成功镇凶案（2015）

你知道有超过76种不同的微生物
Did you know that there are over 76 different types of germ
在一部触屏手♥机♥的屏幕上吗
on a touch-phone screen?
你知道蠕虫跟毛毛虫是没有亲缘关系的吗
Did you know that worms and caterpillars aren't related?
我 - 我不知道哎
I... - I didn't know that.
你还知道什么有趣的事实吗
Have you got any interesting facts?
没 我有些问题要问你
No. I've got some questions for you.
可以 - 我需要你诚实的回答它们
Wonderful. - I need you to answer them truthfully.
当然 - 好 你对Ed Sheeran都知道些什么
Of course. - OK. What do you know about Ed Sheeran?
他在这里工作过
He used to work here.
嗯 我们辞退他了
Um... We had to let him go.
我意思是 如果你觉得我们和这件事有什么关系的话
I mean, if you think we had anything to do with this...
我从没这么说过 - 不是
I never said that. - No.
我在问你问题
I was asking the questions.
你好像有点愧疚 你看着很紧张
You seem a bit guilty. You're very nervous.
你得知道我当时在做什么
You need to know why what I was doing.
我平板里有我做的事情详细列表
I have it all itemized here on my digitized device.
我可以按分钟的告诉你们
I can tell you minute by minute.
在大概7点35分的时候
So, at around 7.35,
我在健身房♥
I was down at the gym
跟我的私教做了几组动作
doing a couple of reps with my personal trainer.
花了45分钟 燃烧了135千卡
That lasted 45 minutes and I burned through 135Kcals.
然后 我去见了一些投资方
After that, I was interfacing with some investors
还在一个我参加的自助组织那里待了一小会儿
and I had a brief sojourn to a self-help organisation, of which I am a member.
之后 我不得不去见了大使
After that I had to go and meet the ambassador
如果你要把这些都记下来的话
if you're getting all of this down,
他不得不解决他的国家的GDP 我们就是去讨论这个的
who had to arrange the GDP which we wanted to talk about
从约650万降到了450万的事情
for around 6.5 million to 4.5 million in his country of origin.
再然后我开了一个超级牛逼的<我的世界>的会议
And after that I had an absolutely kick-ass Minecraft session.
不要在我面前眨眼
Please don't blink in my presence.
每一次眨眼会释放出6种不同的睫毛
Every blink unlocks six different types of eyelash.
嘿 Shia 你喜欢咖喱吗
Hey, Shia, you like curry?
什么 - 你喜欢咖喱吗
Excuse me? - Do you like curry?
我通常比较坚持药丸形状的东西
I normally stick to things that come in a pill shape.
你知道吗 我超爱咖喱的
Do you know something? I love curry.
它是我的最爱
It's my favourite thing.
对 我们有关于一个应用的很棒的想法
Yeah. We have a really exciting idea for an app.
超级棒 - 那个
Yeah. It's amazing. - That one.
是手♥机♥用的应用程序
It's an application for your phone.
你可以从应用商店下载 - 咖喱友
You download it off the App Store. - Vindr.
它叫咖喱友
And it's called Vindr.
所以 站起来
So... Stand up.
有没有过在一个谁都不认识的小镇
Ever been in a town where you didn't know anyone
然后想来点儿咖喱呢
and you wanted to go for a bit of curry?
我 我 - 有没有想过找一个新朋友
I... I... - Ever wanted to find somebody new in your life
然后说"我们一起去吃咖喱吧"
and go, "Hey, let's get a curry!"
这就是咖喱友
This is Vindr!
你正在玩手♥机♥又无事可干
You are on your phone and there's nothing to do,
所以你浏览应用商店发现了咖喱肉
so you go on the App Store and comes Vindaloo.
在应用商店 只需99便士
Only 99p on the App Store.
现在就下载吧
Download now!
这是最棒的可以结交各地朋友的应用
It's the best app ever for making friends in different places.
是的 - 你们是想要用云整合实现这项服务
Yeah. - Are you looking at cloud integrating this service,
还是你们想摸着石头过河 走一步算一步
or is this something you will be having on a need-to-know,bit-by-bit basis?
酷一点的
Make it cool.
你们想要让产品主要面向哪个年龄段
What sort of demographic might you be pitching towards?
16到25岁
The 16-25?
25到35岁
The 25-35?
全部 全部都要
All of them. All of them.
每一个
Every one of them.
每一个年龄 - 老人家喜欢咖喱
Every age. - Old people like curry.
它很咸 - 它很好吃很棒而且很辣
It's salty. - It's nice and nice and spicy.
那你有没有市场营销的推广语
OK. Do you have a tag line for the marketing roll-out that you're looking for?
如果你喜欢吃辣 喜欢结交新朋友
If you want spicy food and to meet new people...
对 然后 就像
Yeah, OK. And then, like,
去一个从来没去过的小镇
in a new town that you haven't been to before...
