把妹大作战（2014）

The toilet spoke to you?
马桶还会跟你说话吗
Well, actually, yeah. It did speak to me.
其实是的 它跟我说了话
It was one of those really fancy, cool,
那是一种非常梦幻豪华
futuristic Japanese toilets. So...
未来的日式马桶 所以...
Yeah, it straight up was like...
没错 它直接说...
"No marriage."
不结婚
Wow, I did not see that coming.
我真没想到啊
Sounds like to me that that toilet just wants
我觉得那马桶只是想
to get plunged by a bunch of different plumbers.
被许多不同的马桶工通一通
Hey man, hey man...
你够了啊
you watch your mouth when you talk about my toilet that way!
别那样乱说我的马桶
Uh, okay. Candace, do you want to go do something?
好吧 坎迪斯 你想到找点别的事做吗
Like what? Literally anything else.
比如什么 其实什么都可以
What about the movie... You wouldn't want to do that?
不如看电影 你不会真想去吧
I'd do that!
我要去
Guys, guys? Has Leslie showed up yet?
大伙们 莱丝莉来了吗
Do I have time to go to the bathroom?
我有时间上个厕所吗
Oh, gosh... man.
我的天啊
How do I put this? Uhhhh,
怎么跟你说呢
Mike,
麦克
the toilet's gone.
马桶走了
He was going to propose?
他准备求婚吗
Yes, and as mastermind of said proposal,
没错 作为这次求婚的策划者
I wanted you to know it was romantic, it was sexy,
我想告诉你求婚浪漫而性感
and there were puppets.
还安排了玩偶呢
There's nothing sexy about puppets.
玩偶一点也不性感
That's actually not true
这倒不见得
because Shelly and his puppet had a threesome last night.
昨晚谢利和他的玩偶玩3P呢
Yeah. Puppet Shelly wasn't the only one with a hand up his butt.
没错 玩偶谢利不是唯一捅菊花的人
Look, Les, don't worry about it, okay?
听着 莱丝 别担心好吗
Look, okay, I bit the bullet. After you left,
我帮你挡了一枪 你离开后
I told Mike he shouldn't bother proposing to you
我告诉麦克不用费心向你求婚
because you weren't going to say yes anyways.
因为反正你不会答应
Best brother ever.
史上最佳弟弟
Arms up for a thank you hug!
张开双臂求感谢抱抱
Why would you do that? Oh!
你怎么这样
Candace, you've got my back on this, right?
坎迪斯 这次你站我这边 是吧
Yeah... yeah. I don't know what you're mad about.
没错 我只是不知道你生什么气
It doesn't matter.
不重要
We talked about this. Girls got to stick together.
我们谈过了 女生得团结
Yes. Sisters before misters.
没错 姐妹优先于兄弟
Danny, don't be a bitch.
丹尼 别这么婊
I should have been the one to talk to Mike, not you.
我才该和麦克谈 而不是你
There are huge moments in everyone's life
每个人的人生都需要经历
that we all have to go through.
一些重要时刻
Whether it's breaking someone's heart
不管是你伤了别人的心
or getting your own heart broken,
还是别人伤了你的心
these are the moments that define you as a person!
这些时刻都决定了你的性格
Oh, okay, now I get it.
好吧 我现在懂了
You go girl!
妹子加油
You want to know what I think? I think Danny...
你想知道我的看法吗 我觉得丹尼...
Whoa, no, no, no. See you asked "Do you want to know what I think",
不 不 你看你问"你想知道我的看法吗"
and nobody said yes. So...
没人回应 所以...
Why ask, you know?
为什么要多此一问呢
Anyway... boy. I'm sorry, Leslie, continue,
好吧 抱歉 莱丝莉 继续吧
you were saying something completely insane.
你刚在说蠢得要命的事
Insane? You took away a proposal.
蠢吗 你毁了一场求婚
What if I took away one of your big moments?
要是我毁了你的重要时刻呢
You know, what if I took your first kiss?
要是我夺走你的初吻
You know what? It's funny you say that,
你知道吗 你这么说很有趣
because I would actually love it.
因为我其实还挺乐意呢
Alright? When that happened, I was a little bit drunk.
好吗 我初吻时有点醉
She actually had a little bit of a mustache.
其实她有一点胡子
Whatever.
总之
Not a huge deal, okay? Was it a man?
不是什么大事 好吗 亲的男生吗
No, it wasn't a man. It was a girl.
不 不是男生 是女生
She had a mustache, a little bit of a mustache.
