老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S08E05
Part 1
Oct. 22, 2020, 2:06 p.m.
Kids, it's no secret your Uncle Barney is a bit of a dog,
孩子们 你们都知道巴尼叔叔有点狼心狗肺
and even though he loved me,
虽然他很爱我
I think he always wanted a wingman
但我觉得他一直想找个
who was a bit of a dog, too.
跟他一样的狗友做搭档
And in the fall of 2012...
在2012年秋天
...he found one.
他找到了
Respect.
致敬
Hey, guys, thanks again for a great night last night.
伙计们 再次多谢 昨晚太棒了
I say again,
我再说一遍
great night.
昨晚太棒了
Ted, honey, it was not a great night.
泰德 宝贝 昨晚没那么棒
Ted,
泰德
Lily and I noticed some things last night.
昨晚我和莉莉注意到有些不对劲
Hey, Ted, can you pass me a cracker? Yeah.
泰德 能帮我递块饼干吗 好的
It's the least you can do,
为了你 我在圣坛上把人甩了
considering I left a guy at the altar for you.
你递个饼干也是应该的
Right, right?
她真搞 对吧
Oh, come on, that was a joke.
拜托 那是玩笑话
Women over 30 don't joke when it comes to commitment.
过了三十岁的女人 不会拿结婚开玩笑
Victoria is happy we're taking things slow.
维多利亚很乐意我们放慢脚步
Oh, oh, honeysweetiebaby,
纯真的小宝贝
no 32-year-old woman is happy taking things slow.
没有一个32岁的女人 会乐意放慢脚步
Trust me, Victoria has got friends from high school
相信我 维多利亚一定已经有高中同学
posting pictures of second babies on Facebook.
在Facebook上贴自己第二个宝宝的照片了
And you think girlfriend's all like,
你觉得你女朋友的反应会是
"Oh, let's just bone a bunch
"咱们就这样耗下去
so I'm another year older and still single"?
我又老了一岁 依旧没老公"
Bitch, please.
女人呐 你懂不懂
Guys, I've got a new bro--
各位 我新交了个兄弟
a bro that puts all other bros to shame.
他能让其他所有的兄弟都自愧不如
The bitches love him.
他妞见妞爱
He buries bones all day.
还会把"大骨棒"藏起来
No one chases tail like him.
没人比他更懂追"屁♥股♥"跑这事
Why aren't you guys laughing?
你们怎么不笑
Oh, wait, I probably should have led with this:
等等 我应该先告诉你们
he's a dog.
他是条狗
I've named him
我已经给他取名叫
Brover.
"把你"
I'll go...
我现在要去
...fetch him.
"捡"他了
Okay, I'm worried about Barney.
我很担心巴尼
That breakup with Quinn messed him up more than he let on.
跟昆茵分手对他的打击 远不止他说的那样
I think he's lonely.
我觉得他很寂寞
Dude seems fine to me.
我看这哥们没事
I love you so much, Brover.
我爱死你了 把你
Seriously, based on last night,
说真的 从昨晚的情形看来
you and Victoria are headed for trouble.
你和维多利亚一定会出现问题的
So I got this kind of interesting job offer
我收到一份有趣的工作邀请
to run a bakery in Denver.
是去丹佛经营一间面包店
But that's too crazy, though, right?
不过这太疯狂了 对吧
Right?
对吗
Uh, yeah.
当然
The high altitude would affect the density of the pastries.
高海拔会影响点心的密度
I mean, talk about half-baked.
我是说 会烤不熟啊
Man, this is a great night.
天啊 今晚太棒了
That was Victoria asking you to move to Denver with her.
那是维多利亚在邀请你跟她搬去丹佛
What?
什么
Then, why wouldn't she just come right out
那她为什么不直截了当地
and say what she wants?
说出她的想法呢
Men.
男人啊
It's like, if there weren't pickle jars to open
这就像是 泡菜罐就得难开
and spiders to kill and computers to back up,
蜘蛛就得费心拍死 电脑就跌费神备份
what would be their point?
人天生为折腾而存在
Okay, when did Marshall become a slightly more feminine you?
好吧 马修什么时候变得比你还阴阳怪气啊
Look, Ted, it gets exhausting constantly giving people
泰德 整天主动当人的知心姐姐
advice they haven't asked for, so I'm training Marshall.
