小镇滋味

听拉菲的歌♥才睡得着的小女孩了
listen to Raffi to fall asleep.
我的天 拉菲
Oh, my God, Raffi.
你过去常常一遍又一遍
You used to play him over and over and over
放他的歌♥直到我受不了了
until I couldn't take it anymore.
你知道怎么做更有效吗
You know what might help?
如果你把它绑在车前面然后撞开他的门
If you strap this to the front of the car and drive it through his door.
50年代的时候
1950s...
政♥府♥在比基尼环礁秘密
the government secretly detonates
引爆了核武器 让成千上万的人中毒
nukes over Bikini Atoll, poisoning thousands.
60年代 中情局秘密测试其
1960s, the CIA secretly tests
大脑控制项目
its MKUltra mind control project.
2012年 一个人在佛罗里达吃了另一个人的脸
2012, a man in Florida eats another man's face
他们想让你们认为他是因吸食了浴盐而嗨了
and they want you to think that he's high on bath salts?
如果你信了的话
If you believe that,
我可以卖♥♥给你个日本充气娃娃 全新的
I got a Japanese sex doll to sell you, unused.
你是不是最近还发现了
Uh, didn't you also recently discover evidence
一个十九世纪在波兰的活死人的证据
of an undead anomaly in 19th century Poland?
-你很不错啊 -谢谢
- Very good. - Thank you.
雷布尼克 1870年
Rybnik, 1870.
三名牧师走进了一个酒吧
Three priests walk into a tavern and,
不 这不是笑话的开头
no, that is not the beginning of a joke.
一个当地农民袭击了他们还把他们的头吃了
A local farmer set upon them and ate them down to their collars.
我有照片
I have the pictures.
政♥府♥想出了各种借口
The government came up with all sorts of excuses:
坏的伏特加 有毒的花 犹太人
bad vodka, poisonous flowers, Jews.
那塞尔维亚呢
What about Serbia?
什么
What?
你的研究不是还
Didn't your research also
发现了一本书吗 讲述发生在塞尔维亚的一次事件
uncover a book about an event in Serbia or not?
我不清楚
I don't know.
十六世纪的波兹卡 你有做功课
16th century Pozica. You've done your homework.
是的 我是狂热粉丝 我叫乔
Yeah. Big fan. I'm Joel.
你就是那个打给我很多次的人
You're the guy who's called me a billion times.
我可以看看那本书吗
May I see the book, please?
我不认识你 我也不会把那本书展示在公共场合
I don't know you and I don't take it out in public,
但是我有这本书的电子版
but I do keep a digitized version of it
还有十个G的有关超自然的
along with ten gigs of paranormal,
机密文件 都在这个U盘里
classified documents right here on this thumb drive.
这就是真♥相♥ 朋友们 看看
This is the truth, my friends. Look at it!
别看了
Now, stop looking at it.
我在开玩笑 你们还可以看 不许看
I'm just kidding, you can look at it. No, don't!
太多人想要这个
Too many people want this
我不想让你们的生命陷入和我一样的危险
and I don't want your lives to be in the same danger as mine.
我得看看
I need to see it.
瞧瞧这个人
Look at this guy.
你想干什么 你为政♥府♥工作吗
What is your deal? You work for the government?
-有人认识这个人吗 -我认识
- Does anyone here know this dude? - I do.
他不是坏人
He's cool.
用户名SpaceBaller2000
SpaceBaller 2000.
我是Reddit[社交新闻网站]僵尸镇子版块的版主
I moderate the Zombie Town subreddit.
要是SpaceBaller2000为他做担♥保♥
Well, if SpaceBaller 2000 vouches for him
那我就可以放松戒备了
then I guess I can let my guard down.
反应不错
Good reflexes.
我敢打赌你肯定打过不少橄榄球
Bet you played a lot of ball
然后叛变加入政♥府♥监管部门
before you sold out and joined Big Brother.
我不是政♥府♥派来的 我只想求助于你
I'm not with the government. I just need your help.
想蒙我没门 你个头发茂盛的狗崽子
Nice try blending in, you handsome thick-haired son of a bitch.
我就知道应该给你买♥♥顶帽子
I knew I should've bought you a hat.
妈 没有效果
Mom, it's not working.
接着放拉菲啊 听着高兴
Hey, put Raffi back on. He makes me happy.
是啊 每个人听着都高兴
Yeah. He makes everybody happy.
所以他才老少通吃
That's why he's a multi-generational success.
你跟你女儿的翘臀也是老少通吃
You and your daughter's asses are a multi-generational success.
别把我们贬低得除了性感一无是处
Stop reducing us to only sexual beings.
接着说 我快射了
Oh, keep talking, I'm almost finished.
