把妹大作战（2014）

What? Five-second rule.
怎么了 五秒规则啊
So, I fixed the screen so it's not the security feed anymore.
我修好了屏幕 现在放的不再是监控录像了
I'm watching old reruns of "Scrubs",
我在看《实习医生风云》的重播
and that blonde doctor is out boozing.
金发医生在豪饮
No, that's actually still the security feed.
不 那其实是监控录像
She's actually just sitting right there.
她就坐在那里
Can I please just have a drink in peace
我能不能安静喝杯酒
without getting recognized? Thank you.
不被认出啊 谢谢
Hey, if you don't want to get recognized,
如果你不想被认出
why are you still wearing the same costume for...
那你为什么穿着五年前的剧里的
that show ended five years ago? Because I'm proud of it.
同一件衣服 因为我为之骄傲
Okay? Look, if you by some miracle,
好吧 如果出于什么奇迹
end up keep this silly show on for nine years,
你愚蠢的剧也播了九年
you'll still be walking around wearing that dumb leather jacket.
你也会穿着愚蠢的皮夹克走来走去的
What...
什么
Bye pretty lady from "Scrubs."
再见 《实习医生风云》里的美女
What I'm trying to say is that my house is Danny's house too.
我的意思是 我的房♥子也是丹尼的房♥子
When he has a girl like Judy over,
当有姑娘 比如说茱迪过来时
maybe you don't have to butt in or talk to her so much.
也许你没必要干涉 跟她聊很多
Is that cool? Are we dope?
这样可以吗 我们没事吧
Yeah, totally. You just want me to keep my big trap shut
绝对的 你想让我闭嘴
so Danny can have sex easier.
好让丹尼更容易把女人搞上♥床♥
Right.
是的
Wait.
等等
What's happening? Oh, you're getting your ass handed to you by...
怎么回事 你要完蛋了
by 90-pound care bear.
被一只90磅的爱心熊猛揍
Daniel, did you tell Justin to talk to me?
丹尼尔 你让贾斯丁来找我谈的吗
Hey, ah, I don't know what you're talking about.
我不知道你在说什么
But I think you should listen to your boyfriend.
但我觉得你该听你男友的
When are you going to grow up, Danny?
你什么时候才能长大 丹尼
You're a 35-year-old man.
你都是35岁的男人了
Hey, I'm 34 1/2, Candace, alright?
我才34岁半 坎迪斯 好吗
I'm 34 1/2! Let me hear you say it!
我才34岁半 让我听你说
I'll never say that! I won't say it.
我绝对不会那样说 我不会说
You wanna know something else?
你想知道别的事吗
You're middleaged. Ah! Okay... ah, all right.
你是中年男子了 好吧
You know what, then? Guess what?
知道吗 猜猜怎么
You weren't the real star of "Good Luck Charlie."
你不是《查莉成长日记》真正明星
The parents were!
父母才是
Are you going to let him talk to me... Alright!
你要让他这样对我说话吗 好了
Everybody calm down. Everybody relax.
大家都冷静 放松点
Stop, stop, stop stop, stop! You didn't mean it! You don't mean it!
别说了 你不是这意思
Hands, hands, legs, legs. Hands, leg, leg and hands.
手手 腿腿 手 腿 腿和手
Please, please, calm down, okay?
拜托 冷静点 好吗
This isn't easy for me!
这对我来说不容易
Candace is my girl friend and Justin is...
坎迪斯是我的女友 贾斯丁是我
I mean, Danny is my boyfriend...
我是说 丹尼是我的男友
No, no, no.
不不
My point is, the past is the past.
我的重点是 过去的事就过去了
Nobody cares anymore what happened between me and Candace
没人在乎我和坎迪斯之间发生的事
and Danny and Judy. Who's Judy?
还有丹尼和茱迪之间的事 茱迪是谁
My God. She was the girl you were with last night!
天啊 昨晚跟你一起的那个女孩
Oh, right... Jenny Judy. That's no one's name.
对 珍妮·茱迪 没人叫这个名字
Ever. Never has been.
从来都没有
Now we're done, we're done. It was funny, we're having fun.
现在我们说完了 那很好玩 我们在玩
Everybody's happy again.
大家都开心了
We're friends, right? We're a team.
我们是朋友 对吧 我们是一支团队
Hands in, hands in, please.
把手放过来 拜托
Hands in, please. Team.
把手放过来 拜托 小队
You know, Justin told me he's on my side.
贾斯丁跟我说他站在我这边
He said it under the secret blanket.
他在秘密之毯下说的
I don't think you understand the meaning of a secret blanket.
我觉得你不明白什么是秘密之毯
But I'm sorry Danny. Did he ever say he was on your side?
