外星也难民

科尔沃 我现在为你受洗
Korvo, I now baptize you
以圣父 圣子和圣灵的名
in the name of the Father, Son, and the--
该死 我把盆掉了
Oh shit, I dropped the bowl!
该死 该死 真该死
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
看来上帝站在我们这边
Oh, looks like God was on our side!
尽管祂的方式很神秘
Although his ways are mysterious.
你在做什么 小姑娘
What are you doing, little girl?
我在解救这些鲸鱼 你个蠢货
I'm freein' the Willys, ya dumb cracker!
享受自♥由♥的快乐吧 鲸鱼们
Have fun being free, Willys!
好吧 杰克·史莱特 你已经被亲过了
Alright, Jake Slater, you have been kissed.
声明一下
Just to be clear,
这或许本会让杰茜更充实 而不是我
this probably would have fulfilled Jesse more than me.
我之前从未像这样被人吻过
I've never been kissed like that before.
你愿意和我去舞会吗
Will you go to prom with me?
这取决于你穿什么
Depends on what you're wearing!
-你来这里干什么 -你好 弗朗基女士
- What the fuck are you doing here? - Hello, Ms. Frankie.
雅姆莱克想对你说 "去你♥妈♥的♥ 两次
Yumyulack wanted to tell you "To go fuck yourself twice,
你这个过气的臭狗尿"
you has-been bag of stinky dog piss."
很伤人 但继续说
Hurtful but continue.
特里想要
And Terry wanted to--
不会吧
Oh, hells no.
写了什么
What is it?
我看着你呢
I'm watching you!
但我在跳舞而你们没有
But I'm dancing like you're not!
不要
Don't--
该死 弗朗基 我赶时间
Dammit, Frankie, I'm on the clock.
等等 萨曼莎 别上那架飞机 我爱你
Wait, Samantha! Don't get on that plane. I love you.
什么 我吗 我根本不认识你
What? Me? I don't know you!
我爱你胜过一切
I love you more than anything I've ever--
天啊 真的好有成就感
Man, that was some good fulfilling!
我好充实 我要开始欢呼了
I'm so fulfull, I'm gonna yack.
我们先不要开始
Let's not start tuggin'
猛拽对方并不存在的小♥弟♥弟♥
each other's nonexistent dicks quite yet.
我们不知道这是否有效
We don't know if it worked.
我有一种预感我已经完全充实了
Oh, I have a feeling I'm completely fulfilled.
我可不是白白给一个女人六个半小时的高♥潮♥
I didn't give a woman six and a half orgasms for nothing.
阿伊莎 调出我们的充实程度指标
Aisha, pull up our fulfillment meters
准备好大吃一惊吧
and prepare to be impressed.
八分充实 什么玩意
Mostly? What the fuck?
十分充实
八分充实
一般充实
三分充实
不充实
什么 我不明白 我们完成了纸条上的所有事
What? I don't understand, we did all our slips!
我的每日一词来了
Ooh, my word of the day!
今天的词是 拖沓的
Today's word is dilatory,
意思是以低于正常的速度移♥动♥或是行进
meaning moving or proceeding at less than normal speed.
我来造个句
I'll use it in a sentence:
我一直都很拖沓
I am dilatory all the time
因为我有点懒而且非常蠢
because I'm kinda lazy and fuckin' stupid.
完全充实
上帝啊 我完全充实了 我做到了 我感觉太棒了
Oh my God, I'm fulfilled! I did it! I feel amazing!
我过了充实的一生 而你们没有
I YOLO'd and you didn't!
你们是没有充实一生的失败者
You're Yo-Losers!
对了 对了 那个按键在哪
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's that button?
滚吧你 你 还有你
Fuck you! Fuck you! And fuck you!
闭嘴 特里 你这个垃圾
Shut up, Terry! You suck.
没错 闭嘴
Yeah, shut up!
我就不 你们几个没有充实生活的傻♥逼♥
Make me, you unfulfilled motherfuckers!
天呐 他还真是摔得稀碎
Ah geez, he really splatted.
跌落的地方也没多高
It wasn't even that much of a fall.
大伙 是我的错
Hey, that's my "B" Guys.
别舔特里的血了 你这个肉酱 拿出点尊重来
Stop licking Terry's blood, you Ragu! Show some respect!
等一下 特里死了之后
Wait a minute. When Terry died,
他的充实数值似乎转移到了我身上
it looks like his fulfillment points transferred over to me.
现在 我快要完全充实了
I'm almost fulfilled now.
我的天呐 我想我们这是
Holy shit, I guess we're in a
一个类似《挑战者》那样 最终只能有一个人的情况
"There-can-only-be-one" Highlander-type situation.
等下 我以为那个电影是关于一个火♥辣♥的护士
Wait, I thought that show was about a hot nurse
回到过去 搞得她筋疲力尽
who goes back in time to get her ass eaten out?
不 那是《古战场传奇》
No, that's Outlander.
