小镇滋味

然后去来爱德给我买♥♥包生腰果
Then run to the Rite Aid, get me a bag of raw cashews,
一块进口黑巧克力
a bar of free-trade dark chocolate,
还有三张带好莱坞标志的明信片
and three postcards with the Hollywood sign on them.
我有侄女
I have nieces.
谢谢你把这么令人兴奋的任务交给我
Thank you for entrusting me with this super-exciting assignment.
艾比 等等 你能给我买♥♥个烤牛肉...
Oh, Abby, wait. Could you get me a roast beef on...
没什么 我尊重你 什么都不想要
nothing, 'cause I respect you and don't want anything.
我仍然不觉得灌醉一个老太太
I'm still not convinced that getting an old woman drunk
是最好的办法
is the best way to do this.
我们不能带她去魔术山
We are not taking her to Magic Mountain.
人们坐过山车的时候经常呕吐
People throw up on those roller coasters all the time.
那我们要怎样收集她的呕吐物
How are we supposed to collect her vomit?
给她头上绑个桶 像马一样吗
Strap a bucket to her face like a horse?
没人会在意的
No one would care.
上次我去那里
The last time I was there,
我看见一个婴儿的衣服上写着
I saw a baby wearing an outfit that said,
"我父母九个月前干了一炮
"My parents fucked nine months ago
我却只得到这件破T恤"
and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
事实 酒精是让一个人呕吐 但又不会
Fact: Liquor is the best and least suspicious way
引起怀疑的最佳方案
to get someone to throw up.
事实 我特讨厌你跟我说事实那一套
Fact: I hate when you do the fact thing,
尤其你说的根本不是事实
especially when it's not a fact.
准确陈述 我知道她喝酒
Accurate statement: I know she drinks,
因为上次我来时 她上午十点都在喝酒
'cause last time I was here she did shots at 10 a.m.
客观事实 你体内没有血液
And, objective truth: you don't have blood,
酒精就对你无效 因此你可以喝倒她
so you don't feel alcohol, therefore you can outdrink her.
所以坚定立场 我们应该这样做
So, strongly held opinion: this is what we should do,
因为 说到底 你的主意太蠢了
because, crossing a line, your idea is stupid.
我在想...
You know, I was thinking...
如果我真的失控了 也许我会让我妹妹杀了我
...if it comes to it, maybe I'll have my sister kill me.
凯茜 那太疯狂了
Kathy? That's crazy.
我只是觉得这件事让你压力很大
Well, it just seems like this is really stressing you out.
也许这样大家都轻松点
Maybe it's easier for everybody.
首先 凯茜来杀你会迟到四十分钟
First of all, Kathy's gonna be 40 minutes late killing you.
而且她可能动手前会先向我们要钱
And she'll probably ask for money before she does it.
我也不知道她那指甲能抓起什么武器
And I don't know what she can grip with those fingernails.
反正不是球棒
Certainly not a baseball bat.
你好
Hi!
你是送我盒子的那个人
You man who bring nice box.
没错 这是我妻子 希拉
That's right! This is my wife, Sheila.
我们又给你带了份礼物
And we brought you another gift
感谢你帮我翻译了那些画上的字
to thank you for helping us translate those prints.
你妻子有精致的盒子[女性私处]
Your wife has nice box?
他可喜欢了
This guy likes it.
我们给你带了个很棒的水桶
We brought you a wonderful bucket.
不错
Nice.
我们还带了几瓶你最爱的塞尔维亚酒
We also got a few bottles of that Serbian liquor you like.
马拉斯卡
Maraska.
我们一起喝
We drink.
-需要帮忙吗 -什么
- Can I help you? - What?
经理注意到你盯着这些零食
My manager noticed that you've been staring at the snacks
好长时间了
for, like, a really long time.
我母亲生病了
It's just my mom has this illness.
有一个医生正想办法救她
And, um, there's this doctor who's trying to save her
她给其他人分配了兴奋的任务 我却没有
and she's given everyone exciting stuff to do except me.
兴奋感很重要吗
Is excitement important?
我认为是的
I thought so.
不过也许你说得对 也许不是很重要
But maybe you're right. Maybe it isn't.
我妈妈病了 这才是我应该关心的问题
My mom's sick. That's what I need to be focused on.
我应该帮助其他人
I should be helping other people.
也许我也应该这么做
And maybe I should, too.
最近我一直在做越来越疯狂的事情...
Like, lately, I've been doing crazier and crazier stuff...
但我根本不满足
and I'm never satisfied.
也许就是因为我只想着自己
And maybe that's because I'm only thinking about myself.
比如这个医生 她来这里救我妈妈的命
Like with this doctor, she's in town to save my mom's life
可我却只想着她抢走了我的卧室
and all I can think about is she's taken my bedroom.
