成功镇凶案（2015）

because you're the other person on it.
这真的 就像
That's genuinely, like...
说真的 你毁了咖喱友 就因为你在用
It's actually... You've ruined Vindr, cos you're on it.
谁究竟告诉你了这个的
Who even told you about it?
我不想要他一起
I don't want him to come.
所以我们去不去吃咖喱
So are we going for a curry or not?
去 你想去哪儿 Azad家咖喱店吗 - Azad家
Yes. Where do you want to go? Azad's? - Azad's.
Azad家 我们就去那儿 - 不带他 抱歉 但
Azad's, we'll go there. - Not with him. Sorry, but...
你可以一起
Yeah, you can come.
你认识他多久了 - 嗯 大概
How long have you known him? - Well, like...
不好意思 我在问你 小兄弟
Sorry, I'm talking to you, mate.
你认识他多久了
How long have you known him?
Sid 你知道吗 说实话
Sid, you know, actually,
这是我见过你做的最像调查的事情
this is the most investigating I've ever seen you do.
你都当了15年的警♥察♥了
And you've been in the police for 15 years.
我从没见你问过这些问题
I've never seen you ask any of these questions.
这不是我的错 - 知道吗
Not my fault, mate. - You know what?
如果你能上点心
Maybe if you paid a little more attention
在他妈破案上而不是吃咖喱上
to bloody solving crimes than eating curry,
那么这个地方会
this place would be...
把窗户摇上去 - 说正经的
Just do the window up. - Seriously.
别这样 我刚把大Debbie扔在酒吧
Come on. I've just left Big Debbie in the pub.
回去找她 你俩很配
Go back and meet her. You deserve each other.
她是谁 - 就他正在交往的一个废物
Who's she?! - Oh, just some loser he's seeing.
白♥痴♥Sid倒了我对咖喱的胃口
Stupid Sid had put me off curry.
接下来 我们最后的嫌疑犯 傻♥逼♥银行家Jeremy Kyle
Next up, our final suspect, silly banker Jeremy Kyle.
他曾经被Sheeran黑过
He'd been hacked by Sheeran
但他有没有杀了他呢
but had he killed him?
上吧 - 上吧
Let's do this. - Let's do it.
小子 这里就是了
Well, kid. This is it.
我们要去见Jeremy Kyle
We're going to see Jeremy Kyle.
是的 - 但这是场投资洽谈 小子
Yes. - But this is a shark tank, kid.
所以我们得好好伪装一下
So we need to go in deep undercover.
我就装成国际德州石油亿万富翁
I'm going to be international Texan oil billionaire,
Brock Wonderpenis
Brock Wonderpenis
而你就是我的商务顾问
and you are going to be my business advisor.
Jean-Paul Smith
Jean-Paul Smith.
Jean-Paul Smith
Jean-Paul Smith.
你是瑞士人 你可以模仿瑞士口音吗
You're Swiss - can you do a Swiss accent?
"John-Paul Smith"
"John-Paul Smith."
"Jeen-Paul Smuth"
"Jeen-Paul Smuth."
"Jan Paul Smiff"
"Jan Paul Smiff."
"John"
"John...!"
"J"
"J...!"
"John Paul Schmith"
"John Paul Schmith."
"Joh"
"Joh..."
停一下 小子
Take a second, boy.
你能说什么语言 什么口音 - 任何都行
What languages can you do? What accents? - Any.
你哪行 你刚花了半小时尝试瑞士口音
No, you can't! You just tried Swiss for half an hour.
我可以假装是澳洲人 John Paul
I can be an Australian John Paul.
装成澳洲人你就开心了吗 - 澳洲人可以是
Is Australian going to make you happy? - Australian can be...
我就装成澳洲人 - 你是我的澳洲商务
I'll be Australian. - OK. You're my Australian business...
你的澳洲商务合作伙伴 - 叫John Paul这么个鬼名字
Your Australian business partner... - Who is weirdly called John Paul.
我是来这儿破案的
And I'm here to solve a crime, sir.
别担心案子的事
Don't worry about the crime thing.
我真的想推销咖喱友 来为咖喱友融点资
I really want to pitch Vindr and get some money for Vindr.
准备好了吗 - 准备好了
Ready? - I'm ready.
我们上吧 - 上吧 走
Let's do this. - Let's do this. Let's go.
你好 你好 你好 你好
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
哇哦 多酷的办公室啊
Wow! what a cool office.
我是Brock Wonderpenis 德州石油亿万富翁
I'm Brock Wonderpenis, Texan oil billionaire.
你好 我是Jeremy Kyle 很高兴见到你
Hi. Jeremy Kyle. Aroused to meet you.
这是我的搭档兼朋友兼合作伙伴
This is my sidekick-friend-partner.
嗯 很好
Yeah, cool.
你刚在我地板上吐口水了吗
Did you spit on my floor?
