外星也难民

Terry, straight-up, real talk,
你为什么如此懒惰
why are you such a lazy piece of shit?
问得好 KV 我从小就这样
Great question, KV. I was grown this way.
我一辈子都很懒 自从我还是个小复♥制♥人
I've been lazy all my life, ever since I was a little replicant
在游乐场里追踪骚货时起就是了
birddogging thotties on the playground.
就我和骚货们
Just me and the thots.
你难道不想成为我吗
Wouldn't you rather be like me,
遵循规矩 勤勤恳恳 苗条
rule following, hardworking, slim.
也就是超级棒
Basically fucking amazing.
听着 此时此地没有什么东西或者人
Look, nothing and no one at this present time and space
可以改变我
is gwan change me.
你改变不了我 你改变不了我
You can't change me, you can't change me--
这让我有一个很具体的主意
This gives me a very specific idea.
电脑 激活阿伊莎
Computer, activate AISHA.
科尔沃 快点 你知道我在看我的故事
Korvo, make it quick, you know I'm watchin' my stories.
如果我改变我通过《触不到的恋人》设备
If I were to change the address on the letter
发出的信的地址
I send through The Lake House device ,
会送到过去的什洛普星吗
will it get delivered to any Shlorpian in the past?
严格来说 可以
Technically, yes,
但是保修期外的时间旅行让保修变无效
but non-warranty time travel voids the warranty.
我喜欢保单 但值得一试
Hmmm, I do like warranties. But it's worth a shot.
亲爱的年轻特里 我祈祷这封信能到达你手里
Dearest Young Terry, I pray this letter finds you well...
我真诚希望你会把毕生精力献给科学
My sincere hope is that you will dedicate your life to science
以及清洁 而不是做个懒惰的垃圾
and cleaning up and not being such a lazy piece of shit.
事实是 如果你不做这些事
The truth is, if you don't do those things,
你的血将会变成什洛普蝙蝠
your blood will turn into shlorbats.
你知道那是什么 你的朋友 神秘之人
You know what they are. Your friend, mystery person.
我最好停止懒惰
I'd better stop being lazy!
抱歉 雅姆 我刚卖♥♥完剧毒的蛇
Sorry, Yum, I'm fresh out of the super poisonous snakes.
你还有什么 德里克
What else you got, Derek?
这些鸭嘴兽有刺可以释放
These platypi got stingers in 'em that emit a poison
让人痛不欲生的剧毒
that can seriously fuck somebody up.
是吗 它们看上去好可爱
Really? They look so cute.
可爱 看好了 罗德尼测试我的所有毒素 阿罗
Cute? Check this. Rodney tests all my shit. Yo, Rod!
给他们看看 尼
Show 'em, Ney.
不错 我要了
Sweet! I'll take 'em.
早上好 瞌睡虫
Good morning, sleepy-peepy!
-你刚起来 -是的
- You just getting up? - Yes.
你今天提前开始了吗
Ha-have you been getting a jump start on the day?
是啊 哥们
You know it, my man!
我已经完成了飞船上的所有工作
I already did all the work on the ship,
打扫了房♥子 叠了衣服
cleaned the house, folded the laundry.
俗话说 如果你是个懒惰的垃圾
You know what they say, if you're a lazy piece of shit,
你的血将会变成蝙蝠
your blood will turn to bats!
我嘞个去 《触不到的恋人》设备起作用了
Holy fuck, The Lake House device worked!
这威力很大 得小心点 不要滥用
This is a lot of power, gotta be careful about not abusing it.
你在用叉子吃甜甜圈吗
Are you eating Honey Nut Hulios with a fork?
嗯 就该这么吃
Uh, yeah, that's how you eat them.
抱歉如果这很烦人
I'm sorry if it's annoying.
我喜欢叉子尖头碰到我牙齿的感觉
I like the feeling of the tines on my teeth.
我马上回来
Ugh. I'll be right back.
科尔沃 我像正常人一样
Korvo, just finishing eating my cereal with a spoon
用勺子吃我的麦片
like a normal person.
吃完后 你想花一整个下午
Hey, after I'm done, do you want to spend all afternoon
为我们在飞船上最爱的按钮排序吗
ranking our favorite buttons on the ship?
第一名必须是激光17号♥
I mean, number one has to be laser number 17.
但第二名 谁知道呢
But number two... who fucking knows!
我很乐意
I would love to.
停下 脚后跟 贱♥人♥们
Ow! Stop! Ow, heel, bitches!
当你身体壮大后
When you're all swole and shit,
你就可以回来 揍那些酷小孩
you can come back and beat up all those cool kids.
那是个好主意
That's a good idea-- ow!
去你♥妈♥的♥ 鸭嘴兽逼
Fuck you, platypussies!
你好 我叫雅姆莱克 我知道这名字很酷
Hello, my name is Yumyulack. Yeah, I know it's a dope name.
