和平使者（2022）

What do you want, Smith?
听说你为了跟我说话 烦了狱警一整晚
Heard you were harassing the guards, asking for me all night.
那女生不是我杀的
I didn't kill that girl.
随你说
Yeah, so you said.
他们也只会讲这句
So they all always say.
是啊 但“他们” 也拿不出证据了吧 刘玉玲
Yeah, but "they" can't prove it, now, can they, Lucy Liu?
刘玉玲 因为我们都是亚裔吗
Lucy Liu? Because we're both Asian?
还真聪明
How incredibly fucking clever.
那我该称呼你什么 吉米法♥伦♥吗
What should I call you? Jimmy Fallon?
问题是我们早已扣押 现场的车辆了
See, the problem is we impounded the car that was there that night.
那不是我的车
That ain't my car.
登记资料恕难苟同 盖菲里
Registration says otherwise, Guy Fieri.
更有两名目击证人指出 是你绑♥架♥了他们
And we have two eyewitnesses who said that you kidnapped them.
他们说谎
Well, they're fucking lying.
死者公♥寓♥里到处都是你的指纹 布雷克雪尔顿
And your fingerprints, Blake Shelton, are all over the murder victim's apartment.
我快想不到其他白人男性了
I'm running out of white guys.
重验我的指纹就好了 可以吗
Just take my prints. That's all I'm saying, okay?
看看跟公♥寓♥里的指纹是否吻合
Check and see if they match those ones you found in the apartment,
不然就是有人窜改资料
or if someone's gaming the system,
因为人不是我杀的
'cause I didn't fucking do it.
那是谁杀的
Then who did?
我那智障儿子
My shithead fucking son.
你明明不需要那样跟他说话
You know you don't have to treat him like that.
哪样 -约翰
What? - John!
你讲话太伤人了 他花了很多心力制♥作♥动画
You hurt his feelings. He worked hard on those graphics.
不要这样 你刻意忽略 我搞笑的地方
Come on, I think maybe you're discounting how funny some of the shit I was saying was.
可是你一直叫他染胡哥 一点也不搞笑
It's not funny calling him Dye-Beard for the thousandth time
他已经说很多次 不喜欢这个绰号♥了
when he's told you repeatedly he doesn't like it.
这是和平使者的标准作风 他常常帮人取绰号♥
That's just Peacemaker, man. He's always giving people nicknames.
对 谢谢 -欺负人是他的本性
Yeah. Thanks. - Being a bully's just part of his personality.
什么 -你以前都叫我哥白马王子
What? Like how you used to call my brother Prince Charming.
你哥很帅啊 那是称赞
Your brother was a handsome man. That was a compliment.
我就大胆地说了 他好像不把这个当称赞
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that I don't think he considered it a compliment
因为你是看他老二形似权杖 才取这个绰号♥的
that you called him Prince Charming because his penis was shaped like a scepter.
开玩笑的吧 -不是 他龟♥头♥真的圆鼓鼓的
Are you kidding? No, it was really bulbous at the end.
他都叫我顶针 -顶针
He called me Thimble. - Thimble?
我发育得很慢
Yeah, I was a late bloomer.
二十几岁才经历青春期
I didn't go through puberty until my mid-20s.
我个人是不在乎 毕竟我比较没血没泪
I mean, I didn't care 'cause I don't have emotions like people do,
但其他人听到克里斯 以老二替他们取绰号♥后
but the other guys, after Chris came up with a nickname for them, usually based on their penises,
他们都会跑到别的房♥间哭
they would just walk into the other room and sob,
因为绰号♥会跟一辈子
because that would become their name for the rest of their life.
你为什么跑去看别人老二
Why are you seeing their penises?
是更衣间啊 不然我要看毛巾吗
It's a locker room, dude. What am I gonna do? Look at a towel?
你就盯着别人老二看 接着替他们想绰号♥
So you just stare at each other's dicks and come up with names for them?
对 我朋友爆筋麦斯汀 说我根本神算
Yeah. My friend Veiny McVeinerstein said I was like a gypsy,
但我是看老二 不是看手相
but with dicks instead of palms.
我也被欺负过呀 -怎么说
But, hey, I got bullied too. - How?
其他小孩都叫我恶霸 还说我欺负他们
By kids calling me a bully all the time, and telling me I was abusive.
害我很伤心
Hey, that hurt my feelings!
而且我们根本搞错重点
Plus, I think we're missing what's important here,
重点是伊克诺莫斯 简报做得超烂
and that's how much Economos sucks at PowerPoint.
好了 你就反省一下 对他说话的语气
Look, just think about how you talk to him, okay?
日子大不如前了 欺负人还要看人家哭当受害者
What happened to the good old days where you could just non-stop fuck with somebody without them claiming to be a victim?
但他想要猴子跟人类当朋友 其实挺可爱的
You have to admit, it was kind of sweet how he wanted that monkey and that man to be friends.
要送实验室检查吗 -等等
You want me to get these to the lab? - Uh, hold off a beat.
先扫瞄一份直接传给我
First, scan them and send them directly to me.
要怎么扫瞄指纹
How do we scan fingerprints?
我哪知道 用手♥机♥拍
I don't know, take a picture with your phone.
等等 可能会很模糊 我手♥机♥没有微距模式
Uh... well, it might be blurry because I don't have that new phone with the macro setting.
那就找有微距模式的人借手♥机♥
Then borrow someone's phone that has macro.
