小镇滋味

-你刚刚在说丹 -对
- You were talking about Dan. - Right.
听好了 他的搭档
So get this: his partner
发现他的前门没锁 但是丹却不在
finds the front door unlocked, but no Dan.
他的车停在车道上 手♥机♥还在咖啡桌上
His car's in the driveway, his phone's on the coffee table,
他的迷你乳蛋饼早餐还在微波炉里
his mini breakfast quiche is still in the microwave.
不好意思 是我
So sorry about that. All me.
我放了个屁 是我放的
I farted. I did that.
所以丹的搭档通知了局里
So Dan's partner called it in,
现在有几辆巡逻警车
and now there's a couple of squad cars
在周围寻找丹的下落
looking around the neighborhood.
我希望他们找到他 这样我就可以怼他
Oh, I hope they find him so I can give him shit
懒到连乳蛋饼要用微波炉打
about being too lazy to bake a proper quiche.
谢谢你的水 我就...
Thanks for the water. I'll just--
不用谢
You are so welcome!
谢谢你造访
Well, thanks for stopping by.
剩下的就交给你了
You take it from here.
顺便说一下 你要找的那个叫安东的家伙
Oh, by the way, that guy Anton you were looking for?
-我找到他的电♥话♥了 -真的吗
- I found his number. - Really?
告诉我什么招式
Tell me the move.
你做不来那招式的
You can't handle the move.
天
Oh, God.
丹的头太他妈重了 还有他不停放屁的屁♥眼♥
Fucking top-heavy Dan and his narcing butthole.
这很棒 里克拿到了那家伙的电♥话♥
This is great. Rick got that guy's number.
-谁的 -有塞尔维亚书的那个人
- What guy? - The guy with the Serbian book
上面可能有解药
that might have a cure.
-我要打给他 -明天再打吧
- I'm gonna call him. - Maybe tomorrow's project.
-对 丹 -我们要怎么做
- Right. Dan. - What are we gonna do?
我们不能就这么把他搬出去
We can't just take him out of here.
县警现在就在隔壁
Now there's a sheriff next door.
我们也不能把他留在这里
We can't leave him here.
艾比马上就要到家了
Abby's gonna be home soon.
好吧 我们得把他塞到某个地方
Okay, we have to stash him somewhere,
某个艾比绝不会看的地方
somewhere Abby would never look.
-书柜吗 -我本来打算说洗碗机的
- A bookshelf? - I was gonna say a dishwasher.
也许该塞到那个我们花600块给她买♥♥的长号♥里
Maybe in her trombone that cost us $600.
或者塞到那个她只用过四次的冲浪板下面
Or under the paddleboard she used four times.
-主浴室 -棒
- Master bath. - Good.
自从那次撞见我俩在浴缸里之后她就再也没进去过了
She hasn't gone in there since she walked in on us in the tub.
那次还挺搞笑的
That was funny.
这最多只能拖五个钟头 我们得想个计划
That's a five-hour solution at best. We need a plan.
我一直挺喜欢这里的
I've always loved it in here.
阳光照进来
The way the light comes in
和墙上的彩斑共舞
and dances with the colors on the wall.
这间浴室不单是我必须用的地方
This room isn't just a place I have to use,
也是我想用的地方
it's a place I want to use.
老兄 集中注意力 好吗
Hey, buddy. Focus. All right?
我们在想计划呢
We're looking for a plan,
而不是在帮《家居园艺》想宣传语
not a blurb for Better Homes and Gardens.
说真的 你还好吗
Seriously, are you okay?
嗯 挺好的
Yeah, fine.
我们等县警离开 然后去找个新箱子
We'll wait for the sheriffs to leave, go get a new trunk,
-晚上再把他搬进储物间里 -好
- and move him to the storage unit tonight. - Yes.
县警
County sheriff.
-我♥操♥ -靠
- Motherfucker! - Shit!
尽量别把这个也杀了
Try not to kill this one.
你杀的人是我的两倍
You've killed twice as many people as I have.
噼里啪啦噼里啪啦跟我一样
&*&TF%&$%*$F as I have.
明天我要和我爸妈一起去海边
So tomorrow, I'm going to the beach with my parents.
我还挺期待的
I'm actually looking forward to it.
我们总是会去一个流动蚝车
There's this oyster truck we always go to.
他家的蚝...也就还行
And the oysters are, like, okay,
但有次那人给了我瓶啤酒
but the guy gave me a beer once.
酷 我们要不要去喝杯咖啡
Cool. Should we go get a coffee?
