小镇滋味

如果可以 你最好控制一下
Hey, if you can, try to keep it contained.
我不是想批评你 亲爱的
Not to be critical, honey,
但加里看起来像是吞了炸♥药♥而死
but Gary looked like he swallowed some TNT.
你感恩节对火鸡做的事也没好到哪去
It's no worse than what you did to the turkey on Thanksgiving.
-我们需要新刀 -那就去买♥♥啊
- We need new knives. - So buy some.
刀很贵 而且会变钝
They're expensive and they just get dull.
-你没事吧 -没事
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
我们有威廉·索诺玛公♥司♥的礼券
You know, we have a gift certificate to Williams-Sonoma.
-科尔 -真高兴你能来
- Cole! - So glad you made it.
-很开心见到你 -超级开心见到你
- It's good to meet you. - Great to meet you.
你们怎么穿成这样
Why are you guys dressed like that?
你们在互相染发什么的吗
Are you, like, coloring each other's hair or something?
不是 但这个解释不错
No, but that would've been a good explanation.
事实上 我们是房♥产经纪人
Actually, we're real estate brokers
但却卖♥♥不出这间房♥
who have been having trouble selling this place.
想把这里装饰得更有吸引力
Eager to make it more appealing,
所以在重新粉刷厨房♥
we're repainting the kitchen.
进来吧
Get in here.
好
Okay.
-我们该表现得正常点 -我尽力了
- We should act more normal. - I'm doing the best I can.
你要喝点水吗 科尔
Can I get you a water drink, Cole?
我来的路上喝了点啤酒 所以不用了
Actually, I had a couple beers on the drive over, so I'm good.
你们选的交易地点简直不要太好
You guys couldn't have picked a better place to make a buy.
街道尽头的一座空房♥
I mean, an empty house at the end of the street,
就像明摆着跟人说 "这里在进行毒品交易"
it's like, "Hey, there's a drug deal going down in here!"
慢着 没人能听到我吼叫
Oh, wait, nobody can hear me yelling!
我们拭目以待
We'll see.
你们要了半盎司的天行者大♥麻♥
You guys ordered a half ounce of Skywalker OG Kush,
这是个很棒的选择
Which is an excellent choice, by the way.
天啊 真的要发生了
Oh, my god, this is really happening.
放松点 哥们 你只是买♥♥大♥麻♥而已
Oh, relax, bro, you're just buying weed.
天啊 是琼
Oh, my god, it's Joan.
有可能是关于蓝岭的房♥子 我得接这个电♥话♥
It might be about that listing on Blue Ridge. I gotta take this.
-真的吗 -那家还有游泳池呢
- Really? - It has a swimmer's pool.
工作
Business.
-应该八会很久的 -八会
- She shan't be long. - Shan't?
我已经尽我所能了
I'm doing the best I can.
我们得等她吗
Do we have to wait for her?
当然
Absolutely.
钱在她那里
She has the money.
哥们 我今天过得很糟
Man, I had a shitty day today.
和我约会的那个姑娘
This girl I've been seeing,
告诉我她21岁了 结果她才16岁
told me she was 21, turned out to be 16.
显然 我必须和她分手
Obviously, I had to break it off with her, mmm.
-你并不知情 -不知道
- You had no idea? - No.
让我心痛的是 事实上 我有点喜欢她
What kills me is I actually... I kinda liked her.
也许我们不应该闲聊
Maybe we shouldn't talk.
-为什么 -这让我很伤心
- Why not? - It saddens me.
介意我在等的时候抽点大♥麻♥吗
Mind if I smoke a little weed while we wait?
所以说 卖♥♥毒品给小孩 挺无♥耻♥啊
So... selling drugs to kids, that seems pretty fucked up.
这本不是计划的一部分 哥们
Well, it wasn't part of the plan, dude. You know?
我在高中的时候就开始卖♥♥大♥麻♥
I mean, I started selling pot in high school.
我长大后 想要脱离这种生活
I grew up, I tried to get out of it
我那个笨蛋姐姐又离婚了
and my dumb sister gets a divorce
所以我只能继续卖♥♥大♥麻♥来帮她
so I end up having to help her out.
有时候你会为你爱的人做一些你并不想做的破事
Sometimes you do shit you never expected for the people you love.
一点没错
That is so true.
我知道 但是看看你
I know, but then I look at you
你有很棒的事业
and I think you got a great career.
你有个很棒的老婆 就像
You got a great wife. It's like,
"我要怎么做才能在房♥子前立个标牌
"How do I get my face in front of a house,
上面印着我和一个那样的美女"
on a sweet sign next to a sweet lady like that?"
很简单
It's easy.
首先 你得是高中的四分卫和舞会国王
First, you're a high school quarterback and prom king
然后和舞会皇后约会
and you date the prom queen.
