外星也难民

你的境遇看起来不太危险啊
Doesn't seem like you're in that much distress.
我是卡布洛尼斯 这艘飞船的队长
I am Kabronius, team leader of this ship.
这是泽尔沃德 我的副队长
This is Zelvod, my co-team leader,
以及我们的复♥制♥人 缇沃和德玛斯科隆
and our replicants Tivo and Damasculon.
你们疯了吗 你们的面具呢
Are you crazy? Where are your masks?
我不知道我们需要面具
I didn't know we needed masks.
我已经呼吸了一年多的空气了
I've been breathing air for over a year!
不
No,
面具是用来躲过塔拉人[地球]的
the face masks are so you can hide from the Terrans!
我们戴着面具走在塔拉人中
We use these to walk amongst the Terrans
他们就不会把我们抓去解剖了
so they don't capture and dissect us.
在我们住的美国小镇 我们不戴面具
Where we live in America, we don't wear masks.
我们几乎一直都很引人注目
We're noticeable almost all of the time.
是呀 我们的飞船从屋顶探出来
Yeah, our ship sticks out of the top of our house,
有一次 我们把冰冻岩浆弄得全镇都是
and one time we covered the whole town in ice lava.
所以 塔拉人认得我们
So, they know us.
但是 你懂的 我们
B-b-but, you know, we
我们也有很多时间都在躲避...
we also spend a lot of time hiding from Terrans
-塔拉人 -我们才没有
- as well. - No, we don't.
你们不怕政♥府♥绑♥架♥你们吗
Aren't you scared that the government will kidnap you?
怕 一直很怕 我们得非常小心塔拉人
Yes, all the time, we have to be very careful around Terrans.
他们才是"外星人" 我说得没错吧
They're the aliens, a-a-am I right?
我从来没这么想过 他们的确是
I never thought of it like that. They really are.
我们能带他们看看中子阵列吗
Oh, oh, can we show them the neutron array?
-求你了 -好吧 好吧
- Please? - Okay, okay.
很不错 我们的中子阵列真的很不错
It is very nice. We have a very nice neutron array.
谁称其为"塔拉"啊
Who calls it "Terra"?
这些呆子跟科尔沃一路
Yeah, these dorks are real Korvos.
当然了 任何精彩的飞船游览都会以
And of course, the end of any good ship tour,
参观哈瓦索弯月发射器结尾
the havacord meniscus.
这是双边发射的吗
Is this dual sided?
是的 这哥们很内行
It is! This guy knows his stuff.
我多希望能有个弯月双边发射器
Ugh, I wish I had a dual meniscus,
我们的只能从左边发射
ours only emits from the left.
好棒哦 朋友们
Ah, so great. Hey, guys.
你们想去吃咖喱鸡看城♥堡♥吗
Do you wanna go eat tikka masala and see some castles?
或者 去戈登·拉姆齐的餐厅
Maybe, uh, Ramsay some Gordons?
我们去见见皮帕吧 没人懂她
Ooh yes! Let's go meet Pippa. Nobody gets her.
不 不 不 我们夜里蹑手蹑脚地
Oh, no, no, no. We survive by creeping out at night
在垃圾堆里翻找食物才生存下来
to find food in dumpsters.
要是被人类发现了
If we get spotted,
我们就用记忆枪消除他们的记忆
we erase people's minds with a memory zapper.
最终 我们或许会渗入政♥府♥机关
Eventually, we might infiltrate the government
尝试给一些人类洗♥脑♥
and try brainwashing some people.
那你就能在政♥府♥机关工作了呢
Wow, then you could go work in the government.
这艘飞船比我们的好太多了
This ship is so much nicer than ours,
更别提我们房♥子里乱七八糟的玩具和杂♥志♥
not to mention our house is cluttered with toys and magazines.
我们的飞船里只容许留什洛普星上的东西
Oh, we only allow Shlorpian items to stay on the ship,
这让我们想起家乡
it reminds us of home.
-听见没 特里 -"听见没 特里"
- You hear that, Terry? - "You hear that Terry?"
闭嘴 小婊砸
Shut up, bitch.
我们刚才正要开始每小时的祷告 一起吗
We were about to start our hourly prayers. Care to join?
我们只在复活节做祷告
Eh, we only pray on Easter
或者在我们觉得自己快死了的时候
or when we think we're about to die.
就算到了那时候 我们也不太走心
And even then, we don't really mean it.
我要朗诵前三百篇诗歌♥
I call dibs on the first three hundred psalms!
不公平
No fair!
知道我们在这个危险的世界
It is so good to know
不是孤军奋战 真是太好了
that we aren't alone in this dangerous world.
以后你们要是需要一个什洛普星的住所
Look, if you ever need a Shlorpian place to stay,
我们的舱口随时敞开
our hatch is open.
我们有无数房♥间和吃不完的鳗鱼垃圾
We have tons of room and all the eel trash you can eat.
谢谢 请允许我说...
Thank you. And may I just say--
我们能走了吗
Ugh, can we please go already?
抱歉 我只是想谢谢你们...
