把妹大作战（2014）

Oh, there's the happy new couple.
这不是那对幸福的小两口吗
How are things in paradise?
天堂里怎么样
Question. Have you ever noticed how Danny is a little bitch?
问个问题 你们注意到丹尼有多贱了吗
This morning we were in a coffee shop.
今天早晨我们去喝咖啡
The guy spilled coffee all over me.
有个男的把咖啡洒了我一身
He did not apologize. Yeah, I might have said
他还没有道歉 是 我是说了一句
"only guys with small penis drink vanilla lattes"
"只有鸡鸡小的人才喝香草拿铁"
But still... what do you think Tommy Tugnutts over here did?
可是 你们觉得这个铁血硬汉做了什么
He did nothing except watch
他什么都没做
the recent Conan appearance on his phone.
只是用手♥机♥看最新一♥期♥有他的《柯南》脱口秀
It was hilarious, go check it out yourself.
很滑稽 不信你们自己去看
Oh, what's this? You dropped something here.
这是什么 你掉东西了
Oh! It was a tiny detail you left out.
是你没说的一点小细节
Oh, yeah, it's says the guy that
上面说 那个被你羞辱的人
you insulted was a giant that came down on a bean stalk
是一个巨人 他沿着豌豆茎爬了下来
because he wanted a miniature cup of human coffee.
只是因为他想喝一杯缩小版的咖啡
Danny, you've got to protect your lady.
丹尼 你得帮自己的女朋友说话
That's the first thing
这是我在"男子大学"
they teach you freshman year at man college.
大一时就教过你的
Man college. You know what? I was actually a professor there.
男子大学 知道吗 我可是那里的教授
I don't remember seeing you.
我怎么不记得你了
You might have missed my class...
可能是你逃了那节我的课
"Why chins are important"
"论下巴完好无损的重要性"
So this man college...
你们说的这个男子大学
what do the dorm rooms look like?
他们的宿舍是什么样
Ha ha, Jokey-pants.
很好笑 小鸭内♥裤♥
But at least I know...
但我至少知道
Shut up and look at me.
闭上嘴 看着我
At least I know how to step up for my Candy Cane
至少我知道当有人欺负我的小宝贝时
when someone pushes her.
我该挺身而出
Tell them about yesterday.
跟他们说说昨天的事
I was standing in line for ice cream,
我当时在排队买♥♥冰激凌
somebody cut in front of me..
有个人插到了我前面
And next thing you know... And I was like "Hey! Hey!"
然后 我就这样
You get your ugly ass to the back of the line.
提起你的丑屁♥股♥挪到队尾去
Except the kid wasn't cutting,
可是那个小孩没有插队
he was just joining his mom in line..
他只是去找正在排队的妈妈
Babe, I'm sorry, is this my story or yours?
宝贝 抱歉 是我来说还是你说
I'm sorry, babe.
对不起 宝贝
Go ahead. Tell them what the mom did to you.
跟他们说说他妈妈是怎么对你的
Well, she stuffed me in a trash can,
她把我塞到垃圾桶里了
but I made my point.
不过我已经表明了立场
See, this is what I need.
你看 这才是我需要的
This is obviously... stay here.
这才是我... 别走
What? This is what I need.
干嘛 这是我需要的
I need a guy who is gonna stand up for me.
我需要能为我挺身而出的男人
I mean, obviously not, you know, some idiot
当然了 很显然不能是那种
who gets jammed in a trash can by soccer moms
被家庭主妇塞到垃圾桶里的傻帽
and says stupid things like jokey pants,
还会说"小鸭内♥裤♥"之类的蠢话
but I need someone who's going to stand up for me
可是我的确需要能为我挺身而出的男人
because I like to mouth off.
因为我经常说话不客气
Yeah, that's not news, Anderson Cooper.
是的 这已经不是新闻了 安德森·库伯
Shelley, great sweater. Is that Black Santa?
谢利 毛衣真好看 那是黑人圣诞老人吗
I believe you mean Real Santa.
你是指真正的圣诞老人吧
Anyway, I got you guys some presents.
我给你们大家准备了礼物
Oh, sweet. You got us Christmas sweaters?
真好 你给我们准备了圣诞节毛衣吗
Oh, mine's Jewish. Dope.
我的还是犹太版 太酷了
This will go nice with my circumcised penis.
这件跟我割了包皮的小鸡鸡很配
Hey, look mine has a picture of me on it.
我的上面印着我自己
Danny, that's Jesus Christ the son of God.
丹尼 这是耶稣基♥督♥ 神的儿子
You're a 34-year-old man with a roommate.
你是个34岁还跟别人合住的普通人
Honest mistake. Everyone always says that we look alike
这是个无心之过 每次我在机场接受安检时
whenever I get frisked at the airport.
