老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）

How I Met Your Mother S08E04

Part 2 Oct. 22, 2020, 2:06 p.m.

It's going to be legend...
这将成为传...
...wait for it, no, I won't wait for it
等等算了不等了
and neither should little baby Marvin,
小马文也等不及了
so maybe it's better if you two just die right now...
所以你俩最好现在就死了算了
...dary.
...奇
And so began the longest week of Lily and Marshall's lives.
莉莉和马修最漫长的一周开始了
** Bro McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-bro *
* 麦当劳兄有农场便宜了兄弟
** And on that farm he had some chicks *
* 农场里面有小妞
** E-I-E-I-bro *
* 便宜了兄弟
* With a hot chick here and a dumb chick there... *
* 一美妞在东一傻妞在西 *
** Bro, bro, bro your broat *
* 兄弟兄弟划起你的兄弟船
** Gently to the bar *
* 轻轻划向酒吧
** Hit on sluts, then do ten shots and... *
* 发现浪♥女♥ 喝上十杯...
** The boobs on the bus go up and down *
* 车上的咪♥咪♥ 抖啊抖
** Up and down, up and down *
* 上下抖左右抖
** The boobs on the bus go up and down *
* 车上的咪♥咪♥ 抖啊抖
** All through the town. *
* 一路抖过城
You think you can bribe them with a stroller?
你以为用婴儿车就能贿赂他们吗
They already got one, fool.
傻子他们已经有一个了
Oh, this is no stroller, Robin.
这不是婴儿车罗宾
I call it the Broller.
我称之为"兄弟车"
Go ahead. Look inside.
来看看里面
I don't get it. I don't see anything.
看不懂什么都没有
Yeah, but Papa does.
那是不过爸爸懂
Those Robin's boobies?
那是罗宾的咪♥咪♥吗
When new nubile hotties lean in to inspect your bundle of joy,
当性感辣妹弯腰来看你的孩子时
you can inspect their bundles of joy.
你也可以看她的那对奶♥子♥
The Broller.
"兄弟车"
God, I come up with a lot of good stuff.
天啊我真是个天才发明家
Hey, guys, hey... Hey.
大伙儿
Lily and I need you to come upstairs.
莉莉和我想请你们到楼上来
This is an important decision
这是个很重要的决定
and we can't have you constantly interrupting us
我们不能让你们幼稚的竞争
with this childish competition.
不断打扰我们的生活
Which is why we're going to make it
所以我们要来一场
an official competition!
正式的比赛
We're going to play Who Wants to Be a Godparent?
"争夺教父母"大赛
Right after this word from our sponsors.
广♥告♥之后马上回来
Why is he talking to the wall?
他为什么对着一面墙讲话
Wait, this is how you're going to choose a guardian for Marvin?
你们就用这个选出谁是马文的监护人啊
I mean, why don't you just put us in a three-way cage match
那不如让我们参加三人搏斗铁笼赛
and go with whoever's left standing?
谁赢就归谁不得了
We talked about that, but it gave Robin an unfair advantage.
我们也想过但是罗宾有压倒性的优势
Yeah, you see, guys, we were really struggling with this decision.
伙计们其实我们也很难做出抉择
** All through the town. *
* 一路抖过城
Babe, I know these guys have been
亲爱的我知道他们最近
a little over the top lately. A little?
有点夸张了才有点吗
But we still have to pick a guardian just in case.
不过为了以防万一我们还是得选个监护人
In case of what?
万一什么
Don't make me say it.
别逼我说出来
Say it. I can handle it. Say it.
说吧我能接受说吧
In case we die.
万一我们死了
How can you even say it?
你还真说得出口
And then I thought what do you do
然后我就在想怎么去处理
if you got a wife who won't stop crying,
我有个老婆一直在哭
three idiots who won't stop bribing you,
有三个傻蛋一直在贿赂自己
and a universally beloved skill for gamesmanship?
还有一个人见人爱的制胜绝招
You take a bunch of guardianship scenarios,
于是我想了一堆监护人该做的事
throw them on a wheel,
写在转轮上
buy your wife an expensive dress, so she'll participate.
给老婆买♥♥一条昂贵的裙子不然她不参加
I'm pretty again.
