外星也难民

你喝过这种酒吗 这杯是椰子的
You ever even had any of these? This one's from a coconut.
我们怎么可能迷路
How can we possibly be lost?
我们配备有
We have access
在这个象限内最精密的追踪设备
to the most sophisticated tracking equipment in the quadrant.
我把它留在车里了
I left it in the car, okay.
我们会被困在这里直到死去
We're going to be trapped here until we die,
我永远不能和一个疯狂且调皮的梦中男孩一起
and I'll never get to have a 500 Days of Summer quirky romance
来一次像《和莎莫的500天》一样离奇的浪漫旅程
with a manic pixie dream boy!
所有人冷静 我是拓荒的专家
Everybody calm down. I'm an expert trailblazer.
我们只要跟着最灰暗的星星走
We just have to follow the dimmest star,
它永远直指南方
it'll always lead directly South.
两个月后
在这个愚蠢的星球上所有的星星都很灰暗
All the stars are dim on this stupid planet!
为什么我的肩膀上插着根树枝
Why is there a branch through my shoulder?
因为你说 如果我们不赶紧吃的话
Because you said if we didn't eat soon
你就会把一根树枝插♥进♥你的肩膀里
you were going to ram a branch through your shoulder.
那都是六周前的事了
And that was six weeks ago.
好吧 我想我还处在震惊中
Oh right, yeah, I guess I'm in shock.
被害人数
毫无疑问 我们这出现了一个连环杀人犯
There's no question anymore, we have a serial killer on our hands.
我们就开始直接指责他人了吗
Whoa, we're going straight to judging people
就是因为发生了五起相似的谋杀案
just because of five identical murders?
我还是不相信
I'm not convinced.
我仍觉得是蟋蟀干的
I still think a cricket did it.
蟋蟀
A cricket?
蟋蟀可以杀害随机的五个人
Could a cricket kill five random men,
外科手术一般取走他们的器官
surgically remove their organs,
然后把他们的尸体摆成眨眼脸的形状吗
and place their corpses in the shape of a winky face?
你看过匹诺曹吗
Have you seen Pinocchio?
如果它们用心杀人
Yeah. Who knows what they could accomplish
谁知道他们能做出什么
if they put their minds to murdering.
或者更糟 用腿杀人
Or worse, their legs.
如果是两只蟋蟀一同协作呢
Ooh, what if it's two crickets working together?
或者一只原始杀人蟋蟀
Or one original homicidal cricket
另一只是模仿的蟋蟀
and then a copy cricket.
我说白了吧 我们这可能就是有一个
Can I just throw out there that we probably just have
普通的杀人犯
one regular human murderer
而不是两只天才杀人蟋蟀
and not two genius-level killer crickets.
你真是太异想天开了
You're letting your imagination run wild.
你不再是福斯热剧《识骨寻踪》的责任故事编剧了
You're not an executive story editor on the hit FOX drama Bones anymore.
这是真实的生活
This is real life.
我们在讨论的是活生生的人
These are real people we're talking about,
而不是由美丽动人的艾米丽·丹斯切尔扮演的角色
not characters played by the eminently watchable Emily Deschanel.
你有在听我说话吗
Are you even listening to me?
没 如果我在《识骨寻踪》中学到了一件事
No, if there's one thing I learned on Bones,
那就是永远不要妨碍伯伦纳兹吃第二顿晚饭
it's never get between Boreanaz and second dinner.
但另一件事就是 跟随你的直觉
But another thing was: go with your gut.
我的直觉告诉我 我们得快点行动了
And my gut says we gotta move fast.
内特
Nate!
内特 你回来了 我想死你了
Nate, you're back. I missed you.
内特 别在我家人面前这样
Oh! Nate! Not in front of my family.
-我们又回到了一开始的地方 -我们会死在外面吗
- We're back where we started? - Are we gonna die out here?
等下 我还不能死
Wait, I can't die yet!
我们还没有完成我们的露营故事线呢
We haven't even finished our camp story arc.
不继续了吗
What happens with all that?
生活不是那样的 我们不是在电视节目里
That's not how life works, we're not on TV.
我们要饿死在森林里了
We're starving to death in the woods.
我们没有时间再去学习分享的价值什么的了
We don't have time to learn the value of sharing or whatever.
所以现在 不是露营 而是迷失在森林的故事
So now instead of camp, it's just a lost in the woods story?
你能不把这事说成是个故事吗
Would you stop trying to make it a story?
不过 我们确实迷失在了森林里
We are lost in the woods, though!
很快就不会了 我们还有一个选择
Not for long, we have one more option.
