把妹大作战（2014）

Hey, did I tell you guys my new year's resolution yet?
我跟你们说了我的新年目标了吗
Is it to keep dressing
是不是继续打扮成
like a junior high school orchestra teacher?
初中音乐课老师啊
Ha ha ha. No, Danny.
好好笑 不是 丹尼
It's to make sure that other people's words don't hurt me anymore,
我新年决心不再被别人骂伤心了
and that's not going great.
结果我还是被伤到了
Whoa, whoa! Easy, Miss Booze Face.
悠着点 酒桶大姐
I thought your new year's resolution
我还以为你的新年目标是
was to not drink so much wine.
不再喝那么多酒
This, road you're heading down, does it feel safe?
你现在正在做的事 你觉得安全吗
Do you want some more wine, then?
要不要再来点酒啊
I don't know. Last year Shelly's resolution was to get healthier,
谢利去年的新年目标是变得更健康
and he kind of crushed it.
而且他似乎实现了
Oh yeah, you guys and to celebrate,
对了几位 为了表示庆祝
he wants to burst through a poster of his older self like
他想像《超级减肥王》里那样从海报里
they do on "The Biggest Loser."
穿个洞冲出来
So, everybody...
所以 各位
Let's give a nice warm welcome for 100 pounds lighter, Shelly!
请大家热烈欢迎轻了100磅的谢利
Well, I hope you guys more posters
我希望你们还有更多海报
because I want to do that all day!
因为我想这么穿一整天
Wow, 100 pounds. That's like losing an entire Candace.
100磅 简直就像从身上剜掉了一个坎迪斯
I helped him exercise.
我帮他锻炼
I put a picture of Nicki Minaj's butt on a treadmill
我在跑步机上贴了张麻辣鸡的臀部
and watched him chase it all day long.
让他追着跑了一整天
He was like a dog trying to catch a car.
他就跟追着车跑的狗似的
If he ever caught that butt,
如果他追上了那翘臀
I don't think he'd know what to do with it.
我看他都不知道该拿它怎么办了
Oh, yes, I would.
哥知道得清清楚楚
Well, I'm really lucky
我这人命好
'cause I don't have to work out. I'm fit anyway.
因为我根本不用锻炼 我身材一直这么辣
I'm like one of those Greek sculptures you know?
我就跟古希腊雕像里的人儿似的
You know, those guys that
就是那些
are always feeding someone that you can't see.
总是在喂一个隐形人吃东西的人
Leather pants, coming in hot!
火♥辣♥皮裤撩死你
Come on Charlotte, I told you not to borrow my leather pants.
夏洛特 我说过不要再穿我的皮裤了
Now the hips are going to be too big.
后面都被你给撑大了
So is the crotch.
老娘前面也比你大
Oh! Those pants are so cool.
这条皮裤好漂亮啊
You're like some sexy warrior princess
你就像那些上战场的性感公主
except I can see your pierce in a terrifying place.
只不过我可以看见你羞羞的地方的穿环
That's actually a locket with a picture of my grandma.
那其实是有我祖母照片的纪念盒
Honey, it's not.
亲爱的 并不是
Listen, would you like it if I wore pants like that?
我问你 你希望我穿那样的裤子吗
Are you kidding,
你逗呢
if you wore pants like that, it would make my day.
如果你穿了这条裤子 我一整天都缓不过来
I'm not hot already? No, no, no.
我难道还不够性感吗 当然不是
Ha ha, you didn't let me finish. It would make my day terrible
你得让我说完 我一整天都难过得缓不过来
because I love you exactly the way you are.
因为我就喜欢你现在的样子
Guys, Justin totally thinks that I should be sexier.
几位 贾斯丁刚才绝对在说我不够性感
Okay. Wait, that's going to be my new year's resolution.
慢着 我的新年目标有了
So, starting right now,
从现在开始
I'm going to be like, bam! Crazy sexy!
我要变得 撩死人不偿命
Yeah, you go ahead and start whenever you're ready.
你别着急 慢慢来
I mean being sexy is easy, Candace.
想性感还不容易 坎迪斯
You must have a sexy walk or something.
你肯定会走两步美女步吧
I don't know. You tell me.
不知道 你瞧瞧
No. No, you do not.
不 不 你不会走
Hey, Candace, as luck would have it, I'm right here, okay?
坎迪斯 你真是命好 我在这里呢
And I can make even the most mundane,
我可以把最稀松平常
boring thing sexy as heck, okay?
最无聊的事都做得无比火♥辣♥ 知道吗
Take texting, for example.
比如说发短♥信♥吧
And also eating a pretzel.
还有吃椒盐卷饼
Oopsy Daisy.
不小心又帅了
And you know what? Don't get me started,
我还告诉你 可别轻易跟我提
when it comes to the bedroom, huh? No, no, no.
卧室里那点事 明白吗 不行不行
Do not get me started, right? No, no, no.
说出来吓死你 好吗 说不得说不得
No, no, no. I am hanky panky.
