理发店的笑声（2015）

Racing form is down. I'm all ears.
我不看赛马新闻了 我要听这个
Anyway, Hank and his cronies from the dealership are members,
Hank和他的经销商密友们都是会员
And when Ben's in the shower with them,
当Ben和他们一起洗澡的时候
he think they're laughing at his jokes,
他以为他们是因为他的笑话在笑
but really they're laughing because --
但其实他们笑是因为
He's peeing on ben's leg?
他尿在了Ben的腿上
That is terrible.
太糟糕了
I'm not smiling because of that.
我不是因为这个发笑
I'm smiling because I'm thinking about candy.
我想到了糖果所以才笑的
Candy that pees on you while you're in the shower?
糖果会在你洗澡的时候尿你身上
I got a cousin Candy in Detroit
我有个在底特律的表妹叫Candy
that gets paid good money to do exactly that.
有人专门付钱给她让她那样做
Actually, Joy, ball players do it to rookies all the time.
实际上 Joy 球员都是那样对待新手的
It's like a test of character.
就像是性格测试
Separates the screamers from the criers.
他们这样把尖叫者和哭泣者区别开
How does Ben not know
Ben怎么会没察觉
this terrible, terrible thing is happening?
这么糟糕的事情
Oh, get out of my head, candy!
哦 糖果 滚出我的脑袋
Oh...
哦
Well, for one thing, he's not like to look down
首先 他不太可能会低头
to see what's happening.
去看发生了什么
Well, why wouldn't he look down?
为什么他不低头
You don't look down in a communal shower.
公共浴室里 你是不会低头看东西的
Yeah, the gym shower is a strictly eyes-up situation.
健身房♥冲澡间是视线要严格向上的环境
We go to very different gyms.
我们肯定去的是不同的健身房♥
I'm just saying.
我就随便说说
Girlfriend, you don't go to the gym.
闺蜜 你根本不去健身房♥
Like this body sculpts itself?
这具身体难道是它自己雕刻出来的
How do people live without internet access?
不能上网的话 人是怎么活下去的
This is like one of those caveman stories
这就像Buzzy告诉我们80年代
Buzzy tells about being alive in the '80s.
山顶洞人的故事一样
We're closed.
我们打烊了
It's Robin, Rhonda, Rita, and Rosalee.
我们是Robin Rhonda Rita和Rosalee
And Rhonda!
还有Rhonda
I said Rhonda, you deaf idiot.
我说过Rhonda了 你这个聋子
Hi. Thanks. Hey!
嗨 谢啦 嘿
Hello. Hi.
你好啊 嗨
Aha!
啊哈
I left my fanny pack in here.
我把腰包忘在这儿了
I did some smart bedazzling.
我贴了点水钻装饰哟
Ooh, that looks wonderful.
噢 好闪好漂亮
Unbelievable.
难以置信
Maybe it's a blessing we don't have wi-fi.
也许没有无线网是我们的福气
You stole our slutty hayride summer.
你偷走了我们夏天的性感出游
Hey, you snooze, you lose.
嘿 打个喷嚏 你就输了
Pbht, pbht!
噗呲 噗呲
Sorry, Danni.
抱歉啦 Danni
We needed something to wear tonight.
我们今晚需要穿的特别点儿
We're going to Denim and Diamonds in Marblehead.
我们今晚要去马布尔黑德的"牛仔布与钻石"酒吧
It's singles' night.
单身之夜哟
You know what they say -- "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."
你知道俗话说"别骑马了 骑牛仔吧 "
Yeah! And guess what, we're gonna save a lot of horses.
耶 你猜怎么着 我们准备省很多马呢
Ohh!
哦
Yeah!
耶
Wow. One size really does fit all.
哇哦 还真是均码的啊
There are like six networks around here,
这附近差不多有六个网络
And they're all locked.
但是都需要密♥码♥
But if we worked next door at Tattoo u,
但是如果我们在隔壁"为你纹身"工作
We'd have a strong signal.
我们就能收到很强的信♥号♥♥
Well, why don't we just go next door
为啥我们不干脆去隔壁
And ask Travis for his password?
问问Travis他的密♥码♥是多少呢
Because then we'd have to talk to Travis.
因为那样我们就得和Travis说话
Well, what's wrong with Travis?
他有啥不妥的
Besides the fact that he's a smarmy pervert?