该死的
Goddammit.
-你还好吗 -还好
- You okay? - Okay.
新教训 如果一开始没能得逞
New lesson: if at first you don't succeed...
就对他使用催泪瓦斯
then blast his ass with tear gas.
没错 就这么办
Yeah! Yeah, you do!
贱♥货♥ 快穿好裤子 你要出来了
Put your pants on, bitch, 'cause you're coming out!
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen.
-就是这 地下拆车间就在这 -好
- This is it. Chop shop's right under us. - Okay.
你打开炉篦 我把催泪瓦斯丢进通风口
You hold open the grate, I'll drop the tear gas into the vent.
你确定你知道怎么做吗
You sure you know what you're doing?
知道 我拿催泪瓦斯对付过莎拉的前男友
Yeah, I teargassed Sarah's ex-boyfriend.
科尔吗 我的天 我差点吃了他
Cole? Oh, my God. I almost ate that guy.
真的吗
Really?
今天我们增进了好多对彼此的了解
We're learning so much about each other today.
该死 扔错地方了
Oh, shit, it's the wrong unit!
我们是在地下拆车间的正上方啊
We're right over the chop shop.
他们这是什么破通风系统啊
What kind of screwed up ventilation system do they have here?
我们向两个无辜的人投掷了催泪瓦斯
We teargassed two innocent people.
我只想和我女儿度过美好的一天
I just wanted to spend a nice day with my daughter
做个好榜样 他妈的怎么回事
and set a good example. What the fuck happened?
我应该停止飙脏话了
I should at least stop cussing.
这也他妈的没那么难
That's not even that fucking hard.
我需要那个U盘
I need that flash drive.
我应该带把铲子的
I should've brought a shovel.
我最近越来越会用铲子
I've gotten pretty good with a shovel.
记住 我们不能让那一次杀人定义我们
Remember, we're not letting that one murder define us.
安东以为你是政♥府♥的人 让我和他谈谈
Look, Anton thinks you're government, let me talk to him.
你是僵尸镇子版块的版主
So you moderate that Zombie Town subreddit.
你是粉丝
You're a fan?
我现在超级忙 不过我能给你签个名
I'm super busy right now but, uh, I guess I could sign something.
不 事实上我有几个问题想问你
No, actually, I just wanted to ask you a few questions
关于你最近接触的那个活死人
about the, uh, undead subject you've been in contact with.
什么活死人
What undead subject?
他最近在写一个女人死了后
Uh, he's been writing about a post-mortem female
杀害并吃掉了好几个人
who's killed and consumed several people.
什么
What?
你写了
You have?
我能跟你谈谈吗
Can I talk to you for a minute?
你把希拉的事发到网上了
Are you posting about Sheila?
你把我家人都至于险境
You put my whole family at risk.
-我以为会有人对这方面有了解 -是吗
- I thought someone might know something. - Really?
还是你只是想蹭热度赢得人气比赛
Or were you just trying to win some nerd popularity contest?
真伤人
That hurts.
也许我没想清楚 因为我的双收入家庭
Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly because my dual-income household
刚变成了单收入家庭
was just reduced to a single-income household.
我就知道你对我杀了你继父耿耿于怀
I knew you weren't cool with me killing your stepdad.
我以为我无所谓
I thought I was,
但当墨鱼受到攻击时 它会喷出墨汁自卫
but when a squid's under attack he throws out ink.
你才不是墨鱼 你就是个乳臭未干的小屁孩
You're not a squid, you're a boy who smells like a baby.
-我以为你没听到 -我当然听到了
- I thought you didn't hear that. - Of course I heard it.
我受够了胡闹 我要按我的方法来
I'm done messing around. I'm doing this my way.
真不敢相信这一天就这样过去了
I can't believe this day got away from me.
我挺开心
I had fun.
我也是 但我想要更多
Yeah, me too, but I wanted it to be about more than that.
对 你想让我学到点东西
Right. You wanted me to learn something.
妈 我学到了"偷"的过去式
Mom, I know the past tense of stole
而且知道了通风口
and today I realized that air vents
并不总和下面的屋子一一对应
don't always line up with the unit below them.
我懂的够多了
I have all the tools I need.
对 但你还偷了一辆摩托车
Yeah. But you also stole a motorcycle,
现在你都不想上大学了
and now you don't even want to go to college.
为什么我非要现在决定要不要上大学
Why do I have to decide about college right now?
因为我要确定如果我不在 你会一切都好
Because I need to make sure you're gonna be okay if I'm not here.
不在 你在说什么
Not here? What are you talking about?
我的一根脚趾脱落了 这只眼睛也不安分
One of my toes fell off and this eye is a bit of a jumper.
该死的眼球不想老实待在眼窝里