把妹大作战（2014）

贾斯丁 我马上回来
Take all the time you need. I'll be here.
随你思考多久 我就在这
Oh man, sorry, dude, that's a bummer.
伙计 抱歉 真令人失望
So it seems like one of those things that just happens
这像是那种自然而然发生的事
and is definitely no one's fault though.
怪不了谁
You better hope this works out.
你最好希望我俩会在一起
Or I'm going to murder you.
不然我就杀了你
Yeah, why'd you mess with his relationship, man?
你为什么要搞砸他的恋爱 伙计
He's just depressed because he's the only one of us who isn't with anyone.
他因为自己是我们中唯一的单身狗很沮丧而已
Yeah, she's actually right, you know.
没错 她说的完全正确
It is kind of hard for me to find someone.
我有点难找到人
Oh wait a second... Hey, pretty girl near the bar,
慢着 吧台旁的美女
You want to go out sometime? Sure.
什么时候约个会呗 好啊
Oh look at that, I just turned my life around!
看呐 我的人生改变了
All I did was tell the truth to Candace okay?
我只是跟坎迪斯说了实话 好吗
That's all I always do, tell the truth to my friends.
我一直都这样 跟我朋友说实话
Well, how would you like it if I started telling the truth all the time?
要是我开始一直说实话 你会怎么想
I'd love it. Are you serious?
我会很喜欢 你说真的吗
I'd actually love it.
我真会很喜欢
I would love for you to tell me the truth the whole time okay?
我会很喜欢你一直跟我说实话好吗
But be careful, be careful okay?
但要小心 要小心
Because you know the saying okay?
因为常言道
If you have truth - if you are throwing truth stones
你如果要用实话攻击别人
and have a truth house and throwing around truth stones?
憋着一堆实话 然后到处乱喷
Oh, you do not want to get in a truth battle with me, my friend.
你想跟我开实话战吗 朋友
Hahahaha! That made me laugh.
真是笑掉我的大牙
Truth: I pee in our shower.
实话 我在咱家浴缸里尿尿
Truth: so do I.
实话 我也是
Truth: every time I've texted you back "Lol,"
实话 我每次回你"笑出声"
I never laugh out loud.
我从没笑出声过
Never once.
从没有过
Truth: you look like Heave the eagle from the Muppets
实话 你像《布偶大电影》里的老鹰山姆
and the lead singer from Creed had a baby.
还有《奎迪》里领唱怀了孕一样
Truth: your body looks like a big bag of mayonnaise.
实话 你的身体就像一大包蛋黄酱
You know, I don't have time for this!
我没时间跟你玩了
I'm gonna go get Candace. I've got to talk to her alright?
我要去找坎迪斯 我得去跟她谈 好吗
Truth: you know you think you are the star around here?
实话 你以为你是这里的明星
Guess what? Bridgit Mendler is more famous than you. Here!
但知道吗 布丽奇·门德勒[坎迪斯演员]在这里比你 有名
Truth! That actually hurt my feelings a little bit.
实话 这话确实伤到我幼小的心灵
I need one reason why that girl is with him.
给我个那女孩跟他在一起的原因
Okay, I'll give you four: green card, hired escort, organ theft,
我可以给你四个 为了绿卡 雇的三陪 偷器官
or most likely, Burski created her using a 3-D printer.
最有可能是伯斯科用3D打印机创造的她
Or maybe she is trying to get back at her dad.
也可能是她想报复她爸
But then she should do what most pretty white girls do:
那她就应该做大多数白人美女会做的事
get a tattoo or have a biracial baby.
纹身 或者怀个混血宝宝
I got this.
我来
Hey Karli or Jan or whatever the hell your name is.
卡莉 简 管你叫什么呢
Um, I got a question. Do you know there are other men?
我有个问题 你知道这里还有其他男人吗
What? I'm out of ideas.
什么 我没辙了
Yeah, maybe we should head out.
没错 也许我们该走了
I don't understand how a girl like that ends up with him.
我就不懂了 那样的女孩怎么最后跟了他
Here is my shoulder, one step at a time at a time, please.
手搭我肩膀 一次一步 亲爱的 很棒
God! She thinks he's blind!
天 她以为他瞎
I'll see you later.
再见
I'm just kidding. Okay.
开玩笑的 我看不见 好吧
Okay, uh, before you judge me, let me explain how this happened.
你们吐槽我前 先让我解释怎么回事
Too late, guilty. I didn't do it on purpose.
太晚了 有罪 我不是故意的
I got my eyes dilated. Karli help me sit down,
我眼睛肿了 卡莉帮我坐下
and we hit it off.
我俩很来电
I didn't know she thought I was blind until later that night.
我那晚直到后来才知道她以为我瞎
I just thought she liked holding my arm
我只是以为她喜欢搀着我的胳膊
and leading me around the park.
领着我逛公园
And describing what trees look like.
