外星也难民

八分充实
一般充实
三分充实
不充实
妈的 看看 我们根本没有充实
Fuck ass, look at that! We're hardly fulfilled at all!
阿伊莎 我们离死亡还有多久
Aisha, how much time do we have until death?
11小时43分23秒
Eleven hours, 43 minutes, and 23 seconds.
-糟糕 -完蛋了
- Cripes! - Aw, fuckers!
好吧 冷静 我们还有时间来充实自己
Okay, calm down. We still have time to get fulfilled.
时间很紧 没空浪费
It's gonna be tight, so no time to waste.
每个人都写下所有
Everyone needs to write down
让自己觉得充实满足的事请
all the things that will make you fulfilled.
你们有一个小时 开始
You have one hour. Go!
我们为什么要浪费一整个小时写点子
Ugh, why did we waste a whole hour writing these ideas?
我五分钟就写完了 然后剩下的时间都在
I did mine in, like, five minutes then Googled up-kilt pictures
用谷歌♥搜索苏格兰裙底的照片
the rest of the time.
苏格兰裙底下有不少大屌♥
There's some big ol' dongs in that.
妈耶 有好多这种 "学瘸子走路"
Geez, there's a lot of these. "Learn how to crip walk."
"拍一部复仇黄♥片♥"
"Shoot an avenge porn."
"和"房♥产兄弟"打一架"
"Fight the Property Brothers."
粉色的是我写的
Yay! The pink ones are mine!
瘸子步不会让充实度上升
Crip walk dancing isn't gonna move the needle.
我们要选充实度最高
We have to do the one that makes us the most fulfilled
又耗时最短的那件事做
in the least amount of time.
获得青少年选择奖
Win a Teen Choice Award?
那是赢得AGOT大满贯的最后一步
It's the last step to winning an AGOT.
成人影视奖 格莱美
Adult Video News, Grammy,
奥斯卡和青少年选择奖
Oscar, and Teen Choice.
AGOT大满贯其中一项没有用
Part of an AGOT won't do it.
你需要完整的大满贯
You need the whole AGOT.
-终结全球变暖 -我写的
- End global warming? - That's mine.
我也不知道 感觉像是人们挂在嘴边的事
I don't know, it felt like something people talk about, right?
太简单了
Too easy.
用我们的终结全球变暖射线就好了
We could just do that with our End Global Warming Ray.
抓住并杀掉神偷卡门
Hunt down and kill Carmen Sandiego.
棒极了 这是我写的
Hell yeah, this one's mine.
混♥蛋♥神偷卡门 总是用她四处旅行谋生
Fuck Carmen Sandiego, always rubbing it in our face
来侮辱我们
that she gets to travel for a living!
帮助一群底层社会孩子们赢得体育冠军
"Help a rag-tag group of kids win a sports championship."
-就是它了 -什么
- Hey, that's it! - What?
关我们什么事 这听起来好蠢
Why would we care about that? It sounds stupid.
这不蠢 这是我的点子
Hey, that's not stupid, that's my idea!
没错 我们不在乎这事
Yes, we don't care about it.
但如果我们做完之后开始在乎了
But if we do care about it after we finish,
那我们就被充实了
then we'll be fulfilled
就像《野鸭变凤♥凰♥》里的戈登·孟买♥♥一样
just like Gordon Bombay in The Mighty Ducks!
说了这个点子不蠢 雅姆莱克
Told you it wasn't stupid, Yumyulack!
它非常蠢 杰茜
Oh, it was totally stupid, Jesse.
但后来我想到了一个让它变酷的办法
But then I figured out a way to make it cool.
来吧 没时间浪费了
Come on, no time to waste.
老天 你们这些贱♥人♥又回来了
Goddamn, you motherfuckers are back again?
我们需要你找到最近的体育锦标赛
We need you to find us the nearest championship game.
好吧 虽然现在是淡季但是让我找找
Okay, it's kinda out of season but let me see.
最近的是一个水球比赛
The closest option is a water polo championship
巴西
里约热内卢
在里约热内卢 你们都有泳衣吧
in Rio De Janeiro. Y'all got swimming suits?
水球不就是湿透的曲棍球 必须有用
Ugh, water polo is just wet hockey. It'll have to do.
外星难民们要去巴西充实人生了
The Solar Opposites are going to Brazil to get fulfilled!
别拍了 我们没时间拍漂亮的远景镜头
Stop that! We don't have time for any cool establishing shots!
路上花了太久了
Ah, that took way too long!
快 找到底层小孩然后开工
Come on, let's find the rag-taggers and get on with this.
老天爷 本姑娘喜欢
Holy guacamole, mama like.
老天 这些汉子没一个看起来底层人♥民♥
Goddammit, none of these guys are rag-taggy at all.