大家都说我们两个很像
I just thought these would help us get into the holiday spirit.
我想这些东西让我们有了节日的心情
I mean, this bar isn't even decorated.
因为这个酒吧甚至都没节日装饰
Well I'm closing the bar for a few days
酒吧要关门几天了
because we're all going out of town
因为我们都要出去了
Shel, I thought you were going
谢利 你不是要跟你妈妈的
with your mom's church group to Disney-world.
教会组织去迪士尼玩吗
Oh he was going to go to Disney-world
他本来是要去迪士尼的
but he changed his mind
可是后来他改变了主意
because he discovered they charge $12 for churros.
因为那里的吉拿果卖♥♥12块钱
If I get stoned I'm going to lose all my money.
要是我想吃饱 就得倾家荡产了
Anyway, I thought before you left on Christmas Eve,
在你们平安夜离开之前
you know, maybe we could have a party upstairs in my room.
我想我们可以在楼上我的房♥间开个派对
You know, it could be fun.
会很有趣的
It would be nice to spend it all together
大家在一起聚聚过节很好
because you guys are kind of my family.
因为你们都算是我的家人了
Oh, Shell, of course, we'll be there.
小谢 我们当然会去
I will definitely be there.
我绝对会去的
I have a long history of doing anything
黑人帅哥让我做什么
handsome black men ask me to.
我都会做的
This is exciting!
太好了
We could go caroling. Oh yes!
我们可以去唱圣诞颂歌♥了 太棒了
We could do that song we were working on.
我们可以唱那首我们练了很久的歌♥
Remember that sweet jam?
还记得那首歌♥吗
*- One, two, three... - *On the first day of Christmas*
一 二 三 *圣诞节的第一天
**My true love gave to me*
*真爱送了我
I hate being white now.
你们都让我不想做白人了
You know what? Besides,
况且
if anyone is going to be doing the singing, it's me.
如果要唱歌♥的话 也是我唱
Remember this gospel choir
还记得一周前你带来的
that you had here a week ago that sang Hallelujah?
那个唱着"哈利路亚"的唱诗班吗
They said and look, these are their words not mine...
他们说 这可是他们的原话
but they said God said I was more talented than you.
他们说上帝说我比你更会唱歌♥
God also made John Travolta's hairpiece
上帝还创造了约翰·特拉沃尔塔的假发呢
so sometimes he gets things wrong.
所以有时他也会犯错
But besides it will be a cold day in hell when
况且如果有人觉得你比我唱得好
someone thinks you're a better singer than me.
那真是要六♥月♥飞♥雪♥了
Well, then it's a good that we all got these cool, nifty new sweaters
还好我们都有这种很漂亮的新毛衣
because it's about to get chilly in here.
因为马上雪就要来了
Choir!
唱诗班准备
**Hallelujah*
*哈利路亚
**Hallelujah, Hallelujah*
*哈利路亚 哈利路亚
So did you two actually make out last week?
你们俩上周真的亲热了吗
Oh! Whatever, it wasn't a big deal. You know how emotional I am.
又不是什么大事 你知道我很情绪化的
I even get choked up when you
当你说起那首阿黛尔歌♥名的时候
say the name of that Adele song.
我都会激动得说不出话来
Hello.
《你好》
Please don't...
求你别...
Tell him, Bursk, it wasn't a big deal.
告诉他 伯斯科 没什么大不了的
Look, it was just one of those moments between good friends.
听着 那只是好朋友间的互动
It's not going to go anywhere and it didn't mean anything.
不会更进一步 也没什么大不了的
And this is definitely not a
而且这绝对不是
prepared statement that I was asked to memorize.
事先准备好了要我背下来的场面话
Justin, I'm so ticked at you.
贾斯丁 你很让我生气
Does anyone want to guess why I'm carrying a box full of puppies?
谁要来猜猜我端着满满一盒小狗的原因嘛
The reason is unimportant.
原因不重要
But I'm going to lie down and
但我要躺下
you're going to pour those puppies on top of me.
然后你把小狗倒我身上
Apparently those are Mo's children.
显然他们是小汽的孩子
Huh, which, you know, I would think would be impossible,
我一直觉得这事不可能发生
because I always keep him
因为我只在狗狗公园
on the leash unless I'm in the dog park.
才会解开一直拴着小汽的狗带
Take it from a girl with a 4-year-old,
听一个溜过四岁小狗的女孩的经验之谈
you can get pregnant at the dog park.
你也能在狗狗公园怀孕
That's really gross, that's really really gross, the whole thing.
真恶心 整个都很恶心
Anyway, I think back, nine weeks ago, what was happening?
我回想起九周前发生了什么
Oh, yeah, that's right, Justin was watching Mo for the weekend.
没错 那周周末是贾斯丁照看小汽
And now I have grand-puppies.
而现在我有狗孙了