《挑战者》的意思是 我们中间的一个人杀掉另两个
Highlander means if one of us kills the other two,
我们就可以在死之前达到完全充实
we'd be totally fulfilled before we die.
好吧 这说得通
Okay. That tracks.
但是我们不会互相杀害的 对吧
But we would never kill each other, right?
我是说 我 我们是一家人
I mean, w-we're a family.
-是的 我们都是这么想的 -是的 一家人
- Yeah. That's, that's what we all think. - Sure. A family.
我要去屋子的另一个地方祭奠特里了
I'm gonna go mourn Terry in another part of the house.
我要去做点 外星难民的事
I'm gonna go do, uh, some Solar Opposites stuff.
我要去烂番茄写一篇关于
And I am going to go write a Rotten Tomatoes user review
《雷神2 黑暗世界》的影评
of Thor: The Dark World.
这样大家就可以知道我对那部雷神影片的看法了
So people can know my thoughts on that particular Thor movie.
我们不会准备互相残杀真是太好了
It's so great that we're not preparing to kill each other.
美人 准备好大闹一场了吗
Hey, beautiful. You ready to fuck shit up?
操 为什么我把它设计成只有倒车的时候才能转弯
Dammit. Why did I design this to only turn when you go backwards?
完美
Perfect.
阿伊莎 我需要那瓶魔力药水
Aisha, I need that magic potion.
我们存在纳尼亚的那瓶
The one we keep in Narnia?
我们承诺过不会再回去的
We promised we would never go back.
不 是犹太巫师教我做的那瓶 快点
No, the secret magic potion that Jewish wizard taught me! Hurry!
赞美你 我的真♥主♥
Baruch Atah Adonai
伊克斯帕利路玛斯 勒维奥萨
Expellilumus Leviosa...
应该是Expelliarmus 缴械咒 Wingardium Leviosa 悬浮咒
不公平 你有辆坦克
No fair, you have a tank!
是啊 我要炸烂你
Yeah, and I'm gonna blast you
然后好好发展我的人物角色
and develop the shit out of my character!
那可能在我创造出超多的魔力我之前还能有效
Maybe that would have worked before I made my magic me's!
出来吧 孩子们
Come on out, boys!
不公平
That's not fair!
杰茜 你干了什么 你难道不也要杀了我们吗
Jesse, what did you do? Aren't you trying to kill us too?
天呐 不 我永远都不会对我的家人那么做
Oh gosh, no. I would never do that to my family.
典型的杰茜行为 太蠢了
Typical Jesse. So stupid.
吓你一跳 我把整个房♥子布置的像《小鬼当家》一样
Psych! I Home Alone'd the whole house!
欢迎来到地狱 小伙子们
Welcome to Hell, boys!
死吧 怪异的小科尔沃们
Die, you creepy little Korvos!
哈哈 看你怎么弄掉你身上那么多的羽毛
Ha! Try getting all those feathers off of you!
我要杀了那个小孩
I'm gonna kill that kid!
出来吧 正常大小的科尔沃
Come out here, normal-sized Korvo!
-是时候让我了结你了 -还不是时候
- It's time for me to finish you! - Not quite yet!
来见见食人魔科尔沃
Meet ogre Korvo.
而我称呼他为 食人沃
Or as I like to call him, Orgo.
上帝啊 雅姆莱克死了
Oh my God, Yumyulack is dead!
我的另一个脚趾母亲家的哥哥
My brother from another toe mother!
没错 我杀了他 下一个到你了
Yeah, I killed him, and you're next.
等一下 我们在干什么 这感觉不对
Wait a minute. W-what are we doing? This feels wrong.
我们真的应该互相残杀
Should we really be killing each other
就是为了得到那点分数吗
just to get these stupid points?
我也在想同样的事情
I was just thinking the same thing!
我们应该把最后的十二个小时花在互相陪伴上
We should have spent these last 12 hours with each other,
享受家人们的陪伴
enjoying the company of family.
对不起 杰茜 你说得对
I'm sorry, Jesse. Y-you're right.
科尔沃 我好害怕
Korvo, I'm scared.
死会痛吗
Is, is dying gonna hurt?
不 我 我想死是很平静的 就像是睡着了
No, I, I think it'll be peaceful, li-li-like falling asleep.
我很开心 至少我们会一起死
Well, I'm glad that at least we'll die together.
也许花时间和你爱的人在一起
You know what? Maybe spending time with people you love
才是生命的意义
is what gives your life meaning.
而不是什么遗愿清单 或是让历史老师高♥潮♥的太狠
Not some bucket list or making a history teacher cum so hard
以至于她左半边身子失去知觉
she loses feeling in her left side?
科尔沃 你说得太好了
Korvo, that's beautiful.
快过来抱一下 你这个大笨蛋
Come here, ya big lug.
不 科尔沃
No, Korvo!
我的最后一个陷阱 我把它忘得一干二净