-所以你想要什么吗 -是的
- So, did you want something? - Yeah.
是的 我想 雷蒙娜 我想更无私一点
Yeah, I do, Ramona. I want to be more selfless.
好的
Okay.
你说得太轻松了
You make it sound so easy.
有时我能看见其他人看不见的东西
Sometimes I see things other people don't.
这个应该放第5通道货架上
This should be in aisle five.
为什么你不喝
Why you no drink?
我不希望你占我便宜 巴卡维奇太太
Oh, I don't want you to take advantage of me, Mrs. Bakavic.
-干杯 -停
- Down the hatch. - Stop!
你们在这干什么
What are you people doing here?
诺瓦克校长 你怎么没去学校
Principal Novak. Why aren't you at school?
我请了一天心理健康假
I'm taking a mental health day,
我的治疗师告诉我这没什么丢人的
which my therapist tells me is nothing to be ashamed of.
我孙子心灵很脆弱
My grandson has weak mind.
奶奶 你喝醉了
Baka, you're drunk.
这还不到中午 上周你喝醉就吐了
It's before noon. Last week you got so drunk that you threw up.
-她吐了 -当时喝了多少酒
- She threw up? - Exactly how many drinks did that take?
我们也好知道什么时候停下来
So we know when to stop.
我要你们离开这 我叫警♥察♥了
I want you people out of here. I am calling the police.
-不 我的家 他们留下 你走 -我不走
- No. My house. They stay. You go. - I'm not leaving.
他们给我带了水桶 你带来了耻辱
They bring me bucket. You bring shame.
他一个人在浴室里跳舞
He dance in bathroom by himself.
你是个讨厌的室友
You are a terrible roommate.
而且你的食物太油了
And your food is too oily.
你有个完美家庭
You have a beautiful family.
敬巴卡一家人
To the baka's family!
不 我不喝了
No. I finish.
真的吗 天 我才刚刚开始
Oh, really? God, I'm just getting started.
我猜美国女人比塞尔维亚的女人更能喝
I guess American women are better drinkers than Serbian women.
美国女人只擅长一件事
American women only good at one thing,
抱怨和老板滚床单
boo-hoo about sex with boss.
-我要吐了 -我的天 我们带桶了
- I going to be sick. - Oh, my God, we brought a bucket.
靠 现在怎么办
Shit! Now what?
我有个主意
I have an idea.
我们不会带她去魔术山
We're not bringing her to Magic Mountain.
那我们把魔术山带来给她
Then let's bring Magic Mountain to her.
好了 我已经合成了双重阿托品和锂盐
All right, I've synthesized the dioxatrope and lithium salts,
-这是解药的第一阶段 -太他妈好了
- which is the first stage of the remedy. - Fuck yeah!
抱歉 这对我来说就相当于超级碗
Sorry. This is kinda like my Super Bowl.
这是你的东西
Here's your stuff.
事实上我在来爱德
I actually had a life-changing experience
经历了一件改变人生的事 不管你信不信
in Rite Aid, believe it or not.
不信
Hmm. Not.
我不确定这个第一阶段解药
I'm uncertain this first stage
能够安全用于比小白鼠大的生物身上
is safe for anything bigger than a rat.
风险有多大
What are the risks?
如果剂量太大 可能会造成惊厥抽搐
If I've overestimated, it could cause dangerous convulsions.
可是没有安全的办法做检测
But there's no safe way to test it.
但哈蒙德夫人已经死了 所以如果出事
But since Mrs. Hammond's dead, if we guess wrong
她可能会永远陷入不停抽搐状态
she could be stuck in a convulsive state forever.
没错
Exactly.
-我♥操♥ -你在做什么
- Holy shit! - What are you doing?
做一件无私的事
Something selfless.
我帮我妈测试一下是否安全
I'm testing it to make sure it's safe for my mom.
你疯了吗 你感觉如何
Are you insane? How do you feel?
-感觉自己像好人 -你不该这么冲动
- Like a good person. - You shouldn't have done that.
艾瑞克 我没事 真没事
Eric, I'm fine. Really, I'm fine.
就是 就是...
I just... just...
-天 她在抽搐 艾比 -别让她咬到舌头
- Oh, God. She's convulsing. Abby? - Don't let her bite her tongue.
-我去拿医药包 -艾比
- I'll get my medical bag. - Abby?
不用拿包了 我开玩笑的 我没事
Oh, don't grab the bag. I was kidding, I'm fine.
你真吓死我了
You scared the crap out of me.
-不好笑 艾比 -还是有点好笑的吧
- That wasn't funny, Abby. - Oh, it was a little funny.
虽然我现在很无私
Look, just 'cause I'm being selfless