不能说 我可是房♥事大♥师♥
I am hanky panky. Anyway...
绝对无底线 总之
If I asked you to honestly rate me sexually in the bedroom,
如果我让你说心里话 给我的爱爱打分
what would you say? Danny, I really...
你会打几分 丹尼 我真是
I don't want to do this right now.
我现在不想打分
Come on. Come on. Look, if I asked you to rate me sexually.
来嘛说吧 我只是让你给我的爱爱技巧打分
You know what? Rate me on a scale from Justin to Danny. Okay?
这么着吧 你从贾斯丁到丹尼之间选个分数
Danny, obviously being the best.
丹尼当然是满分
And Justin being too ugly to even make the scale.
而贾斯丁已经丑得无法用现代数学表示了
Come on. 1 to 10.
来吧 1到10分
Uh... Six?
这个 6分
Someone call Anthony Bourdain because this is delicious.
赶紧联♥系♥安东尼·波登 这里有大猛料下锅
So um, I'm a six?
我才6分
Look at it this way, Danny.
你不如这么看 丹尼
Together combined, we're a total of seven.
你我加在一起 就绝对能到7分
Look, I mean our sex life is good, you know.
我们的性生活挺好的
I'm sure every girl loves the danger of doing it on the floor
我相信每个姑娘都喜欢在地板上冒一次险
of your roommate's bedroom while he sleeps just inches away.
尤其是离你熟睡的室友只有不到一米远
What? I thought that was a dream.
什么 我以为我是在做梦
Look, Danny. You're good at like wild, like crazy sex.
丹尼 你擅长那种狂野的疯狂爱爱
You're just not good at making love or stand-up comedy.
你只是不擅长爱抚和单口相声
We'll work on it.
我们会想办法
Yeah. No, that's all good.
对 没错 没关系
It's super cool. I'm just going to...
我要出去 我打算去我的
I'm going to head out. I got to go to my...
我要出去一下 我这就去
got to go to my special place, you know?
这就去我的宝地
Where is he going?
他去哪了
Oh, well, when Danny is this upset, he likes to go to the movies
这个嘛 丹尼不开心的时候就喜欢去电影院
and make other people feel as miserable as he does.
让其他人也跟他一样不开心
So you guys excited to see the new "Star Wars" Movie?
你们几个要看到最新的《星球大战7》了激动吗
Han Solo dies!
韩·索罗死了
You guys are dorks! You're dorks!
你们都是呆子 一群呆子
I can't believe that she said I was a six. All right?
我不敢相信她才给我打6分
You know what, seriously, these hips, they never slow down.
我跟你说真的 我这翘臀动力绝对足
I mean sometimes they even wake up in the morning before I do.
有时候早上我还没醒 我的翘臀就醒了
Hey, come on. Hips, it's too early.
你注意点翘臀 这才几点
Go watch cartoons or something.
自己看片去
All right, all right. I'm up, I'm up.
好了好了服了你了 我起来了
This is the worst day of my life.
这简直是我人生中最糟的一天了
Stop feeling sorry for yourself!
别自怨自艾了
Shelly, how many times are you going to do that?
谢利 你打算穿多少次啊
Till I run out of posters.
等我撕完了所有海报
Listen, Charlotte didn't say you weren't good at sex.
夏洛特没说你爱爱的本事有问题
She said you didn't know how to make love.
他只是说你不擅长爱抚
What's the difference?
有什么不同吗
Danny, making love is beautiful.
丹尼 爱抚是很美妙的
It's poetry. It's Shakespeare.
像诗歌♥ 像莎剧
No, no, don't do Shakespeare. Love is a smoke,
别别别给我背莎士比亚的文 爱情啊
grazed with a fume of sighs,
是叹息引起的烟雾
being purged, a fire dancing in lover' eyes.
散消之后便有火光在情人眼里暴露
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
还有什么可以比拟 是最理智的疯癫
a choking gall and a preserving sweet.
是难下咽的苦味 是可口的蜜饯
But there's poems for sex as well.
不过爱爱的诗也是有的
So that's more like: "Yo, what's up, let's get nude."
差不多是这样 "你瞅啥瞅 来干一炮"
Wham, Bam, thank you, dude.
嘿嘿嘿嘿 谢了哥们
I think love is more than just smashing genitals.
我觉得爱情不是只有小♥弟♥弟♥小妹妹啪啪啪
It's smashing hearts too.
也是心灵在啪啪啪
Charlotte just wants some intimacy.
夏洛特只是想和你亲密一点而已
Oh... What is int-I-macy?
等等 亲咪是什么
Okay. Please don't do that thing where you act like
拜托你别再装得一副
you've never wheard of a word just because you're uncomfortable.
从没听过这个词的样子 你明明就是不爽
Is int-I-macy when somebody
这个亲咪是不是指
gives you their wi-fi password?
别人给你无线网密♥码♥啊
We all know that you got it going on in the boudoir.
我们都知道你闺房♥情趣最拿手