你家还是我家（2015）

But it's a pretty big deal to have drugs show up
但你尿检检出毒品
on your firm's insurance exam.
对你影响很不好啊
They're not gonna do anything to my insurance policy.
他们不会对我的保险计划咋滴的
I'm a superhero down there.
好歹我在那也算个大客户了
You've been paying into this policy for 40 years.
你已经交了40多年的保费了
You really want to take a chance
你真的要冒险
by flushing all that money down the drain?
让这些钱都打了水漂吗
Think about Blake.
为布莱克想想
He might need that money someday.
他可能在某天会用到这笔钱
If something happens to you, what's he gonna do?
如果你有什么不测 你让他怎么办
Well, he's pretty good at mini golf.
无所谓啊 他迷你高尔夫打的挺好的
Heyyy! Here are the keys.
嗨 给你钥匙
Now go cut up your shirts or whatever it is you do for fun.
你赶紧去继续剪T恤玩或者哪凉快哪待着去
Is fun.
这儿就凉快
So can I come in?
所以我能进来吗
I wanted to say "heyyy" to everyone.
我想跟大家打个招呼
Yeah, now's not a good time.
现在不是时候
We're doing our Christmas-card photo.
我们正准备照圣诞节卡片的照片
You know, 'cause people get kind of fat during the winter.
因为冬天大家都会长胖
True. Like Santa.
没错 就像圣诞老人一样
So, is Blake here?
那 布莱克在吗
'Cause I broke up with Dylan this morning,
早上我和迪兰分手了 所以
and I maybe wanted to say "heyyy."
我想着来打个招呼
Yeah, I think it's best that you leave and don't say "heyyy."
我觉的还是算了吧 别打招呼赶紧走得了
Dani?
丹妮
Dani.
丹妮
Heyyy.
嗨
Blake. Heyyy.
嗨 布莱克
What happened to the planks?
说好的俯卧撑呢
He heard Dani's voice.
他听到丹妮的声音了
I swear to God his ears shot up like a hunting dog.
我发誓 他的耳朵跟猎狗一样尖
Wow.
哇哦
You look hot.
你好性感
I've been working out three times a day.
我现在一天锻炼三次
You look hot, too.
你看起来也很性感
I weigh less than I did in middle school.
我比高中的时候瘦了
Oh, wow.
哦 哇哦
Have you guys not seen each other since the breakup?
你们分手后没见过面了吗
Yeah, it's been a long time.
是啊 已经好久没见了
I'm totally over him cheating on me.
我已经不计较他的出轨了
Uh, you cheated on me
屁 是你先出轨的
with that Belgian deejay with the face tattoo!
和那个脸上有刺青的比利时音乐主持人
Because you slept with my best friend!
那是因为你和我最好的朋友上♥床♥了
Well, I didn't know she was your best friend
我哪知道啊 我俩搞了一半的时候
until like halfway through!
我才知道她是你朋友啊
You're a dick!
你就是个混♥蛋♥
You're insane! I can't believe that you do this all the time!
你这个疯子! 我没想到你还是这样!
Okay! That's enough!
够了
Wow. You really do work out three times a day.
哇哦 你真的每天锻炼三次啊
Okay, you're done, get out, go home.
好的 你闹够了不 出去 回家去
Bye-bye.
再见
Geez!
天啊
That was close.
差点
I swear if we weren't here,
我打赌如果我们不在
they would have just done it right in the doorway.
他们就在门口爱爱了
That used to be us.
我们原来经常这样啊
What are you talking about?
你在说什么啊
We didn't fight and scream at each other.
我们不吵架也不大喊
And you and I only had two pregnancy scares.
咱俩就有过两次孕前恐惧症
And they both live down the hall from us now.
而且那个的产物现在就住在我们楼下噢
Not that part.
别提这个啦
We used to not be able to keep our hands off each other.
我们原来也是如胶似漆 几乎一秒也不愿意分开啊
As insane as they are,
像他们现在一样傻
there's something nice about their passion.
他们那种激♥情♥也不是没好处啊
Honey, that's not passion.That's psychosis.
亲爱的 那哪是激♥情♥啊 那是神经病
I got this. You ready?
这样好了 你准备好了吗
We're gonna call this rent-a-murse
我们给这个傻♥逼♥医生打电♥话♥
and we're gonna reschedule for another day
然后把预约日改到
when the dope is out of your system.
你身体里的大♥麻♥都排干净的那一天
Whatever you say, son.
宝贝 你说啥就是啥吧
What were you doing getting high with Blake anyway?