描述树长什么样
Why didn't you just tell her?
你为什么不直接告诉她
I panicked, Leslie, and by then it was
我慌了 莱丝莉 那个时候
too late to say anything.
说什么都太晚了
Has she asked you why you wear glasses?
她问过你为什么戴眼镜吗
Yeah, uh, I said I wear them ironically.
问过 我说我戴着讽刺自己
I figured it shows I have a good sense
我觉得这样显得
of humor about my blindness.
我瞎得很幽默
I don't know, I really like this girl.
我不知道 我是真喜欢这女生
You guys gotta help me find a way to tell her
你们得帮我想办法跟她说实话
the truth without losing her.
还不会失去她
Well, you could just tell her that you are a lying disgusting pig
你就跟她说 你是个恶心的说谎猪
that took advantage of a woman's mistakes.
占女生犯错的便宜
No, that's not it.
不 不是这样的
Uh, you could tell her you have an evil twin.
你可以告诉她你有个邪恶的双胞胎兄弟
I actually do have a twin.
我倒是真有个双胞胎兄弟
He is struggling with crystal meth. I don't see him often.
他染上了冰♥毒♥ 我很少见他
Oh, because of the drugs?
因为吸毒吗
Oh no. He travels a lot.
不 因为他总是乱跑
He's an airline pilot for Delta.
他是达美航♥空♥公♥司♥的飞行员
I brought you back here
我带你回来
because I figured out a way to fix this.
是因为我找到了解决方法
Now, you know how you need spoilers
你记得你说过你想要剧透
and you need to know there's a happy ending?
你想知道我们能否拥有美好结局吗
Well, what if I could guarantee,
假设我能向你保证
that even if we don't work out,
即使我们分手了
you won't lose all your friends?
你也不会失去所有朋友呢
How? Simple. We...
怎么做 很简单 我们...
Have a friend draft.
来场朋友选秀
We take turns selecting friends until everyone's divvied up.
我们轮流选朋友 直到选完
This way, if we break up, those are the friends you keep.
这样就算我们分手 你也能留下那些朋友
What I like about this idea
我喜欢这个主意是因为
is that it definitely won't end in hurt feelings.
最后肯定不会伤害人的感情
Yeah, you know what? Shelly's right.
是啊 你猜怎么着 谢利说得对
No matter what happens one team will lose
不管发生什么 总有一队要输
unless someone here knows a way to make two Dannys.
除非这里有人能造出来两个丹尼
No one wants two Dannys.
没人想要两个丹尼
Yeah, you're right, you know what?
对 说得对 你猜怎么着
Two Danny's isn't enough Danny's
两个丹尼还不够
You need more Dannys. Okay?
你需要更多的丹尼 好吗
You'd need a work Danny, a home Danny,
你需要工作丹尼 家中丹尼
you need a party Danny, Malibu beach Danny,
你需要派对丹尼 马里布海滩丹尼
you need a, you need a, you need a granny Danny
你需要奶奶丹尼
to help with the kids.
帮你带孩子
You need a nanny Danny to help with the granny Danny.
你需要保姆丹尼照顾奶奶丹尼
And then you also need a Danny Glover Danny.
你还需要丹尼·格洛弗丹尼
He's too old for this crap.
他那身老骨头受不了这个[《致命武器》台词]
Oh! And you know what?
你猜怎么着
You know what would be really cool is
最酷的是
to have an international super villain Danny.
有一个国际超级恶棍丹尼
Hey, I have put a bomb inside your house
我在你家装了炸♥弹♥
and it will go off if you do not blow up mount Rushmore.
如果你不炸掉总统山 炸♥弹♥就会爆♥炸♥
Wundabar and Gutentag. But do-o-o-n't worry! Ok?
太好了 你爽吗 但是别担心 好吗
There's also a secret agent
还有一个中情局
CIA Danny and he's going to save the day.
秘密特工丹尼 他将拯救一切
Bam!, Give me the gun! No! No! No! That's my gun!
把枪给我 不 那是我的枪
No it's my gun.
不 那是我的枪
I'm the real Danny! No, I'm the real Danny.
我是真丹尼 不 我才是真丹尼
I'm the real Danny! I'm the real Danny!
我是真丹尼 我才是真丹尼
What, what was this bit here?
你刚才的动作是什么意思
Oh, I took out the clip of the gun
我拿出弹夹
and I took the bullet out of the chamber
从枪膛退出子弹
and slid it across the floor and it went into a pool.
把它从地板上滚过去 然后掉进泳池里
Ignore him! Enough of that stuff.
无视他 别扯了
Let's get to more mature matters. Alright?
我们来谈点成熟的事 好吗
A pool? Uh...
一个泳池吗
Where do you find a spy with a pool?
间谍要泳池干什么
We are at a rich guy's house. They are the most evil.
我们在富人家里 他们是最邪恶的
Alright.