你家还是我家（2015）

I think I'm just gonna give Jason the money,
让他想买♥♥什么买♥♥什么吧
and then he can get whatever he wants.
你疯了吧
That's crazy.
我现在连一半的钱都不愿意给你了
That makes me not even want to give you 50%.
- 你说你给我一半什么意思 - 我的刮刮乐中的
- What do you mean give me 50%? - Of my scratcher.
- 你的刮刮乐 - 对啊
- Your scratcher? - Yeah.
- 是我捡到的 - 但我先看见的
- I'm the one who picked it up. - But I saw it first.
这叫“捡者先得”不是“见者先得”
Oh, it's called finders keepers, not seers keepers.
我总是说"见者先得"
I have always said, "seers keepers."
你这个骗子
You're such a liar.
我连百分之四十都不想给你了
I may not even give you 40% now.
- 又降了 - 不 一开始就是百分之三十
- It went down. - No, it's always been 30%.
第三阶段：讨价还价
你不需要它的 里奇 你可以做到
You don't need it, Ricky. You can do this.
你有你的家庭
You have your family.
他们还指望你给他们做最爱的菜肴
They're counting on you to provide their favorite meal.
但你可以飞速跑到商店
But you can also run to the store real fast.
如果跑到枫树停车牌那里的话只用3分钟
Three minutes if you run the stop sign at maple.
不行 大杂烩需要不停的
No, the gripple needs to be constantly stirred
按照G字形搅拌
in a "G" motion.
你不能去
You're not going.
奥尔加奶奶不会原谅你的
Grandma Olga would never forgive you
如果外层的酥皮提前碎了
if the outer crust collapses before it's supposed to.
妈蛋 我就要去
Screw it! I'm going!
去死吧
Damn it!
我又得去搅拌这玩意
I have to finger the gripple.
我们在吵什么
What are we fighting about?
即使我们分了它
Even if we split it,
我们拿这笔钱也不心安啊
it wouldn't feel right to keep the money.
它是路易斯的
It's Louis'.
他根本不需要这笔钱 瞧瞧这个地方
He doesn't even need it. Look at this place.
像个宫殿
It's like a palace.
对啊 他还长着胡子 就像古代的国王
Yeah. And he has a beard like an old-timey king.
要不这样 我们不把中奖的刮刮乐还给他
What if instead of giving him the winning scratcher back,
而给他买♥♥一个好的礼物怎么样
we bought him a present something nice?
这样就公平了
That's totally fair.
我是说 刮奖的工作都是我们做的
I mean, we did all the scratching work.
天才啊
Genius.
那么 路易斯喜欢什么呢
So, what does Louis like?
呃 坐着
Um... sitting down.
嗯 是的
Mm-hmm. Sure.
噢 我想到了 刮刮乐
Oh, I know. Scratchers.
没错
Bingo.
我们给他买♥♥张新的刮刮乐来替换我们拿走的这张
We'll buy him a scratcher to replace the one we took.
- 耶 - 哈哈
- Yeah. - Ha!
这是我见到的最公平的事啦
That is the most fair thing I've ever heard.
超级公平
Super fair.
而且趁他坐着的时候给他 是吗 嗯
And we can give it to him while he's sitting down, huh? Mm-hmm.
- 是的 - 好的
- Yeah. - Yeah.
我们是坏银 是吗
We are horrible people, aren't we?
最坏的人
The worst.
现在就像真的在1990年一样
Now this is exactly like 1990.
我在做所有的事 你在看黄色杂♥志♥
Me doing all the work and you looking at dirty magazines.
这些东西当时怎么能激起我的性趣啊
How did I ever get excited by this?
这么多“黑森林”
So much bush.
老兄 只要能把这个猎鹰号♥复原让我♥干♥啥都行
Man, I would give anything to have the falcon back.
让我把克莱尔卖♥♥了都行
I would trade Claire to have it back.
遇上任何事 你都会这么说
You say that about everything.
没 我才没有
No, I don't.
想让海鹰队获得橄榄球超级杯的时候你就是这么说的
You said that about the Seahawks winning the super bowl.
是啊 但海鹰队赢了
Yeah, but the Seahawks won
我也不用卖♥♥了克莱尔了 所以我们还挺好
without me having to trade her, so we're good.
我想明白了
I figured it out.
我准备和姑娘们上♥床♥ 越多越好
I'm just gonna sleep with as many girls as I can
直到我忘了丹妮
until I forget about Dani.
