外星也难民

Oh geez. BDE is real.
而且很强大
And it is formidable.
看啊 我是在模仿《堡垒之夜》里的一个人
Yo, yo, check it, this is my imitation of a guy in Fortnite.
我要撞到墙了 我该怎么办
Oh, I'm walking into a wall, what am I gonna do?
雅姆 你真是逗死了
Yum, your shit is L-M-A-O.
你就像个现实生活中的表情包
You're like a real-life meme.
特里 你能清理并准备全部7.2万个微航员吗
Terry, um, could you clean and prepare all 72,000 micronauts.
我得修理氢甲板
I-I-I need to fix the hydrodeck?
没问题 老大
You bet your butt, Team Leader!
♪ Put your money up, or else I gotta go ♪
♪ My wrist frostbit, blinded by the ice ♪
♪ Breaking big bills, shaking that dice ♪
♪ Oriental rugs, to wipe my shoes on ♪
♪ Sipping champagne, whippin' dat wood grain ♪
♪ I could buy a mansion, if I sold my chain ♪
♪ Already got those, I'm living alright... ♪
别忘了收看本周的
Don't forget to tune in this week
《周六夜现场》
for Saturday Night Live
主持人是雅姆莱克
with host Yumyulack
音乐嘉宾也是雅姆莱克
and musical guest Yumyulack!
我得跟你说 这个BDE真的很疯狂
I gotta tell you, this BDE thing is hella cray-cray.
你甚至让WNBA变酷了
You even made the WNBA cool.
对所有人来说都是 不只是我
Like, to everybody. Not just me.
这其实比男子比赛更好看
It's actually a better brand of basketball than the men's game
因为她们得专注于基础
'cause they have to focus on the fundamentals.
伊德瑞斯·艾尔巴
Idris Elba?
HBO《火线》的主角
Star of HBO's The Wire?
我喜欢你在《茉莉的牌局》里的表演
I loved you in Molly's Game!
你有好多台词 你几乎说对了一部分
You had so many words to say , and you got almost some of them right!
你好 杰茜
'Ello, Jesse.
你知道我名字 我要激动哭了
You know my name? I'm seriously going to plotz.
我知道关于你的一切
I know everything about you.
还有你朋友雅姆莱克
And your boy Yumyulack here.
我们一直在关注你们
We've been watching you.
谁在关注我 伊德瑞斯·艾尔巴
Who's been watching me, Idris Elba?
大屌♥能量委员会
The Big Dick Energy Council.
我们是一个隐匿神秘的兄弟会
We are a secret and mystic fraternity,
很难解释 哥们
too complicated to explain, mate--
我猜猜 就是一群有着大屌♥的人
Oh, let me guess, it's like a bunch of people with big dicks?
差不多 但你得明白
Yep, that's pretty much it. But you have to understand,
几个世纪以来 我们的委员会一直
for centuries, our council has been tasked
得维持世界中能量的微妙平衡
with keeping a delicate balance of energy in the world,
但你的新BDE搞乱了一切
but your new BDE is buggering it all up.
搞在英式英语里就是操的意思
Buggering means fucking in British.
我知道搞是什么意思
I know what buggering means!
我是来向你提供在委员会任职的机会
I came to offer you a spot on the council.
克里斯蒂安·贝尔退位了
Christian Bale stepped down
因为他为了一部电影减掉了太多屌♥重
after he lost all that penis weight for a movie.
你有机会成为伟人之一
You could be one of the greats,
但只有我们能教你怎么永远控制你的能力
but only we can show you how to harness your power for good.
我的答案是拒绝
My answer... is no!
我不需要你的破委员会
I don't need you or your stupid council!
BDE是一种别任何人都强大的能量
BDE is a power stronger than any man
如果你不小心 它将会吞噬你
and if you're not careful, it will consume you.
你在威胁我吗 伊德瑞斯·艾尔巴
Are you threatening me, Idris Elba?
只是保持真实 哥们
Just keeping it real, mate.
你怎么不保持这个的真实 哥们
Well, why don't you keep this real, mate.
我要制♥作♥一根超大的屌♥
I'm gonna make a dick so big
你和你的破委员会到时只会求我吸它
that you and your stupid council will be begging me to suck it!
屁♥股♥闻起来像路德[伊德瑞斯主演《路德》]
Mmm, ass smells like Luther.
一般这个时候飞船就会开始拖拉 因为
Alright, this is usually when the ship starts to drag because of--
零重力效应 但如果我们...
The effects of zero gravity but if we just--
加快恒定推力弹道
Accelerate the constant thrust trajectory
时间膨胀将不会再是问题 耶
time dilation won't be a problem! Yeah!
我得说 特里 跟你一起修理飞船
I gotta say, Terry. Working on the ship with you,
让我很开心
it just makes me so happy.
这太完美了 你很完美
This is perfect. You are perfect.
