理发店的笑声（2015）

Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about,
我不知道你在说什么
but you never Oedipus in your life.
但我肯定你从没试过俄狄浦斯(音似找女人)
Ben 2, Buzz zip. All right.
Ben赢了 Buzz闭嘴
If anybody needs me, I'll be in my office.
有人要找我的话 来我办公室
Ahem.
嗯哼
Hello, Edwin.
你好 Edwin
Hello, Benjamin.
你好 Benjamin
Oh! It's "Hello, Benjamin" Now, is it?
你以为说个"你好 Benjamin"就没事了吗
You think I forgot what you did to me?
你以为我会忘记你对我做过的事吗
Excuse me. Ahem.
不好意思 嗯哼
Oh. All right. You know what?
噢 你知道吗
Enough with the "Ahem," All right?
别再"嗯哼"了
Who says "Ahem"?
谁会"嗯哼"啊
"Ahem" is what a tailor does to your skirts.
裁缝才给裙子包边呢
I thought you hemmed your own skirts.
我以为你的裙子是自己给包的边呢
I've got to go. Oh, but so soon?
我得走了 这么快
But we were just starting to catch up.
我们才刚开始叙旧
Geometry sucks, by the way.
顺便告诉你吧 几何学烂死了
Yeah, I didn't learn a thing in your class...
我在你课上啥都没学到
Waste of time.
那就是浪费时间
Yeah, the circumference of a circle is pi times my balls.
圆周长是pi乘以我的蛋蛋
Oh, that was fun.
真好玩
I don't know, Ben. He seemed pretty upset.
Ben 他看起来挺难过的
Yeah, I hope he was. But you know what?
我倒希望呢 但你知道吗
My guess is that he wasn't because that guy has no heart.
他不会 因为他没有心
Ugh. What a drama queen.
真是个戏剧女王
Yeah, that's what he should have done.
对了 他本该做这行的
He should have taught drama.
他应该教戏剧
Where's Mr. Painter?
Painter老师呢
And why is there a crowd gathering outside?
外面怎么这么多人
And why is there a Mr. Painter-shaped person on the ground?
怎么有个长得像Painter老师的人躺在地上
Terrible about Mr. Painter. You think he'll be all right?
Painter老师真可怜 你觉得他会好起来吗
I hope so. I'm praying for him.
希望吧 我在为他祈祷
Yeah, me too. Me too.
我也是 我也是
You know how you were looking for a sign before?
你之前不是在寻求上帝的指示吗
I think I got it. 'Cause you see...
我好像找到了 你看啊
I got my sign, Mo.
我得到指示了 Mo
Yeah?
什么
I'm pregnant.
我怀孕了
Why?
为什么
Didn't... you... tell me sooner?!
你 不 早点告诉我呢
I just can't believe Mr. Painter was alive yesterday
我不敢相信Painter老师昨天还活着
here talking to me, and now he's dead.
在这里和我说话 今天就去了
I texted Ben, but he never responded.
我给Ben发短♥信♥了 可他不回我
When I heard Mr. Painter was coming in,
我得知Painter老师要来这的时候
I sent him a friend request.
给他发了个加好友的请求
Now that request will be forever pending... hashtag frowny face.
现在那请求会永远搁在那里了 皱眉表情
I hate your generation.
我讨厌你们这代人
You know, I can't believe I'm saying this,
从没想过我会这么说
but I actually feel bad for Ben.
我为Ben感到难过
I know. I mean, can you imagine
是啊 想象一下
the guilt he must feel for yelling at him like that?
他得多内疚啊 他对着Painter老师那么大喊大叫的
Poor guy must be devastated.
可怜的家伙 肯定伤心死了
I've got bagels.
我带了百吉饼来
Yeah, the grief is palpable.
呵呵 悲痛得好明显啊
I just won a lottery scratch. Crazy, right?
我刚赢了个刮刮乐 太棒了
First time ever.
第一次中奖
I scratched off those three little dollar signs, and I was like, "Yeah!
我刮出来了三个 美元图案 然后我就想
I'm getting bagels for those people who work for me."
"耶 我要给我的员工买♥♥百吉饼"
You do know our teacher died last night in the hospital?
你知道咱们的老师昨天晚上在医院里去世了吗
I... yeah. I know. A.J. Texted me.
我 知道啊 A.J.给我短♥信♥了
So sad.
真难过
Moment of silence. And... scene.
哀悼时间 表演结束
Anyhoo, you got your lox schmear, your chives schmear,
这有加了鲑鱼片的 香葱味的
Your regular schmear, your low-fat schmear.