抱歉丹尼 他说过他站在你那边吗
No. Actually, no.
实际上没有
You know what? I forgot to bring that up,
知道吗 我忘记提起这件事了
because, okay, see, the difference between me and you, Candice,
因为我俩之前的区别是 坎迪斯
he's my boy and doesn't have to use words to communicate with me, okay?
他是我的哥们 不需要用言语跟我交流 好吗
Because we have something extracurricular going on, around here, okay?
因为我们有别的联♥系♥ 好吗
I tap into the mainframe,
我进入主机
and I see what he sees in his eyes and that's how he speaks to me.
看着他看见的东西 他就是这样和我交谈的
You know what he's saying right now?
你知道他现在说的是什么吗
Right now he's saying: "Oh, Candace is very wrong" And uh-oh,
现在他在说 坎迪斯大错特错了 不好
getting a printout. I'm only 34 1/2. That's what he just said.
正在打印 我才34岁半 这就是他刚说的
Guys, I will not be a weapon
两位 我不会成为你们
that you can use against each other.
互相攻击的武器
I won't be in the middle of this.
我不要参与其中
Hey, hey, Justin, come to me and show me your loyalty.
贾斯丁 过来向我表示你的忠诚
Justin, you don't have to do that. Come to me.
贾斯丁 你没必要那样做 过来吧
Come over here dude. Come over here, boy.
过来吧 哥们 过来吧 伙计
Come on, come on, come over here.
过来 过来
You want to go outside. Want to go for a walk?
你想出去吗 你想散个步吗
Come on! Come on.
来啊 来啊
Come on. Come!
过来 来
Justin.
贾斯丁
Don't make me say the four words you alwayswant to hear me say.
别逼我说你一直想听的那几个字
Come on. Danny, that's not fair.
来吧 丹尼 那不公平
Shut up, demons...
闭嘴 恶魔
You're... my... best... frien... Justin.
你 是我 最好的 朋 贾斯丁
No. Stop it.
不 闭嘴
I want it so bad, but not like this.
我很想听 但不是这样
I would die for either one of you and you don't even see that,
我愿意为你俩中的任何一个人去死 你们都看不到
you're killing me right now! You're mean!
你们让我快死了 你们真刻薄
Are you laughing? Don't laugh at me.
你在笑吗 别笑我
I'm not laughing. You want me to choose?
我没有笑 你们想让我选吗
You want me to choose? Fine.
你们想让我选吗 好吧
I choose neither of you. You know who I pick?
我两个都不选 你知道我选谁吗
Justin. He gets me!
贾斯丁 他懂我
Nice work, guys.
干得好 两位
That's not how you treat someone you care about.
这样对关心的人可不对哦
Whatever. Yep.
随便啦 嗯
I've only got one thing to say. I know what it is.
我只要说一句话 我知道是什么
"Take it to church" I wasn't going to say that.
去教堂吧 我没打算说那句
Everyone in the bar's going to say it together.
酒吧里所有人都要一起说
Three... Two...
3 2
One... Take it to church!
1 去教堂吧
Ah, this bar seems a lot less crowded than that.
这酒吧根本没那么多人啊
Justin, come out. Seriously.
贾斯丁 出来 说真的
Can you come out of there? I don't want to.
你能出来吗 人家不想
All right.
好吧
Danny, look... I... I will admit most of this was my fault.
丹尼 听着 我承认着大部分是我的错
I shouldn't have screwed up your night with that girl.
我不该毁了你和那姑娘的一夜
Listen, I... I get it.
我懂的
You know? I realize what you're trying to do.
我明白你想做什么
You're just trying to protect that girl.
你只是想保护那姑娘
No, no, Danny.
不不 丹尼
I don't care about her. I care about you.
我不在乎她 我在乎的是你
I..., ever since I start this relationship with Justin,
自从我跟贾斯丁谈恋爱后
everything in my life has been better.
我生命中的一切都更好了
I'm kind of hoping that
我希望
you'll try to be with someone you actually care about.
你会跟你真正关心的人在一起
Because I feel it would make you so happy.
因为我觉得那会让你很开心
That's, a...
那真是
That's really sweet. You know, I know it's weird,
那真是太有爱了 我知道这很奇怪
because, you know,
因为你知道
you kind of always looked up to me being your hero.
你总是期望我成为你的英雄
You're not my hero.
你不是我的英雄
Let me finish, though.
但是听我说完
Look, I know that it's hard for me to date and find someone
我知道我很难找到人约会
and, look, I have a lot of growing up to do in that category,
在那一方面我要成长很多
but the truth is, I'm still very young.
但是事实是 我还很年轻