外星也难民

科尔沃 你介意我在这"提基"小睡一会吗
Hey, Korvo, you care if I take a Tiki nap in here?
我不知道为什么在沙发上小酌一杯
I don't know why it's easier
再睡上一觉 要比在床上来得简单
to drink and sleep on the couch than in bed.
但是事实如此
But it is.
睡吧 特里
Go ahead, Terry.
我是在这祥和安静的地方重新编目
I'm just using the peace and quiet to re-catalogue
整整一万条数据结晶
all 10,000 data spikes.
太舒适了
It's so relaxing.
特里 科尔沃
Terry, Korvo!
杰茜用眼线笔把我的全息影像仪弄花了
Jesse got eyeliner all over my holocron,
现在影像仪用不了了
and now it won't work!
我在尝试画各种眉毛
I'm experimenting with eyebrows!
别再用你的脸部毛发来评判我们了
Stop judging us with your facial hair!
这特么到底怎么回事
What on Gorb's Grey Grible is going on here!?
还要一条和斯塔茜·K一样的着陆跑道
- ...and a landing strip like Staci K!
都闭嘴 你们为什么不在学校
Shut up! Why aren't you at school?
傻了吧 学校关门了
Double duh, school's closed.
"真棒" 这次又是怎么回事
Oh great, what is it this time?
又到了一个他们的无意义的节日吗
Another one of their meaningless holidays
就像是苹果派日还是旧书日
like Apple Pie Day or Yom Kapper?
应该是Yom Kippur 救赎日
不 是暑假 我们去年知道的 记得吗
No, it's summer. We learned about it last year, remember?
那次冰岩浆的事
The whole ice lava thing?
不啊 什么玩意
No, what?
既然有你们两个霸占我们的成人空间
I guess we'll just have to stomach one extra day
我想我们只能再多忍♥一天了
of you two taking up our adult space.
这应该要比你们在学校里被猥亵好一些
Probably better than you being molested at that school.
暑假有三个月呢
Summer break's three months long.
倒霉
Aw man.
三个月 就是一整季的《九十天未婚妻》那么长
Three months? That's like one 90 Day Fiancé!
是啊 这段时间内你最好别像这样教育我们
Yeah, and you better not be riding our crack like this the whole time.
暑假是我们可以随心所欲的时间
Summer is when we get to do anything we want.
-比如说来一场尖叫比赛 -开始
- Like a screaming competition. - Go!
我受不了暑假这事的 特里
This summer thing is not going to work for me, Terry.
这要比赫尔姆斯街噩梦还糟糕
It's worse than the nightmare on Helms Street,
就是那次清理移♥动♥公厕的卡车
which is what they call the time a Port-a-Potty emptying truck
在艾德·赫尔姆斯的私人车道上翻车了
tipped over on Ed Helms' private drive.
真是浪费大便
Such a waste of poop.
我不想要这两个小复♥制♥人在家里呆着
I don't want the replicants at home!
我忍♥不了这样过三个月 特里
I can't take three months of this, Terry!
每天早上我能喜欢他们四十五分钟
I like them for 45 minutes in the morning
每晚或许我还能再喜欢他们几个小时 不能再多了
and maybe a couple of hours at night, tops.
显然 我们得杀了他俩
Well, we obviously have to kill the replicants.
这确实有道理 我们随时可以培育出新的复♥制♥人
It does make the most sense. We can always grow new ones.
我们快点动手 趁还没有跟他们产生情感
Let's do it quick, before we get too attached to these.
用什么法子 投毒
What are we talkin', poison?
把他们装到包里然后扔进采石场里
Put 'em in a bag and throw them in a quarry?
或许可以刮一点玻璃渣放到他们的食物里
I was thinking we could maybe just shave some glass into their food.
我可以用枕头当作消声器 他们睡着后毙了他们
I could use my pillow as a silencer and shoot them in their sleep?
在他们小脸上来一枪
Right in their fuckin' face.
或者用老式经典办法 用枕头闷死他们
Or use the pillow for a good old-fashioned smothering.
就像我们在电视和电影里看到的那样 特里
Just like the ones we see on TV and movies, Terry.
看来外星难民要去杀了他们的复♥制♥人
Looks like the Solar Opposites are killing their replicants!
打扰一下 特里 科尔沃
Um, excuse me. Hi, Terry. Korvo.
我无意偷听到
I couldn't help but overhear you
你们在讨论如何杀掉你们的孩子
debating different ways to kill your children.
-没错 -管好你自己的事
- That is correct. - Mind your own business,
你这碗老汤
you old bowl of soup.
你们为什么不把他俩送到夏令营去
Why don't you just send them to summer camp?
你就当我们一无所知 跟我们说说那是什么
Pretend we don't know anything and walk us through it.
感谢上帝 能有夏令营这么个事
Thank God this camp thing came up.
杰茜和我正准备杀了你俩
Jesse and I were just about to kill you guys.