你到底为啥要和布莱克一块吸大♥麻♥啊
Well, everybody was doing it.
大家当时都在吸
I didn't want to feel like a dork.
我不想显得那么不合群像呆子一样啊
P.S... You were already a dork.
我想说你本来就是呆子
You were playing mini golf.
你竟然打迷你高尔夫
If you're so worried about this,
你要是这么担心
why don't we just use your pee?
为什么不用你的尿来检测
I wish we could. Mine's tainted, as well.
我倒是愿意啊 但我的尿也不干净
A little advice... if you ever find yourself
小小的建议 如果你有一个朋友
with a friend named Shermanator,
名叫沙曼奈特
the brownies on his countertop are not just brownies.
他工作台上的巧克力饼干可不单纯是饼干哦
So, I'll get the number of the insurance guy from mom.
我去跟老妈要那个保险人的电♥话♥
What time's he supposed to get here?
他什么时候能到
The insurance man is here!
保险男来了
I think right about now.
可能就现在把
Oh, hey. You must be the murse.
哦 嗨 你就是那个男护吧
Excuse me? You know... male nurse.
什么 就是 男护士
Murse.
男护
"Murse" is short for "man purse."
那应该是"男士钱包"的简称
No, it's not. It's short for "male nurse".
不 不是 是"男护士"的简称
I made that up, okay? Feel free to spread it around.
那是我自创的好吧 不过你可以帮我传播传播噢
I'm not gonna do that.
鬼才帮你传
Okay, well, you can head right on upstairs. My dad's ready for you.
好吧 你可以先上楼去 我老爸在等你
If I were you, I'd wait to do the urine sample till the end.
我要是你 我就最后再测尿样
He's pretty dehydrated.
他现在没有尿意
I'm a doctor, B.T. Dubs.
噢顺便告诉你 我是个医生
I don't give a shit, B.T. Dubs.
那我也顺便告诉你 我才不管那个呢
Hi, Ricky.I changed outfits.
嗨 里奇 我换了一身
I think this one is much better.
我觉得这个应该好点了吧
Oh, is that different?
哦 这不是刚才那个吗
Hey, Claire, I need a favor.
嗨 克莱尔 我需要帮忙
Would you mind peeing into a coffee mug for my dad?
你能不能为我爸在咖啡杯里尿点尿啊
Oh, man, I really want your parents to like me,
天哪我是很想让你的爸妈喜欢我
but I got to draw the line at weird sex stuff.
但我拒绝这种奇怪的性♥爱♥方式好嘛
Come on, honey. This is just so he can pass his drug test.
不是的 亲爱的 这只是为了他能通过尿检
I wish I could help, but remember last week
我也想帮忙 但还记得上个星期
when I said I borrowed sugar from the neighbors?
我说我向邻居们借了些糖吗
Yeah... It wasn't sugar.
对 那不是糖
It was weed, and I smoked it!
那是大♥麻♥ 而且我还吸了
Hey, guys, dad needs to
嘿 大伙们 老爸要
get his urine tested for his insurance policy.
为他的保险单进行尿检
Got a little sitch on our hands right now.
现在事情有点棘手
He hit the O.G. kush with the B-man.
他和一个炸♥弹♥超人一起嗑嗨了（B-man:布莱克的名字以字母B打头）
I have no idea what you're talking about.
我不知道你在说什么
You know, he got blunted, dude.
你懂的 他变的有点迟钝 兄弟
Still not following.
还是听不懂你在讲什么
Your dad toked the ganj with B-town.
你♥爸♥和布莱克一起吸了大♥麻♥
Oh, well, that I get.
噢 好吧 这个我懂
Well, we need clean pee,and we need it now.
我们需要干净的尿 现在就要
Can you please help?
拜托 你们能帮帮忙吗
Actually, we went to the Darius Rucker show
实际上 我们星期六去了达柳斯拉克的演唱会
on Saturday so we probably shouldn't.
所以我们大概没办法了
Did anybody in this house not get high in the past week?
在这屋子里还有谁上星期没嗑嗨的嘛
Hi, Dad.
嗨 爸爸
I think I heard a wild animal outside in the bushes.
我觉得我听到外面的灌木丛里有野兽在叫
Did you hear a wild animal outside in the bushes?
你听到外面的灌木丛里有野兽在叫吗
Uh, nah, we're all good out there, bro.
额 嗯 我们都安然无恙 兄弟
Heyyy.
嘿
What are you doing here?I thought you left.
你在这里干什么 我以为你走了
I did, but... I got lost.
我确实走了 但迷路了