外星也难民

特里 我要打开中子态二极管了
Alright, Terry, I'm switching on the Neutronium Diode.
这玩意是个喜怒无常的小婊♥子♥
This thing's a temperamental little slut
所以准备好尽快切断电源
so be ready to cut the power source ASAP.
-以什洛普星人的最快速度 -收到 哥们
- As Shlorpian as possible. - Gotcha, buddy!
特里 关掉
Oh! Terry, turn it off!
特里 快关掉 操 操
Terry! Do it now! Ow, fucking ow, ow, ow, fuck!
特里 操 特里 特里
Terry! Fuck! Ow! Terry! Ow! Terry!
收到 哥们
Gotcha, buddy!
收到 哥们 收到 哥们
Gotcha, buddy! Gotcha, buddy!
收到 哥们
Gotcha, buddy!
该死 我忘了科尔沃了
Oh crap, I forgot about Korvo!
救命 特里 我好想要死了
Help, Terry. I think I'm dying.
拜托 取消我在顾普的订阅[格温妮丝·帕特洛公♥司♥]
Please, cancel my subscription to Goop.
天 不 真抱歉 小科
Oh god, oh no, I'm so sorry, Korv.
是绿色按钮还是黄色的
Now-now is it the green button or the yellow one.
我真是个健忘的弗兰基·穆尼兹
I'm such a Forgetful Frankie Muniz.
这不是玩笑 他头部受过重伤
That's not a joke, he had a serious head injury.
特里 我再问你一次 你最好别撒谎
Terry, I'm gonna ask you one time and you better not lie:
你抛下了你的岗位去了迪士尼乐园吗
did you abandon your post and go to Disneyland?
什么 没有 我
What? No, I was--
这是我在塔吉特百货买♥♥的
I got these at Target.
我知道塔吉特百货不卖♥♥这个
I know for a fact they don't sell those at Target.
网上有卖♥♥ 黑色星期五打折的 有收到邮件
Online they do. Black Friday deal, got an email.
该死 可能进了垃圾邮箱了
Dammit, it probably went to my spam.
Hulu邮箱烂死了 你能转发给我吗
Fucking Hulumail sucks. Will you forward it to me?
晚点再说 我先把你放下来
I'd have to get back to you. Let's get you down from there.
见鬼 见鬼
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
是哪个按钮来着
Which button is it again?
-哪个按钮 -特里
- Which button is it? - Terry!
什洛普星曾是个完美的乌托邦
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
直到被小行星撞上
Until the asteroid hit.
一百个成人以及他们的复♥制♥人分到了一只噗噗
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa
逃往了太空
and escaped into, uh, the space,
在杳无人迹的世界里寻找新家
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
我们坠落在地球上 困在了一个已经人口过密的星球
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
是的 一直是我在说话
That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
抱着噗噗的人是我 我叫科尔沃
I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
这是我的节目 我的噗噗掉了 你看到我了吗
This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
这太荒唐了
This is ridiculous.
我讨厌地球 这是个糟糕的家园
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
人们都笨死了
People are stupid.
他们为什么这么热衷于让自己活着
Why are they all so excited about keeping themselves alive?
他们不知道死了以后 你会变得更强
Don't they know when you die you come back stronger
散发更朴实的味道
and with an earthier flavor?
外星也难民
第二季 第三集
西格妮·韦弗是你的完美地球宝贝吗
Sigourney Weaver is your perfect Earth babe?
是的
Uh, yeah!
她是女科学家
She's a woman of science,
她之前已经和外星人有过关系
she already has a prior relationship with aliens,
她还有着年轻时艾伯特·戈尔的肱二头肌
and she has the biceps of a young Al Gore.
毫无疑问 她是个帅气的女人
She's one handsome lady, that's for sure.
我愿意为她生孩子
I'd put a bun in that oven.
看 这个没屌♥的呆子有一张西格妮·韦弗的海报
Yo, check it. This dickless dork has a poster of Sigourney Weaver!
放肆 她是美国的性感老阿姨
How dare you, she's America's hot older aunt!
我知道
I know!
所以你没资格
Which is why you have no business
在你储物柜里贴她的海报
hanging a poster of her in your locker.
她试图在让抽烟酷起来的同时拯救纳美族
She tried to save the Na'vi while making smoking look cool again.
你♥他♥妈♥做过什么
What the fuck did you ever do?
你永远不会足够强大 足够酷
You will never be strong enough, cool enough,
足够自信 得到西格·韦弗那样的女人
or confident enough to get a woman like Sigi Weave.
库克校长 你要对这种霸凌做点什么吗
Principal Cooke, are you gonna do something about this bullying?
当然
Yes.
留堂两周 你竟然觉得你能
Two weeks detention for thinking you could ever date
跟西格妮·韦弗这样的女神交往
a goddess like Sigourney Weaver!
她赢得过格莱美最佳诵读专辑 垃圾
She won a spoken-word Grammy, you piece of shit!
-你还好吗 -什么 当然 你还好吗
- You okay? - What? Of course. Are you okay?
我好极了
I am super, capital S.