Sorry. I just wanted to thank you for being--
科尔沃 我无聊死了
Korvo, I'm bored!
拜拜 玩得开心
Bye! Have fun!
看来外星难民们要去美国了
Looks like the Solar Opposites are going to America!
-下次我们坐飞机 -不 我喜欢浮空平台
- Next time we're flying! - No! I like the platform!
你能相信那些英国外星怪胎每小时都祷告吗
Can you believe those weirdo British aliens pray every hour?
下次我们就无视求救信♥号♥♥吧
Next time, let's just ignore the distress signal.
一群渣渣外星人 "人家要躲过塔拉人"
Bunch of Jar Jar dinks. Meesa gonna hide from Terrans!
那些什洛普星人是我们应该有的样子
Those Shlorpians were exactly the way we are supposed to be.
半夜溜出去翻垃圾堆找吃的
Sneaking out at night to dumpster dive for trash food?
"人家要吃垃圾"
Meesa gonna eat trash!
他们低级 我们高级 他们低级
They're basic. We're extra, they're basic.
他们才不是
They were not!
我是真的很震惊他们居然没有飞碟
I'm honestly surprised they didn't have a flying saucer.
他们像一群孤废 孤独废柴
They were like a bunch of ALFs: Alone Loser Fucks.
他们尊重我们家乡的优良传统
They honor the proud traditions of the home world
从今以后 我们也当如此
and from now on, so do we.
今晚我们都要围着黑曜石蜡烛冥想
We're all meditating around the obsidian candle tonight
一家人整整齐齐
as a family.
-得了吧 拉倒 -拉倒
- Yeah, right, pass. - Hard pass.
这很重要 这是我们的根 我们的传统
This is important! It's who we are! It's our heritage.
你已经和我们一样接地气了
You've gone just as native as we have.
你跟我们一样喜欢必胜客芝心匹萨
Yeah, you like Pizza Hut stuffed crust as much as we do.
你甚至还买♥♥了健身房♥会员 但从没去过
You even bought a gym membership and you never went.
你就像个假外星人
You're sort of like a fake alien, you know.
你们俩才是假外星人
You two are fake aliens!
你要干什么
Ugh, what are you doing?
我要搬去老伦敦城
I'm moving to ye olde London town
跟懂得欣赏我的外星人一起生活
to live with the aliens that appreciate me!
那家伙速度真快 对吗
That guy really turns on a dime, doesn't he?
他很难管理
He's tough to manage.
我们很高兴你决定加入我们的任务 科尔沃
We're so happy you've decided to be a part of our mission, Korvo.
你看起来像是和我们从同一个扎布射出来的什洛普星人
You seem like a Shlorpian lasered from the same zarb as us.
能加入一个保护我们文化
Oh, it's nice to be around a team that's preserved our culture
以及让我们文化得以被保护的团队合作感觉真好
and keeps our culture preserved, you know.
把这艘飞船当做
Just think of this ship
家乡的慰藉物
as a comforting piece of the home world.
现在我们去绕着格雷钠走
Now let's circle around the grangnar
用绳子鞭打自己
and hit ourselves with ropes.
听上去很棒
That sounds wonderful.
痛并快乐着
Oh, it hurts so good.
你确定...
Are you sure-
你的老队友不介意你...
Your old teammates are okay with you-
加入我们
Joining us?
我感觉
Something tells me-
他们已经后悔对我态度糟糕了
They're already regretting being dicks to me.
我再也不要脱掉我的波·达默龙睡衣
I'm never taking off my Poe Dameron jammies ever again!
如今科尔沃死了
Hey, oh, what are you going to do now
我是说走了 你要怎么办
that Korvo's dead, I mean gone?
我领养了一只费神费力的老狗
I adopted a high-maintenance elderly dog!
我们会花很多时间给它清理耳朵
We're going to have to spend a lot of time cleaning out her ears,
给它屁♥股♥涂乳液 挤压肛♥门♥
putting lotion in her butt, squeezing the anals,
这是我梦寐以求的责任
all the responsibility I've been begging for!
你想玩黄金机吗
You wanna play with the gold machine?
科尔沃会讨厌的 我们去玩吧
Korvo would hate that, let's do it!
科尔沃会很生气我在这么多黄金里翻滚的
Korvo would be so mad that I'm rolling in all this gold!
我刚取消了我的家庭套餐计划
I just canceled the family cell plan and
换成了极速移♥动♥
switched us over to Boost Mobile!
附赠了Crackle Plus服务
It comes with Crackle Plus!
他们有亚当·桑德勒朋友的所有电影 但是没有他的
They got all of Adam Sandler's friends' movies but none of his.
搞什么 你们不是在伦敦吗
What the hell? I thought you guys were in London.
科尔沃离家出走了 我领养了一只巴塞特猎犬
Korvo left the family, and I got a basset hound.
我不在乎
I don't give a shit!
很多酷小孩
A bunch of cool kids are
这周末要过来过夜
coming over for a sleepover this weekend,
你们能淡定点吗
so can you please just be chill?