让保险公♥司♥
schedule your insurance exam today of all days.
把保险测验安排在今天呢
Oh, it's gonna be fine.
没事 很快就弄好了
It won't take more than 10 minutes.
十分钟都用不了
It's really not a big deal, Mom.
没什么大不了的 妈妈
Some rent-a-nurse will come over, prick him,
待会某个二了吧唧的医生就会过来 扎个针
draw some blood, and collect some urine.
抽点血 取点尿液
Maybe, if he's lucky, I might introduce myself.
如果他运气好的话 我会自我介绍一下
Probably make his day to, you know, meet a real doctor.
让他见到一个真材实料的医生
Or ruin his day to meet a real douchebag.
或者见着一个人♥渣♥毁了他一天的好心情
Oh, shit.
哦 妈的
What?
怎么了
My sister's coming over.
我妹要过来了
Not Dani. Yes, Dani.
最好不要是丹妮 就是丹妮
She needs to get my spare key.
她需要我的备用钥匙
She lost hers again, either at a club called Sexxx
她钥匙要么丢在一个叫性♥爱♥爱爱体验馆的地方
with three X's or Throbbb with three B's.
要么是在一个叫性致勃勃的俱乐部
Honey, Blake is here.
亲爱的 布莱克在这里耶
Dani and Blake cannot be in the same room together.
丹妮和布莱克这两冤家不能凑到一块儿
Don't you remember what a disaster it was when they dated?
你不记得他们约会那会儿是多大的灾难吗
She ended up throwing him through the front window
最后丹妮把他从无线广播室的
of a RadioShack.
前窗扔出去了
I know. And they had like four pregnancy scares.
我记得啊 他们有过4次孕期恐慌症
In three weeks!
还是在3周之内！
How is that even possible?!
这怎么可能嘛
You got to just give her the keys and get her out of here.
你把钥匙给她 然后赶紧把她弄出去
For sure.
必须的
We can't let them ruin your family's weird summer Christmas.
我们不可以让他们毁了你家品味独特的盛夏圣诞节
Okay, I'm gonna occupy Blake upstairs.
好 我现在上楼看着布莱克
I'll tell him he gained a few pounds.
我告诉他 他胖了好几英镑
He'll spend the next hour planking.
然后他估计得做一小时俯卧撑
Hey, Dad, when does the "murse" get here?
嘿 爸 “男护”什么时候到啊
"Murse"?
什么鬼
It's short for "man nurse.""Murse". I invented it.
就是“男护士”的简称啦 “男护”是我发明的新词
I thought "murse" meant "man purse."
我以为“男护”是指“男士钱包”
No way. I just came up with that.
怎么可能 那是我刚刚想到的
You have no idea what you're talking about.
你以前根本就不知道
They're gonna find weed, you know.
你知道不 他们会测出大♥麻♥的
What?
什么
When they test my urine,
当他们给我做尿液测试时候
they're gonna find marijuana.
就会发现我抽过大♥麻♥的
Blake and I went mini-golfing yesterday.
我和布莱克昨天去打迷你高尔夫了
And, uh...
然后 呃
He smoked me out in his car.
在他的车里他勾引了我吸大♥麻♥
What are you talking about?
你在说什么
Mini golf... golf that's mini.
迷你高尔夫... 高尔夫 迷你版
I know what mini golf is, Dad.
爸 我知道迷你高尔夫
Oh.
噢