我要把这份爱从我身上挤走
I'm gonna screw the love out of me.
不管用的
It ain't gonna work.
相信我 我早试过这种办法
Trust me on this one. I've already tried it.
我知道你过去碉堡了
I knew you used to kill it, buddy.
这个会管用的
Here's what could work.
想一些她身上让你讨厌的特质
You find something that you really don't like about her...
邋遢的头发 长的痣 还有"小♥弟♥弟♥"
Stray hair, a mole, a hint of a penis.
然后你就 你就一直想这些
And you... you focus in on that.
什么也想不出来
I can't think of anything.
噢 你太...
Oh, you are so ...
第四阶段：沮丧
谁在乎啊 无所谓了
Who cares? Nothing matters.
谁会在乎 无所谓了
Who cares? Nothing matters.
谁在乎啊
Who cares?
无所谓了
Nothing matters.
谁会在乎 无所谓了
Who cares? Nothing matters.
他们中的一些怎么会只露一个奶头
How come some of them only show one tit?
第五阶段：接受
来咯 新鲜出炉的
Here it is, fresh out of the oven.
它凝固的非常完美
It congealed perfectly.
这个是有花生的 这个是
This is the one with peanuts, and this...
克莱尔的
Is Claire's.
这么多吗 全是我的吗
This much? A-all for me?
我用西梅干代替了花生
I substituted the peanuts with prunes.
太感谢了
Thank you so much.
好吧 来来 挖着吃吧
Well, go ahead. Dig in.
嗯 嗯 嗯 嗯
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
我想我们得开始吃了 伙计们
I guess we got to do this, guys.
大杂烩又不会自己消失
The gripple's not gonna eat itself.
说不好呢 最后可能真这样
Eventually, it might.
所以 我们要这样做 对吗 我们要把它还回去
So, we're doing this, right? We're giving it back?
噢 是的 我们必须这样
Oh, yeah. We have to.
我都去过五次洗手间了
I have been to the bathroom five times.
内疚会让我想尿尿 通常这样
Guilt makes me pee. Always has.
以前 在我五岁的时候 我偷了一个巧克力棒
Once, when I was five, I stole a candy bar,
然后他们跟着尿迹抓到了我
and they caught me by following the trail.
我想知道你小时候有没有
If you have any stories from your childhood
不讨人厌的故事 讲给我听听
that aren't upsetting, I'd love to hear them.
好的 我努力想一个
Okay. I'll try to think of one.
你知道的 吃这种东西
You know, eating this
会让你思考生命事实上是多么的短暂
makes you think about how short life really is.
你在吃吗
You're eating it?
没有 在这夹着呢
No, it's in the roll.
我经常会等它停止蠕动
I usually wait till it stops pulsating.
- 来吧 - 好的
- Let's do this. - Okay.
噢 路易斯
Uh, Louis.
我和克莱尔在地板上找到了你的一个刮刮乐
Claire and I found one of your scratchers on the floor
然后我们刮掉了它
and we scratched it.
对不起 我们应该早点告诉你的
I'm sorry. We should have told you earlier.
好吧 发生了什么 赢了吗
Well, what happened? Was it a winner?
2000美元
$2,000.
享受你的奖金吧
Enjoy your winnings.
噢 不 不 不 不 不 你们享用奖金吧
Oh, no, no, no, no. You enjoy the winnings.
钱是你们的
The money's for you.
我参与那个不是为了钱
No, I'm not in it for the money.
我只是为了那股冲劲
I'm in it for the rush.
- 真的吗 - 我们可以把钱留着吗
- Really? - We can keep it?
- 太感谢你了 - 谢谢你
- Thank you so much. - Thank you.
噢 不客气 都是我儿媳妇
Oh, you're welcome. You're my girls.
嗨 听着 我有一个主意
Hey, listen, I had an idea.
我们永远也修不好那个猎鹰号♥的 是吗
We're never gonna fix that millennium falcon, right?
所以 这样好了
So, how about this.
我们等到新的 " 星球大战 " 电影上映
We wait until the new "star wars" movie comes out,
然后我们把发他们发行的第一套乐高套装
and the first lego set they release,
组合起来
we put it together.
这一次 我们要和我们的孩子一起做
This time, we do it with our kids.
你知道的 我喜欢 想法不错啊 伙计
You know, I like that. That's good thinking, Bro.