老娘又貌美如花了
Bottom line is I just wanted
最重要的是我只是想
to make the idea of me and Lily dying...
让"万一我和莉莉死掉..."这个想法
fun.
变得有趣
Now, if you'll step behind your podiums, we'll get started.
现在请各就各位我们要开始了
Contestants,
各位选手
here's how the game works.
比赛规则如下
Lily will spin that wheel. Not yet.
莉莉会转动转轮先别动
When it lands on a parenting issue,
指针指向育儿问题时
you'll each describe how you would handle it with Marvin.
你们将各自阐述会如何处理
The contestant with the highest score gets to be
分数最高的选手将成为
his godparent.
马文的教父或教母
Ready to play? Great. Lily,
准备好了吗很好莉莉
spin that wheel!
转动转轮
Okay, now, see, um, enthusiasm will factor into your scores.
听着热情度也会影响你们的得分
So, I say again:
我再说一次
Lily, spin...
莉莉转动
Spin that wheel!
转动转轮
Our demise.
我们的死亡
Barney, how would you explain to little Marvin
巴尼你要怎么向小马文解释
why we're not around anymore? No.
我们不在人世的原因太残忍♥了
Easy, all I'd have to do is change a few words
很简单我只要把我的泡妞金句
to one of my classics with the ladies.
改几个词就可以了
The President of the World has called your parents away
世界总统安排你的父母
on a super-secret space mission.
去执行一项机密的太空任务
For the sake of the planet, you will never see them again.
为了地球的安危你再也见不到他们了
Now pick up your toys and say good night to Daddy.
收拾好你的玩具和爸比说晚安吧
What do you know? That last line stays the same.
真好最后一句不改也适用
Judges?
评委意见
Okay, Robin, what would you do, and remember,
罗宾你会怎么做呢记住
"President of the World called parents away
"世界总统安排你的父母
for a super-secret space mission" has already been taken.
去执行一项机密的太空任务"已经有人用过了哦
Well, my dad was always upfront and honest with me,
我爸对我从不拐弯抹角一向实话实说
so that's how I would be.
所以我也会这样
All right, kid, here's the deal with the deal.
好了孩子你给我听好了
Your mom and dad are done-ski.
你♥爸♥妈已经玩完了
Belly-flopped off a subway platform.
扑通一声摔下地铁站台
Mom busted open like a pinata.
你妈被地铁碾开了花
What was left of your dad hung around for a few days.
你♥爸♥残留的部分在医院苟延残喘了几天
Anyway, plug's pulled. Organs donated.
总之生命仪器关了器官也捐了
Long story short: I'm your new mommy now.
长话短说我就是你新妈妈了
Sah-wish!
节哀顺便吧
Well, I was saving these for the showcase,
我本来是想留着当摆设的
but here. Hey, Lily, look, baby,
现在只好莉莉宝贝你看
his-and-her watches.
情侣表哦
Ted, the category's all yours.
泰德你有何高招呢
Okay, here's what I would say.
我的做法是
Well, Marvin, explaining where your parents are
马文要解释你父母的去向
isn't gonna be easy.
并不容易
Even I-- Lily and Marshall's best friend
就算是我莉莉和马修最好的朋友
for almost 20 years--
有着近20年的深厚友情
will have a hard time doing it.
也无法轻松地完成这事
But I do know a guy who's very good at this sort of thing.
但我知道有个人特别擅长这种事
Professor Infosaurus!
恐龙教授
Hey, there, squirt!
你好啊小调皮
Death is a difficult yet unfortunate certainty.
死亡虽然不幸但却无法避免
Good enough!
很好
Ted wins the round!
这一轮是泰德赢
Yes! Yes! You'll see.
太好了太好了你们等着吧
Professor Infosaurus will be a big, big hit with children.
恐龙教授肯定大受孩子们的欢迎
Isn't that right, kids?
是不是啊孩子们
Moving on.
我们继续
"Discipline."
惩罚
"How would you handle Marvin taking another kid's toy?"
"当马文拿了其他小孩的玩具你会怎么做"
Barney?
巴尼你来
That's easy.
小菜一碟
I'm calling Child Services.
我要向儿童机构举报你
Wait for it.
别着急嘛
I'll return your $1,900 alligator-skin belt
除非你把玩具还给小朋友否则我要没收
when you return that toy.
你那条价值1900元的鳄鱼皮皮带