外星也难民

杰登 你们搞错派对的地方了
Jaeden! You guys are accidentally partying at the wrong house!
天 他找到我们了
Aw, man. He found us.
没人想跟一个蓝外星人搞过夜派对
Nobody wants to go to a sleepover with an ugly blue alien
闻起来就像屌♥
that smells like a penis.
我骗你去你家派对
I told you to have that sleepover
只是为了让你不来参加我们的派对而已
so you wouldn't find out about our party.
但是 你说过我也很酷的
But... you said I was cool.
并不是 你烂爆了
Oh, you're not, you suck.
我还要在你伤口上撒盐
And to add some injury to insult,
去你♥妈♥的♥ 你个小蓝贱♥货♥
fuck you, you little blue bitch!
科尔沃 准备好把噗噗搞过来了吗
Korvo! Ready to scoop up the Pupa?
我改主意了 不能把噗噗给你们
I've changed my mind, you can't have the Pupa.
但是 特里不是个脑残吗
But, uh, isn't Terry an idiot?
没错 但他是我的组员 我会对他们负责
Yes, but he's a part of my team. And it's my job to lead them.
那我们的计划怎么办
What about the plan?
你们什么时候才能改造地球
When will you terraform so
好让我们接着过回不为人知的富有生活
we can get back to living our secret rich lives?
你们只能保持现状
You'll just have to keep doing what you're doing
等着噗噗自己像我们一样进化了
and wait for the Pupa to evolve just like us.
卡布洛尼斯 你干什么
K-Kabronius! What the hell!
放我出去
Let me out of here!
不 你的噗噗归我们了
No! That Pupa belongs to us!
-你够重的啊 -去你♥妈♥的♥
- Ow, you're heavy. - Fuck you.
不准动我的噗噗 你们这帮富有的傻叉
Don't you touch my Pupa, you rich fucks!
放我出去
Let me out of here!
噗噗跟真正的什洛普星人在一队才会更幸福
The Pupa will be happier in a team of real Shlorpians.
去你的 泽尔沃德 你就是垃圾 你听到了吗
Fuck you, Zelvod! You're a piece of shit! You hear me?
你们都去死吧 你们这群孤废
Fuck all of you! You're a bunch of hacky ALFs!
靠 等等 神圣数字
Damn it! Wait, the sacred number.
Eight, five, nine, four, two--
检测到噗噗 坐标锁定
Pupa detected, coordinates locked.
Five, two, damn it, six!
我原来一直都知道这数字
Ha! I knew that stupid number the whole time!
现在谁是傻子啊
Who's an idiot now?
Fuck! Eight, five, seven, nine, four, two--
外星人从下水道里爬出来
Alien climbing up out of the sewer, huh?
真是活久见
What a time to be alive!
-欢迎来到英国 -怎么去摩天轮
- Welcome to the UK. - Which way to the Ferris wheel?
步行的话会很久 亲爱的 我开车送你去
Take you forever on foot, love. Come on, I'll give you a ride.
我以为他会把它当大轮子一样开出去
I thought he was going to roll it like a big wheel,
看来缺乏创意 所以我才做了警♥察♥
but I guess that lack of creativity is why I'm just a cop.
把你们的噗噗给我们
Give us your Pupa!
为什么
Okay, why?
谈判不会有任何进展 致命武力
Talking is getting us nowhere. Lethal force!
去你♥妈♥的♥ 你休想得到我们的噗噗
Fuck you, you're never gonna get our Pupa.
启动自动防御
Activate auto defenses!
听我命令 释放科幻地狱
On my count, unleash sci-fi hell!
Three, two, one--
西德尼[制片人 Sydney Ryan]
请叫Hulu再给我们一百万
这样我们就能超预算制♥作♥一个超厉害的动作片
麦克·M
天啊 我去 这是我参加过的最疯狂的战争
Jesus, shit. That was the craziest battle I've ever been in.
一次性就拍成了
And all in one unbroken take?
那一定花了一百万
That must have cost a million dollars!
把噗噗给我们 我们就停止射击
Give us the Pupa and we'll stop shooting at you.
咱们炸了他然后夺走噗噗
Let's just blast him and take the Pupa.
住手 噗噗可以给你们
Stop, stop! You can have the Pupa,
但我们得告诉你们要怎么照顾它
but we need to tell you how to take care of it.
它要是死了 你们就无法变得有钱懒惰了
If it dies, you won't get to be rich and lazy.
行 你有30秒时间
All right, fine! You have 30 seconds!
科尔沃 噗噗就像是我们的孩子
Korvo! The Pupa's like our baby.
你不能送走它
You can't give him away.
闭嘴 我是团队领袖
Shut up. I'm team leader.
