外星也难民

我以为我了解他 我以为他是好人
I thought I knew him. I thought he was a good person.
权力会对人产生疯狂的影响
Power does crazy things to people.
我是例外 我处理得很完美
Uh, not me. I mean, I handled it perfectly
我是一个杰出的领袖
and was an excellent, excellent leader.
你用水淹没了底层
You flooded the bottom levels!
那些人想要烧掉整座墙
People were trying to burn down the whole Wall.
我别无选择
I had no choice!
随便了 至少我们可以一致同意蒂姆是垃圾
Whatever, we can at least both agree that Tim sucks.
我无法想象他掌权下的墙国是什么样子
I can't imagine what's happened to the Wall with him in charge.
他们需要一个真正的领袖
They need a real leader.
-蘑菇怎么样 -难吃死了
- How are the mushrooms? - Disgusting.
你是厨师还是什么
What are you, like a chef or something?
我在进入墙国前 在红花餐厅工作
Before I was put in the Wall, I worked at Benihana.
你在...
Uhhh, whoa, what are you--
红花餐厅是我最爱的餐厅
Benihana's my favorite restaurant of all time.
多年来我每周都会光顾两次
I went there twice a week for years!
你认真的吗 油那么重
Are you serious? It's so oily.
你没有经常拉肚子吗
Didn't you get tons of diarrhea?
拉了无数回
Tons and tons of diarrhea!
但能吃到洋葱火山 这点代价不算什么
But that's a small price for an onion volcano.
不仅仅是食物
You know, it's not just food--
而是一种体验
"It's an experience."
红花餐厅的创始人是洛基·青木
So the Benihana founder is Rocky Aoki...
-史蒂夫·青木的父亲 -我不认识
- The father of Steve Aoki. - I don't know who that is.
他是个著名DJ
He's like this really famous DJ!
洛基也是戴文·青木的父亲
And Rocky's also the father of Devon Aoki.
-毫无头绪 -超模兼演员
- I'm drawing a blank. - Supermodel-slash-actress.
她参演过《速度与激♥情♥》和《罪恶之城》
She was in 2 Fast 2 Furious and Sin City.
这些人很有名吗
And these people are famous?
算是吧 十年前
Kinda, like 10 years ago.
我刚意识到我不知道你真名
I just realized I don't know your real name.
你父母没给你取名"公爵"吧
Your parents didn't name you "The Duke," Right?
-我真名是 -等等
- Well, my real name is-- - Hold on.
看来我不该
Ugh. Guess I shouldn't have gone
多加那个蚂蚁大脑的
for that extra portion of ant brain.
-当然了 -你这什么口气
- Yeah, right. - What's with the tone?
-得了吧 -怎么了
- Oh, come on. - What?
别逼我说出来 男人不该说这事的
Don't make me say it. Guys aren't supposed to bring it up.
什么 别犯贱 我都跟你说了青木的事
What? Stop being a dick, I told you about Aoki.
好吧 很明显你怀孕了
Okay. It's pretty clear that you're pregnant.
什么 不可能
What? No way, that's impossible.
我已经注意到种种迹象有段时间了
I've been seeing signs for a while.
我只是以为你不想谈论
I just assumed you didn't want to talk about it.
谁是父亲 某个红花餐厅的猛♥男♥吗
Who's the father, some Benihana hunk?
他怎么做的 把那小虾射进你的口袋吗
What'd he do, shoot that shrimp right into your pocket?
天 部不不不
Oh god... no. No, no, no, no, no.
怎么会这样
This can't be happening.
你月经已经晚来了6到8周
You're also six to eight weeks late on your period.
-什么 -这里面空间这么小
- Excuse me? - It's close quarters in here.
我难道要不注意到你没来月经吗
I'm just supposed to not notice you're not having a period?
是的
Yes!
天 真希望有什么能确定的方法
God, I wish there was a way we could know for sure?
有的
Oh, but there is.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
吉邦尼奶油彩蛋里面的奶油材质
The creme in a Cadbunny Creme Egg is basically made
其实跟做验孕的材质是一样的
of the same stuff used to make pregnancy tests.
这绝对是大错特错
That is one hundred million percent not true.
我在每个硬币上都滴了一点奶油
I put a drop of Cad Creme on each of these dimes
用我们的鸟样来做检测
to test them using our urine samples.
首先 我们看看我的 作为对照物
First, we'll try mine, which will function as the control.
我"对照物"用对了吗
Am I using "Control" Right?
-听上去没问题 -好的 那开始了
- Sounds right. - Okay, here we go.