她有胡子 一点点胡子
Is everything a joke to you?
你觉得一切都是玩笑吗
What's the big deal? I took a moment from you.
有什么大不了的 我毁了你的重要时刻
Life's full of moments, all right?
生命中充满了时刻 不是吗
That's a moment. That's a moment.
这是时刻 那是时刻
That's a moment. That's a moment.
这也是时刻 那也是时刻
There's another moment. There's another moment.
这儿有时刻 那儿有时刻
There's another slightly longer moment.
这还有稍微长些的重要时刻
So it's like... what is your point?
所以...你这话有什么意义呢
I have told you a thousand times to stay out of my relationships.
我跟你说过一千次不要插手我的感情
Why would you get involved now?!
你现在为什么要插手
God, why would I get involved now?
天 我现在为什么要插手
Man, if I could only remember...
天 如果我能记得...
the person who told me to get involved...
是谁叫我插手就好了...
I can't remember the name.
我忘了这个人的名字
But it's right on the tip of my tongue.
但名字已经到我舌尖了
You want to have a tongue fight?!
你想舌战吗
Let's go, Danny!
来啊 丹尼
Enough! Enough!
够了 够了
I'm not going to watch two young grown men lick each other as fight.
我不要看俩年轻成年男子用对舔的方式来打架
Not again!
不想再看
You know, he's right.
他说得没错
The time for this silly game..
浪费时间玩这些蠢游戏...
We don't have time for this alright?
我们没时间了好吗
We need to fix this thing with Leslie
我们得一起想办法补救
together as a team. No, you know what?
莱丝莉的事 不 你知道吗
I don't want to be your teammate.
我才不想跟你一起
Ha! I don't believe that for a second,
我根本不相信
I trust you, Danny.
我信任你 丹尼
I know that you trust me. In fact, I'm going do a trust fall.
我知道你信任我 我要玩信任背摔
Just to prove it.
来证明
Oh, I'm going to get my camera out for this.
我可要把我的相机准备好
I want you to 100% know that I am not going to catch you.
我要你知道 我绝对绝对不会接住你
I know you better than you think, Danny.
我比你认为的更了解你 丹尼
Can't wait to be in your arms.
我迫不及待要投入你的怀抱了
Ah, you're not gonna be in my arms.
我才不会抱住你
This is really dumb.
这真的太蠢了
This is gonna hurt more than when your Netflix special comes out
这肯定会比Netfilix播出你的特辑时
and nobody watches it.
没人收看还要痛苦
Well, I highly doubt that. Let's see.
我对此深表怀疑 走着瞧吧
No no. My heart tells me you're going to catch me.
不 我的心告诉我你会接住我的
Your heart's dumb. My heart is not dumb. My heart is never wrong.
你的心很蠢 它可不蠢 它永远都是对的
Yippee, first time it's gonna be wrong. Go ahead.
那这是它第一次判断错误 来吧
For friendship!
为友谊而倒
Oh, God! God!
天啊 痛死了
Haha! For Instagram!
上传到Instagram
So if Mike made puppets for everyone,
如果麦克给每个人都做了玩偶
where is the Leslie puppet?
那莱丝莉的玩偶在哪里
Unfortunately, she's with puppet Burski.
不幸的是 她和伯斯科玩偶在一起
I hope puppet Burski uses puppet protection.
我希望伯斯科玩偶用了玩偶的安全措施
Hey, guys. We're having a lot of laughs out there,
大伙儿们 我们现在笑得可欢了
but please remember, puppet pregnancy isn't a joke.
但请不要忘记 玩偶怀孕不是开玩笑的
Look after each other.
照顾彼此
Come on, give me that!
别玩了 给我
Hey, Les, we gotta talk to you. What do you want?
莱丝 我们要和你谈谈 你又想怎样
Look, I feel bad about what happened.
听着 我对发生的事感到内疚
So I teamed up with Justin and we fixed things. Okay?
于是我和贾斯丁组队解决了这件事
I totally get it, I shouldn't have taken youir moment, okay?
我完全明白 我不应该剥夺属于你的时刻
So, we talked to Mike.
所以 我们和麦克谈过了
Oh my God! Tell me this isn't happening!
天啊 告诉我这不是真的
Pinch yourself, it totally is.
掐自己一下就知道了 这是真的
Look, all I did was, I told Mike the truth.
听着 我只是和麦克说了实话
I said: "look, it wasn't my place
我说 "听着 我没有资格
to get involved with whether or not you should propose.“
对你应不应该求婚指手画脚”