这些人从没见过噗噗
And these guys have never seen a Pupa before.
所以呢
So?
以防万一这招不成功
In case this doesn't work,
拿着这把枪 躲到被子下面去
go hide under the covers with this gun.
这是噗噗 这是全部的噗噗
Here's the Pupa. Tha-tha-that's the whole Pupa, right there.
等等
Wait.
它比我想象中还可爱
It's even cuter than I imagined!
很荣幸认识你 高贵的噗噗
It's an honor to meet you, oh noble Pupa.
噗噗每天需要遛四次
The Pupa needs to be walked four times a day.
别忘了 不然它会在你不想它尿尿的地方尿
Don't forget, or she'll pee where you don't want her to.
确保用湿巾给它擦屁♥股♥
Make sure to wipe its tushy with a wet wipe.
你得给它煮新鲜鸡肉和大米
You have to boil fresh chicken and rice for her.
-慢点 -新鲜的 不然它会得荨麻疹
- Uh-huh, slow down. - Fresh, or she gets hives.
还有 很抱歉 但它的耳朵问题有点多
Also, I'm so sorry, but her ears are a mess!
慢点 慢点
Slow down. Slow down.
连噗噗的基本照料知识都不知道
Wow, way to not know the basics of Pupa care.
我们要怎么让它进化和地球化
So how do we make it evolve and terraform?
如果没有地球化
If it's not terraforming,
就说明你没有让它足够快乐
that just means you aren't making it happy enough.
我们会致力于满足这个生物
We will dedicate our entire lives to pleasing this creature.
好的 祝你们好运 它每次吠的时候
Okay, good luck! Oh, and every time it barks,
你得打自己的脸
you have to punch yourself in the face.
他说得没错
He's right, that's true.
有东西从它的臭洞里掉出来了
Oh. Something just fell out of its stinking hole.
那肯定就意味着它准备好开始地球化了
That must mean it's ready to start terraforming!
-你怎么了 -酷孩子们把我扔进了一棵树
- What happened to you? - The cool kids threw me in a tree,
所以我要用我的卫星杀了他们
so I'm going to kill them with my satellite.
你不是用那玩意
I thought you used that thing
找在屋顶上晒日光浴的女士吗
to look for ladies sun-tanning on their roofs.
现在我要用它来熔化霸凌
Yeah, well, now I'm going to use it to melt bullies.
你是谁
Uh, who are you?
我是达里尔 我是来参加过夜派对的
I'm Daryl. Here for the sleepover.
-是吗 -你们还在举♥行♥吗
- Wha-- You are? - Yeah, y'all still doing that?
-没别的人来 -很好 我反正都讨厌人
- Nobody else showed up. - Oh good, I hate people anyway.
我也是
So do I!
你想看看我缩小过的成年人吗
Hey, you wanna see the wall full of adults I've shrunk?
好啊
Sure.
就像是个蚂蚁农场
Oh, so it's like an ant farm, huh?
我知道 这很幼稚
Yeah, I know, it's dumb.
不不 我喜欢
No, no, no, I like it.
你想玩手♥机♥游♥戏♥ 然后说人坏话吗
Hey, you wanna play games on our phones and talk shit about people?
好啊 巴不得呢
Yes, a billion times, yes.
今天真够疯狂的
That was a crazy day.
知道吗
Hey, you know what.
我很高兴一切都回归正常了
I-I'm just glad everything is back to normal.
我们都学到了一课
We all learned a lesson.
感觉很好 内心感觉很好
Feels good. Feels good in here
下面感觉也很好
and feels good down here.
我今天学到的
The lesson I learned today
就是要开始更加严格
is to start doubling down on being strict
比以往更投入我们的任务
and being even more dedicated to the mission than ever before.
科尔沃 不
Korvo, no!
要 这样我就不会再觉得
Yes! That way I'll never feel like some other alien
别的外星人比我更传统了
is more orthodox than me ever again!
那我要更加肤浅和垃圾
Well, then I'm going to double down on being shallow and trashy
以此抵消你
just to cancel you out.
不 别这么做
No, don't do that!
我随心所欲 孩子 我是小特里
I do what I want, son! I'm li'l Terry.
我是团队领袖 这是命令
I'm team leader, that's an order!
我不在乎 我不在乎
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
-操♥你♥妈♥ 特里 -我听不见
- Fuck you, Terry! - I can't hear you.
天 那是噗噗的枪吗
Oh Jesus, was that the Pupa's gun?
不不不不不
No... no, no, no, no, no, no!
我去
Holy shit.
噗噗杀了一个机械战警
The Pupa killed a Robocop!
我真为你骄傲
Oh, I am so proud of you!