好 没有反应
Okay, no reaction.
现在我们在看看你的尿液 我喜欢称之为"你尿"
Now let's try your urine. Or as I like to call it, "Yourine."
老天
Jesus Christ!
恭喜了 妈妈
Congratulations, Mom.
你不高兴我一直有存我们的尿吗
Aren't you glad I've been saving acorn caps of our urine?
不 这太糟了
No! This is terrible!
拜托 这是奇迹
Hey, come on! This is a miracle!
第一个出生的缩小人
The first baby to be born small!
-不是我的吧 -什么 我们从没做过爱
- It's not mine, is it? - What! We've never even had sex.
很好 你答应不在我睡觉的时候碰我屌♥
Good. You promised to never touch my penis when I'm asleep,
我指望你能信守承诺
and I expect you to honor that.
孩子他爸是 蒂姆
The father... it's Tim.
你是说混♥蛋♥蒂姆
Whoa. You mean asshole Tim?
-是的 -我去
- Yes. - Shit.
难以置信
I can't believe this is happening.
我在外面要怎么照顾一个小孩
How am I going to take care of a child out here?
不管发生什么
Whatever happens,
你和我会一起想办法的
you and I are going to figure this out together.
我保证
I promise you.
等等 你一直在存我们的尿
Wait a second, you've been saving our urine all this time?
我称之为我们尿
I call it our-ine.
你泡那些又暖又苦的澡时
Oh look, you weren't complaining
可没有抱怨
when you took all those warm, bitter baths.
我其实大概也猜到了
Yeah, I guess part of me knew,
但我不想失去
but I just didn't want to lose the option of
把烦恼抛诸脑后的午间泡澡机会
a relaxing midday soak to let my troubles melt away.
原来是尿
Turns out it was piss.
用力 雪莉 用力
Keep pushing, Cherie! Keep pushing!
用力
Push!
我接到了
I've got it!
没有哭 公爵 为什么没有哭
It's not crying, Duke. Why isn't it crying?
是酸橙味小熊软糖
It's a lime Gummy Bear!
雪莉 醒醒
Cherie, wake up!
你又做噩梦了
You're having another nightmare
梦到你生下了糖果
where you give birth to a piece of candy.
太真实了
It was so real.
这次又是什么 特趣巧克力
What was it this time? Twix?
-小熊软糖 -绿色的
- Gummy bear. - Green?
嗯 绿色的
Yeah, it was green.
我的天 我猜对了
Holy shit, I guessed it?
来喝了 你得多喝水
Here, drink this. You gotta stay hydrated.
谢谢
Thanks.
我最近思考了很多
I've been doing some thinking.
《异形大战铁血战士2》飞船套装
This Alien Versus Predator: Requiem playset
不是养孩子的地方
is no place to raise a child.
拜托
Oh, come on.
没错 这不是《宇宙巨人希曼》里
Sure, it's no Masters of the Universe
给希曼和他敌人住的
Castle Grayskull Fortress of Mystery and Power
神秘和力量之骷髅头堡
for He-Man and his Foes,
但也没那么糟
but it's not so bad .
已经开始分崩离析了
It's starting to fall apart.
我们用捕食者杀手的长发绺修补东西
We've patched things with the extra Predator dreadlocks,
但一旦用完 就没有东西
but once those run out, there won't be anything
能保护我们和小孩不受杰夫的伤害了
to protect us and the baby from Jeff.
我都忘了我们把那负鼠叫做杰夫
I forgot we were calling the possum Jeff.
这本来就只该是暂时的住所
This was always meant to be temporary.
婴儿需要真正的医疗补给
A baby needs real medical supplies
和非昆虫类的食物
and non-insect foods.
再说 如果我们能联♥系♥到正常大小的人
Plus, if we could get in contact with some regular-sized people,
或许还有机会恢复到原来的大小
there's a chance we could be turned regular size again ourselves.
可我们能去哪呢
But where could we even go?
我们必须前往幸福健康的角落
We have to go to the corner of happy and healthy.
沃格林 你疯了吗
The Wallgreans? Are you crazy?
步行的话会走好几周
It would take weeks to reach on foot.
我知道 但为了孩子我们必须这么做
I know. But we have to do it for the sake of the child.
你如此夸张地说"孩子" 听起来好怪
It's so weird when you say "The child" All dramatic like that.
-拜托不要这样 -再说一次
- Please stop. - Just one more time.
-行吧 -为了孩子
- Fine. - For the sake of the child!