公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S07E05
Part 2
Feb. 20, 2024, 1:47 p.m.
实际上 这是汤姆·塞立哼 但是 你知道 挺接近了
Actually, this is Tom Sell-oink, but, you know, close enough.
汤姆·塞立克
实际上 我还得拿回去 - 哦 是 当然
Actually, I'm gonna need that back. - Oh, yes, of course.
2016年2月--我觉得你们会真的很喜欢这个月的相册呢
February 2016--I think you're gonna really enjoy this month's photo album.
它包含的热门包括 "第一次看牙医"
It includes such hits as: "First Trip to the Dentist,"
"Sonia试吃披萨" 以及"水上公园呕吐链式反应"
"Sonia Tries Pizza," and "Waterpark Vomit Chain Reaction."
你为什么要给那种事拍照啊
Why would you take pictures of that?
为什么不呢 - 在你要求下
Why would you not? - As you requested,
这是一张我儿子最近生活中的照片
here's a picture of my son at a recent moment in his life.
太可爱--
So cute--
你干什么呢 - 保护我儿子的隐私
What are you doing? - Protecting my son's privacy.
怎么 我就要带着我孩子的照片到处逛
What, I'm just gonna carry around pictures of my child
让所有人都能看见吗
where anyone could see them?
嗯 挺有意思你提到了隐私 因为那就是我们的下一个话题
Well, it's funny you should mention privacy because that's our next topic.
Ron基本上是为Gryzzl工作的
Ron technically works for Gryzzl.
而当他发现Gryzzl在干什么的时候
And when he finds out what Gryzzl is doing,
他肯定会 疯 掉 的
he is going to lose. His. Mind.
我对此没有回应 - 什么
I have no reaction to this. - What?
我不对私人企业的工作发表任何意见
I do not pass judgment on the workings of private businesses.
我只是给他们盖楼
I just build their buildings.
而且实话说 如果人们蠢到
And frankly, if people are foolish enough
带着一个让Gryzzl跟踪他们每一步的小玩意儿
to carry around a doodad that lets Gryzzl track their every move,
这就是他们的下场 - 但这是违法的啊
this is what they get. - But it's illegal.
我相信不是那样的
I don't believe that's true.
我和Gryzzl的高价律师已经共处足够长的时间
I've spent a fair amount of time with Gryzzl's high-priced lawyers,
而他们看起来 如他们所说 "保持100分"
and they do seem to, as they say, "keep it 100."
嗯 那些傻子们觉得我还为他们工作呢
Well, those fools still think I work for them.
所以我能给你们安排VIP参观他们的大楼
So I can get you a private VIP tour of the building.
或许你们可以巡视一下
Maybe you can snoop around.
嘿 兄弟们 我是Roscoe 很激动能带你们逛
Hey there, homies, I'm Roscoe. Psyched to give you guys a tour.
是的 你好 我是Darlene Johannsen
Yes, hello, I'm Darlene Johannsen,
这是我的助手变成的爱人 Gregory Strong
and this is my assistant-turned-lover, Gregory Strong.
我们是一场新恋情 但在我的建筑公♥司♥掀起了惊涛骇浪
Ours is a new romance, but one that sent shockwaves through my architecture firm.
但感觉太对了 - 稳住
But it feels so right. - Steady.
我们爱Gryzzl 而我们很想看到它是怎么运转的
We love Gryzzl, and we would love to see how it all works.
惬意哦 我们疯起来吧
Sweet. Let's get loco.
好吧 所以 我们来熟悉一下
Okay, so, let's get to know each other.
讲讲你为什么来这里 你是不是扔掉了自己的生活
Talk about why you're here, whether you're throwing your lives away,
之类的事情
stuff like that.
呃 你 是什么让你来的
Uh, you, what brought you here?
我爱公园部门啊
I love the Parks department.
我在Ramsett公园旁边长大 曾经去那里的一大堆活动
I grew up near Ramsett Park and I used to go to tons of stuff there.
好吧 那帮不到我 呃 Mork
Okay, that doesn't help me. Uh, Mork?
哦 是Mike
Oh, it's Mike.
呃 我爱公园 比任何东西都爱
Uh, I love parks, more than anything,
而且我从13岁开始就是夏令营顾问了
and I've been a summer camp counselor since I was 13.
呃 恶心
Ugh. Gross.
你呢 你为啥来
What about you? Why are you here?
我唯一比公园更爱的是娱乐
The only thing I love more than parks is recreation.
真的吗 - 不 我只是需要大学学分
Really? - No, I just needed college credit.
你学的啥 - 啥都没 大学好蠢
What are you studying? - Nothing. College is stupid.
那是谁逼你来的
Then who made you do this.
我父母 - 他们什么样
My parents. - What are they like?
嗯 我妈是恶魔 我爸是个蠢医生
Well, my mom's the devil and my dad's a dumb doctor.
哦 我爸也是医生哦 - 闭嘴
Oh, my dad's a doctor. - Shut up.
Jen 是吗 - 是啊
Jen is it? - Yeah.
我们走走 Jen 我感觉你几乎毫无潜力
Let's take a walk, Jen. I feel like you have almost zero potential.
我觉得那挺酷
I think that's cool.
然后开拍
And action!
我们又见面了 讨厌狗狗的Dan
We meet again, Puppy-Hating Dan.
你偷走了我的吉他 而且你把屁放进我的午饭里
You stole my guitar. And you put farts in my lunch.
你这次真的做过分了 狗狗军团 攻击
You've really done it this time. Puppy Army, attack!
