成功镇凶案（2015）

天啊 我这几年可有不少麻烦事
Holy Moley, I've had some scrapes over the years.
比如那次
Like the time
Kimberly Wyatt不得不假装是我的女朋友
when Kimberly Wyatt had to pretend to be my girlfriend,
我编了个谎话来打动我下流 无♥耻♥ 可怕的兄弟
that I'd made up to impress my nasty, evil, horrible brother.
我没法装成秘鲁口音
I can't do a Peruvian accent.
嗯 秘鲁人说话是什么样子啊
Yeah, I mean, what do Peruvian people sound like?
我不知道
I don't know.
没人知道 这才是重点
No-one knows. That's the whole point.
你只需要差不多听着像外国人
Just literally...just sound foreign.
哦 泥嚎 欢迎来倒布鲁诺酒吧
Oh, hello. Welcome to Bruno's.
这很不错 - 才不是呢
That's great. - It's not great!
或许你可以加上卷舌音
Maybe roll your Rs as well.
我不会卷舌
I can't roll my Rs.
挺好的 挺好的 时不时发出一下这个声音
That's good. That's good. Every now and again, just do that.
这就是拉丁美洲的人会做的 - 好的
That's what Latin Americans do. - Right.
看看
Well...!
这不是我亲爱的弟弟吗
If it isn't my baby brother!
只不过你不是的 对吧
Except you're not, are you?
你可比我老多了 虽然我挣的钱是你的两倍
You're way older than me, even though I earn twice as much.
好吧
Yeah.
见到你很高兴 - 我也是
Nice to see you. - Good to see you.
见到你很高兴 Neil
Good to see you, Neil.
碰了你的手之后我的手闻着一股尿骚味
My hand stinks of wee after I touched your hand.
那不应该 怎么会有尿骚味
It wouldn't... Why would it smell of wee?
我都会洗手的 - 你手上沾了尿 不是吗
I wash my hands. - You've got wee on your hands, haven't you?
不 我没有 可能是我摸了桌子吧
No I haven't got wee. Maybe I touched the table.
你手上沾了尿 - 我没有
You've got wee on your hands. - I haven't got...
他尿在自己手上了
He's wee'd on his hands.
这位是 我美丽的新女友
This is...my beautiful new girlfriend.
这是你的女朋友 - 是的 就是她
This is your girlfriend? - Yeah, this is her..
泥嚎 - 是的 她就是我女朋友
Hello. - Yeah, right. Yeah, right, this is her.
这是Alison - 很高兴见到你 Alison
This is Alison. - Nice to meet you, Alison.
窝也很高兴见倒泥 - Neil 这位是我的妻子 Neil
Nice to meet you, too. - Neil. This is my wife, Neil.
你好 Alison
Hi, Alison.
泥嚎 - 很高兴认识你
Hello. - Lovely to meet you.
Alison是个
Alison is a...
你的口音真动听 Alison
That's a beautiful accent you have there. Alison
是个非常奇怪的
It's a very strange...
这是什么地方的口音 - 哦 窝赖自秘鲁
Where is it from? - Oh, I'm from Peru.
秘鲁吗 - 对的
Peru. - Yeah.
你长得不像秘鲁人
You don't have that... Peruvian look about you.
不似吗 可能因为窝的头发似金色滴
No? Maybe it's cos my hair is blonde.
是这样 - 你俩是在哪认识的
Yeah. - Where did you guys meet?
啊
Oh...
我萌似因为跳舞认识滴 - 没错
Well, we met out...dancing. - Yep.
我萌在夜♥总♥会♥里
We were at the nightclub
他逗得窝笑个不停 然后我萌打算
and he was making me giggle and we decided...
哪个夜♥总♥会♥
Which nightclub?
秘鲁耶总会
The Peruvian Nightclub.
秘鲁全国上下就一个夜♥总♥会♥吗
There's only one nightclub in Peru?
不是的 那是秘鲁最好的夜♥总♥会♥
No, no - this is the best nightclub in Peru
所以叫做秘鲁夜♥总♥会♥
so it's called the Peruvian Nightclub.
那么 恭喜你了
Well, I mean, congratulations, I guess.
真不错 她真是 我是说 你真的
Well done. She's...I mean, you are...
你应该看看他的那些前女友
Well, you should see some of the people he dated before.
她们 - 不存在的
They... - They didn't exist.
她们确实是存在的
They did all exist.
他这样说话太自以为是了
He's being very presumptuous.
不管怎样 欢迎加入这个家庭
Well, welcome to the family.
既然你问到了 我的工作一切顺利 谢谢关心
Well, since you asked, I'm doing fine, thank you, with my work.
嗯 在警♥察♥局里怎么样
Yeah, how is the police force?