是的 你想要John Paul帮你清理吗
Yeah. Do you want me to get John Paul to clear it up for you?
不用 我很喜欢 在地板上吐口水显示了你的胆量
No. I like it. It shows balls to spit on a man's floor.
嘿 你说他的 喂 你别这么做
Oi, what did you say his... Oi, don't YOU do it.
我是说他可以 不是你
I said he could do it, not you.
他叫什么来着
What's his name again?
自我介绍一下 - John Paul Smith
Introduce yourself. - John Paul Smith.
哦对 没跟你说话的时候就闭嘴
Right, button it, unless I talk to you.
他不是我那方面的伙伴 - 我们不是一对
He's not my partner in a sensual way. - We're not boyfriends.
对 我们只是生意上的伙伴
Yeah, we're just business partners.
来这儿谈点生意
Here to do some business.
是吗 - 对
Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
是吗 很高兴见到你
Oh, yeah? Nice to meet you.
我很高兴你们没问能不能坐就擅自坐下了
I'm glad you've sat yourselves down without even being asked.
我就是这风格
Yeah, that's how I roll.
再站起来 - 真的假的
Stand up again. - Really?
真的 站起来
Yeah, stand up again.
必须要站吗 - 是的 我让你们现在站起来
Do we have to? - Yeah. I want you to stand now.
好了 现在坐下吧 先生们 谢谢
OK. Right, sit your butts down, gents. Thank you.
哇 这真是把好椅子
Ahh! Wow, that's a nice chair.
是的 - 它们都是非常好的椅子
Yeah, it is. - They're wonderful chairs.
你们是大人物 对吧 - 是的 我们是最大的大人物
You're big kahunas, are you? - Oh, yeah. We're the biggest kahunas.
那我怎么会从来没听说过你们呢
I've never heard of you. How come's that, then?
你桌子真灰
You've got a very dusty desk.
你 闭嘴
Shut your mouth, you.
有人来的时候 你知道我让他们做什么吗
When people come in here, you know what I get them to do?
我让他们发出生意的声音
I get them to make business noise.
这是我喜欢的 生意的声音 - 我喜欢生意的声音
That's what I like. Business noise. - I like a business noise.
准备好发出生意的声音了吗 - 就像战斗宣言
Ready to make some business noise? - Like fighting talk.
不像战斗宣言 像生意的声音
Not like fighting talk. Like a business noise.
像铃♥声♥一样吗 - 朋友 来一个生意的声音
Like a ring noise? - Compadre. Make a business noise for me.
响点 来 再响点
Louder. Come on, louder!
你 Brock Wonderpenis 该你了
You, Brock Wonderpenis, Your turn.
这很性感
Oh, this is sexy!
我很喜欢
Oh, I love it!
我们就是性感的男人
Well, we're sexy guys.
对 你们是性感的男人
Yeah, you're sexy guys.
我让自己嗨起来了
I get myself all wound up.
最好来点东西来冷静下
Better take something to calm down.
这个可以 这个可以
Oh, that will do it. That'll do it.
我爱你 你这个粉婊♥子♥
I love you, you powdery bitch.
你超爱这东西 是吧
You absolutely love that shit, don't you?
你吸光这个就像
You're snorting that up like it's a...
就像它马上就过时了 对吧
Like it's going out of fashion, aren't you?
我在想
I was just thinking,
我想起那段时光
I was just thinking about a time that
我和我这位朋友
me and my compadre here... Mm.
我们磕嗨了
Yeah, we, we got so high,
我们嗨爆了磕 - 药
we were crazy off our heads with, with... - Drugs.
磕药 然后我去潜水了
with, with... drugs, and... I went scuba diving.
游到了海底
And I swam to the bottom of the sea...
然后一头撞到了一条鲨鱼的脸上
..And I head-butted a shark in the face.
撞断了它的 它的鼻子
And broke its... And broke its nose.
我把它的鳍扯了下来 - 是吗
And I ripped its fin off. - Oh, yeah? You know what?
这听起来像我那时候磕了一公斤除草剂
That sounds like the time I snorted a kilo of weedkiller
还有一个天气预报女主持肛♥交♥
and had anal intercourse with a weather girl.
不记得是哪个了 可能是任何一个
Can't remember which one. Could have been any of them.
无聊 无聊
Boring, boring.
多么无聊的故事 你说完了吗
What a boring story. Have you finished with it yet?
说完了
Yeah, I have finished with it.
告诉我你做过什么大事 - 没问题
Tell me something you've done, then, that's big. - OK.
好的 我跟你说
Yeah, I'll tell you.
和中国做过爱 - 我和中国做过爱 和中国
Had sex with China. - I had sex with China. With China?
你是说一个叫中国的人 还是一整个国家
A person called China, or the whole country?
整个国家 同时一起
Whole country, all at once.
我昨晚在外面呆了一整晚
You know what? I was out all last night.
你知道我在哪儿吗 他妈的不知道 一点都不清楚