我觉得我们该停下来喝杯咖啡
I feel like we should stop and get a coffee.
你害怕回家见到丹 是不是
You're nervous about going home and seeing Dan, aren't you?
我早上出门的时候
When I left this morning,
他正准备种他的玫瑰丛
he was going to plant his rosebushes
闪光手榴弹肯定炸了
so I'm pretty sure the flash bang went off
这就是个巨大的错误 他会杀了我的
and it was a huge mistake and he's gonna kill me
而我想在死前尝尝咖啡
and I want to try coffee before I die.
史上最糟的遗愿清单
Worst bucket list ever.
这会是一件好事 艾瑞克
It's going to be good, Eric.
你们就有机会对峙了
It's gonna force a confrontation.
我可喜欢对峙了
Oh, I love those.
听着 我的意思是
Look, what I mean is,
你现在的计划显然不起作用
what you have now obviously isn't working.
丹是个恶霸 假如你不反抗恶霸
Dan's a bully. If you don't stand up to bullies,
他们就会一直来找你麻烦
they just keep coming at you.
相信我 我小学时可是个校霸
And take it from me, I was a monster in elementary school.
也许你是对的 也许这会是件好事
Maybe you're right. Maybe this will be a good thing.
或许这能让丹意识到
Maybe it'll make Dan realize,
你惹了这只小猫 你就等着被抓吧
you mess with this kitty cat, you get the claws.
真棒 你经常说这句话吗
Great. How married are you to that wording?
他会知道
He's gonna see
我再也不会忍♥气吞声了
I'm not gonna put up with any more of his crap.
-这就对了 -我要告诉他
- There you go. - I'm gonna tell him,
-我不怕你 丹 -完美
- "I'm not afraid of you, Dan." - Perfect!
你如果不满
"And if you've got a problem
我看韩国星际争霸赛
with me watching Korean StarCraft tournaments
而不是橄榄球的话 就来吃我
instead of football, you can just suck my..."
话别说得这么狠
I mean, maybe don't push it that far,
因为有时候恶霸
'cause sometimes with bullies--
屌♥ 来吃我的屌♥吧 丹
"Dick! Suck my fucking dick, Dan."
你以后肯定会明白的
I'm sure you'll find it in the moment.
谢谢
Thank you.
副警长一旦没来上班
Anytime a sheriff's deputy doesn't show up for work,
我们就会想确保一切正常
we just wanna make sure everything's all right.
当然
Oh... of course.
你们今早都没见过丹吗
So either of you see Dan this morning?
没有 真希望见到他了 他是个好人
No. Wish I had. Great guy.
很棒的家伙 喜欢死他了
Wonderful guy. I can't get enough of him.
真有趣 他和我搭档已经五年了
Interesting. He's been my partner for five years
我发现大多数人都觉得
and I've found that most people
他是个极度令人厌恶的人
just think he's unbelievably repellent.
我们不想说失踪人口 的坏话
Well, we don't want to speak ill of the... missing.
我们爱所有人 他们都是上帝的子民
We love everyone, all of God's children.
阿门
Amen to that.
有件事让我觉得有点奇怪
You know, there is one thing that strikes me as a little strange.
什么事 安妮
What's that, Anne?
你们俩和帕默一家是朋友
You two are friends with the Palmers,
你们知道丹失踪了
and you know Dan's missing,
但是你们至今还没去看望丽莎
but you still haven't been over to check on Lisa.
这是奇怪还是单纯的考虑不周
Is that strange or just inconsiderate?
考虑不周 谜团解决
Inconsiderate. Mystery solved.
发生这样的事
You know, something like this
对一个家庭来说压力很大
can be very stressful for the family,
丽莎是个好女人
and Lisa is such a beautiful woman.
如果你们能去看看她就好了
It would be great if you just came by.
我们一定会的
We definitely will.
-必须去 -是的
- Love it. - Yeah.
还有什么能帮到你的吗
Is there anything else we can do to help?
-祈求丹平安 -没问题
- Just pray that Dan's all right. - Will do.
现在
Oh. Right now.
亲爱的上帝 我和你的一众子民坐在这祈求
Dear Lord, I sit with some of your flock to ask--
我回来了
I'm home!
我们在这儿 祈祷
We're in here, praying.
-我能继续吗 -当然
- Shall I? - Yes, please.
亲爱的上帝 我和你的一众子明坐在这祈求
Dear Lord, I sit with some of your flock to ask--
你们浴室里面有布洛芬[止痛消炎药]吗
Is there any Advil in your bathroom?
祈求让丹能安全归来
to ask for your help in bringing Dan safely back to us.