你还在晋升的阶梯上挣扎着向上爬吗
Are you still climbing the ladder?
还在埋头苦干
Plodding along?
不 事实上 我差不多已经在阶梯的最顶端了
No, I'm pretty much at the top of the ladder, actually.
我是谋杀案件小组的总负责人
I'm chief of Murder Squad.
Alison 可惜的是我不能告诉你我的工作是什么
Alison, sadly, I can't tell you what I do.
我和你这样说吧 我是个间谍
Let's just put it this way, I'm a spy.
我在军情五处工作 所以
I work at MI5, so...
混♥蛋♥ - 你说什么
Dick. - What did you say?
傻♥逼♥
Dickhead.
那么
So...
泥萌在一起多久辣
How long have you two been together?
其实这背后有个诡异的故事 事实是
Well, actually it's a weird story there, actually.
Neil是我们的表亲 所以他俩在一起挺久的了
Neil's our cousin, so sort of for a long time, really.
不好意思 Neil不是我们的表亲
Sorry. Neil is not our cousin.
不 她是的 - 我们只有有同样的
Well, she is. - We just have similar...
家庭成员 - 头发
Family members. - Hair.
以及一些共同的家庭成员
And some similar family members.
我们的发型师是同一个人
We have the same hairdresser.
Salviche - 是的 以及同一个奶奶和爷爷
Salvicie. - Yes, and the same granny and grandad.
就是这样 - 不 我们不是同一个
So. - No, we're not the same...
这位Neil 她的父母在英国被我们称为
Neil here, her parents are what we call in England
叔叔和婶婶 - 她不是我的表亲
our uncle and auntie. - She's not my cousin.
你说的对 她不是你的表亲 她是我们的表亲
You're right, she's not your cousin, she's our cousin.
她不是我们任何一个人的表亲
She's neither of our cousins.
噢 趁我没忘之前说一下
Oh, before I forget,
Alison自作主张去商店
Alison took the liberty of going to a shop
给孩子们买♥♥了个小礼物
and getting the kids a little gift.
感谢不尽
Well, I appreciate that.
我就把它当做是
I'll take it as a
有关刚才说耳朵和头发的谢罪礼物吧
peace offering for the ears and hair content,
我相信Jacob会很喜欢的
and I'm sure Jacob will be very impressed.
不只是给Jacob
It's not just for Jacob.
所有其他的孩子也可以玩
All the other kids can play with it.
谋问题的
No, no problem at all.
我的好姑娘
Yeah, that's my girl.
秘鲁风俗
Custom in Peru.
我是个幸运的人
I'm a lucky guy.
能得到一位如此美丽的女士我非常幸运
I'm really lucky guy to have a beautiful woman...
不好意思 - 咋了
Sorry... - What?
这是什么
What's this?
这是物证室里拿来的吗
Is this from the evidence room?
不 它 它可能
No, it's... It probably...
这是个秘鲁风俗
It's a Peruvian custom.
这是 这是可♥卡♥因♥吗
It's... Is this cocaine?
可能是K粉 一切皆有可能
It could be ketamine, it could be anything.
Alison 你从哪弄来的这个泰迪熊
Alison, where did you get this teddy?
你♥他♥妈♥什么毛病
What the hell is wrong with you?
你觉得这个是给我们小孩的礼物吗
Do you think this is a treat for our kiddies?
大家 请对她温柔点
Guys, go easy on her now, please.
你现在都跟毒贩子约会了吗
You're going out with a drug dealer now?
她不是毒贩子 这只是一点可♥卡♥因♥
She's not a drug dealer. It's a bit of coke.
天啊 Alison 这太恶心了
Jesus, Alison, this is sick.
我不知道你们在自己国家里都做些什么 但
I don't know what you do in your country,but...
我觉得开始种族歧视有点太过了吧
I think it's a bit strong to start being racist.
给有毒品的小礼物的 Alison
Druggy-wuggies, Alison...
这太恶心了
This is disgusting!
你知道什么才恶心吗
You know what's disgusting?
你在和你的表亲发生性关系这个事实
The fact you're having sex with your cousin.
起码我还有性生活
Well, at least I'm having sex.
我也有 我和她差不多一周三次
So am I! I've been in this, like,three times a week!
我觉得你们最好
..I think it would be a good idea for you guys...
我很遗憾告别这个曾经美妙的夜晚
Well, I'm sorry to leave what has been a lovely evening.
我想我们几周后再见吧
Well, I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks or...
不 咱别见了
No, you won't.
走 咱们走
Come on, let's get out of here.
Helen
Helen.
你来干什么
What are you doing here?
来拜访一下确保我已经死了吗
Pop by to make sure I'm dead?
我过来看看你是不是还活着
I came to see if you were alive.