外星也难民

放开我
Ow, let me go!
那是什么
What's that?
蒂姆 你在干什么
Tim! What are you doing?
把汽化器拿出去 放我们出去
Take the carb out, man! Let us out!
不行 你们放任伊森玷污了墙国
I can't. You let Ethan get away with sullying the Wall.
你们的手上都沾了鲜血
The blood is on all your tiny hands.
永别了 朋友们
Farewell, my friends.
不 是魔术壳
Oh no, Magic Shell!
不要这样 不要
Not like this! No!
不不不不 蒂姆
No, no, no, no, no, Tim!
蒂姆 我不会再杀人了 我 我改正了
Tim, I can stop killing! I'm, I'm better now!
不要 不要 不要
No, no, no!
我别无选择
I had no choice.
他们属于旧时代 是问题的一部分
They were part of the old way, part of the problem.
但你 浩克 你可以解决问题
But you, Halk, you can be part of the solution.
跟我一起走走
Walk with me.
即使你不知道伊森在杀人
Even if you didn't know Ethan was a killer,
你也一直隐瞒了有洞这件事
you've kept the secret of the hole this entire time.
我不求你信任
I'm not asking you to give me your trust,
但我欠你一个真♥相♥
but I owe you the truth,
一切的真♥相♥
all of it.
听我说完 然后你可以决定你想做什么
Hear me out, and then you can decide what you want to do.
特里 科尔沃 雅姆莱克 杰茜
Terry, Korvo, Yumyulack, Jesse.
我判你们各项罪名成立
I find you guilty on all counts.
我建议执行死刑
I recommend you to be put to death.
若有人有异议
If anyone has an issue with this,
请现在发声 或永远保持沉默
speak now or forever hold your pe-ace.
我有话要说
I have something to say.
特里 复♥制♥人们还有我讨论过了
Terry, the replicants, and I have talked it over,
事实上 我们认为我们应该被执行死刑
and we believe that we should, in fact, be sentenced to death.
我们 我们活该
We, we deserve it.
还有 "现在发声或永远沉默"是婚礼用语
Also, "Speak now or forever hold your peace" Is for weddings.
伙计们 我在ABC电台的热播真人秀
Folks, I didn't win the hit ABC reality show
《美国最辣法官》中获胜
America's Sexiest Judge
不是为了在自己的法庭上被顶撞的
just to be disrespected in my own court space.
至于执行何种死...
Now for the deets on the execush...
等一下
Stop.
我认为外星难民们罪不至死
I believe the Solar Opposites don't deserve to die.
查兹
私人驯犬师
真是出人意料
Whoa, I did not see that coming.
那个他们关在地下室的排骨怪物会抗♥议♥
It was that big rib monster they trapped in the basement.
但我得保持冷静
But I had to keep it cool.
毕竟我是性感法官
I mean, I was the sexy judge.
说出你的故事 哥们
Speak your truth, homie.
是的 他们是非常非常糟糕的人
Yes, they are really, really terrible people,
所以他们应该受到比死刑更可怕的惩罚
which is why they deserve something worse than the death penalty.
如果杀了他们 他们只会痛苦一瞬
If they die, they'll only suffer for a moment.
但如果他们活着 就会永远为他们做的事
But if they live, they'll have to suffer the guilt
受到良心的谴责
of what they've done forever.
可以可以 我觉得太愧疚了
Oh, we can do that. I feel totes guilty.
乔治 我真的很抱歉
George, I am so sorry.
有很多惩罚能让他们受到
There are punishments that will keep them in pain
比死刑更长久的痛苦
way longer than killing them,
非常可怕的刑罚
some real fucked-up stuff.
像这种 你看 这个油管上的视频
Like here, let me show you. Check out this video on YouTube.
卧♥槽♥ 我们兄弟会都没搞过这套
Holy fuck, we never even did something like that at my frat!
不过我们搞的也是类似的
We did get close though.
安息吧 布莱斯 我们会想念你的 兄弟
RIP, Bryce. We miss you, man.
如果这能上油管 那能可怕到哪里去
If it's on YouTube, how bad can it be?
我我我打赌只是什么奇怪的挠痒痒
I-I-I bet it's just like weird tickling.
地方法♥院♥
这些外星人会戴上
The aliens are going to put on gloves
巴西部落的子弹蚁手套
filled with Brazilian Bullet Ants.
这种蚂蚁有全世界最疼的毒液
The ants have the most painful venom on Earth,
每只手套里有500多只蚂蚁
and each glove has over 500 ants.
疼痛会持续上数日
The pain lasts for days!
-我罪有应得 -我也是
- I deserve this! - Me too!!
好刺痛啊
Stingers!
我们做到了
We did it!
我们用高科技反将那群狗屎外星人一军
We out sci-fi'd those piece of shit aliens!
虽然过程太复杂了 但是我们还是做到了
Oh, it was complicated as hell, but we did it!