我以为斯黛西·K在数学课上朝我弹了一坨鼻屎
I thought Stacy K. Flicked a booger at me in math
结果发现是橡皮擦
but turns out it was just an eraser,
我想我们现在算是闺蜜了
so I guess we're BFFs now.
老天 杰茜 别再烦我了
Jesus, Jesse, stop badgering me!
行 我不好 这是你想听的吗
Fine, I'm not okay! Is that what you want to hear?
我只想毁掉那些酷小孩
I just, I want to destroy those cool kids,
但科尔沃解除了我衣服里所有优秀的武器
but Korvo deactivated all the awesome weapons in my suit.
你知道你该做什么吗
You know what you should do?
去健身房♥ 开始举铁 或许练习全面健身
Go to a gym, start lifting weights, maybe some CrossFit
然后当你身体壮大后
and then when you're all swole and shit,
你就可以回来 揍那些酷小孩
you can come back and beat up all those cool kids.
你真觉得这能行吗
You really think that would work?
当然 所以你要听我主意去健身吗
Totally! So you're gonna take my idea and hit the gym?
当然不 你的主意烂死了
Hell, no, your ideas suck.
我知道我该怎么办了
I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
他们绝对想不到
They'll never see it coming!
-别说毒... -毒蛇
- Don't say poisonous-- - Poisonous snakes!
你好 科尔沃 我给你从佩德罗餐厅买♥♥了些墨西哥菜
Hola, Korvito! I got you some Texi-Mexi from Pedro's
为之前的小事道歉
to say sorry for that little thing earlier.
我给你拿了很多沙司
I scored you a bunch of salsa!
特里 我最后说一次 沙司不算真正的道歉
Terry, for the last time, salsa is not a real apology.
你也知道我在那些墨西哥餐厅唯一喜欢吃的
And you know the only food I like eating at those Mexican restaurants
就是萝卜片
are those sliced radishes!
那我能吃更多了 这玩意是什么
More for me! Hey, so what's this bad boy all about?
别碰 这玩意可以把保单
Don't touch. This "bad boy" can send warranty letters
发回什洛普星上当初制♥作♥二极管的工厂
back to the factory on Shlorp that made the Diode in the first place.
什洛普星不是像Lizzo新单一样爆了吗 紧跟时事
Wait, didn't Shlorp blow up like a new Lizzo single? Topical.
是的 但这个使用当时的地址
Yes, but this uses a temporal address
可以把信送回过去
that can send the letter back in time
送到什洛普星"崩崩崩"[歌♥名]之前
to before Shlorp went boom-boom-pow.
我是想模仿你的音乐梗
I was trying to piggyback on-on-on your, on your reference to music.
那样他们就能在它离开工厂前
Then they'll be able to fix this defect
就修好这个缺陷
before it even leaves the factory.
坐好了 看科尔沃
Now sit back and watch Korvo
修好一切
as he... fixes everything.
五年前
我们又接到关于魔域6915号♥二极管的
We got another complaint about the defect
缺陷投诉了
on Diode number zork-6915.
还有 谁老是吃我的午饭
And also, who keeps eating my lunch?
我说真的 上面明明写了我名字
Seriously. It has my name on it, guys.
别他妈笑了 格兰特 我知道是你
Stop fucking smiling, Grant, I know it's you!
我懂了 这个邮箱就像桑迪·布洛克
Oh, I get it, so this mailbox works just like the one
那部催泪电影《触不到的恋人》里的邮箱
from the Sandy Bullock tear-jerker The Lake House.
首先 她叫桑德拉 尊重点
First, her God given name is Sandra, show some respect.
其次 这是一个高度科学 精心校准的通道
And second, this is a highly scientific, carefully calibrated portal
作为量子时间旅行客户服务线
that acts as a quantum time travel customer service line.
并不像某个没人看过的破电影里的东西
It's not "like" some crappy movie nobody's ever seen.
一 这不是破电影
First, not a crappy movie.
二 人人都看过
Two, everybody's seen it.
三 这东西就跟电影里的一样
And three, it's basically the thing from the movie!
该死 特里 这跟《触不到的恋人》不一样
Goddammit, Terry, it's nothing like The Lake House!
所以跟《触不到的恋人》确实一样
So it's a little exactly like The Lake House.
我就说吧
Told ya!
现在你或许终于会相信
Maybe now you'll finally believe
我去浮潜的时候看到了"巨齿鲨"
that I saw a "The Meg" when I went snorkeling.
我的天 你没看到巨齿鲨
Oh my god, you did not see a "The Meg."
我们回去干活吧
Let's get back to work,
你得把你在基努脱掉衣服时
and you need to clean up the popcorn you spilled
喷出的爆米花给清理了
when Keanu took his shirt off.
我才不要参与你的"回去干活"计划
Yeah, no thanks on the whole "getting back to work" plan.
相反 我要一边吃一大袋布法罗鸡翅味的士力架
Instead, I'm gonna crush a big bag of Buffalo-flavored Snickers
一边躺在这里放屁
while I lay here and fart.
特里 不开玩笑