小镇滋味

-可你刚说我改不了啊 -改不了
- But you just said I can't. - You can't.
-可你说我必须改变 -没错
- But you're saying I have to. - You do.
你是说我需要改变自己的本质
You're saying that I need to change my nature,
但那是不可能的
but that's impossible.
对
Yeah.
但另一方面 没有什么是不可能的
Uh, on the other hand, maybe nothing's impossible.
谁能想到
Who would've ever thought
章鱼和小猫会相爱呢
an octopus and a kitten could fall in love?
油管上有 你一定得看看
It's on YouTube, you gotta see it.
能让你燃起希望
It'll give you hope.
不吃
No.
等等
Wait.
不好意思 你想来一个吗
I'm sorry, did you want one?
我以前也逃学
You know, I used to ditch.
我的家庭生活也很有挑战性
My home life was also a little challenging.
真的吗
Really?
珍妮奶奶也把人吃掉一半
Did Grandma Jenny eat half a man
然后把另一半埋在荒漠里吗
and bury the rest of him in the desert?
这倒没有
No.
但她曾因一颗生菜把一个农产品商贩惹哭
But she once made a produce guy cry over a head of lettuce,
她在人们眼中的形象就是如此
and that was her public persona.
那你是怎么应对的
How'd you deal?
收集棒球卡 给松果涂色
Collected baseball cards, painted pine cones.
有时候去树林里朝小鸟大吼大叫
Sometimes I went into the woods and yelled at birds.
你会朝小鸟大吼大叫吗
You yelled at birds?
我们没钱去看心理医生
We didn't have money for a therapist
而朝别人♥大♥吼大叫是珍妮奶奶的专长
and yelling at people was Grandma Jenny's thing.
等我大一点后...
Then when I got older...
怎么了
What?
怎么了
What?
太酷了
That was sick!
我16岁时有了一辆摩托车
I got a bike when I was 16
从此再没朝小鸟大吼大叫过
and never yelled at a bird again.
我懂
I can see why.
你那辆也像里克的这么酷吗
Was yours as cool as Rick's?
挺不错的
It was pretty sweet.
83款凯♥旋♥摩托车
'83 Triumph Daytona.
-你还留着吗 -留着 放在储物间
- Do you still have it? - Yeah, I keep it in the storage unit...
-天 我想看看 -不行
- Oh, my God, I want to see it. - Nah.
现在只是一堆废铜烂铁
Now it's just a pile of rusted crap.
看看这景色
Check out this view.
我们上高中时 我常带你妈来这
I used to bring your mom up here when we were in high school.
在那张野餐长凳上刻了我俩的姓名首字母
Carved our initials in that picnic bench.
那时这一片还都是空地
Back then it was all just open space.
真是世事无常啊
Man, things change.
妈现在还能产生感情吗
Can mom still love?
-什么 当然了 -你确定吗
- What? Of course she can. - Are you sure?
-确定 -你笑得太诡异了
- Yes. - That's a weird smile.
-我要吓死了 -我也是
- I'm freaking out, man! - I'm freaking out too!
-太诡异了 -太他妈诡异了
- It's so weird! - So fucking weird!
上周 她还按照煮熟时间来整理意面
Last week, she organized our pasta by cooking times,
不让我在卧室吃饼干
and wouldn't let me eat crackers in the living room.
周二 她勒死了一只公鸡
Tuesday, she strangled a rooster!
两周前 她还帮我为高考准备单词卡
Two weeks ago, she was making me vocab cards for the SATs.
现在都不在乎我去不去上学了
Now she doesn't care if I go to school anymore.
-是啊 到底怎么回事 -是啊
- I know! What the hell's happening? - I know!
我是说
I mean, like,
妈妈那次死是真的死了吗
did Mom die when Mom died?
我真希望可以回答 亲爱的
I wish I had more answers, honey.
我知道和你高中那会儿比
I know things may have changed
很多东西可能都变了
from when you were here in high school but...
但这里依然很美
it's still beautiful.
是的 很美
Yeah, it is.
走吧 你妈还在科学展览那等我们呢
Come on, your mom's waiting for us at that science fair.
等等 你们在哪刻了你们的首字母
Wait. Where'd you carve your initials?
在这
There it is.
好甜蜜啊
That's sweet.
刻在这里二十多年了
It's been here over 20 years.
