把妹大作战（2014）

What happened with him and that guy last night?
他和那个人昨晚干什么去了
You know? He actually just texted me.
他刚给我发了条短♥信♥
What do you think an emoji of a beer keg and a donkey means?
你们知道啤酒桶和驴子的表情是什么意思吗
It means he tapped that ass.
意思是这朵菊花他采了
Wow, you look so cute all dressed up.
你打扮整齐的样子太可爱了
You know I promised that I wouldn't get too excited
我本来保证过不会太激动
but seeing you excited is getting me excited.
可是看你这么激动搞得我也好激动
Look, could you two stop acting like
你们俩能不能别一脸的
I'm a kid getting ready to go to prom?
送孩子参加毕业舞会的表情
Okey. I'm gonna take some pictures.
好的 我得拍下来
I know you won't stop me
我知道你不会阻止我的
because you don't want an ugly photo of you out there,
因为你绝对不会容忍♥自己的照片拍丑了
so, you will always pose.
所以你一定会只顾着拗姿势
Come on dude, put the phone...
拜托 哥们 把手♥机♥...
Come on, man, I hate that, dude.
快停下哥们 我跟你急了啊
Come on. Stop taking pictures, dude. Enough. Please.
赶紧别拍了 哥们 够了 拜托
Very cool, very cool, very cool.
酷毙了 酷炸了 酷飞了
I mean, this is a grown up move for you, Danny.
你总算迈出了成长第一步啊 丹尼
Has anyone else here dated someone with a kid?
这里还有人约过有孩子的人吗
I once dated a guy with a 14-year-old son.
我之前约过一个人 他儿子14岁了
Such a sweet boy.
小伙子可好了
He was mostly into baseball and stealing my underwear.
他最喜欢打棒球和偷我内衣了
I think someone should get that underwear back.
有人应该为你把那些内衣夺回来
Question: do you have any photos of you in it
提问 你还有穿着那些内衣的照片吗
so I know what I'm looking for?
我好知道拿那些
Listen, I really don't think
我真的不认为
Charlotte having a kid is that big of a deal, okay?
夏洛特有个孩子是什么大问题
What, are you kidding me?
你逗我呢吗
Date with someone with a kid is a huge deal.
跟带孩子的人约会可得小心了
My mother was a single parent,
我妈就是单身妈妈
I latched on every guy she dated.
我整天黏着她约的每一个人
Jose, Hector, Carlos, Esteban.
何塞 海克特 卡洛斯 艾斯特班
Justin's mom worked at a Mexican restaurant.
贾斯丁的妈妈在墨西哥餐馆工作
The point is, when you date somebody with a kid,
重点是 如果你的约会对象有孩子
it's immediately more serious.
感情一下就会认真许多
It's real, it's more "importante".
不再是随便玩玩 会变得"老重要了"
Do you guys all feel this way? Yeah, sure.
你们都这么想吗 对啊
Si.
可不是咋的
You look like a fancy vampire.
你看着像华美吸血鬼
I'm gonna call you Count Rackula.
我打算称你为美古拉伯爵
Thanks Shel. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx.
多谢了小谢 我穿了三层塑身内衣
They're so tight I had to ride in my uber like this.
紧绷得我上专车时都是这个姿势
You ready to go?
准备好了吗
Listen, I'm sorry Charlotte,
对不起 夏洛特
but I don't think I can be your son's Esteban.
但我做不了你儿子的艾斯特班
You idiot! Did you scare him away
你个傻子 你是拿你妈
with the story of your mom and Escobar, and Jose
和埃斯科瓦尔[与大毒枭同名]和何塞之类的
and all the bus boys she banged?
男招待上♥床♥的事把他吓跑了吗
First off, it was Esteban not Escobar, you racist, alright?
首先是艾斯特班不是埃斯科瓦尔 种族歧视
He was a waiter!
他只是个服务员
Sorry, I'm just watching Narcos.
抱歉 我正在追《毒枭》
Anyone want to make this day worse?
还有人要让我今天过得更糟糕吗
Yep, I'll give it a shot.
我来试试
So, you know the gay guy at your boss's bachelorette party?
你还记得你老板单身派对上的那个基佬吗
There was no gay guy.
没请基佬啊
There was just the groom, he just stopped by for a minute.
只有她未婚夫来站了站脚
Exactly.
没错
So, I slept with the groom.
所以 我把新郎官给睡了
So, you think Charlotte's still mad?
你觉得夏洛特还生气吗
Yes. I do. Of course I am mad,
我觉得她还在生气 我当然生气
you guys set me up with a guy who immediately bailed
你们给我约了个一秒钟落跑的胆小鬼
and Mary Poppins over here decided to open up his umbrella
而这边这位英国绅士在我老板未婚夫的菊花里
inside my boss's fiance.
种了蘑菇
Okay, don't be pissed at me, okay?