毕业后你觉得自己很了不起
After school you think you're pretty hot shit,
所以你潇洒度日一段时间
so you coast for a while.
玩玩音乐 吉他弹得不错 但还不够好
Try music. You're a decent guitar player, not great.
然后上几节酒店管理课 尝试即兴表演
So... you take a few classes in hotel management. Try improv.
但是你的目标工作永远都不是你真正想要做的
But your object work is never what you want it to be.
目标工作是什么
What's-- What's object work?
就像是假装做三明治
It's like making a fucking sandwich, only it's not really there.
-就像是演哑剧 -不
- Oh. It's like being a mime? - No.
因为你可以谈论这个三明治
Because you can talk about the sandwich,
同时也是差劲的即兴表演
which is also bad improv.
总之 到这个时候我结婚了
Anyway, by this point, I'm married,
我们有了一个孩子 是时候认真起来了
we have a kid, it's time to get serious.
我妻子是房♥产经纪人
My wife is a realtor.
有一天我醒来 我也成了房♥产经纪人
I wake up one day and... so am I.
我不是在抱怨
I'm not complaining.
我自己定工作时间 每周只见老板两次
I work my own hours, I only see my boss twice a week.
只是这不是我想象中的未来发展方向
It's just not where I saw my life going.
-老兄 那简直 -现在
- Wow, man, that's just - And now...
天啊 如果我告诉你正在发生的这些疯狂事情
Jesus Christ, if I told you the crazy shit happening,
你一定会把我送进精神病院的
you'd put me in an asylum.
我的生活就像是深陷在
It's like my life is spiraling
灾难的漩涡中并且没有出路
toward disaster and there's no way out.
最坏的是 我甚至不能和
The worst part is, I can't even talk about it
我最爱的人说起这件事
with the person I love the most
因为她会怪自己 我不想这样
because she'll blame herself, and that's not what I want.
过来 来抱个
Come on, come here. Come here.
来吧
Come here.
你今天不会死的
You're not gonna die today.
好吧
Okay.
不好意思各位 我很失礼
Sorry, everyone. So rude.
科尔呢
Where's Cole?
-我让他离开了 -什么
- I told him to go. - What?
他是个好人 还是个很棒的倾听者
He's an okay guy and a really good listener.
他不该死在这么贵的西班牙复兴风格房♥子里
He doesn't deserve to die in an overpriced Spanish revival.
我离开了五分钟你就和我的晚餐好上了
I leave you for five fucking minutes and you bond with my dinner?
-我们有许多共同点 -是啊 你们都嗑嗨了
- We had a lot in common. - Yeah, you're both high.
我得说 有时你抽大♥麻♥让我很难受
You know, I gotta say, sometimes your pot smoking bugs me.
我不喜欢你要杀人 吃人
Well, I don't like that you're gonna be killing and eating people,
所以我们都有困扰对方的事情
so we both have things that bug us.
另外 他们正在合法化我的嗜好
And by the way, they're legalizing my thing.
我只知道你要是没和你的
All I know is that if you hadn't fired up a fatty
毒贩兼法定强♥奸♥犯朋友
with your drug dealing,
抽大♥麻♥的话 我早就吃了他
statutory rapist friend, I'd have eaten by now.
他不知道莎拉才十六岁
He didn't know Sarah was 16.
他在帮助他离婚的姐姐
And he's helping his divorced sister.
首先 所有和未成年交往的变♥态♥
First of all, every creep
都说他们不知情 懂吗
who dated a teenager "Didn't know," Okay?
如果我们玩家庭问答
And if we are playing Family Feud
题目是售毒给孩子的原因
and the category was reasons to sell drugs to kids,
我姐姐的离婚连做选项的资格都没有
my sister's divorce wouldn't even be up on the board.
你继父也许是个混♥蛋♥ 但他的玩具真的很酷
Your stepdad may be a dick, but he has really cool toys.
他的右翼妄想[害怕政♥府♥滥用权力]终于要收到成效了
Finally, his right wing paranoia pays off.
你确定这样不过火吗
Are you sure this isn't too crazy?
也许他不知道她多大了
Yeah, maybe he didn't know how old she was.
他以为她每天八点到下午三点半都在干嘛
What did he think she was doing every day between 8:00 and 3:30?
还去高中 接她
At the high school, where he picked her up.
好吧 我入伙
Okay, I'm in.
哪来的烟
Ahh, smoke!
我眼睛在灼烧 我喉咙在灼烧
No, my eyes are burning! My throat is burning!
好痛
Ah, it stings.
怎么会发生这种事
Why is this happening?
水管哪去了
Where is my hose?
不敢相信我们干了这事 我们快走吧
I can't believe we did this. Let's get out of here.
-好的 -没到时候
- I could leave. - Not yet.
在这 太好了 不 我的天 哪去了
There it is, yes-- oh, God, no! Where is it?