通常是为了在最贫瘠且不友好的星球上
It's typically reserved to survive the most barren,
生存下来而准备的
inhospitable planets,
但是非常时期需采取非常手段
but desperate times call for desperate measures.
-雅姆莱克 是时候了 -你确定吗
- Yumyulack, it's time. - Are you sure?
我们快死了 不得不要这样了
We're dying, we have to.
你们在说什么
Uhh... what are you talking about?
紧急城市催生弹
The Emergency Urbanizer.
是在陆地上使用的救生筏
It's a life raft for the land.
我们只有一个 没法再来一次
We only have one of these, we can never do it again.
别浪费时间了 雅姆莱克
Quit wasting time, Yumyulack.
我们都知道利害关系
We all know the stakes.
它们已被用过很多次了 快动手吧
They've been tapped multiple times. Just do it.
纸片上的7
The seven on that scrap of paper,
就是线索
it's a clue.
我们要找的人一定住在第7区 我有强烈预感
Our guy must live in Sector 7. I can feel it in my bones.
第7区
第21集 从没播出过
Episode 21, never aired.
先发制人地干掉了本·拉♥登♥
Pre-empted by the killing of Bin Laden.
很棒的一集 鲍比·坎纳瓦尔客串了一个皮条客
Good episode. Bobby Cannavale guest starred as a pimp.
我不知道蟋蟀居然会用纸
Wow, I didn't know crickets could use paper.
你明白它们有多聪明了吧
You see how smart they are?
找到了 有人在这屋杀过人
Bingo. Somebody killed some shit up in this piece.
不许动 打他 快射击
Freeze! Get him! Get him!
他不是
He was not!
不 他刚才绝对要拿什么
Yuh-huh, he was totally reaching for something!
我们救了你的命
We saved your life!
说句"谢谢"就好
A "thank you" would be nice.
我们本可以活捉他的
We could have brought him in alive!
等等 等一下 我们之前根本没这么说
Wait, whoa, whoa. Wait, whoa! We didn't discuss that at all.
我们以为要立刻用钉子打死他
We thought we were supposed to staple him immediately.
你应该高兴 你的理论是正确的
You should be happy your theory was right.
不是蟋蟀干的 我们已经抓住他了
It wasn't a cricket after all. And we got him!
现在 谁知道车在哪里
Who knows where the car is at this point?
我们可能得找好几天
It could take us days to find.
我滴个妈呀
Holy guacamole!
这是什么地方
What is this place?
说来话长
It's complicated.
那里有个游客视频站
There's a tourist video station over there.
来吧 我们去看看
Come on, we'll go watch.
你好 我是木头演员伍顿·哈里森
Howdy, I'm wood actor Wooden Harrelson,
是即将上映的电影
star of the upcoming film
《惊天三魔盗 逃离扑克宇宙》中的主角
Now You Three Me: Escape from the Pokerverse.
欢迎来到木城
Welcome to The Wooden City,
世界上最令人兴奋的 真正在"生长"中的城市
the most exciting, actually growing city in the world.
木城和普通城市一样
The Wooden City is just like a regular city,
除了它是用森林里已有的材料
except algorithmically generated
通过算法生成的
from materials available in the woods.
动物除外
Except the animals.
它们是真的 会杀了你
They are real, and they will kill you.
失陪下
Now, if you'll excuse me,
我八点半在朵西亚餐厅有个约会
I have an 8:30 at Dorsia.
没错 这里并不是只有丛林双关
That's right, it's not all forest puns here.
好消息是 我们不再迷失在丛林里了
The good news: we're not lost in the woods anymore.
坏消息是 我们现在迷失在巨大的木城
The bad news: we're now lost in a giant big wooden city.
我们只需要挣足够多的钱去租辆车
We just need to make enough money to rent a car
这样我们就能开回我们真实车辆的停车处
so we can drive back to where we parked our actual car
然后离开这里
and get the hell out of here.
我们分头去打工 这样挣钱更快
Let's split up and all get jobs. That way, it'll go faster.
但我们不该在一起吗
But shouldn't we stick together?
不 如果我们分头去打工会更快
No. It would be faster if we all went and got our own jobs
我们要尽快挣到钱
and made money as fast as possible.
这不是游戏 这关乎生存
This isn't a game. It's survival.
等等 等等 等一下
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
现在的故事不是关于夏令营或迷失丛林
Now the story isn't about camp or being lost in the woods,
是关于在大城市生存吗
it's about surviving in the big city?
对 也可能是哥斯拉的故事
Yeah, or it could be a Godzilla story,
所以千万小心
so keep your eyes... open.
好吧 我得注解很多东西
Okay, I have a ton of notes.
这会很棒的
This is gonna be awesome!
我们在一个大城市