别凶我了好吗
As soon as I realized it was the groom,
我一发觉这人就是新郎官
I had a shower and then I just got out of there.
我就立马洗了个澡走人了
Be real with us, Brett. Were you in that shower alone?
跟我们说实话 布雷特 就你一个人洗吗
Was I in the shower alone?
是不是只有我在洗...
Nope, there were two penises, so no.
不对 有两根丁丁 所以不只我一个人
Sounds like some of my showers recently.
听着很像我最近洗的一个澡
... marrying a gay guy.
...跟同性恋结婚
Just casually bring it up at work, you know? In the break room.
你可以在休息室里当闲聊提起来嘛
You get a yogurt, you walk up there.
你拿杯酸奶 然后凑过去
You say, "you know what I like about this yogurt?
然后说 "你知道我最喜欢酸奶哪一点吗
The fruit at the bottom.
清凉攻心 丝滑享受
And you know who else loves the bottom?
你知道还有谁喜欢享受[屁♥股♥]吗
You know what, it's really too bad,
我跟你说 真的很可惜
you guys would have been such a good couple.
你们俩真的很登对的
You're both like, loud and edgy and
你们俩都很活泛 精神
really pale.
还很 白
You're like a female Danny.
你就像个女版丹尼
I wish I could find a female Shelly.
我真希望能找到个女版谢利
Shelly, look!
看啊 谢利
You want to smoke weed? You want to smoke weed?
你想嗑大♥麻♥吗 你想嗑大♥麻♥吗
I can't believe you ran out on Charlotte
我真不敢相信你放夏洛特的鸽子
just because she has a kid.
就因为她有孩子
Listen, I'm mad at myself too. Okay?
我自己也很生气 好吗
You know the scene in "Footloose"
你还记得在电影《浑身是劲》里
where Kevin Bacon is so pissed at the world
凯文·贝肯痛恨这个世界
because he just wants to dance but it's against the law?
因为法律拦着他不让他跳舞的场景吗
I've been doing that angry dance.
我也在跳那段愤怒之舞
Hey, taking off was super weak.
匆匆离场可是非常软弱的表现
Dude, why did you bring Burski?
你把伯斯科带来干什么
I didn't even know he was in the car
我直到在你家门外停了车
until I pulled into the driveway.
才发现他原来也在
I was hiding in the backseat.
我藏在后座那
Why don't you go out with Charlotte and see what happens?
你为什么不和夏洛特约会试试 看看会怎样
Because I really like her! All right? It's... I mean...
因为我真的很喜欢她 好吗
I had a whole conversation with her for like an hour
我和她聊了差不多一个小时
and you know what? I would probably do it again
你知道吗 我或许还会再来一次
and it's like, who feels that way?
世界上哪个人会有这种想法啊
Look, I know it's scary
我知道这让人害怕
when a relationship already feels real
当一段感情还没开始时
and it's not even the beginning.
就已经让你感觉到了它的重量
Yeah, it's terrifying. Except now there's a kid involved
是啊 吓死我了 况且现在还牵涉到孩子
so obviously he's going to think I'm awesome so it's like...
他肯定会觉得我很棒 所以...
What do I do? I mean what happens with the kid
我该怎么做 我是说如果我一如既往地
if I screw things up like I normally do?
搞砸了事情 这孩子怎么办
Okay, What is wrong with you? Okay?
你到底是怎么回事
The one thing about my brother that I've always been jealous of
我弟弟有一点我一直很嫉妒
is your completely unearned confidence.
那就是你那完全与实力不符的自信心
That is true. You know how everybody has a voice inside their head
没错 你知道每个人内心都会有一个声音
that tells them how they are, mine goes like this:
告诉他们他们怎么样 我内心的声音是这样的
"Hey Danny, you're awesome no matter what anybody says,
"丹尼 不管别人怎么说 你都酷毙了
you're so beautiful and bold and strong...
你是如此俊俏 勇敢 强壮...
and no matter what, you could do anything."
无论如何 你无所不能"
The voice inside my head just says
我内心的声音只会说
"Wine and cheeses are not a meal".
"红酒配奶酪可不算一顿饭"
That's so sad. Anyway, look, the problem is...
真悲哀 听着 问题是...
The problem is... is that like, Charlotte's so cool
问题是 夏洛特那么酷
that she's like twisting me up
她改变了我
and like that voice I have is...is gone.
我内心的声音消失了
You're the best, Danny.
你最棒了 丹尼
You're so beautiful and... and bold and strong.
你是如此俊俏 勇敢 强壮
Man, what are you doing?
伙计 你在干什么
I'm saying I'll be the voice in your head if you need it, man.
如果你需要 我可以做你内心的声音
Because you have a chance at something real here.
因为你有机会成就一段真感情
Every day I go into that bar
每天当我走进酒吧
and I hang out with a girl I'm crazy about
与我深爱的女孩子相处
in hopes that someday if I wait long enough
我总是期盼着如果我一直默默守候