我记不得了 你能再跟我说一遍我们是怎么做的吗
I can't remember, can you tell us how we did it again?
我用骨骼转化射线
I used the Bone Changer Ray
把一只普通的猪变成了一个巨大 浑身排骨的怪物
to turn a regular pig into that giant, rib-filled monster.
我又从Hulu商店买♥♥了些外星难民的面具
I bought some Solar Opposites masks from the Hulu Store's
停业大甩卖♥♥ 超低价买♥♥的
going-out-of-business sale.
我还买♥♥了15支《笔写青春》的笔 也是假阳♥具♥
I also got 15 Pen15 pens that are also dildos.
马修 把节日氛围大炮设置成独♥立♥日模式
Matthew, it was a genius idea
简直是太聪明了
to switch the Holiday Spirit Cannon to 4th of July mode.
没错 预熟的排骨
That's right. Pre-cooked ribs.
屎是凉拌菜丝 眼泪是盐
Coleslaw poop and salt rub tears.
罗兰 使用心智射线 敲定大局
And, Roland, excellent call
真是明智的选择
to use the Make-Alive Ray to really land the plane.
卧♥槽♥ 我意识到了我的存在
Holy fuck, I'm aware of my existence!
-你的名字是彼得 -彼 得
- Your name is Peter. - Pe-ter?
-老天 你不知道嘛 -我今天 吸取了个教训
- Aw, geez, don't you know-- - Today, I've learned a lesson.
我是特里 我要在院子里开车原地画圈
I'm Terry! I'm gonna do donuts in the yard!
接下来就很容易了 故意解开挽具
It was so easy to leave the harness unbuckled
好让彼得在我们假装家庭聚会时逃出去
during our fake family meeting so Peter could escape.
现在 那些贱逼外星人要为他们的罪行付出代价了
Now those bitch-ass aliens can pay for all their crimes!
今天 人类赢了
Today, humanity wins!
操 我都做了些什么
Oh shit! What have I done?
老天啊 太痛了
Oh lord, the pain!
我全身都无比疼痛
I can feel it in my whole body!
我也是
I can too!
-我的内眼也很痛 -但是这是好事
- Even in my inner eye! - But it's, it's good!
-我们需要这样 -我们是烂屎
- We needed it! - We're pieces of shit!
我们是超大坨的臭屎
We're big pieces of shitty shit!
我们再也不会刻薄待人了
We'll never be mean again!
我们会学会共情
We'll learn how to have empathy!
我们吸取了教训
We learned our lesson!
天呐 快看那个人的衬衫
Oh my god, look at this guy's shirt!
那个本意是《反斗智多星》的仿作吗
Is that supposed to be a Wayne's World parody?
你的名字是马克吗
Is your name Mark?
马克的世界 《反斗智多星》男主的帽子写的是Wayne's World韦恩的世界
那都是几百年前的老片子了
Those movies came out a million years ago!
什么样的垃圾才会
What kind of loser gets his name
把他们名字加到《反斗智多星》的周边衬衫上
added to a Wayne's World shirt?
-你太蠢了 -这太尴尬了
- You suck! - That's so embarrassing!
你知道吗 你是真的傻♥逼♥
You're a real fucking idiot, you know that!
我都没法直视你 快滚 你这个怪胎
I can't even look at you! Get out of here, you fucking freak!
特里说得对 快滚
Terry's right, get out of here!
这些蚂蚁咬的是疼
Oh, these ants feel bad,
但是喷人类差不多抵消了疼痛
but shitting on humans almost evens it out!
快看
Oh, wow. Look at this.
大家 雪莉日快乐
Good Cherie Day, everyone.
这太完美了
Oh, that's perfect!
祝你雪莉日快乐
Good Cherie Day to you.
我从没和别人说起过 但是它一直困扰着我
I've never told anyone this, but it's been eating away at me.
现在是时候告诉你雪莉死亡的真♥相♥了
Now is the time to tell the true story of Cherie's death.
你知道的那个故事 是个谎言
The story you know... it's a lie.
没错 她是一个帮我打倒公爵的英雄
Yes, she was a hero who helped me defeat the Duke.
没错 她是我的所爱 我们也确实做了很多次爱
Yes, she was my lover, and yes, we had a bunch of sex.
-干柴烈火那种 那简直 -蒂姆 讲重点
- Pussy was poppin'. It was-- - Tim, please.
公爵没有在战争中杀了她
The Duke didn't kill her during the war.
-那是怎么回事 -雪莉 她看到了这个洞
- But then how-- - Cherie, she sees this hole,
看到了那一点点蓝天 然后她就疯了
this little piece of blue sky, and she snaps.
她开始说一些疯言疯语
She started talking crazy.
她想强迫大家去到院子里
She wants to force people out into the backyard
让他们被猫头鹰吃掉
to let them get eaten by owls.
我以为雪莉和我意见一致
I thought Cherie and I were on the same page,