然后请对方隔空投送给我吗
And then have them AirDrop it to me?
好‥我请对方传给我
Uh, yeah, I... I will have them AirDrop it to me.
我们可能会被记过 苏菲
We could get flagged for that, Soph.
我喜欢你们的面
I do like your people's noodles. You got that.
是米做的 不像那些死意佬 都是一堆碳水化合物
Rice-based, not heavy on the carbs like the wops'.
很荣幸我发明了面
Well, I'm glad I invented them, then.
大日子 臭三八们
Fucking game day, bitches!
♪ Fuck you, fuck them
And fuck the world too ♪
好了 够了 听不下去
All right, that's enough! I can't take it.
不爱瑞典死亡金属吗 -不怎么爱
Not a fan of the Swedish metal there, eh, Harcourt? - Not especially, no.
也可以听白蛇乐团的抒情摇滚
We could always do a Whitesnake power ballad.
爵士乐如何 -爵士乐
How about some jazz? - Jazz?
那我宁可听义警放闷屁
I'd rather listen to Vigilante's quiet farts back there than jazz.
我才没有
No, I didn't!
什么意思 -这是爵士乐
What's that? - Jazz.
天啊 少在那边搞笑
Oh my god, get the fuck out of here, man.
不是要先有搜查令 我们才能进去调查吗
Hey, don't we need some sort of search warrant going into this place?
每当有人想正式调查蝴蝶时
Anytime anyone officially starts to deal with the butterfly situation,
政♥府♥高层就会先扼杀行动
someone higher up in the government shuts them down.
因此官方纪录上 不会有我们这支小队
Which is why this task force doesn't officially exist.
华勒透过从其他任务中 偷挪资金来金援我们
Waller is funding us by secretly diverting funds from other operations,
所以我们也没有后援
which... leaves us on our own.
只靠我们五个人 抵挡外星人入侵
So, it's just the five of us against an alien invasion?
还有穆恩 -我算上穆恩了
And Murn. - Well, I was counting Murn,
没算染胡哥 他太没用了
just not Dye-Beard back there 'cause he's fucking useless.
我怎么跟你说的
Dude. What'd I say?
对不起 伊克诺莫斯 老天喔
Sorry, Economos. Geez.
真是诚意满点 感恩你
That sounded very sincere, thank you very much.
对 就是只有我们六个
Yes, it's just the six of us.
听流行金属吧 毒药乐队如何
Ooh, we could do some pop metal. Poison?
这些是男人吗
Are those men?
他们希望使用的代名词 是“摇滚万岁”
I believe their preferred pronoun is "long live rock,"
而你好像对优质音乐过敏
and you are sounding awful awesome-phobic.
话说回来
Uh, B.T.-dubs...
政♥府♥人员从中作梗 怎么听都很像深层政♥府♥
governmental insiders blocking your efforts sounds a lot like the deep state.
不是深层政♥府♥
It's not a deep state.
是一群蛰伏于政♥府♥的人
It's a collection of people, you know, deep within the government,
他们操控‥
who are manipulating the...
好啦 真的像深层政♥府♥
All right, it's kind of like a deep state.
有没有河内摇滚乐团
You guys got any Hanoi Rocks up there?
你知道河内摇滚乐团
You... know Hanoi Rocks?
这又是谁 -史上最棒的乐团
Who's Hanoi Rocks? Only the greatest band of all time.
他们是华丽摇滚的始祖 开创了许多经典风格
They're the original glam metal. They started it all...
皮衣 玉米须 紧身衣
leather, teased hair, spandex...
他们对文化贡献之大 盛赞的人竟然寥寥可数
Hard to believe their contributions to culture aren't more widely heralded.
国内一堆街道 以马丁路德金恩命名
I mean, so many streets in this country named after Martin Luther King Jr.,
却没有一条“河内摇滚路”
but not a single Hanoi Rocks Avenue.
太夸张了吧
What's up with that?
“土二街的孩子”
"Lith Street Kids"?
不是 是“十一街的孩子”
No, it says "11th Street Kids."
这是他们最棒的金曲
Dude, that's one of their best songs!
没错 我十四岁出国念书一年 去芬兰看他们的演唱会
Yeah. I saw them in Finland when I was 14 during a year abroad.
看完马上去刺青
Got this right after.
爽啦 那就播河内摇滚了
Fuck yeah, dude. Hanoi Rocks it is.
抱歉 阿德巴约 没得听爵士光环乐团跟肯尼吉了
Sorry, Adebayo, no Spyro Gyra or Kenny G for you.
“格兰泰”
♪ Well, accidents
Happen about everyday ♪
♪ But that day was special
Followed by a heat wave... ♪
真可惜 我们到了
What a shame. We're here.
有门为何敲窗户
Who knocks on a window when there's a door right there?
你倒是从纳亚瑟的丛林 千里迢迢过来
Well, you've come a far way from the jungles of Nyasir.
是啊 你在那边屠♥杀♥的人可不少
Yeah... and all the people you slaughtered there.
拜托
Oh, please.
装什么清高
Like you were some angel.
我‥
I've...
从那时便改过自新了
changed since then.
华勒说你需要我帮忙
Waller said you needed my help.
有点棘手
Situation is delicate.
需要的不是你大开杀戒那套
It requires something other than your... usual sledgehammer.
这阵子我连“小开” 都称不上了 穆恩
Well, these days, Murn, I'm... I'm barely ball-peen.