什么 我们也正准备杀了你俩
What? We were about to kill you guys too!
太有趣了 英雄所见略同
That is so funny. Great minds think alike!
夏令营 夏令营
Camp! Camp! Camp!
这个是去夏令营才会做的事
Hey! It's a camp thing!
什洛普星曾是个完美的乌托邦
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
直到被小行星撞上
Until the asteroid hit.
一百个成人以及他们的复♥制♥人分到了一只噗噗
One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa
逃往了太空
and escaped into, uh, the space,
在杳无人迹的世界里寻找新家
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
我们坠落在地球上 困在了一个已经人口过密的星球
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.
是的 一直是我在说话
That's right, I've been talking this whole time.
抱着噗噗的人是我 我叫科尔沃
I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.
这是我的节目 我的噗噗掉了 你看到我了吗
This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?
这太荒唐了
This is ridiculous.
我讨厌地球 这是个糟糕的家园
I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.
人类都太蠢了
People are stupid.
我不明白为什么人这么喜欢白天
I don't understand why people like daylight so much.
阳光照在皮肤上的时候总是太吵了
It's so loud when it hits your skin.
外星也难民
第二季 第四集
夏令营听上去太棒了
Ooh, ooh, camp sounds amazing.
我超期待用我赏金猎人的技术
I'm excited to use my bounty hunting skills
去捕捉并虐待那些夺旗的人
to hunt down and torture those who have captured the flag.
我期待的是性觉醒
And I'm excited for a sexual awakening.
我听说去年朱莉娅·赫兰德去夏令营前还是个女孩
I heard last year Julia Howland went to camp a girl
回来的时候已经是个女人了
and came back a woman.
但结果发现她确实是个女人
But then it turned out it actually was a woman
他们一直都没发现朱莉娅的尸体
and they never found Julia's body.
挺疯狂的 是吧
Crazy, huh?
我很期待在才艺之夜表演一些
Well, I'm excited to perform something
从《天使在美国》学来的舞蹈
from Angels in America on talent night.
我把同性恋的部分去掉 加了一倍天使的部分
I took out all the gay stuff and doubled the angels.
你又不去夏令营 特里
You're not going to camp, Terry!
整个事的意义就是让我们独享房♥子
The whole point is that we're gonna have the house to ourselves.
你还在"提基"醉中吗
Are you still Tiki drunk?
不
No.
特里 下个路口左转
Terry, t-take your next left.
这里就是营地
This is camp?
不 别傻了
No, don't be dumb.
营地在森林极深极深处
It's much, much deeper in the woods.
好了 大伙记住 我们把车停在了树边
Okay, guys, remember: we parked by trees.
停 这里就是营地
Halt. This... is camp.
再见 我们走了 祝你俩好运
Goodbye, we're leaving. Good luck.
什么 这里和我们停车的地方看上去差不多
Wha-- it-it looks the same as where we parked.
是啊 这里看感觉就是普通的老森林
Yeah, this just feels like the regular old woods.
营地在哪
Where's camp?
我们就这事和我们瘆人 阴阳怪气的邻居
We talked to our creepy, bitchy neighbor
聊了将近5分钟
for almost five minutes about this,
所以 我确定 这里就是营地
so I know for sure that this is camp.
我们把你俩丢在这两到三周
We leave you here for two or three weeks,
你们去学点游泳什么的 然后我们来接你们
and you learn to swim or some shit, and then we come pick you up.
就这样
The end.
-那就这样 -好 没问题
- Done and done. - Cool, works for me.
我们会在家长周末来见你们 再见
We'll visit over parents' weekend. Okay, bye.
不 我们不会 特里 你确定车停在这个方向
No, we won't. Terry, are you sure the car is this way?
我在学校的时候选修了四个单元的领航课
I took four units of pathfinding at the academy
就是为了准备在危险的外星世界里生活
to prepare for life on dangerous alien worlds.
我觉得我可以带我们走出森林
I think I can walk us out of the woods.
两小时后
什么玩意 特里 承认吧 我们迷路了
What the fuck, Terry? Just admit it, we're lost!
就在前面这块 我保证
It's just up here, I promise.
夏令营真垃圾 连个需要争夺的旗子都没有
Camp sucks, there's not even a flag to capture.
需要多久才能性觉醒啊
Hey, how long does it take to sexually awaken?
我刻了一个用来磨蹭的男朋友 为了到时候用的
I whittled a boyfriend to grind on, you know, for when it happens.
这是内特·雅各布斯 我们在他的成年礼上认识的
This is Nate Jacobs. We met at his bark-mitzvah.
-我们能回家吗 -好的
- Can we just go home? - Yes.
-不过我们迷路了 -我就知道
- Except we're lost. - I knew it!
全都是因为你一直在喝那个愚蠢的提基酒
All because you couldn't stop drinking those stupid Tiki drinks.
他们才不蠢
They're not stupid!
我在喝醉的情况下可以更好的找到走出森林的路
I find my way out of the woods better when I'm drunk.