耶 - 什么 别啊
Yeah! - What? No!
我讨厌狗狗 我会承认所有事的
I hate puppies. I'll admit to everything.
你又赢了 Macklin
You win again, Macklin.
又一个谜题解开了
Another mystery solved!
我们马上回来 带来更多的Johnny Karate
We'll be right back after this with some more Johnny Karate.
好了 午饭时间 各位 我们30分钟后回来
Okay, that's lunch, everyone. We're back in 30 minutes.
干得漂亮 兄弟 你搞定了
Great job, bud, you crushed it!
我爱当Andy的代理人
I love being Andy's agent.
他干完所有的活 我只需要露个脸就能拿10%
He does all the work, and I get 10% just for showing up.
就像是餐厅的大厨
It's like a chef at a restaurant,
做所有的食物 然后店主拿利润--
making all the food, and then the owner gets a profit--
那是我的另一份工作啊
which is my other job!
天啊 我真是把这事整明白了啊
Man, I really got things figured out.
我们快点解决
Let's make this quick.
Andy的节目在三个城市都得到了极高评价
Andy's show gets huge ratings in three cities.
他的GryzzlTube页面有数百万次的访问了
His GryzzlTube page has millions of views.
如果你不想让Andy去你在Snerling的对手电视台
If you don't Andy walking over to your rival station in Snerling,
我觉得你应该认真面对了
I think you should start taking this seriously.
好吧 好 我们就这么做
Right. Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
我要升级停车位
I'm gonna upgrade the parking spot.
但我的儿子能扮演其中一个孩子忍♥者
But my son gets a role as one of the kid ninjas.
好吧 他会为此爱上我的 而且会把我前妻整疯
All right? He's gonna love me for it. It's gonna drive my ex-wife crazy.
到现在还不错 呃 用《甜心先生》的话来说--
So far, so good, but, uh, in the words of Jerry Maguire--
"人类的头八磅重"
"The human head weighs 8 pounds."
不 "让我看到钱"
No. "Show me the money."
Andy 你知道你在这工作有多幸运吗
Andy, do you know how lucky you are to work here?
我是制♥造♥王者的人
I'm a kingmaker.
Pep Wiley Chuck Warschank Selena Gomez-- 都是我创造的
Pep Wiley, Chuck Warschank, Selena Gomez--I made them.
Selena Gomez是你发现的啊
You discovered Selena Gomez?
著名流行歌♥手
不是那个Selena Gomez
Different Selena Gomez.
你看 我没有给你涨薪的钱
Look, I don't have the money for a raise.
呃 你确实有 我看过利润报告了
Uh, yeah you do. I've seen profit reports.
这个节目发大财了 Andy开始一周拿500
The show's a bonanza. Andy starts making 500 a week.
现在开始
Now.
滚出我的办公室 你们两个 - 坐好 - 我不...
Get the hell out of my office, both of you... - Sit down. - I don't...
你看 哥们 这份实习哪也不会带你去的
Look, dude, this internship leads nowhere.
它只会搞砸你余下的人生
It'll just screw up the rest of your life.
你爱做什么呢 - 发短♥信♥
What do you love doing? - Texting.
你小时候想当什么呢
What did you want to be when you were little?
一条把水手引诱至死的可怕美人鱼
A scary mermaid that lures sailors to their death.
好吧 顺便说 我会提交文件来领养你作为我的孩子
Okay, side note, I'm gonna file papers to adopt you as my child,
所以你稍微注意一下
so keep an eye out for that.
但更重要的是 别参加这次实习
But more importantly, don't do this internship.
去做点好玩的
Go do something fun
比如试着用意念控制鸟类或者
like trying to control birds with your mind or
以迈克尔杰克逊的鬼的身份在网上发评论
posting internet comments as Michael Jackson's ghost.
好吧 或许你是对的
Okay. Maybe you're right.
谢了
Thanks.
嘿 April 我们完成了你给我们的这些
Hey, April, we finished those questionnaires you gave us
关于实习希望和梦想的问卷
about our hopes and dreams for the internship.
太好了 谢了 Mike
Great! Thanks, Mike!
哦 抱歉这栋楼很没劲
Oh, I'm sorry this building is so lame.
只要我们新的总部建成了 那肯定会酷很多很多的
As soon as we get our new headquarters built, it's gonna be way, way, tighter.
来看 Matty
Check it. Matty.
好的 这是GryzzlVibe
Okay, this is GryzzlVibe.
是这个我们正在开♥发♥的监控你心情的新app 跟他们讲讲
It's this new app that we're developing that monitors your mood. Tell them about it.
你们知道 你们手♥机♥上的摄像头是一直打开的
As you know, the cameras on your phones are always on,
不管你们是不是在使用
whether you're using them or not.
等等 真的吗
I'm sorry, they are?
这个app使用面部识别来跟踪你的表情
This app uses facial recognition software to track your expressions.
它一直在看
It's always watching.
嗯 你们拿这个信息来做什么呢
Well, what do you do with this information?
嗯 如果摄像头感觉到你心情很坏
Well, if the camera senses that you're in a bad mood,
那我们就可以地理匹配你到 比如
then we can geo-match you to, say,
最近的一杯甜美外带咖
the nearest cup of sweet pick-me-up java.
但如果你是好心情呢 我们就可以地理推送你
But if you're in a good mood, then we could geo-nudge you
到 比如 一家挺美的咖啡店
to, like, a sweet coffee shop.
你就能让好心情继续了
You can just keep the good times rolling.
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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