小镇滋味

我听到了 丹
I heard you, Dan.
我刚刚说"什么"是因为你吓到我了
I just said "What?" Because I was startled.
很抱歉让你受了惊吓
Oh. I'm sorry I startled you.
但还是需要你帮我杀个人
Still gonna need you to kill someone for me.
想象一下上了一天班回到家
Imagine coming home after a long day of work
打开支持Wi-Fi的音响系统
to turn on your new Wi-Fi enabled sound system,
在每间屋子里都能听到
which you can listen to from every room in the house.
见证奇迹的时刻
And... poof.
你们便进入私人专属空间
You're in your own private sanctuary.
-希拉 -我在客厅
- Sheila! - I'm in the living room!
我们死定了
We're fucked!
和客户一起
With clients!
你们好 请原谅我的粗鲁
Hello. Pardon my language.
出价的人实在太多了 我是乔·哈蒙德
We just have so many bids coming in. I'm Joel Hammond.
你们上楼看过
Have you been upstairs to
全方位喷洒淋浴了吗
check out the multi-directional spray shower?
-还没有 -上去吧
- Not yet. - Well, get up there!
主浴室 楼上 就在上面 快去吧
Master bath, upstairs, right up there, there you go.
棒极了
Lovely.
丹在我们后院发现了加里的一根手指
Dan found one of Gary's fingers in our backyard.
-我的天 -他以为你和加里
- Oh, my God. - He thinks you and Gary
有奸♥情♥ 被我发现后给杀了
were having an affair, and I found out and killed him.
所以丹认为是你杀了加里 这是性别歧视
So Dan assumes you killed Gary? That's sexist.
是的 这是个大问题 亲爱的
Yes, that's the big problem here, honey.
丹在贬低女性所做的重要贡献
Dan's devaluing the important contribution women make.
我知道问题所在了 亲爱的
I see the problem, sweetheart.
只是多少有点冒犯
It's just a little offensive.
我们都同意他是个厌女者
We all agree he's a terrible misogynist.
他还是个勒索我去杀人的黑警
He's also a crooked cop who's blackmailing me to murder someone.
所以我不知道该把愤怒点集中到哪儿
So I don't know where to focus my anger.
他想让你杀人 为什么
He wants you to kill somebody? Why?
听说是个杀了好多人的毒贩子
He's some drug dealer who's murdered a bunch of people.
丹不停逮捕他 而他总是能逍遥法外
Dan keeps arresting him and he keeps getting off.
所以丹想让我做他的私人杀手
So now Dan wants me to be his personal killer.
该死
Shit!
-艾比 -啊吧嗒吧嘟
- Abby! - Abba-dabba-doo!
4:01了 观房♥会结束 我们回家吧
It's 4:01. Open house is over. Let's go home.
但愿家里面会有真的饼干
Hopefully, there'll be real cookies there.
今天有对夫妇带了对可爱的双胞胎来
A couple came in today with the cutest set of twins.
-我喜欢双胞胎 -龙凤胎
- I love twins. - A boy and a girl.
最好的组合
That's the best kind.
宝贝 你介意出去把那块牌子拿过来吗
Honey, would you mind running out and grabbing that sign for us?
但这样我就错过有趣的双胞胎故事了
Oh, but then I'd miss all the fun twin talk.
或许我们应该继续开车
Maybe we should just keep driving.
回家 拿些衣服 然后一走了之
Go home, get some clothes, and just never come back.
这太疯狂了 我们不能一走了之
Well, that's crazy. We can't just run away.
我们能去哪
Where would we go?
而且家里面有太多的资产
And we have so much equity in our house.
我没想到资产的事 我真是个怪物
Yeah, I didn't think about the equity. I'm a monster.
我有个想法 或者这样对我们能行得通
I had a thought. Maybe we can make this work for us.
你想替丹杀人
You want to murder someone for Dan?
我得吃东西 而且他是个坏家伙
I will need to eat, and this is a bad guy.
我可不想成为丹的雇佣杀手
I don't want to be Dan's hired assassin.
我刚刚习惯
I'm just settling into
做一个杀人的房♥产经纪人
being a real estate broker who kills people.
这份工作唯一让我喜欢的地方
And the only thing I like
就是我可以当自己的老板
about that job is I get to be my own boss.
谢谢你 宝贝
Thank you, sweetheart.
-怎么回事 -晚饭
- What's going on? - Dinner.
我们刚刚在讨论晚饭吃什么
We were talking about what to get for dinner.
你♥爸♥想吃鸡肉 我想吃牛肉
Your dad wants chicken, I want beef.
我的天 这要怎么办呀
Oh, my goodness. However will it resolve?
宝贝 介意帮我们把那个标牌也拿过来吗
Honey, would you mind getting that one for us too?