当然 周围的杰作是新刻上去的
Of course, the artwork around it is new.
圣克拉丽塔高中
很高兴认识你
Nice to meet you.
总有一天他会造出一个软体女人
One day he'll build a woman out of soft materials
然后再也不出门
and never come out of his room.
你还没喝你的酒呢
You haven't touched your margarita.
真多龙舌兰
That's a lot of tequila.
自从我发现这个窍门后 我就成了
Ever since I discovered this little trick I have been, like,
最佳妈妈
the best mom.
我提前喝酒为之后的工作热身
Plus I'm pregaming for a work thing later.
-今晚吗 -没错
- Tonight? - Oh, yeah.
医药代理人的工作时间超有弹性
Pharmaceutical rep hours are super flexible.
所以我们很多人才有空上《单身汉》
That's why so many of us have time to go on The Bachelor.
我去
No.
看看他 一事无成之王
Look at him, the king of nothing.
"欢迎来到我的地盘
"Yes, welcome to my land.
"我很伟大
"I am great.
"我是个性旅行者 周游全世界
"I am a sex tourist, traveling the world over.
"花大笔钱嫖♥妓♥
"Paying handsomely for sex.
"我正在放屁
"Oh, I am currently farting."
没鸡♥巴♥的讨厌鬼
You dickless bore.
-艾瑞克真是科学明星啊 -是啊
- Eric is quite the star, hmm? - Yeah.
不知道他从哪遗传来的 他爸那么笨
I don't know where he gets it. His father was so dumb.
笨得离谱
I mean, crush a mouse dumb.
我的天
My.
-哈蒙德夫人 -诺瓦克校长
- Mrs. Hammond. - Principal Novak.
不好意思今天早上会面出了岔子
I am sorry that things went awry this morning.
谢谢 道歉接受
Thank you. Apology accepted.
-我不是在道歉 -你刚刚说不好意思
- I wasn't actually apologizing. - You just said you were sorry.
我是对你引发的状况感到同情
I'm sorry about the situation, which you instigated.
这是不是有个土豆钟需要你去看看啊
Isn't there a potato clock somewhere that needs your attention?
你应该感激我没有让艾比休学
You should be grateful that I didn't suspend Abby.
事实上 我依然有可能这么做
In fact, I still might.
这取决于你接下来要说的话 女士
It all depends on what you say next, madame.
好吧 对不起
Fine, I'm sorry.
-你个放屁性旅行者 -好狠
- You farting sex tourist. - Oh, snap.
告诉艾比明天不用来学校了
Tell Abby don't bother coming to school tomorrow.
真是个混球
What a cuntstick.
-帮我拿一下 -好
- Hold this? - Yeah.
-希拉 -乔
- Sheila! - Joel!
你来了 艾比呢
you're here. Where's Abby?
她要去趟她的储物柜 我有话对你说
She needed to swing by her locker. I need to tell you something.
-什么 -我爱你
- Yes? - I love you.
自从我们在那个野餐凳上
I have loved you
刻下我们名字的首字母 我就爱上你了
since we carved our initials in that picnic bench.
结婚十九年来我一直深爱着你
I've loved you for the 19 years we've been married,
只要我们还在一起我就会永远爱你
and I'll love you for however long we have together.
所以 你只要做你自己就好
So... you be whoever you need to be.
就因为一些事物发生了改变
Just because something's changed
不意味着它不再美丽动人
doesn't mean it's not still beautiful.
这正是我现在想听到的
That's exactly what I needed to hear.
我的天
Oh, my God.
你好 诺瓦克
Hey, Novak.
-爸爸 -艾比 回去
- Dad? - Abby, go back.
我就不绕弯子了
Let's keep this simple.
艾比现在正处于非常时期
Abby's going through a really hard time right now
所以你不能让她休学 如果你这样做
so you're not going to suspend her, because if you do
我会让你痛不欲生
I will make your life miserable.
我能卖♥♥了你的房♥子 能搞乱你的房♥产估值
I can sell your home, I can fuck up your Zillow estimate.
我能把你住的片区划归给马
I can rezone your neighborhood for horses.
我有个愿意为我赴汤蹈火的公♥证♥人
I have a notary that will do anything for me.
我是一名房♥产经纪人 我能毁了你
I am a realtor and I can destroy you.
这都取决于你接下来要说的话