原味的 还有低脂的
Buzz, who loves ya?
Buzz 谁最爱你啊
Hey, don't you feel any remorse about what happened?
你一点都不觉得愧疚吗
Why? Not my fault.
为什么 又不是我的错
The guy was one ahem away from the a-hereafter.
那家伙本来就离死不远了
Mm. Man, that guy had a heart like a water balloon.
他的心脏就像个水球
And all it took was one little prick to pop it.
轻轻一扎就破了
What did that teacher do to Ben?
那老师对Ben做了什么
Well, each of us promised Ben we would never tell.
我们都和Ben保证了永远不能说的
As individuals. But we never
我们分别保证过 但是
said we wouldn't all tell together as a group.
作为一个整体 就应该没什么不能说的吧
Can I get a ruling on that?
能给我来个裁定吗
That's semantic bullshit, but I'll allow it.
语义上这狗屁不通 但我准了
Now, Daniel, please proceed.
Daniel 继续陈述
Stop it. I don't want "Daniel" To stick.
别这样 我不想一直被叫成Daniel
Okay, so sophomore year, Mr. Painter asked Ben
高二那年 Painter老师让Ben
to come up to the board for a geometry proof...
去黑板上做几何证明题
and Ben's pants were tight like real tight.
Ben穿的紧身裤 特别紧身
Anyway, you know, Ben was not a great student,
Ben并不是个乖学生
and Mr. Painter didn't really like him for it.
Painter老师不是很喜欢他
Like, you could tell he was Jewish tight.
他穿得紧到你一眼就看出他是犹太人
Thank you, Charmaine.
谢谢 Charmaine
So, you know, Ben's up there doing a super-hard proof,
Ben要做的那个证明题特别难
and he's really nervous.
他很紧张
Like, we're talking male camel-toe tight.
就像男版骆驼蹄印那么紧
You know, I hate to do this,
不好意思啊
but the legal term is actually moose knuckle.
不过正确说法是鹿膝关节形
Can... can I finish the story? Sure.
能 让我说完不 可以
So Ben dropped the chalk, and when he bends over to pick it up...
Ben掉了粉笔 他弯下身去捡的时候
Oh, no. His pants split? I've been there.
不是吧 他的裤子开了吗 我也这么倒霉过
They did, but that's actually not the worst part.
是的 但那不是最糟糕的
Ben wasn't wearing any underwear.
Ben没穿内♥裤♥
Why?
为什么
I can answer that.
我知道
It was a Wednesday.
那是个星期三
Wednesday? You remember what day it was?
星期三 你连这都记得
What do you have... that Marilu Henner memory thing?
难道你 有Marilu Henner的那什么记忆症
Hyperthymesia?
超忆症
Also known as superior autobiographical memory?
也叫自传体记忆
Yeah, I got it.
是的 我有
But that's not how I know it was Wednesday.
但这不是我记得那是星期三的原因
I'd tell you, but Ben made
我想告诉你们 可是我答应过Ben
me promise not to say anything to anybody.
不会告诉任何人
But you didn't promise not to say everything to everybody.
但你没说不可以把每件事告诉每个人吧
A.J.? I'll allow it.
A.J. 我准了
But you are now on a very short leash, counselor.
但你正处于严格的监控下 律师
Thank you, your honor.
谢谢 法官大人
So Ben's mom worried about his sperm count being too low,
Ben的妈妈担心他的精♥子♥量太低了
and that's why every Wednesday, she made him not wear underwear
每个星期三 她都不让他穿内♥裤♥
so his testicles could air out.
让他的蛋蛋透气
She called it free Wednesdays.
她管这叫自♥由♥星期三
So he splits his pants in front of the whole class...
所以他在全班面前撕裂了裤裆
on free Wednesday.
还正好赶上了自♥由♥星期三
Free Wednesday. Gosh, that's brutal.
自♥由♥星期三 太残酷了
That's actually not even the worst part.
那还不是最糟糕的
Ben asked if he could be excused,
Ben问他可不可以离开
but Mr. Painter made him stay up there and finish the proof.
Painter老师说没做完题不能走
That's terrible.
真可怕
I think we are losing sight of who the real victim is here.
我们好像搞错了谁是真正的受害者
Danni was in the front row.
Danni坐第一排
Some things you just can't unsee.
有些东西看了就回不去了
"Congratulations. You're expecting."
恭喜你怀孕了
Mo, is that you?
Mo 是你吗
Hey, Joy.
嘿 Joy
How you doing, huh?
你好吗
I wasn't crying. You?
我刚没在哭 你呢