想像一下有个人像我这样拿着手♥机♥
Just think of someone with a phone like...
这时你不妨试试咖喱友
Why don't you just like go on Vindr
打开应用 然后注册个账户
and open the app and then go and like register for it?
比起广♥告♥语 你这更像个短篇小说吧
It's less of a slogan than a novella, isn't it?
所以 在程度1到10之间
So, on a scale of one to ten...
Eight!
你都不知道他问的什么 他只是
You don't know what he's asking yet. He's just...
Seven.
我想问 你觉得这桩生意
I was going to ask how likely it is you think
在第一季度就破产的可能性有多大
that the business will fail within its first quarter.
哦 不会的
Oh, no.
Six.
6 - 5
Six? - Five.
1 是1吗 答案是1吗 - 好吧
One. Is it one? Is the answer one? - OK.
对不起 但这产品对我们来说一点用都没有
I'm sorry, it is not a product that will work for us in any way.
所以就是不行吗 - 是绝对不行
Is that a no? - It's a categorical no.
那么 你 先生 现在是我的敌人了
Then you, sir, have made an enemy of me.
你再也不能参与我的生意了
You are not any more involved in my business
你就只是这个谋杀案的嫌疑人
and you are simply a suspect in this murder.
谢谢你宝贵的时间 你个大傻帽
Thank you for your time, you stupid idiot.
你这人真怪
You're weird.
不管是在案件上还是投资上
Case-wise and investment-wise,
Leboeuf都没给我们任何帮助
Leboeuf had given us nothing.
接下来是Sarah Millican的死亡集团
Next up, Sarah Millican's Death Corp.
Sheeran以前窥探过他们的档案库
Sheeran had been snooping in their files.
一只小鸟告诉我他们造了炫酷又危险的秘密武器
A little birdie had told me they made super cool and dangerous secret weapons.
谢谢你 我的长翅膀的朋友
Thank you, my winged friend.
哦 抱歉我没有敲门
Oh, well, sorry I didn't knock.
我就直接进来了
I just let myself in.
绅士们 欢迎来到死亡集团
Gentlemen, welcome to Death Corp.
听着 我不准备拐弯抹角
Listen, I'm not going to beat around the bush.
如我所愿
I wish you wouldn't.
告诉我关于巨型机器人的一切
Tell me everything about the mega robot.
什么 - 你在这里造的巨型机器人
My what? - The mega robot you're building here.
巨型机器人 - 你知道他在说什么
The mega robot? - You know what he's talking about.
我跟你们保证 我告诉你 这里没有巨型机器人
I promise you, I'll tell you this. There's no mega robot.
它根本不存在
It doesn't exist.
Millie - 真的没有
Millie. - No, honestly!
因为巨型机器人这主意很蠢 不是吗
Because a mega robot would be a stupid idea, wouldn't it?
现在 如果你不介意的话 这有点荒唐了
Now. If you don't mind, this is getting absurd,
所以我要做的是
so what I'm going to do is
我要和你的这位上司对话 可以吧
I'm gonna address myself to your superior officer here, all right?
他可是穿着制♥服♥呢
He's the one wearing the uniform.
是啊 这笑话不错
Yeah, that's a good joke.
在这行业里 警♥察♥行业
In this business, the police business,
你越厉害就越不用穿制♥服♥
the better you are, the less you have to wear a uniform.
只有蠢蛋和傻帽才必须穿制♥服♥
Only buttheads and silly weasels have to wear uniforms.
以及第一天上任的孩子
And kids on their first day.
如果你们有什么正经的事要说 我很愿意听
If you've got some serious business, I'd love to hear it.
我们倒是真的有几个问题想问你
We do have some questions to ask you, actually.
我愿意听你说话 你想来杯茶吗
I'd love to hear it from you. Would you like a cup of tea?
好 我想来杯咖啡可以吗
Yeah, I'll get a coffee, if that's all right?
好 来杯咖啡
Yeah, coffee please.
你去那边玩玩 - 玩玩
Go and play around. - Play around?!
找点证据 - 玩玩
Find some evidence. - Play around?!
我要在附近走走 - 他说的对 你就出去玩玩吧
I'll have a walk around. - He's right, you go and play.
好了 关于Ed Sheeran被杀你知道些什么
Right, what do you know about the killing of Ed Sheeran?
我听说过Ed Sheeran
I heard about Ed Sheeran.
说来难过
It's very sad...
这是什么 死亡开关吗
What's this? A death switch?
那是灯的开关 - 别在那里瞎按了
That'll be the lights. - Stop pressing things and just fiddling.
把它们按回来
You want to switch them back on.
好嘞 按回来了 - 这就对了 谢谢你
Yep, there we are. - Right, thank you.
没事 别客气
That's OK, no worries.
周二晚上8点你在哪里
At 8pm, where were you on Tuesday night?
那是机密信息
That's classified information.
我要是告诉了你 小可爱 我就得把你们杀了灭口