除了他是个爱奉承人的变♥态♥之外吗
Lots of things.
好多好多不妥
Yeah, he's so gross and sexual.
是啊 他太恶心太下流了
You haven't noticed that?
你没注意到吗
No, he's very sweet to me. He's generous.
没啊 他对我很好 很大方
Last winter, he offered me his wood every day.
去年冬天 他每天都给我他的木棒呢
I never even told him I had a fireplace.
我都没有跟他说过我有个壁炉呢
We stand corrected.
我们是对的
I'm gonna go over there tomorrow and ask him for his password.
我明天过去问问他的密♥码♥
You think maybe we should explain --
你觉得我们要不要给她解释一下
Give a girl a fish,
给女孩一条鱼
She will eat for a day.
她只能吃一天
Send her to the pervert next door,
让她去隔壁的变♥态♥那儿
We'll have wi-fi for a lifetime.
我们就可以永远有无线网了
Oh, hey, Mo.
噢 嘿 Mo
What are you doing here?
你来干啥
Got a day pass. Thought I'd get a workout in.
休息一天 打算锻炼锻炼
I don't believe you.
我才不信
I think you're just here to see Ben get peed on.
你来这儿就是想看看Ben被尿的样子
Mo, do you really think I would go two bus stops past
Mo 你真觉得我跑到比工作地点
where I work for the sole purpose
还远两站路的地方来
Of watching Ben get humiliated
就为了看Ben被他以为的好友
by someone he thinks is his friend?
尿一身吗
No, I guess not.
应该不是吧
Are you kidding me?
你逗我呢
I would walk 500 miles,
我宁可步行500英里
And I would walk 500 more,
再步行500多英里
just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
只愿成为步行1000英里
to see Ben get peed on.
来看Ben被尿的第一人
This is my christmas, Mo.
简直是我的圣诞节啊 Mo
Hey. Great workout today, Hank. Oh, my god, they're coming.
嘿 今天练的不错 Hank 噢 天哪 他们来了
I feel like a girl at a One Direction concert.
我感觉像是看单向乐队演唱会的小女生
We got to hide. We got to hide. Go, go, go, go, go!
藏起来 藏起来 快 快 快 快 快
I just hope I'm not too tired to bang this guy's wife.
希望我没累到上不了这家伙的老婆
I hope not. Somebody needs to.
希望没有 总得有人上
Hey, I call next, huh?
嘿 下一个该我了 哈
Hey, take a number.
嘿 排好队
Ahh. So fun, you know?
啊 太搞笑了 对不
Successful guys having guy time,
成功的男士有自己的小天地
making jokes about banging each other's wives.
开开换妻的玩笑
So, Ben, why don't you tell these two jagoffs
Ben 为啥不把你上次给我讲的屠夫笑话
that joke you told me about the butcher?
给这俩傻蛋讲讲呢
Oh.
噢
Watch.
看着
Hank's gonna shift his body towards Ben
Hank会把身子转过来对着Ben
And then, as the rappers say, "Make it rain."
然后 就像说唱歌♥手说的那样 "下雨吧"
That's not what "Make it rain" means.
"下雨吧"可不是这意思
All right, so, did you hear what happened to the butcher
好吧 你们听说退到自己绞肉机上的
Who backed into his meat grinder?
屠夫发生什么事了吗
No, tell us.
没 说来听听
He got a little behind in his work.
他的工作要延误了(他的屁♥股♥被绞了)
Little behind in his work!
工作延误(屁♥股♥绞肉)
Oh, I was so wrong.
噢 我真是大错特错
This is way better than christmas.
这可比圣诞节带劲多了
Hey. I got the password.
嘿 我拿到密♥码♥了
Really? Yeah.
真的吗 耶
I'll be right back.
我去去就来
Okay, what did you have to say, do, or touch to get it?
好吧 你需要说啥或者做啥或者摸了啥才拿到的密♥码♥
Absolutely nothing.
啥也没有
I just asked him nicely,
我只是很友好的问他要的
And he wrote it on this piece of paper.
他就写在这张纸上了
It just goes to show,
这正好说明
If you assume the worst in people,
如果你总是把别人想的很坏
That's what you're gonna get.
那你也得不到好的回报
But if you assume that all people are good and kind,
但是如果你把别人都想的很好很善良
Then that's what you get.
那你也会得到好回报的
And that's a dancing penis.
是个跳舞的小鸡鸡