他们整天在游泳 当然看起来像希腊雕塑
They swim all day, of course they look like Greek fucking Gods.
谁在乎
Who cares?
随便挑一个队伍 我用底层射线射一下
Just pick a team and I'll zap 'em with the Rag Tag Ray.
有哮喘并来自南美三线国家吗 太好了
Asthmatic and from a C-list South American country? Boom.
他们现在被打上了底层的标签
Now they're tagged to the rag.
-你漏了一个 -不 我没有
- You missed one. - No, I didn't.
我只是想为我父亲赢得比赛
I just want to win for my dad.
他的心脏上生了腚癌
He has butt cancer in his heart.
好吧 伙计们 我知道你们超级底层且很背运
Okay, guys, I know you're super rag-tag and down on your luck
但假如你们听从我们的指导并团队协作
but if you listen to our coaching and work as a team,
我们就一定能赢
we can go all the way!
而且我们得尽快赢
Plus we have to do this as fast as possible.
我只是想让我爸感到骄傲
I just want to make my dad proud.
他因为吸烟 心脏上生了腚癌
He got his heart butt cancer from smoking.
我们知道了
We get it.
1 俄♥罗♥斯♥
2 巴西
3 克罗地亚
4 黑山
5 日本
7 希腊
8 匈牙利
9 巴拉圭
决赛
俄♥罗♥斯♥ VS 巴拉圭
巴拉圭获胜
我爱你 患腚癌的爸爸
I love you, butt cancer dad!
谢谢你让我们成为了冠军
Thank you for making us champions.
但你能把我变回年轻的时候吗
But can you turn me back to young.
我曾经非常性感 嗓音迷人
I was so hot and had a beautiful voice
女人无数
and got tons of pussy.
不行 我们得回去看看我们有多充实
No, we have to get back and see how fulfilled we are.
快 快点 看看计量表 我们达成了吗
Hurry, hurry! Check the meters. Are-are-are we fulfilled?
我觉得相当满足
I feel pretty dang satisfied!
该死 数字几乎没动
Oh shit! They've hardly moved at all.
充满
大部分
部分
少量
无
不 那应该有用的
No! That should've worked.
我们在那个愚蠢的水球上浪费了太多时间
We wasted so much time on that stupid water polo thing.
天啊 噗噗看起来好饥饿
Jesus Christ, the Pupa looks so hungry.
我不能这样死
I can't go down like this!
知道吗 你们都在拖累我
You know what? You're all holding me back!
去你们的 伙计们 我要靠自己充实
Fuck you, guys, I'm getting fulfilled by myself!
-好吧 我要走了 去你的 -放开我
- Okay, I'm gonna go. Fuck you! - Give me a slip.
去你的废物们
Fuck you losers!
帮一位老太太过马路
Help an old lady across the street.
科尔沃的点子怎么都是帮助老太太的
Why are all of Korvo's ideas about doing stuff to old ladies?
你好 老奶奶 站住
Hey, Granny! Stop!
-你弄疼我了 -不 我没有 这是在帮你
- You're hurting me! - No, I'm not, this is helping!
我需要去街对面的公交站
I need to go to the bus on the other side of the street.
没时间 我正在充实自己
No time! I'm getting fulfilled!
-什么鬼 -去死吧
- What the fuck! - Eat shit!
教人识字 愚蠢的杰茜
Teach someone to read. Ugh, stupid Jesse.
我为什么就不能做些很酷的事呢
Why can't I do something awesome,
比如看看我的嘴里能塞多少颗葡萄
like see how many grapes I can fit in my mouth?
你的宝宝现在会识字了 不用谢
Now your baby can read. You're welcome!
什么 为什么
What? Why?
现在你会识字了 我要变充实了
Now you can read. Getting fulfilled!
我本来就会识字 我是位著名的小说家
I could already read, I'm a famous novelist.
你的帽子现在会识字了
Now your hat can read!
住手 你在做什么
Stop that! What are you doing?
-你的车现在会识字了 -救命
- Your car can read! - Help!
这个外星人正在教育我的东西
This alien is educating my things!
不许动 你这个肮脏的外星人
Stop right there, you dirty alien!
天啊 我会识字了吗
Oh God, I can read?
如果我有同情心了怎么办
What if I gain empathy?
如果我学会了那些让我不得不重新评价
What if I learn things that force me to re-evaluate
我强硬派保守观点的东西怎么办
my hardline conservative opinions?
我的天啊
Oh my God!
我时间不多 所以我必须同时学会
I don't have a lot of time, so I have to learn how to skydive
跳伞和受洗
and get baptized at the same time.
我有联邦航♥空♥局 上帝和救世主的认证
I'm certified by the FAA and our Lord and Savior--
天啊
Jesus Christ!
把你的头浸到圣水里
Dunk your head in the holy water!