介意
Yes.
原来我没得选
Oh, I see, that wasn't a real question.
艾比最近表现得有点怪 你注意到了吗
Abby's been acting a little weird lately. Have you noticed?
没有 我今天很忙
No, but it's been a busy day.
我去了健身房♥ 忘了我的手♥机♥放哪儿
I went to the gym, I misplaced my cell phone,
然后丹叫我去谋杀一个谋杀犯
oh, and then Dan asked me to murder a murderer.
我懂了 你不想杀他
Okay, I get it. You don't want to do this.
-谢了 -这就是我想自己干的原因
- Thank you. - Which is why I'm happy to do this myself.
你在你的研究和书店方面做得很好
You have been doing so well with your research and your bookstores.
而我在偷袭杀人方面做得不错
And I've been doing well sneaking up on people and killing them.
我们各有各的优势 绝佳搭档
We both have our strengths. What a team.
丹今天称我为懦夫
Wow. Dan called me a pussy today.
我感觉你和他是一个意思
This feels... of a piece.
我不是这个意思
That wasn't what I was saying.
我知道你不想和我一起去
I was just saying I know you don't wanna go with me
去给晚餐买♥♥菜 那我自己去好了
when I go to... shop for dinner, so I'll go by myself.
不 没关系
No. It's okay.
我不喜欢你提议的买♥♥菜计划
I don't like this shopping excursion you're proposing,
但是我可以应付 所以我会帮你
but I can certainly handle it, so I will help you.
因为我要是让你一个人去买♥♥菜
Because what kind of man would I be
我该是个什么样的男人啊
if I sent you to the grocery store alone?
我喜欢你做我的买♥♥菜伴侣 谢谢你
Well, I love you being my shopping partner, so thank you.
你们的结婚誓言一定很棒
Your wedding vows must have been awesome.
我再也受不了了
I can't do it anymore.
我不能在明知道
I can't just not say anything to my parents
他们在说谎却一声不吭了
when I know they're lying right to my face.
你好
Hello.
我只是想说 别再骗我了
I just want to say, "Stop lying!
我知道你们打算买♥♥的"牛肉"
I know that 'beef' you're shopping for
很可能曾经还穿着内♥裤♥
probably once wore underwear.
难道我要一直假装
Am I just supposed to pretend forever
我不知道他们在杀人吗
I don't know they're killing people?
是挺难的 一方面
It's tough. On one hand,
他们爱你并且试图保护你
they love you and are trying to protect you,
另一方面
and on the other hand...
-你闻起来像椰子 -我只是觉得如果你爱一个人的话
- You smell like coconuts. - I just think that if you love someone,
你得完全彻底地对他们坦白
you have to be completely and totally honest with them.
无论怎么样
Like, no matter what.
我要告诉他们我知道了因为
I'm just gonna tell them I know because
艾瑞克 不好意思
Oh, Eric, uh, I'm-- I'm sorry...
-没关系 -不 只是
- It's okay. -No, it's just
我最近经历了太多事情
I'm going through a lot right now and
我不想谈情说爱
I can't really get involved with anyone.
艾比 我懂的 你对我没兴趣
Abby, I get it. You're not interested in me.
-我不是这个 -没关系
- That's not what - No, it's fine.
我只是在证明我的观点 你不喜欢我
I was just trying to prove my point. Because you're not into me.
但是你却撒谎为了不让我受伤害
But you just lied to protect me so I wouldn't get hurt,
就像你父母对你做的一样
like your parents are doing to you.
而我没受伤
And I'm not hurt,
因为这只是我为了表达观点而做的演习
because this was all a rhetorical exercise to make a point.
好吧
Okay.
我明白你的意思
No, I see what you're saying about, um...
嗯 很好
Um, yeah. Cool.
抱歉如果我让你难堪了
Hey, sorry if I embarrassed you by,
我以为你真的想亲我
like, thinking you actually wanted to kiss me.
我 难堪 拜托
Oh, me, embarrassed? Please.
我三年级穿着胆小狮子服表演时
You're looking at the guy who peed in his Cowardly Lion costume
尿了裤子
in the third grade play.
幸运的是 这和角色很吻合
Luckily, it fit the character
所以看上去是个不错的表演选择
so it looked like a strong acting choice.
-没错 当然了 拜拜艾瑞克 -拜拜
- Right. Of course. Bye, Eric. - Bye-bye now!
洛基·海耶斯
"洛基·海耶斯
"Loki Hayes.
盗窃 纵火 杀人
Larceny, arson, homicide,
杀人 杀人 杀人
homicide, homicide, homicide,
冒充护林人"
impersonating a forest ranger."
罪行多得数不过来
This just goes on and on.
丹说他今晚11点之后会在公♥寓♥