我需要练得很壮 有很多肌肉 充满自信
I need to get super jacked and swole with lots of muscles and confidence
这样人们就会尊重我 我不会感觉像个废物
so people will respect me and I won't feel like such a loser.
显然 风险很高
So, obviously, the stakes are high.
而且必须在明天开学之前就搞定
Oh, and it has to be done by the time school starts tomorrow.
真希望我们能帮上忙 朋友
Wish we could help, friend,
但我们以前跟你一样也是废物
but we used to be losers just like you.
我们以为把身体练壮后人们就会尊重我们
We thought if we just got buff then people would respect us.
我们花了多年时间举铁 打类固醇
We spent years lifting weights and shooting steroids.
我已经看不到我的蛋了 缩小太多
I literally can't see my balls, they've shrunk so much.
然后还会长痘
And then there's the acne.
背上长 屁♥股♥沟长 蛋蛋上也长
We're taking backne, crackne, and sackne.
圣三一
The Holy Trinity, yo.
但你们看上去很自信
But y-you guys look so confident.
假的
It's fake, man.
相信我 你没法用伟哥
Take it from me, you can't manufacture it
人体生长激素和乔恩·哈姆的尿
out of a cocktail of Viagra, HGH,
混合制♥作♥出自信
and some of Jon Hamm's pee.
在健身房♥里是练不出来的
It can't be built in a gym.
必须一直在你体内
It has to be inside you the whole time.
那谁有呢
Well, who has it then?
那人
That guy.
那个长得像皮特·戴维森的呆子
That Pete Davidson-looking dork?
-他有什么 -BDE
- What does he have? - B-d-e.
大屌♥能量
Big Dick Energy.
我嘞个去
Holy shit!
BDE是真的
BDE is legit.
是的 但你没法获得 只能靠天生
Oh yeah. But you can't get it, you have to be born with it.
让我们用高科技拭目以待
We'll sci-fi see about that.
男性生殖器平均值
雅姆 那个鸭嘴兽的交易怎么样了
Hey, Yum, how'd that platypus deal work out for you?
我放弃了 去了健身房♥
I bailed on it. Went to the gym.
好极了 我就知道我是对的
Oh, great. I knew I was right.
不 那个我也放弃了
Nope, bailed on that too.
我要给自己做一根大屌♥
I'm making a large penis for myself instead.
我们上次见面后你真是经历了很多呢
Wow, you've had quite a journey since I last saw you.
这叫做大屌♥能量 等我有了 我将不可阻挡
It's called Big Dick Energy and when I get it, I'll be unstoppable.
我不知道 一根大屌♥似乎很危险
I don't know, a big dick seems really dangerous.
现在咱带这大屌♥出去晃一圈
Now let's take this new big dick out for a spin.
你想做什么都很酷
Whatever you want to do is cool.
那还用说
Damn right, it is.
♪ Who dat hot boy, who gone keep it realer ♪
♪ Jewelry on my neck, rockin' chinchilla ♪
♪ Roll on fat rims, tell 'em come and get it ♪
♪ Yah luv the way I spit it, get it how we live it ♪
♪ We make a splash... ♪
雅姆莱克 前几天的事我很抱歉
Yumyulack, sorry about the other day.
这是我从另一个小孩那
Here's a handsaw and some stuck porn
没收来的手锯和黄♥片♥
I confiscated off another kid.
我们之间没事了吧 嗯 没事了
We're good? Yeah, w-w-we're good. Yeah.
好了
Eh, there we go.
终于给这小家伙洗完了
Finally finished washing the little guy!
如果你不清理噗噗 你的血就会变成蝙蝠
If you don't clean the Pupa, your blood turns to bats.
说来真是神奇 好多事情都能让你的血变成蝙蝠
It's kind of amazing how many things turn your blood to bats, you know.
这我再清楚不过了
Oh, ha, I know all about that.
好的 是时候开始电影之夜了
Uh, okay, so it's time for movie night.
我想我们可以看看这个关于杠杆的训练视频
I thought we could screen this training video about levers.
很吸引人
It's-it's very captivating.
这真是弱爆了
Ohhh, "F" that weak noise!
我们要按日期顺序观看所有
We're watching all the Fast and Furious movies
《速度与激♥情♥》电影
in chronological order!
这是范·迪塞尔想要的方式
The way Vinnie Diesel intended it.
我马上回来
I'll be right back.
杠杆 杠杆 杠杆
Levers! Levers! Levers!
杠杆最棒了
Levers are the best!
你们刚好赶上了电影之夜
Oh, you guys are just in time for movie night.
我们要看一个关于...的纪录片
We're watching this awesome doc on--
不了 家人 这次我要看我想看的
Nah, fam, for once we're watching what I want to watch,
要么是油管上的俄♥罗♥斯♥车祸视频要么是《帕丁顿熊2》
either YouTube clips of Russian car accidents or Paddington 2.
-听你的 -不错
- Whatever you want. - Sounds great.
天呐 BDE是真的