太累人了 所以我在训练马修
My goal is to eventually say things
我的终极目标是
that are so sassy and wise,
能说出犀利又睿智的建议
that there is no possible response
让对方除了认同
other than "Mm" Or "Mm-hmm."
别无他言
And if this is a place where we can share our dreams--
那我的梦想就是 有天这里能成为
I like to think that it is--
大家分享美梦的园地
I hope someday to earn a...
我希望有一天 人们会赞我
"Testify."
"言之有理"
Look, victoria and I are five months in
维多利亚和我才在一起五个月
and we're right where we should be.
我们现在就该处于这种阶段
All right, we-we're cosigning birthday cards,
好吧 生日贺卡上签的是各自的名字
w-we got toothbrushes at each other's places,
我们在彼此家里都有自己的牙刷
foreplay's out the window.
现在连前戏也省了
I'm in, I'm out, I'm sleeping, it's great.
只剩下"我进 我出 睡觉" 简单又快捷
It's more than five months.
你们在一起可不只五个月
You guys dated before; that time counts.
你们以前约会过 那段时间也算
The clock doesn't reset to zero.
可不会分手过就自动归零
It un-pauses from where you left off.
而是从上次结束的时间接着算
No way,
不可能
no way, the clock resets.
不可能 时钟会归零
Wait, so this is what you guys do?
等等 这就是你们的目的吧
You invite other couples over for dinner
邀请其他的情侣过来吃晚饭
to judge them and feel superior?
然后指手划脚以获得优越感吗
Oh, grow up, Ted,
成熟点吧 泰德
that's why any couple invites anyone over ever.
这是所有夫妻邀请人来家里的原因
Two Scotches, both neat,
两杯纯苏格兰威士忌
and if you've got some, uh, nuts, this guy lost a couple.
可以来盘坚果[蛋蛋] 他结扎完就没了
Take the hit, just take the hit.
开个玩笑 开个玩笑啦
Okay, this is a cry for help.
好吧 他显然是在求助
Can we invite Barney over for dinner tonight?
今晚能邀请巴尼来吃晚饭吗
But I was going to make you a special meal
但我本来为你准备了特别的晚餐
to celebrate my show getting nominated
来庆祝我的节目提名了
for a Local Area Media Award.
本地区媒体大奖
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention,
对了 我忘了说了
Nick had a cable access cooking show.
尼克主持一档有线台的烹饪节目
Chef Nick Podarutti uses
尼克·帕达鲁蒂选用
all fresh, locally grown ingredients,
本地新鲜食材
but don't think for a second
但决不要因此就觉得
that means he's not a bad boy.
他不是个坏小子
She runs on corn.
这车可是玉米动力的哦
I'm gonna invite him over for dinner.
我要邀请他来共进晚餐
Okay, fine,
好吧
but you'd better make sure he has a ticket.
但你最好确保他有票
'Cause it's all aboard the Chow-Chow Train!
因为他上的可是什锦佳肴火车哦
Honey, I know it's hard coming up
亲爱的 我知道想一句
with a signature cooking catchphrase,
个性烹饪口号♥实属不易
but I don't think that's it.
可我真心觉得这句不合适
I know, but how do you compete with "Bam!"?
我知道 可是什么才能跟人家的"嘭"相比啊
It just says it all.
言简意赅
Hey, you.
你来啦
Hey, can I ask you something?
能问你点事吗
Um, Lily and Marshall think
莉莉和马修觉得
I'm missing all these hints you're dropping
我没有领会你的暗示
that you want a deeper commitment.
你希望我们的关系更进一步
I mean, you'd just come right out and tell me, right?
你会直截了当告诉我的 对吧
Totally.
当然
I-I think I can be a little bit more direct than that.
我觉得我能表达得更直接些
Thank you.
谢谢
Oh, hey, I was cleaning my apartment today
我今天打扫我公♥寓♥的时候
and I dug this up.
翻出了这个
Should I keep this wedding dress,
我该留着这件婚纱吗
or do you think i'll never, ever need it again?
还是你觉得我"永远"都用不着它了
So Lily and Marshall were right?
所以莉莉和马修说对啦
Of course they're right.
那是当然
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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