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然后你就那样了
And then you did it.
怎么样了
Did what?
你放手了
You let go.
像平时一样
Just like always.
你抓住了我的手腕 然后就没有然后了
You had my wrist, and then you didn't anymore.
你放手了
You let go.
为什么我在你的梦里总是做坏事
Why am I always doing bad things in your dreams?
问心有愧
Guilty conscience?
她在那儿
There she is.
一头栽到地板上 冷得像石头的女孩
Girl dove straight to the floor, stone cold.
我没吃饭
I hadn't eaten.
费伊护士给你了吗
Did Nurse Faye give you
"了解饮食失调"的小册子
the "Understand Your Eating Disorder" Brochure?
或者是自爱演讲 那可是贝丝的最爱
Or the self-love speech? That's Beth's favorite.
说得好
That's a good one.
你会肿起来的
You're gonna swell up.
也可能是永久损害
Could be permanent damage,
像那些获胜的国家橄榄球联盟的球员
like those NFL players who kill people.
别担心
Don't worry.
我的整形医生很棒
I've got a great plastic surgeon.
有人看到教练了吗
Hey, has anyone seen Coach yet?
可能她在区赛后想拉拢哪个人
Maybe she's out tying one on post-regionals?
和啦啦队的妈妈们一起喝酒
Day drinking with the booster moms?
该死
Shit.
来的正好
About time.
你去哪了教练 你错过了庆功会
Where you been, Coach? You missed the celebration.
我们是做到了 我们可以去州赛了
So, we did it. We made it to states.
但时间已经不多了
The clock is already ticking.
为什么要把第一天浪费在庆祝上
So why are we wasting our first day on celebration,
不过是吃高糖蛋糕
on sugar-soaked cake
在餐厅里用力互赞的演讲
and back-slapping speeches in the cafeteria?
运动训练
Motion drills.
听我指挥
On my count.
五六七八
Five, six, seven, eight.
停
Stop.
你的鞋 艾迪 你的啦啦队鞋呢
Your shoes, Addy. Where are your cheer shoes?
看来我忘记了
I forgot them, I guess.
你知道规矩
You know the rules.
不♥穿♥练功鞋 就不能走进我的练功房♥
You don't walk into my gym without the proper shoes.
过来
Come here.
做五十个俯卧撑
Fifty push-ups.
加上拍手
With claps.
你该走了 你不能来这里
You have to go. You cannot be here.
我不走
Not happening.
我不能和你说
I can't.
好吧
Fine.
我可以站在这里全世界看看
I can stand here for the whole goddamn world to see!
不然你就让我进去
Or you can let me in.
不管怎样 我是不会走的
Either way, I'm not leaving.
她睡着了
She's asleep.
爸爸的衬衫总是可以哄她入睡
Daddy's shirt always does the trick.
他今早得出城 因为工作的事
He had to go out of town this morning-- some work thing.
我们要说说昨晚的事
We need to talk about last night.
我现在已经卷进这件事里了
I'm in this now, and...
我要知道全部经过
I need to know everything.
这是你欠我的
You owe me that.
情况一直在走下坡
Things have been not great for a while.
威尔 他有问题
Will-- he had problems.
他那天下午来这里的时候你也看到了
I mean, you saw him that afternoon he came here,
他的状态
how he was.
他的精神不太好
Yeah. He wasn't himself.
人活对他来说一直很不容易
Life was always hard for him.
他崩溃了
He came apart.
我们俩都是
We both did.
这会影响到人
Does things to you.
黑暗一直都存在
Darkness never really goes away.
总是在事情的转弯点
It's always at the corners of things,
我不知道
and I don't know.
对威尔拉说 也许在那些转弯点
For Will, maybe those corners, they were...
已经关闭了
Closing in.
老妈短♥信♥
训练晚结束吗 一会见
你肯定知道
You must have some idea
是什么让他做出那样的事
what would make him do something like that.
上次见面的时候 我们年纪都还小
The last time we saw each other, we were kids.
他有过一个女朋友
He had a girlfriend.
我
I...
也有过一些男人
Had guys.
我们喜欢和人乱搞
We liked to fuck.
搬到这里之后 我和马特的关系很差
Things with Matt were horrid after I moved here.
关系越来越恶化
And it just kept building and building--
所有那些我们不让对方看到的事藏不住了
all of those things that we weren't letting each other see.
然后有一晚 全都爆发出来了
And then one night, it was... Just too much.
我骗了他
I lied.
我说我们牛奶喝完了
I said that we were out of milk
这样我就能出去
just to get out of the house,
去某个地方 去任何地方
just to go somewhere, anywhere.
然后碰到一个人
And there he was,
他站在店中♥央♥
this guy, standing in the middle of the store,
像小孩一样等不及买♥♥单 就把牛奶打开喝
drinking milk out of the carton like a kid who couldn't wait.
我忍♥不住一直看着他
I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
然后他看着我 他叫了我的名字
And then he looked at me. And he said my name.
是那个如此熟悉的声音
It was that voice-- so familiar,
和我爸爸一样熟悉
as familiar as my dad's.
满身烟味
Full of smoke.
然后我们开始聊天
And we started talking.
他说了一件很有趣的事
And he said the funniest thing.
他说 你看起来很孤独
He said, "You look so lonely."
我和他说他错了 我一点也不孤独
And I told him he was wrong. I wasn't lonely at all.
他笑着说 对不起
And he smiled and said, "Oh, I'm sorry.
看来我看错了
Guess I got it all wrong."
但是他没看错
But he hadn't.
我是孤单
I was lonely.
迷茫 绝望
Confused. Desperate.
但是却没有他那么绝望
But not as desperate as he was.
发生了什么
What happened?
看上去...
It seemed...
我以为你们很相爱
I thought you were in love.
这对我们俩来说应该
It was supposed to be an escape
只是一个逃离的出口
for both of us.
我不...
I don't--
我都不知道他想逃离的是什么
I don't even know what he was trying to get away from.
我从来没有想过
I never even thought about that.
一次都没有想过
Not once.
我只是...我...
I just--I--
我需要喘口气 好好想一想
I needed a break to think things through.
我们要进行区赛了 他突然开始给我发信息
We were going to regionals. That's when the texts started.
一开始我没有理会 但是他不停地给我发
At first, I ignored them, but he just kept texting me,
后来我终于回应了
and when I finally responded,
但是他好像更糟糕了
it just seemed to make everything worse.
他说他一定要见我 他吓到我了
He said that he had to see me. He was scaring me.
马特当时睡着了
Matt was asleep.
所有人都睡着了
Everyone was.
于是我...
So I--
我叫了一辆车
I called a cab,
我坐在外面等着
and I sat outside and I waited.
一切都很平静 很祥和
And it was so still and peaceful.
我只想一直坐在那里 看着星星
And I just wanted to stay there and look at the stars.
发生了这么多事 我还是回到了起点
After all this, I ended up right where I started--
还是想要一个人
just wanting to be alone.
于是你到那里后就发现了他
So you went there, and you found him.
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