不需要再做什么了
Nothing more needs to be done.
我也这么觉得 我喜欢跟你一起忙高科技的东西
Man, I feel the same way. I love working on sci-fi stuff with you.
太酷了
It's so tight!
我讨厌你说这话
Ech, I hate when you say that.
什么 "酷" 真可惜 因为说酷
What? "Tight"? Too bad 'cause saying tight is like
就是最酷的事
the tightest tight thing of all,
所以我要一直说 直到"燃"再次酷起来
so I'm gonna keep saying it until "lit" gets cool again.
酷 酷 酷 酷
Tight! Tighty-tight tight!
我马上回来
I'll be right back.
终于最后一个了
This is it. Last one.
我发誓 这之后我再也不弄了
I swear. No more after this.
特里 我们要继续做我们不酷的高科技东西吗
Terry, should we get back to our non-tight sci-fi stuff?
你还好吗 特里
Are you okay? Terry?
-拜托 拜托 -特里
- Come on. Come on. - Terry!
科尔沃
Korvo!
你在干什么
What are you doing?
我这周要主持《周六夜现场》
I'm hosting SNL this week,
我需要我能召唤的所有BDE 因为我不逗
and I need all the BDE I can summon 'cause I'm not funny!
但伊德瑞斯·艾尔巴叫你别乱用BDE的
But Idris Elba told you not to mess with the BDE!
伊德瑞斯·艾尔巴懂个鸡♥巴♥
Idris Elba doesn't know dick from dick!
更别说两个鸡♥巴♥了
And he sure as hell doesn't know dick from two dicks!
操 我搞砸了 我破坏了特里
Oh fuck, I fucked up! I-I-I broke Terry.
科尔沃 我要杀了你
Korvo! I'm gonna kill you!
特里 我对发生的事很抱歉
Terry, I'm really sorry about what happened.
但是别担心 我会给你写封信 内容是做自己
But don't worry, I-I'm gonna write you a letter saying "be yourself"
或者更有口才的话
or-or something more eloquent.
我会研讨一段时间
I-I'll workshop it, you know, for a little while probably--
我保证你会变回原来的样子
I promise you will go back to being the way you were!
我不想改变 我喜欢现在的我
I don't wanna change! I like who I am now!
我喜欢化着女人的眼影追杀你
I like wearing women's eye shadow and murdering you!
现在是《周六夜现场》
It's Saturday Night Live !
女士们先生们 有请主持人 雅姆莱克
Ladies and gentlemen, your host, Yumyulack!
老天
Oh my god!
快跑 大家快跑 我控制不住它了
Run! Everyone run! I can't control it.
伊德瑞斯·艾尔巴说得没错
Idris Elba was right.
伊德瑞斯·艾尔巴说得没错
Idris Elba was right!
我们别无选择 没时间了 妈的
We have no choice! We're running out of time, goddammit!
-我们得炸了雅姆莱克 -不
- We have to blow Yumyulack up. - No!
但是 米尔斯上将 这将摧毁曼哈顿
But, General Mills, it will destroy Manhattan
伤亡许多无辜群众
and kill thousands of innocent people!
霍斯皮特上将 我愿意承担这份损失
General Hospital, it's a loss I am willing to take.
再说了 这剧里都没有即兴发挥
Plus, the improv scene's dead here anyway.
好吧 现在是一级战屌♥状态
Alright, it's DEFDICK ONE.
是时候准备炸♥弹♥了
It's time to ready the bombers!
只有一个人能帮上忙
There's only one person that can help.
我只望能够及时找到他们
I just hope I can get to them on time
并且不说漏嘴
without giving away who it is.
西格妮·韦弗 是你吗
Sigourney Weaver? Is that you?
正是在下 苏珊·亚历山德拉·韦弗
It is I, Susan Alexander Weaver.
等等 那是你的真名
Wait, that's your real name?
-没错 但是我艺名西格妮 -好主意
- Yes, but I go by Sigourney. - Good call.
西格妮 我做过头了
Sigourney, I went too far.
我飞得太靠近大屌♥之日了
I flew too close to the big dick sun
现在所有人都要死了
and now everyone is gonna die.
嘘 孩子
Hush, my child.
没有人会死
No one is dying today.
因为我有一样东西
Because I have the one and only thing,
从古至今
since the beginning of time,
只有它能阻止大屌♥力
that can stop BDE.
我是娘妈乎之力的化身
You see, I am made of pure NFG.
老娘他妈不在乎
No Fucks Given.
是的 没错 我的甜心
Yes, that's right, my sweet, sweet boy,
老娘他妈不在乎
I don't give a fuck.
太酷了
That's so cool.
我正想在背上文个烤牛肉餐厅的商标
I was thinking of getting the Arby's logo tattooed on my back.
别想了 现在放松
No. Now just sit back and relax.
太棒了
That was amazing.